Recipes for foodies and film nerds. Because life's too short for stale popcorn and crappy movies.
Here it is: my favorite Halloween movie and perhaps my favorite Mel Brooks film, Young Frankenstein. Fans of the director will immediately recognize hilarious throwbacks (and throw forwards) to his other movies– walk this way, wasn’t your hump.. on the other side?, etc. But of …
If you imagined me spinning around my kitchen listening to Stevie Nicks and Joni Mitchell while executing this Practical Magic menu, that vision would be 100% accurate. It would also not be an exaggeration to say that I’ve watched this movie at least 30 times. And that’s likely within the last decade. We’ve all had those movies we watch over and over with friends while talking about living in a big communal old house, all of us equally old biddies with too many cats, just like Aunts Fanny and Jet. And then of course with this particular film we all get so shitfaced on margaritas that we don’t even mind the somewhat mediocre ending because we’re scream singing “This Kiss” too loudly into the night to hear our own thoughts.
Or maybe that was just me.
In any event, you have to offer up praise to Practical Magic’s themes of sisterhood, and the acceptance of differences in oneself and in others. Witchy sisters Sally and Gillian Owens (played by Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman, respectively) both have their demons, and struggle as much with their inability to conform as with a colonial curse that seems to be plaguing their family. Childhood bullies become grown-up gossipers in their small New England town, and the struggle to achieve some sense of normalcy doesn’t really get easier for either sister until they learn to embrace the fact that normal isn’t really… normal. That was an invaluable message for me in high school when I first saw Practical Magic, and it still resonates today.
So here is a menu that you can cozy up to while watching Practical Magic– a cinematic mix of horror, romance, and female empowerment that was pretty uncommon for the 90’s. If nothing else, the movie will teach you to always throw spilt salt over your left shoulder, keep rosemary by your garden gate, plant lavender for luck, and fall in love whenever you can. And also how to light a candle by blowing seductively on the wick.
You guys know the drill. Eye of newt and toe of frog, wool of bat and tongue of dog... Adder's fork and blindworm's sting... Barbados lime is just the thing. Cragged salt like a sailor's stubble, Flip the switch and let the cauldron bubble! How convivial!!! Add lime juice, lemon juice, triple sec, tequila, and ice to a blender and process until fully slushed. Use a lime wedge to moisten the rim of two glasses, and dunk each rim into a plate of kosher salt. Pour your margs in, and commence with a circular dance around the nearest table. Note, these drinks are best served at midnight and never after consumption of belladonna (it's important to be peppy for all the dancing). I wish I could take credit for this most amazing margarita recipe, but I'm admitting here that I unabashadly stole it from Ina Garten, who I suspect is actually a (good) kitchen witch. This hearty soup features all three sisters ingredients-- squash and bean types native to New England, and a bit of corn starch to thicken the base. I like to think of this recipe as a celebration of Sally and Gilly's sisterhood, as well as their tie to their ancestor Maria (the first Owens witch). When the weather gets cold, this brew will keep any good witch warm-- and could possibly be used to send unwanted spirits back to the grave? But you would of course need a full coven for that. Melt butter in a medium sized pot over medium heat until foaming. Add onion and celery with a pinch of salt and pepper until caramelized, about 8 minutes, lowering heat if necessary to prevent burning. Add garlic, sage, and rosemary with a pinch each of salt and pepper and continue to cook for another two minutes until the mix smells lightly like Thanksgiving stuffing. I hear the smell is just GREAT for the pores. Add chicken broth to the pot and bring to a boil. Reduce heat, add navy beans to the pot, and simmer for roughly 30 minutes. Add squash and cornmeal to the pot and simmer for another 2 minutes, waiting for the temperature to equalize and the soup to thicken a bit. Finally, add your kale to the pot and stir until just wilted (about 2 minutes). Season your soup with salt and pepper to taste, and serve! If you can't find navy beans, either activate the phone tree to see if your sisters have any, or sub in cannelini beans. If you don't have a sherrif's badge or other star shaped talisman handy, a bit of Maria's hanging rope will also help protect you from "dark and unnatural" forces-- like not having something flaky, buttery and cheesy to dip into the above brew. This recipe remedies that problem in less than half an hour! Preheat your oven to 400. Roll out 1/3 of a puff pastry sheet until about 1/8 inch thick and a little over 3 inches wide (the photo below is a LITTLE deceptive-- I doubled the recipe for testing). Add a bit of water to your egg and whisk until fully incorporated. Brush the surface of your puff pastry with egg wash, and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Add your parmesan, sprinkling the surface of your pastry evenly and pressing slightly into the dough to prevent cheese from dropping off as you work with the dough. Using a sharp knife or pizza cutter, cut your pastry dough into long strips about 1/2 inch thick. Next, twist your dough to create a corksrew pattern (see below). Place on a parchment or sil pat lined baking sheet, with each "rope" strand about an inch apart. Sprinkle with additional salt and pepper. Bake your rope pieces for 15 minutes until pastry has puffed and turned golden brown. Allow to cool for a couple of minutes before serving as an appetizer or alongside your Owens brew. Blood on the moon is never a good sign, especially with a ring around it. But hopefully the addition of goat cheese, fresh mint, and Nigella seeds will banish any associated bad luck-- especially when it comes to love. Having a tiger's eye necklace wouldn't hurt either. First assemble your ingredients. To prepare your oranges, remove the rind with your fingers or a vegetable peeler, getting rid of as much as the white pith as possible. Slice into full circles, about 1/4 of an inch thick. Whisk olive oil, honey, and lemon juice in a bowl. Toss orange slices in your dressing and let sit for about 15 minutes to allow the flavors to meld together. Now it's time to assemble your salad! Place your oranges on a shallow bowl or plate, and sprinkle mint and goat cheese on top. Finish with Nigella seeds. Turns out you can eat chocolate cake for all meals in my house-- even better if you blur the lines in this recipe and make pancakes chocolate-y enough to please both Aunts and Sally's little girls. Instead of Gilly's "special syrup", I opted for a slightly sweeter pancake mix topped off with whipped cream. Trust me it's still relevant. Begin by sifting all of your dry ingredients (excluding the chocolate chips) together in a medium sized bowl. Next, in a separate bowl, melt your butter and add your milk, vanilla, and egg (in that order, or the hot butter will cooking the egg)-- whisk together until fully mixed. Add this wet mixture to your flower mixture and stir to combine. Don't overmix! If you do, extra gluten will develop and you'll end up with chocolate rubber instead of chocolate pancakes. You'll know you're done stirring when you have scraped up all the dry ingredients from the bottom, but there are still some lumpies in your batter. Allow your batter to sit for about 5-10 minutes before cooking. At this point, you can throw in your chocolate chips. Melt half a tbsp in a non-stick skillet or griddle pan over medium heat until foaming. Using a 1/3 cup measure, pour batter into the pan and do your best to maintain a round shape. Cooking for about 40 seconds, until little air bubbles form at the top of the batter, then flip! I swear I flipped them in the air. I just couldn't do it while holding the damn camera. Cook for another 30 or so seconds, and set aside on a plate while you cook the remaining pancakes each in 1/3 cup batches. You should end up with 3-4 sizeable pancakes. I was bad and snacked on one as soon as it was done... Wrap pancakes loosely in plastic wrap and keep in a warm space (near, but not on the warm stove, is a good option). Now for the whipped cream: in a medium sized bowl, beat 1/2 cup of heavy whipped cream with a hand mixer until soft peaks form. Add vanilla extract and confectioners sugar, and beat for another minute until stiff. It's that easy! Now layer your pancakes, spreading some whipped cream between each layer and laying a big dollop on top. Dust with extra cocoa powder if you have it, and repeat after me: Black as night, erase death from our sight. White as light, Mighty Hectate make it right.
Midnight Margaritas
Yield:
2 Servings
Cook Time:
5 minutes
Total Time:
5 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Notes
Owens Sisters' Brew
Yield:
2 servings
Cook Time:
45 minutes
Total Time:
45 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Notes
Maria's Hanging Rope
Yield:
2 servings
Prep Time:
10 minutes
Cook Time:
15 minutes
Total Time:
25 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Blood on the Moon Salad
Yield:
2 servings
Prep Time:
15 minutes
Cook Time:
5 minutes
Total Time:
20 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Chocolate Cake Pancakes (with Cream)
Prep Time:
15 minutes
Cook Time:
5 minutes
Total Time:
20 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
There’s a little witch in all of us. Except for the people who decided to green-light this prequel series based on Alice Hoffman’s novel(s). I have very strong feelings about this. Ya’ll deserve to listen to “You Were Always On My Mind” on repeat with no tequila to dull your senses.
For more menus, check out my movie directory here!
Hi, hello, and welcome to a screening of perhaps the scariest “kids and family” movie ever made: Return to Oz. Trust me, it’s on lists. You’ve got mental institutionalization, Frankenstein-d animal/vegetable/furniture hybrid creatures (sometimes with or without a head), the witch actress from Willow, evil rock …
I read somewhere that Michael Keaton ad libbed 90% of his lines as Betelgeuse/Beetlejuice. That’s insane to me, because I consider it to be one of his best performances (it’s also his favorite role). And, the movie itself is still one of the funniest dark …
I loved and feared The Witches as a child. It’s always been that moment early in the film, when “Ereeka’s” father sees the painting. CHILLING. But this is why I love late 80’s and early 90’s movies for children– they were often dark and absurdly grotesque in a way that mirrored the experience of childhood itself. Author Roald Dahl was a master of this in his books, and though it’s known he didn’t appreciate how the ending of The Witches differed from the one he published in 1983, I think producer Jim Henson and director Nick Roeg were successful in creating a film that visually frightens, disgusts, and entertains all at once.
And let’s just take a moment and appreciate Angelica Houston as the Grand High Witch. My own gramma taught me that if I didn’t have anything nice to say I shouldn’t say anything at all– so I won’t say anything about the new Witches remake featuring Anne Hathaway in the iconic role… except that no one (especially Anne Hathaway, oops, I said it) could ever replicate Angelica’s performance as her grandness, Miss Ernst, the evilest of all evil witches. Seriously, just look at this lewk, collective Lukes:
So now it’s time to gather your loved ones close (including children, if they dare, the stinking little carbuncles), and enjoy a meal suited for 1990’s The Witches. You are in for a treat.
My very latest, and very greatest, magic formula-- a sweet and slightly bitter Jager cocktail that's very similar to this common German shot. "One doze, and ze time works to ze second. But more zan five dozes, breaks ze delay barrier... and ze formula works INSTANTLY." Her grandness speaks the truth. If drinking straight up, freeze a martini glass ahead of time. When ready, fill a cocktail shaker with ice and all of the ingredients. Shake until completely chilled, and pour into your cold martini glass. If you'd like something a little lighter, you can also serve this cocktail in a highball glass with ice and a splash of club soda. I almost made both cock-a-leekie and cress soups, because I've always wondered what Bruno's father was missing out on. But having tried this surprisingly easy recipe I realized entitled Mr. Jenkins was 100% right to demand the cress. It's like a creamy, potato-y bowl of goodness so luxurious you don't even realize you're getting a full serving of greens too. Poor cock-a-leekie, always second choice... First, prep your ingredients-- and make sure your watercress is thoroughly rinsed! Peel and chop your potatoes last, or they will brown (if this starts to happen before you add your potatoes to the soup, you can keep them in a bowl of ice water until they are needed). Add butter and olive oil to a pot and melt over medium heat until butter begins to foam. Add leeks and celery to the pot and stir to coat. Sprinkle with a pinch of salt and a bit of cracked pepper. Caramelize for about 10 minutes until mostly translucent, adjusting heat as necessary to prevent leeks from burning. If potatoes have been soaking, remove them from the water and drain thoroughly. Add to the pot and stir to coat. Add chicken broth and bring to a boil-- reduce heat to low and cover the pot. Continue to simmer, covered, on low for about 20 minutes until potatoes have softened. Next, add cress to the pot and stir for about a minute until the greens are wilted. Remove the pot from heat. Using an immersion blender, puree the soup until creamy. If you do not have an immersion blender, pour your soup into a food processor or regular blender and puree until smooth. Add lemon juice and cream and stir to combine. Season with additional salt and pepper to taste. Note, if you think it needs more, you might be a witch. Transfer soup to two bowls and serve, topped with a tsp of chives each. After consuming, check behind your ears for fur, just in case. If you don't have access to leeks, you can substitute 2 shallots, chopped, or 1 medium onion. I just wanted to offer up an homage to cock-a-leekie-- I still feel bad for it. A cheesy pre- and post-transformation snack for Luke and Bruno Jenkins (a boy who has VERY strong opinions about butter vs margarine on his sandwiches). Note, I kept this cheese and pickle tea sammie recipe as traditional as possible with only a few tweaks. If you can't find a jar of Branston pickles, opt for a generic apple chutney-- the sweet/savory flavor is much closer to a British "pickle" than dill or butter pickles. Gather together your ingredients, making sure to allow the butter to soften for 5-10 minutes until spreadable. Spread one slice of bread with butter, and layer on cheese followed by arugula. Spread second slice of bread with pickle/chutney, and place atop your cheese/arugula/butter half. Cut into quarters diagonally and enjoy (but avoid just nibbling around the edges, the management can be fussy). The witches know how to tempt and trap revolting little children with sweets. But Norwegian Gramma Helga also has her vices, namely sugar and cigars! So, as a special treat, I've combined the two concepts with a Norwegian butter cookie cigar dipped in chocolate and nut ash. Diabetes be damned. Allow butter 5-10 minutes to soften. Add flour, baking powder, salt, and spices in a medium mixing bowl, and using a hand mixer, add softened butter and mix until fully incorporated. Add sugar to the bowl and continue to mix. In a separate bowl, lightly break up egg with a fork and mix in vanilla. Pour egg mixture into the dry ingredients and stir with a fork until a dough forms. Form into a disk, wrap in plastic wrap, and refrigerate for at least an hour (and up to overnight). When ready to assemble, first preheat your oven to 375, and then lightly flour a cutting board. Divide your dough disc into 9-10 equal portions, and using your fingers roll into cigar length shapes-- they should be just slighly thinner than your finger. Bake on a sil-pat lined baking sheet (use parchment paper as an alternative) for about 15 minutes until the ends just begin to turn a golden brown. Cool on a rack. While your cookies cool, toast your chopped walnuts in a sautee pan over medium heat-- be careful, they burn easily! Next, melt your chocolate chips in the microwave, about 1-2 minutes with stirring. Dunk the ends of your cookies in the melted chocolate, followed by your nut ash. Place chocolate dunked cookies on parchment paper as you go, and refrigerate for an additional hour to allow the chocolate to set before serving.
Formula 86
Yield:
1 Cocktail
Prep Time:
1 hour
Cook Time:
5 minutes
Total Time:
1 hour 5 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Cress Soup
Yield:
2 Servings
Prep Time:
10 minutes
Cook Time:
30 minutes
Total Time:
40 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Notes
Cheese and Pickle Sandwitches
Yield:
1 Sandwich
Cook Time:
10 minutes
Total Time:
10 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Norwegian Chocolate Cigars
Yield:
10 Cigars
Prep Time:
1 hour 30 minutes
Cook Time:
15 minutes
Additional Time:
1 hour
Total Time:
2 hours 45 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
This meal for The Witches is only one of many, many movie menus I have planned for the various Roald Dahl film adaptations that exist (my brain is currently awhirl with Boggis, Bunce and Bean themed treats). In the meantime, I encourage you to take a look at Roald Dahl’s Revolting Recipes Cookbook— a compilation of deliciously disgusting dishes inspired by the foods featured in Dahl’s books. Yum?
‘Til next time…
For more menus, check out my movie directory here!
