The Breakfast Club
The Breakfast Club– a perfect back-to-school time movie and perhaps the most famous in the John Hughes coming of age oeuvre. Sure, a case could be made for Ferris Bueller, and I do love me some Uncle Buck, but The Breakfast Club is the movie in which five of the eight core Brat Pack members exemplified a certain set of 1980’s identities– or, alternatively, where they demonstrated that those identities are actually not as inextricably separated as angsty teens might think. After all, we’re all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that’s all.
Set in Hughes’s oft used but fictional Chicago suburb, Shermer Illinois, The Breakfast Club begins with visuals of empty school hallways that have always made for uncomfortable flashbacks. It’s a Saturday, and each of the film’s protagonists arrive one by one for detention– there’s the “brain” Brian (Anthony Michael Hall), the “athlete” Andrew (Emilio Estevez), the “basket case” Allison (Ally Sheedy), the “princess” Claire (Molly Ringwald), and the “criminal” John (Judd Nelson). Stuck in a library and instructed by the tyrant Vice Principal Richard “Dick” Vernon to capture their identities in 1000 words, these five teens inevitably clash, break a bunch of rules, and have “profound” conversations about peer and parental pressure, why life generally sucks, and how when you grow up your heart dies. And then hey presto– turns out they all have some key things in common.
It sounds a little trite now, but at the time The Breakfast Club was one of the first cinematic attempts to portray adolescence in a way that was relatable to actual adolescents, not to mention the adults that couldn’t (or wouldn’t) understand them. And, the performances (particularly Judd Nelson’s) are legit wonderful. Now, I do not condone the homophobic slurs and references to impregnating the prom queen. Despite John Hughes being an insightful writer/director, there are some VERY cringeworthy moments in his collection of teen films (I can’t even watch Sixteen Candles anymore). That said, The Breakfast Club is one of those decade defining films that otherwise holds up.
One of the best scenes in this 1980’s classic is, conveniently for this blog, the lunch scene. Food becomes one of the many indicators of each Brat Pack personality type, and in several instances the audience is meant to cringe as much as the characters on screen. With the following movie menu I’ve attempted what I think are slightly more delicious versions of each lunch, with a common through line that you may or may not recognize– but maybe more importantly, every component of this Breakfast Club school brunch/lunch is relatively portable and ok to be stored at room temperature for a couple of hours.
Because who the hell brings raw fish to an unrefrigerated environment around other people CLAIRE??
The Movie
The Menu
Because despite Allison's alleged predilection for vodka, obviously bad boy John deserves a character based brunch cocktail the most. ESPECIALLY one that celebrates a mental and emotional victory over "don't mess with the bull" Dick Vernon. In a perfect world, someone would step in and fuck that bull up. Plus, Bender is the only one who doesn't come with a lunch, and while a boozy beverage might not seem like a great idea for a teenager, at lease this one has nutritional heft? Vegetables! So smoke up Johnny! Being bad DOES feel pretty good... Start by grilling your cherry tomatoes-- spray with a bit of oil, and sear on a hot griddle pan. The tomatoes should just begin to burst when they're ready. Set aside (or store in an air tight container). Mix the next 9 ingredients in a glass or cocktail shaker. Then, using a cocktail smoker (see note) smoke your mix within the container. At this point, you could store for future consumption-- but if you're ready to indulge, pour into an ice filled glass and top with charred tomatoes. So good, you'll be all: If you don't have a cocktail smoker, you can always set some wood chips on a fire proof dish/pan and light them until smoking-- invert your glass over the smoke and allow it to permeate the inside. Flip the glass and immediately pour your cocktail ingredients into the residual smoke. It won't be as strong as with a cocktail smoker, but you'll still get a delightful hint of smoke. But advocating for the purchase, cause cocktail smoker guns are actually pretty cheap! Here it is, a sandwich so big it'll leave you totally totaled. Unless of course you blaze up beforehand and then it's just the right amount of fuel for a manic parkour sesh in a large room. Though Andrew's enormous lunch featured what looked like a plain old turkey on white, I went with a recipe inspired by one of the better sandwiches I've had at Chicago's own Publican Quality Meats. And then added some bacon and firm fried eggs for the brekkie club element. Honestly, chef's kiss. ...But also I still really wanna know what the hell kind of strain Bender's dope was to cause that kind of reaction... Begin with the avocado aioli. Add avocado, yogurt, mayo, garlic powder, lemon juice, olive oil, and a pinch of salt to a small food processor-- blend until fully smooth. Cover tightly and refrigerate until ready to assemble sammies. For your sandwich innards, begin by frying your bacon, laying slices on paper towels to drain when finished. Lightly wipe the pan free of bacon bits, keeping a bit of oil in the pan. Over medium heat, fry eggs about 3-4 mins per side-- you want the insides to be firm, but still slightly jammy. You could of course go for the full egg porn yolky-ness, but it doesn't transport so well... Toast your bread slices lightly and cut in half at a diagonal. To assemble your breakfast clubs, layer as follows: avocado aioli, turkey, peppers, bacon, egg, lettuce, cheese. Then, repeat, creating a double decker sandwich. Cut in half at an angle, and stack. Then, eat. it. all. Gotta get all those nutrients in if you don't wanna BLOW YOUR RIDE SON. But seriously-- raw fish and seaweed at room temp for hours Claire??? I love sushi, don't get me wrong, but I also hate people who are olfactory-ly selfish in a group setting. So, here is an alternative, sushi-esque side of all veggies with a tart and sweet ginger dressing. Nutritious, delicious, and still appropriately snobby. Start with your ginger sesame dressing-- in a small food processor, combine peanut oil, sesame oil, chili oil, vinegar, miso, carrot, ginger and honey. Puree till as smooth as possible (see below). Cut cucumber into four chunks about 3 inches long. Hollow out the seeds to create a hollow center. Next, slice your bell pepper, radish, and avocado into long strips. Using a chopstick to help, line the inside of the cucumber lengthwise with bell pepper, followed by radish and avocado-- fill the rest of the gap in with sushi rice, pressing down for a tight pack. Slice each cucumber segment into 3 pieces, and serve with ginger miso dressing topped with sesame seeds. Poor Brian-- a whizz in the math club, uh, the Latin, and the physi... physics club. Who needs friggin' lamps or a sex life when you can have PB&(cherry)J sans crust? Line a baking pan with parchment paper and place about 6 small dollops (about 1 tsp each) of cherry jelly onto the parchment paper. Place in the freezer for about an hour to allow the jelly firm up. In the meantime, mix cherries, oats, flax seeds, honey, peanut butter, vanilla extract, and salt until combined. Using your hand scoop out some of the dough and flatten into a disk shape. Then, place a dollop of frozen jelly in the center of each disk. Fold up the edges sealing the jam in the center, then roll between your hands to form a ball. Like the other kids, I found Allison's butter, cereal, and pixy stix sandwich to be the most... .... But I was always curious. Curious enough to try it? ...nah. That said, the ingredients had promise, and turns out you can make a bad-ass rice krispy style treat with enough sugar to keep you awake through all eight hours of detention. HA! Get all your cereal treat ingredients together and remember to play all the games on the back of the captain crunch box. Melt the butter and marshmallows, stirring frequently, until almost entirely smooth. Mix in your cereal and stir to combine. Add to a buttered 9x9 baking pan and press into the square shape. Refrigerate for an hour. Meanwhile, mix confectioners sugar, coke, corn syrup, cocoa powder and pixy stick in a small bowl. Whisk until smooth. When cereal treats have set, remove from baking pan and drizzle with coca cola pixy stick icing. Cut into 9 squares and serve-- alternatively, if you store in your hoarder bag with all your other shit, a ziploc is recommended (sticky). 
A Smoked Bloody Bull for John
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Notes
Recommended Products
A "Breakfast Club" for Andrew
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"Sushi" for Claire
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PBJ, No Crusts, for Brian
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When ready to serve, sprinkle with minced peanuts! Isn't life swell? 
A Sugary Treat for Allison
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Epilogue
I haven’t even mentioned The Breakfast Club soundtrack yet! And I highly recommend you listen while you cook– it’s one of the best.
For more menus, check out my movie directory here!