Tag: orange

Dirty Dancing

Dirty Dancing

Happy 35 to Dirty Dancing, one of the greatest romances and dance films of all time (or at least the 80’s). Damn, Roger Ebert HATED this movie. And yet it has retained a loyal, long lasting fanbase– all of whom, I’m sure, secretly practice Johnny 

Everything Everywhere All At Once

Everything Everywhere All At Once

I could spend days talking about Everything Everywhere All At Once. I can’t remember the last time I saw a film this  original, while still being relatable and intensely relevant. A24, you did so good.  Everything Everywhere follows Evelyn Wang (Michelle Yeoh, brilliant), a disgruntled 

Indiana Jones And The Temple of Doom

Indiana Jones And The Temple of Doom

Ok, so Temple of Doom isn’t the best of the Indiana Jones films, but it’s certainly not the worst. This assumes you even consider Crystal Skull to be part of the franchise, however; I myself am still pretending it was never made. 

Technically a PREQUEL (which I dunno how I did NOT realize until now, mind blown), Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom gets really dark– thematically, cinematically, and dare I say it, culinarily. Yep, it’s a word, look it up. At the outset, we find Indie in Shanghai, where he thwarts an assassination attempt, meets a pretty if obnoxious blonde (Kate Capshaw), and collects a precocious child side-kick (the amazing Ke Huy Quan). Together they escape from a Chinese crime boss and land themselves in India where a new quest awaits. Child slaves are set free, sacred stones are recovered– and all it takes is a lot of really gross food, so many bugs, demon hypnosis, and hearts getting ripped out of living chests. You know, your typical archaeological adventure. Anything goes!

To be clear, the movie has some issues. To start, some yeesh 1980’s ethnic stereotypes. But I’d have to agree with Ebert that this Spielberg/Lucas creation is a non-stop roller-coaster ride that is both terrifying and a whole lotta fun.

So, here is a menu that borrows from traditional Asian/Indian cuisines (like Temple of Doom), and also cheats a bit (also like Temple of Doom). I’ve based the structure on an Indian Thali— a large plate containing smaller dishes that are meant to be shared. No eyeball soup in this one, but there’s plenty of other fun homages to the feast at Pankot Palace– a meal used to foreshadow the sinister blasphemy transpiring beneath the city itself. You’ll like it, I swear.

PS Happy 80th Birthday today Harrison Ford. Such a stud.

 

The Movie

 

The Menu

short round Shanghai beef skewers

Short Round Short Rib Skewers

Yield: Enough for an energetic and very sassy child
Prep Time: 2 hours
Cook Time: 8 minutes
Total Time: 2 hours 8 minutes

Wow, holy smokes-- I had to make a salty, spiced, and bite-sized recipe for Short Round! And while XinJiang style beef on a stick would more likely be found on the Shanghai streets outside of Club Obi-Wan, I figured our favorite pick pocket would prefer them. Plus, Indie tries to fork Willie :[ and then literally skewers a man with bbq whilst inside the clerb-- making this appetizer all the more appropriate?

PS this isn't related, but can we take a moment and appreciate the random ass cameo Dan Akroyd has at the beginning of Temple of Doom? If you haven't noticed it before, you're welcome.

Ingredients

  • 2 tbsp vegetable oil
  • 2 tbsp soy sauce
  • 1/2 tbsp Shaoxing wine
  • 1/2 tbsp grated ginger
  • 2 tsp cornstarch
  • 2 tsp cumin powder
  • 1/2 tsp chili powder
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 1/2 tsp sugar
  • 1/4 tsp ground pepper
  • 1 lb boneless short rib, cut into 1 inch cubes
  • 1/2 onion, thickly sliced
  • 3 cloves garlic

Instructions

Thoroughly mix the first 10 ingredients-- this will be your short rib marinade!

beef skewer ingredients

Smash your garlic cloves and drop into a ziploc bag-- add beef and onion slices as well. Pour marinade into the bag, squeezing out all of the air when you seal it. Massage the bag so the marinade fully covers everything inside and refrigerate for at least two hours or overnight.

beef skewers marinated

Skewer short rib cubes closely onto appetizer toothpicks, trying to keep any fatty pieces in between cubes and not facing the outside-- you want the fat to melt into each piece of neighboring meat.

Heat grill or griddle pan on medium high. Transfer the beef skewers to the grill surface and cook, flipping every minute or so, until the beef is caramelized on all four sides. All in, you should be between 6-8 minutes. Just be sure you don't BURN YOUR FINGERS AND CRACK A NAIL!

Sprinkle with sesame seeds and I know we have a cocktail recipe later, but these go VERY well with champagne, just sayin'.

short round Shanghai beef skewers

Notes

This app is NOT included in the Thali itself, intentionally. Keep that beef on the side, you blasphemers!

sankara stones potatoes

Bombay Aloo Sankara Stones

Yield: 2 servings
Cook Time: 45 minutes
Total Time: 45 minutes

Okie dokie Dr. Jones, hold onto your potatoes!

When Indiana and co inexplicably survive a plane crash landing via raft in the middle of the Himalayan Mts (I think? I might've missed a map connecty dot), the beginning of their journey is just beginning. Enter the myth of the sacred Sankara stones, which I have always thought looked like really well roasted baked potatoes.

So I made baby Bombay Aloo Sankara stones-- yes, it's a British-ized Indian dish, but let's be real this movie is far from authentic anyway.

Ingredients

  • 1 lb new potatoes
  • 1 1/2 inch piece ginger, grated
  • 3 large garlic cloves, minced
  • 1/2 cup tomato puree
  • 1/3 onion, finely chopped
  • 1 tbsp vegetable oil oil
  • hefty pinch red pepper flakes
  • 1/4 tsp ground mustard
  • 1/2 tsp ground coriander
  • 1/4 tsp turmeric
  • 1/2 tsp ground cumin
  • 3/4 tsp garam masala
  • cilantro, for garnish

Instructions

Begin by placing your potatoes in a pot of salt water-- bring to a boil, and cook for roughly 8 minutes. Remove from heat and allow to cool.

Using a sharp knife, but three lines into the front facing surface of each potato (representing the three levels of the earth, obviously). Angle the knife a bit to deepen and widen the cut slightly.

sankara potatoes cut

Gather your remaining bombay aloo base ingredients: tomatoes, onion, spices, ginger, and garlic.

bombay aloo ingredients

In a non-stick frying pan over a medium heat, caramelize the onions in oil. Add the garlic and ginger, followed by the spices and fry for another 2 mins-- stir constantly to avoid burning. Throw in the tomato mixture and bring to a gentle simmer.

bombay aloo sauce

Add the potatoes to the pan and toss to combine/warm through. Season with salt, to taste. When ready to eat, garnish with fresh cilantro.

sankara stones potatoes

lentil curry

Mayapore Dal

Yield: 2 Servings
Cook Time: 45 minutes
Total Time: 45 minutes

You're insulting them, and you're embarrassing me, EAT IT.

No but really you collective Willie's, this North Indian style dal is delicious, and a very common dish in a traditional Thali. That said, feel free to use whatever lentils you have, play around with the beans, and eat the end result with your hands like the Mayapore villagers do.

Ingredients

  • 1 cup cooked mixed lentils **See Note
  • 1/4 cup red kidney beans
  • 1 tbsp butter
  • 1/2 cup chopped onions
  • 5 cloves garlic, grated
  • 1 inch ginger, grated
  • 1/8 teaspoon chili powder
  • 1/4 teaspoon garam masala
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 3/4 cup tomato puree
  • 1 cup chicken broth
  • salt, to taste
  • 1/4 cup yogurt, divided
  • cilantro leaves, for garnish

Instructions

Some of these base ingredients should look familiar by now:

lentil ingredients

Begin with your masala by caramelizing the onions in butter for roughly 10 mins over medium low heat. Add in ginger and garlic and continue to stir-- reduce heat slightly if anything begins to brown/burn. Toss in herbs, followed by tomato puree.

dal sauce

Add in broth and simmer for roughly 30 minutes until much of the liquid has cooked down. Season with salt to taste.

Add your lentils and beans and stir to warm through-- about another 5 minutes. Stir in 1/8 cup of yogurt, and use the remainder for garnish.

lentil curry

Notes

Traditionally this Dal Makhani is made with black lentils, but I had a mish mash (red, brown, and black) from Trader Joes and other places. Turned out great.

Temple of Doom Snake Surprise

Snake Surprise

Prep Time: 40 minutes
Cook Time: 10 minutes
Total Time: 50 minutes

Aaah, snake surprise! Just, a less steamy/disgusting version.

Traditionally Thali has a refreshing raw vegetable dish to help curb the salty richness of other foods included-- so, here is a sushi-esque kachumber "snake surprise" salad. I promise you, no fingers were harmed during the making of this recipe. It's so much easier to make than it looks.

Ingredients

  • 6 cups water
  • 2 1/2 tbsp salt
  • 3 pickling/baby English cucumbers
  • 1/2 cup chopped tomato
  • 1/4 cup finely chopped red onion
  • hefty pinch red pepper flakes
  • hefty pinch chili powder
  • hefty pinch cumin powder
  • 1/2 tbsp chopped cilantro
  • 1 tsp lemon juice
  • 1 tsp sunflower oil
  • salt to taste

Instructions

Start with your cucumber. Set up to chopsticks lengthwise on each side of the cumber to help brace it-- these are what will prevent you from cutting all the way through it. With a very sharp knive, make angled cuts as thin as you can (2-3mm width) all the way down the cucumber. Flip over, and make angled cuts in the opposite direction. You should end up with an accordian like effect.

cucumber snake slices

In a pie dish or baking pan, whisk salt into 6 cups of water and stir until dissovled. Soak your cucumbers in this mixture for 30 minutes, refrigerated. You'll end up with a freakishly flexible cuc! Ewwwwww.

While the cucumber is softening/marinating, get your salad ingredients together:

kachumber dressing

Toss to combine and when ready to serve, pour/sprinkle over your kachumber snake, making sure to collect and drizzle any tomato-y juices over the cucumber.

kachumber snake surprise

As I said, a much better alternative to doublefisting snake babies into your mouth.

short round gif

shrimp curry bugs

"Crunchy" Shrimp Curry

Cook Time: 30 minutes
Total Time: 30 minutes

Yah, yah, snakes are terrifying. But good god the BUGS in this movie. First it's the big beetles served at dinner, then it's the hordes of live bugs crawling and creeping and crunching like fortune cookies and eeeee. But I guess, fortune and glory, kid. Fortune and glory.

Thankfully, I'm not serving up bugs-- I'm not CRUEL. But shell-on shrimp, the cockroaches of the sea, seemed like the next best thing. Espeically when kicked up a notched as a curry.

Ingredients

  • 2 tablespoon butter, divided
  • 1/2 cup chopped onions
  • 1/2 inch fresh ginger, grated
  • 2 garlic cloves, minced
  • 1/4 tsp ground turmeric
  • 1/2 tsp ground cumin
  • 1/2 tsp ground coriander
  • 1/2 tsp red chili powder
  • 1/2 tsp garam masala
  • 1 1/2 tbsp tomato puree
  • 1/2 lbs shrimp or prawns, shell on
  • 1/4 cup coconut milk
  • Salt and pepper to taste
  • 1 green chili, sliced for garnish
  • Roti or naan, to serve

Instructions

Begin with your shrimp-- without removing the shells, soak in salt water for a minimum of 10 minutes to help remove any fishiness.

Add to a pan with 1 tbsp of melted butter-- sautee on high for a minute until shells begin to crisp and the innards look opaque.

shrimp sautéed

Gather up the rest of your base ingredients...

shrimp curry ingredients

And sautee as you have done in all previous dishes. Caramelize onions with remaining 1 tbsp of butter for about 10 mins over medium heat. Add ginger, garlic, and spices-- stir to combine and slightly toast. Add liguids and simmer for another minute before adding shrimp-- toss to coat and warm through.

shrimp curry bugs

To eat, do peel the shrimp. If you need a how to, just watch this guy dismember a beetle.

chilled monkey brains

Chilled "Monkey Brains"

Cook Time: 30 minutes
Total Time: 30 minutes

YUM DESSERT. Turns out I decided to use a base of royal custard and spiced berry compote without even realizing that's what they used on set!

So enjoy your fruit-- and maybe keep some by the bed for when you get hungry... after.

Ingredients

  • 2 1/2 cups milk
  • 4 tbsp sugar
  • 3 tbsp custard powder
  • 1/4 tsp vanilla
  • hefty pinch of saffron
  • 1 1/2 cups chopped strawberries
  • 1 1/2 cups chopped cherries
  • 2-3 tbsp sugar, to taste
  • 1 tbsp cornstarch
  • 1 cup water, divided
  • 1/4 tsp cardamom

Instructions

For the custard: heat 2 1/2 cups milk in a medium saucepan and whisk in 4 tbsp sugar until completely dissolved. In a separate bowl, mix the custard powder with 1/2 cup milk until smooth-- this will prevent lumpies. Add this mix gradually to the heated milk in the sauce pan and stir it continuously When it starts to thicken, add vanilla and saffron until the custard hits a goldeny yellow color. Remove from heat and allow to cool, making sure to cover the surface completely with plastic wrap to prevent a skin from forming.

saffron pudding

Now for your spiced berry compote, ie monkey brains. Throw all of the remaining ingredients excl the water into a washed out saucepan-- simmer over medium heat, stirring constantly, and adding water by the tbsp full to prevent the berries from sticking. In about 15 minutes, you'll have a syrupy compote. Set aside to chill until ready to serve.

strawberry cherry monkey brain

Once you've finished your snakes, bugs, and other assorted goodies, pour your custard into the most macabre vessel you can find and top with compote. Serve chilled, because obviously.

chilled monkey brains

beating heart on fire

Bloody Beeting Heart... On Fire

Yield: 2 cocktails

Kali Maaaaaa, Kali MAAAAA.

I had to acknowledge Mola Ram and the heart removal scene SOMEHOW. And since I couldn't find beef heart anywhere (and didn't want to particularly cook it), here's a blood-like beet-ing heart recipe that yep, I set on FIRE. It might make you feel like you're being rapidly dropped into a pit of hot lava-- but in a good way!

Ingredients

  • 1 ounce beet juice
  • 1 ounce blood orange juice
  • 1/2 teaspoon balsamic vinegar
  • 2 ounces sweet vermouth
  • 3 ounces Bulleit bourbon, plus more for garnish
  • Blood Orange Cap, pith only for garnish

Instructions

Add all ingredients excluding the garnish materials to a cocktail shaker filled with ice. Shake until chilled, and pour into two glasses. Fill the orange caps with addition bourbon, and ignite (using a long match or long lighter, don't set yourself on fire).

beating heart on fire

Om Namha Shivaye it's good!

 

Epilogue

Welp, pressure’s on now for a Last Crusade menu. I must choose my recipes… wisely. Or else.

Indiana Jones Dessication by Phixel-15 on DeviantArt

In the meantime, I hear Fornite has added an Indiana Jones secret room to their game. It’s a whole thing. Go play, you crazy kids!

 

For more menus, check out my movie directory here!

Bridget Jones’s Diary

Bridget Jones’s Diary

It all began on New Year’s Day… or in the case of this post, New Year’s Eve. All hail Bridget Jones (Renee Zellweger), wanton sex goddess, who was able to land two, count ’em TWO, of the hottest British actors to ever grace the silver 

Little Miss Sunshine

Little Miss Sunshine

Little Miss Sunshine is one of those films that you’re thrilled exists– a wonderful family dramedy that is so well written and so well acted that it leaves you with hope for the film industry.

The movie opens with a relatively dark montage. Mom Sheryl (Toni Collette) picks up her brother Frank (Steve Carrell) from the hospital after an attempted suicide, while her husband Richard (Greg Kinnear) pushes some kind of self-help pyramid scheme to a half empty room of hopefuls, and her father in law (Alan Arkin) snorts heroin in the bathroom at home. Meanwhile kids Olive (Abigail Breslin) and Dwayne (Paul Dano) are in their own little worlds dreaming about making it big, each in their own way– Olive fawns over the beauty queens on TV, and Dwayne refuses to speak until he gets into flight school. Also he hates everybody.

When Olive finds out she’s made the cut as a Little Miss Sunshine contestant, however, the family’s weekend plans change. Time to crank up the old VW van for a 700 mile road trip inevitably fraught with all sorts of mishaps and character defining moments! Not to mention a stellar soundtrack featuring my fave Sufjan Stevens. Play me Chicago on a loop all day long and I’ll be happy. And generally, that’s how Little Miss Sunshine leaves me– happy, and very aware of the virtues of nonconformity. As Dwayne finally says, “you do what you love, and fuck the rest”. 

Food is actually pretty important in Little Miss Sunshine– in addition to helping convey the obvious messages about body image, meals set the stage for several key interactions between Hoover family members. So, I’ve picked a few of the foods from the film, adjusted them a bit, and mashed them all together in one sunny brunchy meal. Hopefully it will leave you as satisfied as the movie.

 

The Movie

 

The Menu

liquid sunshine

Liquid Sunshine

Yield: 1 cocktail
Cook Time: 2 minutes
Total Time: 2 minutes

Just like Olive, this mimosa-esque cocktail is full of passion and sunshine. More importantly, it goes really well with waffles.

Ingredients

  • 1 oz passion fruit juice
  • 1 oz orange juice
  • 1/2 oz lemon juice
  • 1/2 oz triple sec
  • Champs!
  • Orange wheel for garnish

Instructions

Mix all ingredients and garnish with an orange wheel. Feel free to multiply as you see fit!

fried chicken

It's the F*cking Chicken

Yield: 2 Servings
Prep Time: 3 hours
Total Time: 3 hours

What can I say, the bucket of Dinah's southern fried chicken caught my eye-- a delicious fast food-y treat that also serves as a wonderful culinary accompaniment to the dominant emotion at the Hoover dinner table. Fear of failure seems to affect everyone but Grandpa-- no wonder he fucking hates the chicken.

But also, fuck-- it's really good.

Ingredients

  • 1/2 4lb chicken (ie 1 drumstick, 1 breast, 1 thigh, 1 wing)
  • 2 cups buttermilk
  • 1/3 cup Frank's RedHot hot sauce
  • 1/2 tsp garlic powder + 1/4 tsp
  • 1/2 tsp onion powder + 1/4 tsp
  • 1/2 tsp freshly ground black pepper + 1/4 tsp
  • 2 tsp paprika + 1 tsp
  • 1 tbsp kosher salt + 1 tsp
  • 3/4 cup all-purpose flour
  • 1⁄4 cup cornstarch
  • 1 teaspoon baking powder
  • 3 cups peanut oil
  • 2 tbsp bacon grease

Instructions

Start by quick brining the chicken pieces: pour buttermilk, hot sauce, and 1/2 tsp of the garlic powder, onion powder, paprika, black pepper; 2 tsp of the paprika and 1 tbsp salt into a gallon sized ziploc. Add chicken to buttermilk brine, and refrigerate for 3-4 hours.

little miss sunshine fried chicken brine

Just before frying, whisk together flour and the rest of the spices (those + amounts in the ingredients list). Drizzle 3 tablespoons of buttermilk brine into the flour and gently toss-- clumpies are ok.

chicken breading

Lift chicken piece by piece from buttermilk and dredge in flour mix, packing tightly to form large clumps of flour coating each piece. Allow to sit on a baking rack set atop a foil lined baking sheet for 5-10 mins while you set up your frying sitch.

breaded chicken

First, preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Then, fill a 12-inch cast iron skillet with enough oil and your bacon grease to come halfway to the top. Using a candy/clipon thermometer, raise the temp to medium high and get the oil up to 350 degrees. Add chicken, skin side down, to the hot oil. Note, the temperature will drop to around 325 degrees-- you want to keep the oil steady at this temp. Fry until you get a deep golden brown on the first side, about 6 minutes; then flip the chicken pieces with tongs and cook until the second side is golden brown, about 4 minutes longer. Your breast will take a couple of minutes longer, since its a far bigger cut.

little miss sunshine fried chicken

Move chicken back to your wire racked baking sheet and place in the oven. Bake for 15-ish minutes until the breast hits about 150 degrees at its thickest part and the other pieces get to 165. Allow to rest for another 5-10 minutes before chowing down.

fried chicken

Notes

If you happen to have a whole chicken that you aren't sure how to break down, Serious Eats has you covered. And, if you have more questions about frying chicken-- here is a VERY good article listing all the things you SHOULDN'T do.

olive oil waffles

Olive Oil Waffles

Waffles are a light and fluffy necessity when it comes to brunch. This particular batch is made with olive oil-- for obvious Little Miss Sunshine reasons.

Ingredients

  • 1 cup flour
  • 1 1/2 tsp baking powder
  • 1/8 tsp salt
  • 1 1/2 Tbsp white sugar
  • 1/2 cup buttermilk
  • 1/2 cup milk
  • 1 egg
  • 1 1/2 tbsp olive oil
  • 1/4 tsp vanilla extract

Instructions

Waffle assembly is all about mixing dry ingredents and wet ingredients separately before putting the batter together. Start with the flour, baking powder, salt, and sugar in on medium bowl. In a second bowl, whisk eggs with milk, oil, and vanilla until combined.

wet and dry ingredients

Add milk mixture to your dry ingredients and stir-- lumpies are ok! Pour batter into preheated waffle iron-- depending on size you'll need to follow instructions but my waffle iron takes about 1/2 a cup at a time.

waffles

Cook for about 2 minutes (but again, refer to your iron instructions) until waffles are golden brown. Set aside on a parchment paper lined baking sheet, NOT one atop the other or they'll get too soft. Serve immediately, or otherwise cover loosely with foil until ready to top with all the fixin's.

olive oil waffles

ice cream a la modey

Salted Maple Ice Cream A La Mode-y

Yield: 1 Pint

A salty sweet treat for a salty set of characters to complete our Little Miss Sunshine brunch-- and one that I'm 100% positive all the Miss cities/states/countries/universes would appreciate.

I know Olive ordered chocolate, but if she'd only known...

Ingredients

  • ¾ cup maple syrup
  • 1  cup heavy whipping cream
  • 1  cup milk
  • 1/4 teaspoon coarse salt
  • 4 egg yolks
  • ¼ teaspoon vanilla extract

Instructions

First, add the syrup to a medium saucepan and place it over medium-high heat. Bring to a boil, reduce the heat to medium, and continue boiling for about 3 to 4 minutes, or until it has reduced to about half a cup.

syrup

Add cream, milk, and salt and bring back to a boil. Remove from heat.

In a separate bowl, whisk egg yolks, and then pour 1/4 of your milk mixture slowly into your egg mixture, whisking all the time-- this will keep your eggs from going scramby.

egg custard

Add the egg mix to the rest of the heated cream and whisk vigorously over low heat. Add vanilla, and continue to whisk until the cream thickens so that the below happens:

ice cream thicken

Pour over a mesh strainer into another bowl to get all the solids out:

strain ice cream

Chill mixture in the refrigerator, about 2 hours and then add to your ice cream device. Churn according to instructions, and refreeze as needed.

ice cream a la modey

And holy hell, it's better than heroin.

Not that I know what heroin is like. But I'm confident that grandpa would've enjoyed it. Sweet sweetness!

 

Epilogue

Abigail Breslin’s eyeballs should have won a fucking Oscar. Seriously, LOOK AT HER!

Where is Little Miss Sunshine's Abigail Breslin now?

 

For more menus, check out my movie directory here!

Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion

Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion

It’s like. Duh. One of the best 90’s movies EVER. It’s also way smarter than you might think. Starring Mira Sorvino and Lisa Kudrow, Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion is a comedic alternative to Thelma & Louise and a wonderfully lighthearted balm for anyone (and 

Thelma & Louise

Thelma & Louise

ON THIS DAY 30 years ago, Thelma & Louise drove across the country in a blue Thunderbird and into the annals of feminist film history. It’s one of those movies I rediscover every 10 years– funny, tragic, and (sadly) still so relevant, Thelma & Louise was written 

The Birdcage

The Birdcage

I’m now back in Los Angeles after an almost 6 month hiatus in my home state of Florida– and yes, it’s often as weird  there as the internet says. However, now that I’m back to my regular life on the West Coast, I’m finding that I’m a little home sick! And so, I chose a movie that always puts me in a Florida mood, Mike Nichols’ The Birdcage.

A remake of Édouard Molinaro’s 1978 farce La Cage aux Folles, The Birdcage was released in the mid-’90s— the AIDS epidemic was hitting its plateau, LGBTQ equality measures were becoming part of a national conversation, and the Christian Coalition was battering the community with calls for family values and “morality” in politics. Enter this, one of the most hilarious films of the decade (and maybe of all time), starring Robin Williams (Armand) and Nathan Lane (Albert) as the Goldmans/Coldmans/Colemans– two gay men and life partners who live and work together at a South Beach drag club called (you guessed it) The Birdcage. When Armand’s son (that one actor from ER) asks his father to play it straight for the benefit of his aggressively conservative and close minded in-laws (Gene Hackman and Dianne Wiest), hilarity ensues– as do several costume changes. And throughout, as the family members stumble (verbally and physically) through their encounters with one another, you get to see Hank Azaria steal the show as the faithful houseboy with just the right amount of natural heat, Agador (Spartacus!). 

For YEARS I have been itching to try a Birdcage -esque sweet and sour peasant soup, and actually make it tasty. Well, here is my attempt– a colorful, spicy, and very filling celebration of Guatemalan-ness (plus a few other tropical goodies). If only I could’ve found Greek bowls with images of young men playing leap frog…

 

The Movie

 

The Menu

south beach spritzer

South Beach Spritzer

Yield: Depends on how much alchy and juice you have
Cook Time: 5 minutes
Total Time: 5 minutes

What's more South Beach than a tropically delicious spritzer?

... Maybe some of these cocktails on Eater. But VAL likes white wine, and apparently everyone does EVERYTHING Val wants.

I'm a little pissed at Val, guys. If it wasn't for the Pirin tablets... I don't think I could go on.

Ingredients

  • White Wine
  • Pineapple Juice
  • Orange Juice
  • Club Soda

Instructions

Legitimately all you have to do is mix juice with wine at your preferred ratio and add a splash of club soda. I prefer 3x the wine, but that's just me.

Top off with a light splash of club soda for some refreshing effervenscene and you'll be doing an eclectic celebration of the dance! You do Fosse, Fosse, Fosse! You do Martha Graham, Martha Graham, Martha Graham! Or Twyla, Twyla, Twyla! Or Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd! Or Madonna, Madonna, Madonna!

birdcage twyla dance

... but you keep it all inside.

PS if the night gets stressful, you can always switch from wine to whiskey for a tropical whiskey sour.

sweet and sour peasant soup

Guatemalan Sweet and Sour Peasant Soup

Yield: 2 Bowls
Cook Time: 1 hour
Total Time: 1 hour

What's Guatemalan Sweet and Sour Peasant Soup, you ask? I don't know, I made it up. I MADE IT UP!

Kind of anyway. A riff off of traditional Kak-Ik, I like to think that this is a slightly more appetizing rendition of Agador's (Spartacus!) recipe. Let me make it clear-- this is definitely NOT a seafood chowder. But when you factor in the shrimps (which did make their way into my dish), the avocado, a pleasantly jammy soft boiled egg, and all the "Guatemalan-ness" and natural HEAT you could ask for, I think it's a wonderfully sassy and filling entree.

Just remember to remove your shoes while you cook, because they'll make you fall down.

Ingredients

  • 1 tbsp Canola Oil
  • 1 Beefsteak Tomato
  • 1 Medium Onion, sliced into thick rings
  • 4 Small Bell Peppers (or ½ red bell pepper)
  • 2 Tomatillos, thickly sliced
  • 1 Large Bay Leaf
  • 4-5 Garlic Cloves
  • 2 cups Chicken Broth
  • ¼ tsp Chipotle Powder
  • ¼ tsp Achiote Paste
  • 1/8 tsp Cinnamon
  • Pinch Ground Clove
  • 1/2 tsp. Salt
  • ¼ tsp Sugar
  • ¼ tsp Freshly Ground Pepper
  • 2 7-Minute Eggs (ie eggs boiled for 7 minutes and peeled)
  • 6-7 Jumbo Shrimp, peeled and de-veined
  • Pinch Garlic Powder
  • Salt & Pepper for shrimp, to taste
  • Chopped Cilantro
  • Sliced Avocado
  • Sliced Green Onion
  • Squeeze Lime juice

Instructions

First, assemble your ingredients-- thick slices are your friend.

soup ingredients

Next, head a large cast iron skillet or griddle pan over medium high heat. Pour in a tbsp on canola oil and add your veggies-- cook until charred, about 2 minutes per side.

soup charred vegetables

Transfer vegetables to a medium soup pot. Add chicken broth and seasonings and bring to a boil-- reduce heat and simmer for 30 minutes or so to let flavors meld.

Remove bay leaf and, using an immersion blender puree your veggies and broth.

immersion soup

Keep your soup warm while you prep your toppings! Note, your 7 minute eggs will still be yolky jammy in the middle-- if you want stiffer innards, go for 8 minutes (but I don't advise longer). To prep shrimp, soak in salted water for at least 10 mins and up to an hour-- dry on paper towels.

soup toppings

Just before serving, toss shrimp with garlic powder, salt, pepper and a bit more canola oil. Saute on high heat in a non-stick skillet for about a minute until pink. They cook quickly, so keep an eye on them or everything will be ruined and you'll find yourself chugging booze in the kitchen while sweating profusely.

fuck the shrimp gif

When ready to serve, pour soup into bowls and top with a halved egg each, sliced avocado, shrimp, chopped cilantro, green onions, and a squeeze of lime juice!

sweet and sour peasant soup

cuban toast

I Pierced the Toast!

Yield: 2 Servings
Cook Time: 10 minutes
Total Time: 10 minutes

Because what goes better with soup and a fake identity than toast? I just made this a bit more Miami... and much more appropriate for The Birdcage.

Ingredients

  • Cuban bread
  • Butter
  • 1 tsp Cumin
  • 1 tsp Paprika
  • 1/2 tsp Salt
  • 1/8 tsp Cayenne

Instructions

A seasoned version of a Cuban tostada: slice your cuban bread, butter ALL sides of said bread, and sprinkle with your seasonings before you put your slices together in what is basically a butter sandwich.

toast smear

Heat a griddle pan on high and press your tostadas using another heavy pan or panini press until toasty. Serve warm.

cuban toast

This stuff will go fast, but don't worry:

more toast gif

mango Schnecken

When the Schnecken Beckons

Prep Time: 3 hours
Cook Time: 20 minutes
Total Time: 3 hours 20 minutes

Yes I know Alby went for the chocolate schnecken, but you could say this mango schnecken beckoned. I think they'd even satisfy Senator Keeley's sweet tooth.

Note: I kinda stole this recipe from this guy in Germany, with some liberties. If you need a clearer how-to on assembly, he has a video that was incredibly helpful!

Ingredients

  • 1 cup Whole Milk, divided
  • 2 ½ tbsp Butter, softened
  • 1 Egg
  • 2 cups AP Flour
  • 2 tbsp Sugar
  • ¼ tsp Salt
  • 1 tsp Rapid Rise Yeast
  • 1 8-oz Package Dried Mango
  • ½ tsp Vanilla Extract
  • ½ cup Powdered Sugar
  • 1 tbsp Orange Juice

Instructions

For the dough-- add first seven ingredients to the bowl of a stand mixer.

schnecken dough

Using the paddle attachment, mix on low until a moist mixture begins to form. Switch with a dough hook and continue to mix on medium low until a smooth dough forms, about 2 minutes.

Remove the dough from the bowl and allow to rest while you lightly butter said bowl. Add the dough back to your greased receptacle and cover with plastic wrap. Allow to rise until doubled in size, roughly 1.5-2 hrs.

15 minutes before dough has finished rising, prepare the mango filling.
Add dried mango pieces, vanilla and milk to a food processor and puree-- you should end up with a spreadable mix.

mango filling

Once your dough has doubled in size, place on a floured work surface and roll it into a rectangle about 16 inches long and about 1/8 inch thickness. Then spread the mango filling evenly on the dough using the back of a large spoon.

mango on dough

To form your schnecken, roll your dough beginning from the narrow side. Pull the dough a little while rolling it up to ensure a tighter spiral. Then, using a sharp, floured knife, cut your dough into 1 inch thick rounds, lining up on a cooking sheet lined with parchment paper.

slice Schnecken

At this point you COULD refrigerate overnight. Just make sure you allow your formed schnecken to rest and rise, covered lightly with plastic wrap, for 60 minutes before baking. In the meantime, find some Gloria honey.

gloria

Five minutes before baking, preheat your oven to 375. Bake your schnecken until your schnecken is golden yellow-- about 15-20 minutes.

While your schnecken is doing its thing in the oven, prepare your citrus glaze. Add the orange juice to the powdered sugar and whisk until smooth. Once you remove your schencken from the oven, immediately brush with the orange glaze and allow to cool slightly before serving.

schnecken icing

 

Epilogue

PS this year (2021) is the 25th anniversary of The Birdcage! How time flies. …and I still really miss Robin Williams :/.

Robin Williams

 

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