Recipes for foodies and film nerds. Because life's too short for stale popcorn and crappy movies.
Yesterday was World UFO Day, tomorrow is the 4th of July, and today it’s the 25th anniversary of Roland Emmerich’s badass alien blockbuster, Independence Day. So I mean, I HAD to take yesterday off to get this menu out there. Just don’t tell my boss. …
This past weekend was the 40th anniversary of the beginning of the Indiana Jones trilogy, Raiders of the Lost Ark! (We do not acknowledge any subsequent Indy productions on this blog– they are blasphemous and shameful.) I have too many thoughts on this, one of …
If you are reading this at the beginning of April– here is a not-so-traditional movie menu for Easter! At first you may not think Monty Python and the Holy Grail fits the spring holiday vibe, but think again. You’ve got religion (God be praised!), gatherings of friends and family (with routines and chorus scenes with footwork impec-cable), and not one but TWO rabbit appearances (the second with NASTY, POINTY TEETH).
So everyone else can keep their deviled eggs and insipid peeps. I’m happy with dismembered chicken, thank you very much!
Is Monty Python and The Holy Grail the funniest movie ever made? I honestly think it might be. Co-directed by the two Terry’s (Gilliam and Jones) in 1975, it is the Monty Python troupe’s first real journey to the cinema after years of sketch comedy for television. The story is of course focused on King Arthur and his legendary quest for the Holy Grail, and makes amazing use of historical and cinematic source material for medieval gags. Together with his following of incompetent/irrationally violent/not so brave Round Table knights, King Arthur must contend with snobbish French aristocrats with out-RAGEOUS accents, irritable peasants with too firm a grasp on economics, sorcerers, monsters, and the British police. The Dark Ages were a bitch.
I cannot say how many times my brother and I annoyed my parents with “he’s going to tell, he’s going to tell, he’s going to tell, he’s going to tell” , or walked slowly around our house singing some garbled version of “pie iesu domine, dona eis requim” and smashing our heads with books. But I’m sure this is exactly the type of lunacy Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Eric Idle, Michael Palin, and the two Terry’s would have appreciated. Perhaps Life of Brian would’ve been more thematically appropriate for Easter, but after all– no bunnies.
OK, let’s GET ON WITH IT. “And the people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and large chu–” Skip it. I did not make those things. But I did make other delicious things you could eat for lunch OR dinner. Please do enjoy, together with a side stitch-inducing screening of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
Special thanks goes to Moose trainer Yutte Hermsgervørdenbrøtbørda as well as “Ralph” the Wonder Llama.
YOU'RE MOTHER WAS A HAMPSTER, AND YOU'RE FATHER SMELT.. OF ELDERBERRIES! Who knew Elderberry syrup was widely available online, and good for your immune system to boot? Mix your first four ingredients-- top off with chilled gin and champagne (if you're a wicked, bad, naughty Zoot) OR club soda (you're such a Galahad, you prude). No I didn't cook real rabbit-- I'm not a monster aaaaaaaaaagh. But trust me when I say that this Scottish version of rarebit (the historical poor man's rabbit in the UK) is a scrummy alternative. It's basically cheese on toast with a BITE (get it?). Now for the recipe. Follow! BUT-- follow only if ye be men of valor! Begin with a roux-- melt butter in a sauce pan over medium heat until foaming, then add flour. Stir and allow to cook for a minute or two, until the smell of flour fades and you have a popcorn-smelling wet sand texture. Add your remaining ingredients (except the bread, you silly K-nig-hts), and stir over medium-low heat until melted. Keep your cheese mixture warm while you lightly toast your bread. Pour cheese sauce over bread and summon fire without flint or tinder-- ie toast the cheese with a blow torch or under a broiler. To avoid burning the toast, I suggest counting to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. And now, brave knights! If you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth... RUN AWAAAAAY! It's clearly not just a flesh wound... This is a fool proof recipe inspired by Monty Python and the Holy Grail's Black Knight-- a spatchcocked, blackened, and dismembered chicken with a bloody delicious sauce. If you want to be extra on-the-nose, I recommend starting with the wings before moving on to the legs. Spatchcocking a chicken is actually super easy. First, remove the giblets and set aside-- these will help flavor your sauce. Next, pat the bird dry with paper towels and place on a large cutting board, breast side down. Using sharp kitchen scissors, remove backbone by cutting along either side of it. Reserve the spine along with the giblets. Cut a slit at the base of the neck to encourage the flattening process. Nevermind that the underside of the chicken looks like the incubator horseshoe crab monster from Alien-- that is another movie entirely and we don't have any time for non-Monty Python allusions. Turn chicken over and lay out flat. Press firmly the breast with the palm of your hand to flatten the bird. Mix 1 tsp paprika, brown sugar, oregano, salt and pepper, and sprinkle 1/3 on the now underside of the chicken, and 2/3 on the breast side. Refrigerate, uncovered, for 2 hours. About an hour before you are ready to eat, take your chicken out of the fridge and allow to sit at room temperature for about ten minutes. Next, heat your grill for 5 minutes on high. Clean and oil your grilling grate-- you don't want other nasty food bits sticking to your chicken. Reduce the back burner to medium low heat, and reduce front to medium high. Place chicken, breast side up, on cooler side of grill, with legs facing toward hotter side. Cover the grill and cook until an instant-read thermometer inserted into thickest part of breast registers 110F (about 35 minutes). While chicken is grilling, make your sauce. Melt butter in a sauce pan with flour for another, loose roux. Add liquids, giblets and spine, onion powder and 1 tbsp paprika and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and allow to simmer until slightly thickened. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Now, back to your chicken. After you've reached your 110 degrees, flip your bird and place on hotter side of grill, skin side down, with breasts pointed toward cooler side. Press down firmly with a wide, stiff spatula to ensure good contact between bird and grill grates. Cover and cook until skin is crisp and an instant-read thermometer inserted into thickest part of breast registers 160°F, about 10 minutes longer. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. A shrubbery for the Knights who saaaaay... NI! One that looks nice. And not too expensive. And a path running down the middle. And a vinaigrette made wiiiiith... A HERRING! You might think that herring in a vinaigrette sounds cringe worthy, aka Ekki-ekki-ekki-ekki-PTANG, Zoom-Boing, z'nourrwringmm. But it's NOT. It works very similarly to an anchovy in a salad dressing, and you can dial it up or down based on preference. So, start by mashing your herring filet into a paste-- I ended up with a heaping tsp, which was just enough for a hint of brine. Combine with vinegar, lemon juice, capers, salt and pepper. Whisk in olive oil, until emulsified, and add more salt and pepper to taste. Set aside. Now for your shrubbery assembly-- pile your greens high on both sides of a path (a path! a path!) of radish and cucumber slices, and drizzle with vinaigrette. A lovely little salad worthy of Roger, the shrubber. It's very easy-- oh no! I said it! oh no I said it again! If you really don't like/don't feel like buying herring, feel free to use my french vinaigrette recipe-- simple and delicious.
Elderberry Fizz
Yield:
2 Cocktails
Cook Time:
5 minutes
Total Time:
5 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Scottish Rarebit
Yield:
2 Servings
Prep Time:
10 minutes
Cook Time:
10 minutes
Total Time:
20 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Dismembered Chicken
Prep Time:
2 hours
Cook Time:
45 minutes
Additional Time:
15 minutes
Total Time:
3 hours
Ingredients
Instructions
Transfer chicken to a cutting board and allow to rest, uncovered, for 10-15 minutes. Hack into pieces and serve with strained sauce.
A Shrubbery!
Yield:
2 Servings
Cook Time:
10 minutes
Total Time:
10 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Notes
Huzzah! A solution for the put upon 5oz swallow (African or otherwise) tasked with carrying a 1lb coconut from tropical climes. Gone are the days when we ask our avian friends to simply "grip it by the husk!" Introducing this coconut cookie, a tasty treat from Nigeria light enough for birds of (almost all) air speed velocities.
Preheat the oven to 350F. Mix together the coconut, sugar and egg yolks to form a stiff, dough-like consistency.
Take a little of the mixture and squeeze into balls about 1 inch in diameter. Coat with additional flour and arrange on a baking tray.
Bake for 15 minutes until golden in color, and serve inside coconut halves if you're fancy and only once you've finished playing horsie with them.
Splitting a coconut is surprisingly simple-- use a hammer to pierce the "eyes" and let the juice out, then hit the coconut with the hammer in a full rotation around the middle. A hairline crack will appear and then widen.
Undoubtedly there will be a Two Crumbs Up Monty Python and the Holy Grail Part 2. I really want to make some watery tarts. And a giant Trojan rabbit. But the above will do for now.
In the meantime, I’m now rewatching Monty Python and the Holy Grail for the fifth time in two days. This scene is still making me cackle:
UPDATE: The team at Monty Python just posted all of the above recipes on their official website. I’m floored. You can check them out here.
If you’re anywhere in my vicinity today, watch out– I’ll be doing a silly walk out of pure joy.
For more menus, check out my movie directory here!
Here it is: my favorite Halloween movie and perhaps my favorite Mel Brooks film, Young Frankenstein. Fans of the director will immediately recognize hilarious throwbacks (and throw forwards) to his other movies– walk this way, wasn’t your hump.. on the other side?, etc. But of …
I’ve been wanting to do at least one serious horror/thriller for October. But let me just say that blood, guts and ghosts don’t always make for appetizing menus.
Enter Mike Pence (or should I say his winged companion) who inspired me to revisit Hitchcock’s classic Psycho– and right in time for the film’s 60th anniversary!
When Psycho was theatrically released in 1960, Hitchcock notoriously ordered theaters to bar entrance to late ticket holders– “It is required that you see ‘Psycho’ from the very beginning!”. Though it’s hard to spoil the movie at this point in history, you have to appreciate his commitment to preserving the theatrical experience and safeguarding the surprise ending. And yet, he was a master at teasing the audience with JUST ENOUGH to titillate them (as evidenced in the “trailer” below).
Hitchcock intentionally made Psycho look like a cheap exploitation film in the vein of other critically acclaimed low-budget thrillers like Clouzot’s “Diabolique” (1955). For Psycho, Hitchcock retained a television crew with a fraction of the budget typical for his other well-known productions– the footage is black and white at a time when Technicolor was the norm, the soundtrack is a raw mix of only strings, and there is very little dialogue for long stretches. The end result is of course an iconic and shocking work of art featuring A+ performances from Anthony Perkins, Janet Leigh, and Mr. Fly.
As far as food goes, there are actually several culinary references in Psycho– perhaps the most notable being Norman’s simple parlor dinner of sandwiches and milk. In this menu, I too went with sandwiches, but got a little psychoanalytical with my ingredients. Enjoy, as much as you can in between gasps, and from today onward please remember to lock your damn bathroom door.
With one of those faces you can't help believing, Norman asks Marion to join him for a low key parlor dinner: a simple sandwich of bread, cheese and ham. We'll call this his good side sandwich-- ham and Gouda/good-a (kind of a pun?) on a no frills seeded bread (just right for a girl who eats like a bird), topped off with a sweet honey mustard spread (to lure in unsuspecting flies). Mix mayo, dijon, and honey until fully incorporated. Set aside. Next, assemble your remaining ingredients. Spread one slice of bread with whole grain mustard, and the other slice with honey mustard mix. Layer on ham and gouda (GET IT?? Good-a), cut in half, and dinner is served. All you need now is a nice glass of milk and some innocent, not creepy at all, late night taxidermy. And now for a sandwich more suited to the dark psyches in Psycho-- an oozy mess of extra sharp cheddar grilled cheese, sinful bacon, and bloody mary tomatoes bursting out of dark pumpernickel bread. Eat quickly, the aftermath is difficult to clean up. Add bacon slices to a non-stick skillet and bring the heat to medium (starting the bacon in a cold pan gives you a more crispy crust! Cook bacon till one side is crisp (about 4-5 mins) and turn over. Cook an additional 3-4 mins until bacon is fully crisped, and transfer to a paper towl to allow the grease to drain. Pour half of the bacon grease out (or alternative, reserve and refrigerate for future use). Add your cherry tomatoes to the pan and bring them to a sizzle. Reduce heat to low, and cover, allowing for 5 minutes until tomotoes have burst. Add your Worcestershire, hot sauce, pepper, horseradish, lemon juice, and celery salt, tossing your tomotoes until fully coated and liquids mostly evaporate. Remove from heat. Heat a griddle pan (or utilize the same non-stick skillet if you don't need the griddle marks) on medium. Brush both sides of each piece of bread with butter. Grill one side of each piece of bread-- this will make for crunchier innards. Toast for about 5 minutes. Remove pumpernickel from the grill and allow to cool slightly. Add your spinach to the toated side of one slice, followed by your bacon, cheese, and a sprinkle of paprika. Top with burst tomatoes (and extra cheese, if you're feeling particularly amoral) and second grilled slice. Grill exterior of the sandwich on low heat-- you'll need extra time to allow all that cheese to melt, but you don't want your bread to burn. Eventually, you'll end up with this gluttonous, bleeding mess that's just begging you to cut it open... ...and, for numerous reasons, maybe take a minute before showering after consumption. Turns out that in addition to young blondes, one of Norman's other vices is candy corn. Wouldn't he be excited to know you can combine the two into one delicious Halloween treat-- throw in some nuts for his nutty state of mind and you've got a triple threat on your hands. Preheat the oven to 350, and grease a 9x5 loaf pan with butter, and line with parchment paper. Assemble your ingredients. Roughly smash 1/2 cup of the candy corns, reserving a few (these will be pressed whole into the surface of your blondies. Next, melt your butter in a microwave safe bowl, and add sugar, stirring to incorporate. Whisk in egg and vanilla, followed by the flour and salt. Fold your crushed candy corn and nuts into the blondie batter, trying not to over stir. Pour batter into pan and bake for about 20 minutes until almost done. Remove from oven and gently press whole candy corn into the still-soft top of the blondie mix. Place back in oven for another 2 minutes, allowing the candy to melt EVER SO SLIGHTLY into the surface. Remove from oven and your pan and set on a cutting board to cool 15-20 minutes. Cut into 8 equal bars, and indulge yourself. A boy's best friend is his mother. Even when you have to hide her in the fruit cellar. Three hours before bedtime, preheat your oven to 175. Lay your apple slices on a parchment lined baking sheet and sprinkle with cinnamon and nutmeg. Two of these are spares for looks, since the apples will warp as they dry out. Dry your apple slices in your heated oven for about three hours until fully dehydrated... WHOOPS, sorry. Now for the cocktail. Mix all remaining ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice and shake until chilled. Pour into your favorite glasses, with or without ice-- just as long as you drink every. last. drop. Like a good little child.
"Wouldn't Hurt a Fly" Ham and Cheese
Yield:
1 Sandwich
Cook Time:
10 minutes
Total Time:
10 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Bloody Marion Mess
Yield:
1 Sandwich
Cook Time:
45 minutes
Total Time:
45 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Candy Corn Blondies
Yield:
8 Blondies
Prep Time:
10 minutes
Cook Time:
25 minutes
Total Time:
35 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Mother's Milk
Yield:
2 Cocktails
Prep Time:
3 hours
Cook Time:
5 minutes
Total Time:
3 hours 5 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Don’t bother with the 1998 shot-for-shot remake of Psycho— it’s not good (clearly I have a complex about remakes…). Instead, watch Michael Powell’s “Peeping Tom”. A British production also released in 1960, this film is (dare I say it) darker than Psycho and more perverse in a number of ways. Plus there’s a really nifty dance number…
For more menus, check out my movie directory here!
I loved and feared The Witches as a child. It’s always been that moment early in the film, when “Ereeka’s” father sees the painting. CHILLING. But this is why I love late 80’s and early 90’s movies for children– they were often dark and absurdly …
We all know breakups suck. But the aftermath of rage, humiliation, and FEAR is far worse than the event itself– especially nowadays when you can find pictures of exes and their wonderful new existences/significant others posted in high volume on social media. We’ve all been …
I don’t really like musicals. Yep, I said it. But I LOVE Hamilton. I saw it twice—the first time as a favor to a person unloading a ticket in LA (the fool! Sorry Jess), and the second time with my Ma in Chicago.
If you’re familiar with Hamilton, you probably know that it focuses on seminal moments in American history during and just after the country’s revolution against the British. Despite Lin Manuel Miranda’s admitted failure to fully acknowledge some huge issues (slavery, hi hello), at the time Hamilton put a spotlight on America’s immigrant heritage and supplied a musical counterweight to the xenophobic and anti-immigration rhetoric that, btw, is still a huge <expletive> problem.
So, for this menu I chose what many view as quintessentially “American” dishes and tried to acknowledge their often non-American (or otherwise TRULY American) origins.
And now, without further ado, I give you the inimitable, original (and only sometimes off-key when it comes to Lin Manuel): HAMILTON.
Apple pie is a staple at most American holiday tables, and I'm not complaining. BUT, apples aren't from America at all-- they actually originated in Asia. In honor of the apple's true birthplace, I've created a cocktail that combines sake, apple cider, and bourbon that tastes suprisingly like apple pie. It's time to take a SHOT. Combine all ingredients over ice and stir with cinammon stick. Did you know: fried chicken has origins in Scotland and in West Africa. Though, the latter version was enhanced by all sorts of spices. In this recipe, I've incorporated jerk seasonings in acknowledgement of Alexander Hamilton's Caribbean birthplace Nevis, and the little-to-never acknowledged Taino and African slave populations who brought these marinades to America. On the night prior to cooking, or early in the morning on the day of, assemble the jerk marinade. Whisk ingredients 2-16 (that is, the pepper, scallions, spices, and liquids through to the vegetable oil) until fully incorporated. Taste, and add more bonnet pepper if you feel you can handle the spice! Place the chicken pieces in a plastic bag and pour the marinade in-- seal tightly, making sure to squeeze as much of the air out of the bag as possible. Refrigerate overnight or at the very least for 8 hours before cooking. After you've prepped all you can for your other meal items (hint hint, look at the other recipes in this Hamilton menu), preheat the oven (if it's not heated already) to 375 degrees. Line a cookie sheet with aluminum foil, and place a wire rack over it. You can now set up your fry station! Remove the chicken from the marinade and set it aside to come to room temperature. Do not throw the marinade away! Strain it into a bowl, and discard the solid materials-- this will be your base for your fry wet mix. Whisk an egg into the marinade liquid until fully incorporated. Then, on a plate or in a shallow bowl, combine flour, cornstarch, and enough salt and pepper to flavor the dry mix. First, dredge the chicken pieces in the flour mixture, then dunk into the wet mixture, then re-dredge in the flour mixture. You should see a stubstantial amount of crust forming. Work piece by piece, setting your fully breaded pieces onto the pressed cookie sheet once finished. Let the pieces rest for as long as you can prior to frying, as the more air time they get, the crustier they become! Heat the vegetable oil in a skillet over medium high heat-- you'll know it's ready when drops of water cause it to pop! Add your chicken pieces, tryjng not to overcrowd them. If you can't fit them all, don't worry, you can work in batches. Fry each side for 4-5 minutes each, turning as the crust becomes golden brown. You may need to adjust the heat if the chicken seems like it's browning too fast. Once golden on both sides, place the chicken pieces back on the cookie sheet and finish off in the oven. This should taken about 10 minutes, or until the chicken reaches an internal temperature of around 165 degrees. Remove the chicken from the oven and let sit for a few minutes before serving. This recipe is great for leftovers-- just reheat in the oven at 400 degrees for about 20 minutes until the skin recrisps! So, the obvious link here is to Angelicaaa, ElIIIIza (and Peggy), the Schyler sisters who at various times challenge and bolster Alexander Hamilton throughout the production. But the more subtle tie is actually to traditional Native American cuisine. Who needs corn on the cob when you could have the "three sisters"-- beans, corn, and squash, the staple ingredients for numerous Native American tribes. Insted of a traditional soup, I've made a light salad to help compensate for the fried and cheesy parts of this menu, with a few southwestern spices to kick the flavor up a notch. First, whisk together oil, vinegar, honey, cumin, jalepeno, and a pinch each of salt and pepper until fully combined. Vinaigrette can be made in advance and refrigerated until salad assembly, up to a week. Set a medium pot of salted water to boil. Add corn and boil for 5-7 minutes until kernels are brightened and tender (but not mushy!). Remove corn from water and cool. Next, using a sharp knife, cut kernels away from the ear, if possible keeping the pieces attached. Set aside. Using a mandolin, very thinly slice zucchini at a slight angle-- slices should be almost transparent. Also set these aside. When you are ready to assemble, toss together the corn, zucchini, beans, parsley and vinaigrette. Top with feta cheese, sprinkle with flaky salt and add a healthy squeeze of lemon juice. Apparently Thomas Jefferson introduced macaroni to America whaaaaaat. As a widely regarded Euro-snob, Jefferson brought many of the foods and trends he enjoyed overseas back to the States, including an early recipe (and pasta making machine) for macaroni. But he was only one of many who contributed a distinct European flair to origins of the USA-- this one also goes out to everyone's favorite fighting Frenchman LAFAYETTE (Daveed Diggs in both roles omg amiright?). Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. Grease the 3-quart baking dish with butter. Melt butter in a medium-sized pot and add the flour. Cook over low heat for 2 minutes, stirring with a whisk (it should turn a nice golden brown and smell kinda like popcorn). Whisk in the milk and half and half and cook for a minute or two more, until thickened and smooth. Remove the pot from the heat, add the cheese, pepper, and mustard. Add the cooked macaroni, half the pancetta, and stir well. Salt to taste. Pour into the baking dish. If you can't locate lardons or pancetta, you can always chop up some bacon!
Not So American As Apple Pie Cocktail
Yield:
1 serving
Ingredients
Instructions
Fried Jerk Chicken
Yield:
2 servings
Prep Time:
15 minutes
Cook Time:
30 minutes
Additional Time:
8 hours
Total Time:
8 hours 45 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Notes
Three Sisters Salad
Yield:
2 servings
Cook Time:
30 minutes
Total Time:
30 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Mac & Cheese with Gruyere and Bacon Lardons
Yield:
2 LARGE servings
Prep Time:
20 minutes
Cook Time:
45 minutes
Total Time:
1 hour 5 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Add the macaroni to a large pot of boiling salted water and cook according to the directions on the package, 6 to 8 minutes. Drain well.
Melt the remaining 2 tablespoons of butter, combine them with the bread crumbs. Off heat, add reserved parmesan, and sprinkle in the pepper/salt. Sprinkle bread crumb mixture on top of mac, together with the remaining pancetta. Bake for 30 to 35 minutes, or until the sauce is bubbly and the macaroni is browned on the top.
Notes
If you liked this meal, you’ll probably appreciate one of my favorite cookbooks “The Immigrant Cookbook: Recipes that Make America Great”. Collected by Leyla Mousabeck, the book features the recipes of renowned chefs from Africa, Asia, Latin America, the Caribbean, the Middle East, Europe, and Australia. Enrique Olvera’s Scallop Aguachile is especially delightful…
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For more menus, check out my movie directory here!
