Recipes for foodies and film nerds. Because life's too short for stale popcorn and crappy movies.
Hocus Pocus– what a goofy ass time. Is it deserving of critical acclaim? No. But it’s a Halloween staple that everyone loves so much Disney just released a sequel 29 years later. And Sarah is STILL REALLY FUNNY! Both Hocus Pocus 1 & 2 star …
Ok, so Temple of Doom isn’t the best of the Indiana Jones films— but it’s certainly not the worst (this assumes you even consider Crystal Skull to be part of the franchise, however; I’m still in denial).
Technically a PREQUEL (which I dunno how I did NOT realize until now, mind blown), Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom gets really dark– thematically, cinematically, and dare I say it, culinarily. Yep, it’s a word, look it up. At the outset, we find Indie (Harrison Ford) in Shanghai, where he thwarts an assassination attempt, meets a pretty if obnoxious blonde (Kate Capshaw), and collects a precocious child side-kick (the amazing Ke Huy Quan). Together our crew escapes from a Chinese crime boss and crash lands in India where a new quest awaits. Child slaves are set free, sacred stones are recovered– and all it takes is a lot of really gross food, so many bugs, demon hypnosis, and hearts getting ripped out of living chests. You know, your typical archaeological adventure. Anything goes!
To be clear, the movie has some issues– to start, some yeesh 1980’s ethnic stereotypes. But I’d have to agree with Ebert that this Spielberg/Lucas creation is a non-stop roller-coaster ride that is both terrifying and a whole lotta fun. So, here is a menu that borrows from traditional Asian/Indian cuisines (like Temple of Doom), and also cheats a bit (also like Temple of Doom). I’ve based the structure on an Indian Thali— a large plate containing smaller dishes that are meant to be shared. No eyeball soup in this one, but there’s plenty of other fun homages to the feast at Pankot Palace– a meal used to foreshadow the sinister blasphemy transpiring beneath the city itself. You’ll like it, I swear.
PS Happy 80th Birthday today Harrison Ford. Such a stud.
Wow, holy smokes-- I had to make a salty, spiced, and bite-sized recipe for Short Round! And while XinJiang style beef on a stick would more likely be found on the Shanghai streets outside of Club Obi-Wan, I figured our favorite pick pocket would prefer them. Plus, Indie tries to fork Willie :[ and then literally skewers a man with bbq whilst inside the clerb-- making this appetizer all the more appropriate? PS this isn't related, but can we take a moment and appreciate the random ass cameo Dan Akroyd has at the beginning of Temple of Doom? If you haven't noticed it before, you're welcome. Thoroughly mix the first 10 ingredients-- this will be your short rib marinade! Smash your garlic cloves and drop into a ziploc bag-- add beef and onion slices as well. Pour marinade into the bag, squeezing out all of the air when you seal it. Massage the bag so the marinade fully covers everything inside and refrigerate for at least two hours or overnight. Skewer short rib cubes closely onto appetizer toothpicks, trying to keep any fatty pieces in between cubes and not facing the outside-- you want the fat to melt into each piece of neighboring meat. Heat grill or griddle pan on medium high. Transfer the beef skewers to the grill surface and cook, flipping every minute or so, until the beef is caramelized on all four sides. All in, you should be between 6-8 minutes. Just be sure you don't BURN YOUR FINGERS AND CRACK A NAIL! Sprinkle with sesame seeds and I know we have a cocktail recipe later, but these go VERY well with champagne, just sayin'. This app is NOT included in the Thali itself, intentionally. Keep that beef on the side, you blasphemers! Okie dokie Dr. Jones, hold onto your potatoes! When Indiana and co inexplicably survive a plane crash landing via raft in the middle of the Himalayan Mts (I think? I might've missed a map connecty dot), the beginning of their journey is just beginning. Enter the myth of the sacred Sankara stones, which I have always thought looked like really well roasted baked potatoes. So I made baby Bombay Aloo Sankara stones-- yes, it's a British-ized Indian dish, but let's be real this movie is far from authentic anyway. Begin by placing your potatoes in a pot of salt water-- bring to a boil, and cook for roughly 8 minutes. Remove from heat and allow to cool. Using a sharp knife, but three lines into the front facing surface of each potato (representing the three levels of the earth, obviously). Angle the knife a bit to deepen and widen the cut slightly. Gather your remaining bombay aloo base ingredients: tomatoes, onion, spices, ginger, and garlic. In a non-stick frying pan over a medium heat, caramelize the onions in oil. Add the garlic and ginger, followed by the spices and fry for another 2 mins-- stir constantly to avoid burning. Throw in the tomato mixture and bring to a gentle simmer. Add the potatoes to the pan and toss to combine/warm through. Season with salt, to taste. When ready to eat, garnish with fresh cilantro. You're insulting them, and you're embarrassing me, EAT IT. No but really you collective Willie's, this North Indian style dal is delicious, and a very common dish in a traditional Thali. That said, feel free to use whatever lentils you have, play around with the beans, and eat the end result with your hands like the Mayapore villagers do. Some of these base ingredients should look familiar by now: Begin with your masala by caramelizing the onions in butter for roughly 10 mins over medium low heat. Add in ginger and garlic and continue to stir-- reduce heat slightly if anything begins to brown/burn. Toss in herbs, followed by tomato puree. Add in broth and simmer for roughly 30 minutes until much of the liquid has cooked down. Season with salt to taste. Add your lentils and beans and stir to warm through-- about another 5 minutes. Stir in 1/8 cup of yogurt, and use the remainder for garnish. Traditionally this Dal Makhani is made with black lentils, but I had a mish mash (red, brown, and black) from Trader Joes and other places. Turned out great. Aaah, snake surprise! Just, a less steamy/disgusting version. Traditionally Thali has a refreshing raw vegetable dish to help curb the salty richness of other foods included-- so, here is a sushi-esque kachumber "snake surprise" salad. I promise you, no fingers were harmed during the making of this recipe. It's so much easier to make than it looks. Start with your cucumber. Set up to chopsticks lengthwise on each side of the cumber to help brace it-- these are what will prevent you from cutting all the way through it. With a very sharp knive, make angled cuts as thin as you can (2-3mm width) all the way down the cucumber. Flip over, and make angled cuts in the opposite direction. You should end up with an accordian like effect. In a pie dish or baking pan, whisk salt into 6 cups of water and stir until dissovled. Soak your cucumbers in this mixture for 30 minutes, refrigerated. You'll end up with a freakishly flexible cuc! Ewwwwww. While the cucumber is softening/marinating, get your salad ingredients together: Toss to combine and when ready to serve, pour/sprinkle over your kachumber snake, making sure to collect and drizzle any tomato-y juices over the cucumber. As I said, a much better alternative to doublefisting snake babies into your mouth. Yah, yah, snakes are terrifying. But good god the BUGS in this movie. First it's the big beetles served at dinner, then it's the hordes of live bugs crawling and creeping and crunching like fortune cookies and eeeee. But I guess, fortune and glory, kid. Fortune and glory. Thankfully, I'm not serving up bugs-- I'm not CRUEL. But shell-on shrimp, the cockroaches of the sea, seemed like the next best thing. Espeically when kicked up a notched as a curry. Begin with your shrimp-- without removing the shells, soak in salt water for a minimum of 10 minutes to help remove any fishiness. Add to a pan with 1 tbsp of melted butter-- sautee on high for a minute until shells begin to crisp and the innards look opaque. Gather up the rest of your base ingredients... And sautee as you have done in all previous dishes. Caramelize onions with remaining 1 tbsp of butter for about 10 mins over medium heat. Add ginger, garlic, and spices-- stir to combine and slightly toast. Add liguids and simmer for another minute before adding shrimp-- toss to coat and warm through. To eat, do peel the shrimp. If you need a how to, just watch this guy dismember a beetle. YUM DESSERT. Turns out I decided to use a base of royal custard and spiced berry compote without even realizing that's what they used on set! So enjoy your fruit-- and maybe keep some by the bed for when you get hungry... after. For the custard: heat 2 1/2 cups milk in a medium saucepan and whisk in 4 tbsp sugar until completely dissolved. In a separate bowl, mix the custard powder with 1/2 cup milk until smooth-- this will prevent lumpies. Add this mix gradually to the heated milk in the sauce pan and stir it continuously When it starts to thicken, add vanilla and saffron until the custard hits a goldeny yellow color. Remove from heat and allow to cool, making sure to cover the surface completely with plastic wrap to prevent a skin from forming. Now for your spiced berry compote, ie monkey brains. Throw all of the remaining ingredients excl the water into a washed out saucepan-- simmer over medium heat, stirring constantly, and adding water by the tbsp full to prevent the berries from sticking. In about 15 minutes, you'll have a syrupy compote. Set aside to chill until ready to serve. Once you've finished your snakes, bugs, and other assorted goodies, pour your custard into the most macabre vessel you can find and top with compote. Serve chilled, because obviously. Kali Maaaaaa, Kali MAAAAA. I had to acknowledge Mola Ram and the heart removal scene SOMEHOW. And since I couldn't find beef heart anywhere (and didn't want to particularly cook it), here's a blood-like beet-ing heart recipe that yep, I set on FIRE. It might make you feel like you're being rapidly dropped into a pit of hot lava-- but in a good way! Add all ingredients excluding the garnish materials to a cocktail shaker filled with ice. Shake until chilled, and pour into two glasses. Fill the orange caps with addition bourbon, and ignite (using a long match or long lighter, don't set yourself on fire). Om Namha Shivaye it's good!
Short Round Short Rib Skewers
Yield:
Enough for an energetic and very sassy child
Prep Time:
2 hours
Cook Time:
8 minutes
Total Time:
2 hours 8 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Notes
Bombay Aloo Sankara Stones
Yield:
2 servings
Cook Time:
45 minutes
Total Time:
45 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Mayapore Dal
Yield:
2 Servings
Cook Time:
45 minutes
Total Time:
45 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Notes
Snake Surprise
Prep Time:
40 minutes
Cook Time:
10 minutes
Total Time:
50 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
"Crunchy" Shrimp Curry
Cook Time:
30 minutes
Total Time:
30 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Chilled "Monkey Brains"
Cook Time:
30 minutes
Total Time:
30 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Bloody Beeting Heart... On Fire
Yield:
2 cocktails
Ingredients
Instructions
Welp, pressure’s on now for a Last Crusade menu. I must choose my recipes… wisely. Or else.
In the meantime, I hear Fornite has added an Indiana Jones secret room to their game. It’s a whole thing. Go play, you crazy kids!
For more menus, check out my movie directory here!
So last month kind of sucked for women. Actually, it really really sucked. But all the more reason to watch A League of Their Own– 30 years old on July 1, 2022 and a wonderful film to spend your afternoon with if you’re not feeling …
As I write this post, it is officially the one-week anniversary of learning the results of the 2020 election. What a ride the last seven days have been. And I could not think of a more appropriate movie to celebrate the outcome than The American President.
A pre-cursor in so many ways to the acclaimed series West Wing, The American President features a POTUS (Michael Douglas) who is struggling to maintain a high approval rating while staying true to his progressive campaign/staff (notably Michael J Fox and Martin Sheen). Insert badass environmental lobbyist Sydney Ellen Wade (portrayed by Adnette Bening), and you get big time romantic and political conflict– after all, smart women ALWAYS cause problems :/. Thankfully, The American President exists in a world full of walking-and-talking liberal ideology– by the end, you’re ready to book a ticket to DC and try your hand at politics. Surprised? The final Speech is a “quote” on IMDB. It’s Michael Douglas’s emphasis on the word “am” that does it. Gets me every time.
If you aren’t on the “left”, you might feel like this post and this movie aren’t for you. Except– watch it anyway. You may be feeling down, discouraged, and set upon by family, friends, the news, etc. But you have to give it to writer Aaron Sorkin and director Rob Reiner— underneath the Democratic doctrine, The American President reminds us what it’s like to have a Commander in Chief who values character, integrity, and honorable leadership above pettiness. We need to get back to that, yes??? After all, we have serious problems to solve, and we need serious people to solve them. If nothing else, I think we can all agree on that.
And now I shall step down from my soapbox to introduce my menu for The American President– a meaty yet slightly fancy pants dinner that’s perfect for two. Or, alternatively, for a single person binge-eating while dreaming of falling in love with the leader of the free world.
We'll have no Bob Rum-son drinks here-- this one is for all you left/left-leaning, anti-gun carrying, pro-environmentalism, BLM supporting patriots who like bourbon. Mix all ingredients in a whiskey glass with ice, and think progressive thoughts. The best night in Andrew Shepherd's White House is MEATLOAF NIGHT with daughter Lucy. Here's a blend of Shepherd's Pie (traditionally made with ground lamb) and classic American beef meatloaf that would make any woman weak in the knees. You should've seen me taking it out of the oven-- cheesy mashed potatoes mmmmmm. Begin with the mashed potatoes (let's be real, it's the best part). Boil for 15ish minutes until potatoes are softened-- you can test by shmushing a potato chunk with the bank of a fork and seeing if softened potato comes up between the tines. Drain potatoes and add to a mixing bowl with butter, half and half, most of the cheddar, and tsp of salt. Mix with a hand mixer until smooth. Cover and set aside with remaining cheese. Now for the Shepherd's Pie Meatloaf! Preheat your oven to 375. Sautee celery, onion, and garlic with olive oil until caramelized (about 7 minutes). Allow to cool before adding to a mixing bowl with lamb, beef, worcestershire, mustard, egg, tomato paste, thyme, bread crumbs, salt and pepper. Mix, and feel free to use your hands to shmush everything together (used to be my favorite disgusting part as a child). Now it's time to form your personal sized meatloaves. On a parchment lined baking sheet, divide your meat mixture into two portions and shape them into rough ovals. Make an indent in the center of each loaf-- this will accomodate your peas and carrot mix! Spoon your mashed potatoes on top and sprinkle remaining cheddar cheese. Spritz with a bit of extra oil, and place in the oven. Bake, until mashed potato topping is golden brown and meatloaf is fully cooked through (about 50 mins). Devour, pausing only if you happen to hit Andrew Shepherd's big speech moment. As mentioned, Shepherd's Pie is traditionally made with lamb (otherwise it's a Cottage Pie-- shepherds don't herd cows, after all). But if you don't have lamb, feel free to stick with all-beef or bison. Cooks just as well and tastes only slightly less good. Sydney Ellen Wade is intelligent, witty, and elegant-- right when you think you've got her pegged, she starts spouting French at state dinners. So OBVIOUSLY there's no better way to woo a woman like her than to find out what her state meat is. Sydney does love her hams. And potentially Dogwood. But I couldn't cut down a damn tree so here we are-- a delightful French salad with Virginia ham, gruyere, walnuts, and a dijon vinaigrette. Begin by assembling your ingredients. I have a ham steak here, since I didn't want to deal with an entire spiral Virginia ham-- take note men, I'm easier to impress than Sydney. For the dressing, use my simple French Vinaigrette here, and add a bit of greek yogurt for additional creaminess. Toss all of your other ingredients together and drizzle dressing on top. Super simple, elegant, and not too heavy before a romantic waltz with POTUS. What makes a Virginia Ham so special you ask? Check out this article-- who knew there were so many different varieties. Of course President Shepherd has to upstage every man ever with his first date itinerary. There's even a moment at the very beginning of said date when you see pink champagne flowing and a beautiful dessert "purse" filled with berries-- if you look VERY closely you can see on the menu that it's meant to be white chocolate filled with creme brulee. Well, I'm not a White House chef so the white chocolate "purse" didn't happen, but this (surprisingly easy!) white chocolate creme brulee with berries is pretty gd delicious. Hey, look-- it's all your ingredients! Note the patriotic color combo of red, white, and blue. I'm all about the details. In a small saucepan, bring the cream to a simmer over medium heat. Add the white chocolate and until it is melted. Remove from heat. In a separate bowl, whisk egg yolks with 2 3/4 tbsp sugar and salt until smooth. Add the white chocolate mixture by the tablespoon-ful to the egg yolk mixture, whisking continually to prevent scramby eggs. AAdd the vanilla last. Pour custard batter into two 5 inch ramekins, and place each ramekin in a baking dish. Pour enough water into the baking dish so that a little over half of the ramekins are submerged (about 3/4 of an inch). This "water bath" is what will make your creme brulee set. Bake for about 45 minutes, until set (you'll know they're done when they only SLIGHTLY jiggle). Allow to cool, then refrigerate the custards until fully chilled. Just before serving, remove custards from the fridge and sprinkle a tsp full of sugar on top of each. Place under the broiler until caramelized, 3 to 4 minutes. Alternatively if you’re fancy like me, use a blow torch to caramelize the sugar. Top with a mix of blueberries and raspberries and SWOON.
The Democrat
Yield:
1 Cocktail
Cook Time:
5 minutes
Total Time:
5 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Andrew Shepherd's Pie Meatloaf
Yield:
2 Personal Loaves
Prep Time:
30 minutes
Cook Time:
50 minutes
Total Time:
1 hour 20 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Peel and cut your potatoes into 1 1/2 inch chunks. Toss into a pot of salted water and bring to a boil.
Notes
Frisee Salad with Virginia Ham
Yield:
2 Servings
Prep Time:
15 minutes
Total Time:
15 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Notes
First But not Last Date Dessert
Yield:
2 Brûlées
Prep Time:
15 minutes
Cook Time:
45 minutes
Total Time:
1 hour
Ingredients
Instructions
For half a second I considered making various favorite recipes from previous real-life Presidents. But that creme brûlée was calling to me. In any event, if you are curious here is an article that lists favorite foods of POTUSs from George Washington to 45. I especially appreciated reading about why and how FDR’s White House had such terrible food— apparently Eleanor Roosevelt didn’t feel it was right to have better dishes than those suffering through the Depression. Eleanor, I hope you and RBG are enjoying the afterlife eating bon bons and drinking expensive AF champagne together. You deserve it.
PS thanks to everyone who voted. Here’s a Steve Kornacki gif as a reward. But maybe that’s just for me. 🙂
For more menus, check out my movie directory here!
