Independence Day

Instructions

Start with the beer, and top with the CocaCola. Then...

SYSTEM FAILURE MWAHAHAHAHAHA

Instructions

First, get your green chili "salsa" ready-- a quick and easy topping for your burger that is just the right amount of sweet/spicy.

Heat your grill/griddle pan to medium high. Slice your peppers in half lengthwise, and stem/seed them. Toss the chilis and onions in 1 tbsp canola oil and toss onto your griddle. Grill for 5-7 mins, turning occasionally to prevent burning.

When caramelized and browned, remove from heat and allow to sit-- you should be able to peel the skins from the chilis once cooled.

In a mini-food processor, add peeled peppers, onions, vinegar, honey, olive oil, and 1 tsp cilantro leaves. Pulse until very roughly chopped-- you're looking for a salsa texture. Refrigerate.

Now, time for your green shit! See guacamole ingredients below:

In a medium bowl, mash avocado, garlic, lime juice, oregano and cilantro thoroughly. Add salt to taste, and ONLY IF YOU WANT TO, add about 1/2 or more tsp of jalepeno. We're dealing with some heavy spice already, so be forewarned-- proceed with caution! Once fully mixed, top guacamole with a bit more lime juice to prevent oxidation (ie, the green stuff turning into a less appropriate and far less appetizing brown color). Refrigerate while you prep your burger patties.

In a medium bowl, mix beef, cumin, chili powder, garlic powder and salt with your hands. Divide your mixture into FOUR equal portions, and shape into patties about 1/2 inch thick. Preheat your grill to medium high, and brush with a bit of extra canola oil. Add patties and cook, 3 minutes per side.

While patties are grilling, place four tortillas on a flat surface and cut your other tortilla into four pieces. Divide grated cheese into four equal portions and place in the center of each large tortilla. When patties are finished grilling, place one each on top of the cheese. Then, top patties with green chili "salsa".

Place smaller tortilla cuts on top of the burgers and, pull the edges of the larger tortillas inward-- you should easily make a spiral effect to close in your burger patty and fillings.

Using either a frying pan on your grill, or the reverse flat side of your griddle pan (or a frying pan on the stove if you must), gently place your UFO burgers seam side down for roughly 3 mins over medium heat. Flip, and sear the other side for an additional 3 minutes.

Allow to rest for a few minutes, and serve with green shit (ahem guac) on the side.

Instructions

Start by cutting each ear of corn into thirds-- it's just better portion control.

Heat a pot of salted water and bring to a boil. Throw in your corn and par-boil for 3-4 minutes. You want the corn to be slightly tender, but not soft or quite ready for eating.

Remove from the water and set aside (this can be done overnight, just make sure you refrigerate!).

Now, time to mix the sauce ingredients below:

This is going to be SPICY, so if you're averse to that you just be sparing with your application to the corn.

Speaking of-- heat your griddle pan on medium, and brush corn very lightly with canola oil. Grill, about 5 minutes per side.

Once you do the full circuit, baste with sauce and continue to grill, allowing caramelization to do its thing.

Once corn is just charred and before you light a kitchen/grill fire, remove your ears from the heat and set on a plate. To serve, drizzle with as much additional sauce as you can handle, sprinkle with chopped cilantro, and get ready for some tastebud fireworks!

Instructions

This process is actually super easy. On whatever side of the melon you choose for the bottom, lightly shave off some of the rind to create a flat surface for the fruit to sit on.

Next, using the cap of the vodka bottle, trace a circle at the new top of your melon.

Cut a hole into the top along your traced circle, and dig out about an inch of fruit. Using a sharp knife or skewer, stab into the fruit several times (but avoid piercing the rind)-- this will help your vodka spread through your fruit effectively.

Now, at this point, some people use a funnel. And you certainly can too. But i just put the melon on top of the bottle, pressed down so it was firmly anchored into the fruit, and then flipped the whole thing over. It worked great, and one less dish to wash!

Allow your vodka'd melon to sit until as much of the vodka drains as possible-- I stuck mine in the fridge overnight so that it was super infused and chilly in the morning.

When ready to serve, remove the bottle and slice melon into triangles. Squeeze your half of a lime over the top, and sprinkle with mint.

Or, alternatively walk into a room with the bottle still in the melon shouting to your friends: Hello, boys! I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!

Instructions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Using a stand or hand mixer, cream the butter, sugar, and vanilla until you get a smooth paste.

Add the egg whites, and as you continue beating, add in flour and cocoa powder-- continue until you get to a smooth batter.

Line a baking sheet with a sil pat or parchment paper, and dollop 4 equal spoonfuls of batter onto the sil pat in a row. Spread your dollops into rectangles roughly 6x3 inches. It should be a very thin layer of batter about 1/16 inch thick.

Bake for 7 minutes, watching that the edges don't burn. Remove from the oven and IMMEDIATELY roll at the long end around a pasta roller or a 1/2 inch spoon handle-- I used a dough scraper to help me lift the edge it was VERY useful. But note, the cookie dough will harden the longer it sits, so must go faster, must go faster.

Place on a plate or rack to cool, seam side down so that the cone shape is maintained.

While the cookies cool, make your chocolate dip. In a double boiler setup, add chocolate chips and chipotle powder.

Melt, stirring at regular intervals. Add cream, and stir briskly off heat. Immediately dip the ends of your chocolate cigars into your ganache and then your toasted walnut bits.

Refrigerate until ready to consume!!!