Instructions

Time to be VERY precise with your proteins. Remember, chefs play with the raw material of life itself. For my part, I went with two 3.5oz patties to fit my slightly larger hamburger buns.

Once your proteins have been weighed and formed into balls, cover and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes-- a chilled burger will be that much more juicy.

While your proteins are chilling, use the time to gather together your burger accoutrement. Note, you can technically use any condiments/sauces that bring you joy, but my burger sauce is REALLY good for this recipe-- see the link below!

Heat a large cast iron skillet or flat griddle on high, and add your buttered bun halves face side down on the hot surface. Toast for a minute or two until golden brown, and set aside, carefully wiping away any residual butter. Continue to heat the pan until it is piping hot, another minute or two-- you'll know it's ready when a splash of water pretty immediately evaporates.

Now for your patties. You are NOT going to oil the pan before adding your meats to the pan-- adding these "dry" will ensure a solid maillard reaction (a very snazzy term for crispy crusties). As soon as you add your balls of beef to the skillet/griddle, place a small square of parchment paper on top of each-- this will serve as a layer between the meat and your panina press/large steel spatula.

Press the meat down into a thickness somewhere around 1/2 inch, peeling back the parchment paper quickly after pressing so that it doesn't burn. Season with salt and freshly ground pepper, and top with half of your thinly sliced onions. You should be able to see the crispy crusties start to form on the bottom of each patty after about a minute:

Flip your burger for futher evidence of aforementioned crusties-- at this point, you'll understand why a steel spatula is better than a plastic one (if you try the latter, you'll end up breaking the patties apart). When you flip, make sure that the onions stay underneath the flipped patty-- they will continue to cook and soften in all of the greasy meat juices.

Place two slices of American cheese on each patty, and continue to cook for another minute, until the cheese melts over the patty and forms crispy crusties of it's own:

In the meantime, throw a dollop of your preferred sauce (look out for a split emulsion!) on the top half of your burger and lay four pickle chips onto the bottom half. Once they are maillarded-- remove your patties from the heat (making sure to scrape as many bits up as you can with them) and place one on top of the other on your pickle bottomed bun. Top with your sauced bun half and press together lightly.

Consume immediately, preferably with a side of crinkle cut fries (recipe to follow).

That. Is a cheeseburger. Amazing mouthfeel. Pretty sure it's the American cheese.

Instructions

Peel and cut your potatoes into 1/4 inch thick strips with your crinkle cut knife-- submerge in cold water as you prep to avoid potatoes turning brown.

Add vinegar, salt, 2 qts of water and potatoes to a large stock pot and bring to a boil-- cook for 10 minutes until tender, but not completely falling apart. Remove from heat with a strainer and allow to come to room temperature.

While you wait, heat oil in the same pot and heat to roughly 380 degrees (I use a candy thermometer to make sure I've got the right temp).

When you're ready to fry separate your potatoes into four batches and fry each for 1 minute. Temperature will fluctuate as you add and remove batches, so play with your gauge and wait between batches to make sure you stay at around 380. Drain each batch on paper towels, and allow to come to room temperature.

After about 30 minutes, bring your oil back up to frying temp, and fry your batches again-- about 3 minutes per batch. You're looking for a golden brown color.

Remove each batch from the hot oil with a mesh strainer and drain on paper towels-- if you aren't serving until your burgers are done you can keep warm in the oven for 15 mins or so.

Instructions

Dunk your marshmallows quickly in your brandy and skewer lengthwise. Turn the marshmallows slowly about 2 inches over a low flame-- the brandy will likely catch fire as it burns off, but it won't quickly char the mallow. It will, however, allow the heat to soften the mallow a bit before the golden brown color sets in as you rotate it.

Never burn anything except by design-- to make delicious. Plus it's way more fun to light stuff on fire with booze.

Now you may be tempted at this point to shove the gooey mallow into your face hole. But the whole point, after all, is not to eat, but to TASTE. And you'll burn your taste buds off if you eat your toasted mallows right off the flame.

Add a square of your firecracker chocolate to the top of a graham square, and top with your gooey marshmallow-- the heat will soften the chocolate. Use the other graham square as leverage to squeeze your mallow onto your s'more as you pull out the skewer.

Repeat with the other two s'mores and enjoy, if you survive. No promises to anyone who doesn't have student loans.

Instructions

Our first selection this evening is somewhat of a classic, with a strong nose of cherry and vanilla. Some may consider the taste to be rather minimal initially, but it does increase as the drink warms up. And, the primary flavors of marzipan and almond pair excellently with the starch and salt in the exquisite expression that is the crinkle cut fry.

I give you, cherry coke:

Next, we have a lager with 4.2% alcohol by volume. Crisp, clean and refreshing, this light beer is full of Rocky Mountain refreshment, with clean malt notes and low bitterness to perfectly complement the richness of your elegantly dripping American cheese.

I give you, Coors Light:

Finally, for those of you who prefer a slightly more refined potable to go with the chef's vision (I'm looking at you, mama Slowik)-- a wine that benefits from hyper decantation with an immersion blender to awaken it from its slumber, and is characterized by a faint sense of longing and regret.

I give you, any red wine you want, from any year you can get, from Insert Any Winery Here:

Are those notes of bergamot I'm tasting?