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To all my fellow frump girls out there, I give you My Big Fat Greek Wedding– still the highest grossing romantic comedy of all time! A huge thank you to Rita Wilson, who saw the play and told her husband Tom Hanks they should EP a film adaptation… this movie is still a damn joy to watch.
For those who haven’t benefited from the witty writing and genuinely poignant acting of My Big Fat Greek Wedding, this is a romantic comedy starring Nia Vardalos (who wrote the play) as a young Greek woman, Toula, who lives and works in Chicago with her VERY Greek family. Depressed, unmarried, and ever the outsider, Toula struggles with the concept that nice Greek girls are supposed to do three things in life: marry Greek boys, make Greek babies, and feed everyone… until the day they die. Much to the chagrin of her endearingly sexist father, she takes the first steps toward independence and inevitably meets a “pretty strong vegetarian teacher”, Ian Miller (John Corbett)– in Greek, a XENO, with big .. long … HAIRS on .. top .. of his .. HEAD! What follows is a hilarious union of a (I’ll say it again) VERY Greek family with a very vanilla (I want to say Presbyterian?) one. And, of course, the realization on all sides that in the end, people of all backgrounds have so much more in common than we might think. D’awwwwwwwww.
Also According to Nia Vardalos, paying for catering during production was a snap because when local Greek restaurants learned about it, they sent over masses of free food wherever filming was taking place. Double d’aaaaaaaaw.
So here is a Greek feast featuring several foods from My Big Fat Greek Wedding– a meal full of warmth and wisdom, and of course a steaming hot side dish of guilt. Specifically for the vegetarians.
Note, no cocktail on this one– because all you really needs is ouzo. Lots, and lots, and lots of ouzo. OPA!
The Movie
The Menu
Vegetarian Moussaka (Not Moose-Kaka)
Yield: 4 Individual Casseroles
Cook Time: 2 hours2 seconds
Total Time: 2 hours2 seconds
A lentil based moussaka safe for all the Millers out there-- and SO much better than Wonder Bread sandwiches. Those delicate pretty bitches in middle school don't even know.
PS, special shout out to MyGreekDish.com-- really good food blog from which I stole bits and pieces!
1 cup of cooked lentils (brown, black or green, NOT red)
4 tbsp salted butter
1/4 cup flour
1 cup whole milk, room temperature
1 egg yolk
3/4 heaping cup grated parmesan
salt to taste
Instructions
Place a rack in the middle of an oven preheated to 425. Whisk half of the garlic, 1/4 cup oil, and half of the oregano in a small bowl. Brush both sides of eggplant and potato rounds with herb oil; season with salt and pepper. Transfer to a sil pat lined cookie sheet (it’s okay to if they overlap a bit) and bake until tender and slightly browned, about 15 mins. Set aside and reduce oven temperature to 375.
Next gather your vegetarian moussaka filling-- and let me tell you, I never knew lentils could be this badass.
Heat 1 tbsp olive oil in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Add the chopped red onion and cook for 5-6 minutes until caramelized. Add 1 1/2 cloves minced garlic and mushrooms and cook until mushrooms are softened. Next, add the cinnamon and tomato paste-- stir until vegetables are coated.
Toss in the chopped tomatoes and red wine, together with 1/2 tbsp oregano, the dried bay leaf, and the sugar. Bring to the boil and reduce the heat to medium low-- cook, uncovered, for for 20-25 mins until sauce is thickened a bit. Stir in your lentils last.
Finally, prep your beschamel topping. In a small saucepan, melt the butter over low-medium heat. Add the flour, and whisk until a paste forms and the smell of flour dissipates. Add milk and continue to whisk in order to prevent your sauce from getting lumpy. Gradually, the consistency should thicken into a cream. Remove from the stove and very quickly whisk in the egg yolk, salt, pepper, and most of the grated cheese (reserve some to sprinkle on top). Season with salt to taste.
Now, time to assemble-- in four greased 8oz ramikens, layer 2 slices of eggplant, 1 slice of potato, 1/4 cup of lentil mix. Then add another 2 slices of eggplant and top with beschamel, sprinkling the aforementioned reserve cheese on top.
Bake for aabout 35 minutes until beschamel begins to turn a lovely golden brown. Moose kaka never tasted so good.
Spanakopita
Yield: 10-12
Sexy as a "pottery class".
Ingredients
2/3 cup frozen chopped spinach
1 tbsp oil + more for brushing (or get some olive oil spray)
1/2 onion, chopped
1 spring onion, chopped
1 clove garlic
1 egg
1/3 cup crumbled feta
pinch nutmeg
1 handful parsley, chopped
salt and pepper
Instructions
Begin with your spanakopita filling! Note, you can use fresh spinach, but frozen is such a wonderful cheat. You just need to drain a minute on a paper towel as pictured below.
In a medium pan, saute the onions with a dash both of olive oil and salt over medium low heat-- you want to caramelize them, not burn them. Add the garlic and cook for a couple more minutes, watching carefully so THAT doesn't burn. Remove from the heat and allow to cool.
In a medium bowl, mix the feta cheese, egg, nutmeg, spring onion, and a bit more salt and pepper. Add the chopped parsley and onion mixture and stir until fully incorporated.
Preheat the oven to 375 (unless it's already there for your moussaka!) and start shaping your spanakopita triangles.
Spread one sheet of the phyllo dough on a cutting board and brush/spray on a light coat of olive oil. Spread one more sheet on top and brush/spray again. Cut the phyllo sheets in 3 strips lengthwise. At the end of each strip, add one heaping tablespoon of the filling. Fold one corner to form a triangle and continue folding the triangle over itself, until the entire piece of phyllo is used.
Continue with the rest phyllo sheets and filling.
Place the spanakopita triangles onto a parchment paper lined cookie sheet and brush/spray them with olive oil once more. Bake for 25-30 minutes, until golden and crispy.
What do you mean he don't eat no meat?!?! that's ok that's ok. I make lamb.
Yield: Never Enough
Everything else is veggie what do you want from me IAN?
I don't have a roasting spit nor do I have the intestinal real estate to accomodate an entire roast lamb. So here is my compromise-- a boneless leg of lamb that can be trimmed to whatever size you need. This was good for 4-6 people.
Ingredients
3 tbsp extra-virgin olive oil
1/4 tsp onion powder
2 garlic cloves
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
1 teaspoon finely grated lemon zest
1 1/2 teaspoon fresh oregano, minced
2 1/2 - 3 lbs boneless leg of lamb, in one piece
Salt and freshly ground pepper
2 additional tablespoons olive oil, divided
1 tablespoons fresh juice from about 1 lemon, divided
4 or 5 campari tomatoes
1/2 cucumber, chopped into 1/2 inch pieces
1/4 medium red onion, thinly sliced
1/2 cup Kalamata olives, pits removed
1/2 teaspoon more of fresh oregano, minced
1/4 cup plain Greek yogurt
2 ounces feta cheese, crumbled
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
Pita, torn for serving
Instructions
The night before you're ready to break bread with the fam, marinade your meat. If the lamb itself has come pre-tied (common), untie it and unroll it. Whisk together your marinade-- oil, lemon juice and zest, garlic, onion powder, and oregano. Spread inside of lamb leg with half of the marinade:
Then, roll the lamb back up and re-tie, which will ensure an even roast-- if you need a how-to on trussing, this video is super helpful (disregard the goofy opening credit sequence). When you're done, you should have a lovely little package 'o' meat that you can cover with the rest of your marinade. Refrigerate, uncovered, overnight.
About 3.5 hours before eating, take your lamb out of the fridge and allow to come to room temp for about an hour. Meanwhile, preheat the oven to 275-- if this seems low to you, that's because it IS! We're gonna reverse sear this bad boy for a perfectly pink interior. When the roast hits room temp, insert an in-oven thermometer into the middle of the roast and place onto the middle rack. Roast for just about two hours (possibly slightly less) until the inside hits a temp of 125°F for medium-rare, or 130°F to 135°F for medium. Remember, the temp will continue to rise about 5 degrees as it rests, so don't overdo it or you'll be all like:
Once you hit your preferred temp, remove it from the oven and alllow it to rest for at least 45 minutes. You can now use your oven for whatever you want (ahem moussaka, spanakopita, CAKES)-- the lamb can technically sit for even longer, covered, until you're ready for the sear part of the reverse sear!
While the roast rests and your oven is being used for... whatever, make a simple greek salad.
Toss tomatoes, sliced onion, cucumber, olives, and fresh oregano. Whisk 1 tbsp olive oil and 1/2 tbsp of lemon juice together and pour over-- so easy! Refrigerate.
Now for your whipped feta sauce: in a mini food processor, combine remaining 1 tbsp olive oil, 1/2 tbsp lemon juice, feta and yogurt. Puree until smooth and refrigerate until ready to serve.
About 30 minutes before eating, increase the oven temp to 500. When it's nice and hot inside there, put your roast back into the oven, uncovered, for 15 minutes. This will create the nice crispy crust you want on a roast, without cooking the interior any further. Remove from the oven and allow to rest for a final 5-10 minutes. Carve with a sharp knife and serve-- forks optional, pita encouraged, sauce and salad mandatory.
It's an Apples and Oranges Bundt!
Cook Time: 40 minutes
Total Time: 40 minutes
Sure, you may remember that the Millers bring over a gorgeous BUNDT to the Portokalos party, but you may not remember that the root of the word Miller is a Greek word. Miller come from the Greek word "milo," which is mean "apple," so there you go. And the name Portokalos, is come from the Greek word "portokali," which mean "orange." So, okay? Here tonight, we have, ah, apple and orange bu-bunn-bundTTT. We all different, but in the end, we all fruit!
Ingredients
1/3 cup canola oil
1 egg
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
3/4 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/8 teaspoon fine sea salt
1/8 teaspoon fine sea salt
1/8 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon ground cinnamon
zest of 1/2 orange
zest of 1/2 orange
1/2 large apple, grated
1/2 large apple, grated
1/2 cup chopped pistachios
1/2 cup chopped pistachios
3/4 cups powdered sugar
3/4 cups powdered sugar
1 tablespoons milk
1 tablespoons milk
1/2 tablespoon orange juice
1/2 tablespoon orange juice
Instructions
It's the simplest recipe ever-- start by mixing the oil, egg, sugar and vanilla in a medium bowl. In a second bowl, whisk together the flour, soda, salt and cinnamon. And get your apples and oranges ready!
Add the dry ingredients to your whisked wet ingredients and stir until fully mixed. Add the grated apple and orange zest and stir a couple more times.
Now-- you can either bake this in a small bundt pan OR you can be cool like me and use super tacky silicon mold shapes that Nikki Portokalos would 100% appreciate (link to the product below). Pour until just filled (leave a little space for the bundts to rise).
Bake at 350 for about 20 minutes until golden brown and a toothpick comes out clean. Remove from oven and cool, inverted, for another 30 or so minutes.
While you're waiting, whisk together your powdered sugar, milk and orange juice. Remove the cakes from the molds and drizzle with your icing-- sprinkle chopped pistachios (or you can dunk your cakes into a pile of them), for a blaklava-esque flair.
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Consequently, here are two non-musical music films from Irish director John Carney: Once (2007) and Sing Street (2016). Both are set in Ireland and follow the emotional journey of a young singer/song-writer pursuing his dreams while also pursuing a woman (respectively, Markéta Irglová as empathetic and talented “Girl” and Lucy Boynton as the elusive and damaged Raphina). But where one film ends sad-ish-ly, the other has a much more optimistic conclusion. Or does it? I shan’t spoil more, you’ll have to decide for yourself.
What I will say is that 1) Once, which was shot in just 17 days, is so authentic in its poignancy it hurts my soul– in a good way. Not only are Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová REMARKABLE musicians, their portrayal of Guy and Girl help make a storyline relatable and natural where it otherwise might have be trite. And, 2) Sing Street is just so much fun. The music is also incredible– somehow John Carney wrote stylistically iterative 80’s songs that feel unique, and they are the vehicle Connor/Cosmo (Ferdia Walsh-Peelo) uses to grow up, into himself, and out of his small Irish town. Watching both films, you’re earnestly rooting for character wins because Carney does such a good job of making loneliness relatable– and when his characters manage to find their people, be it a lover, a brother, or a band, you feel like you’re being included in that same tribe. Even if only temporary, that feeling is magic and something to be treasured.
Now on to the food! Sure, it’s always a little daunting to take on two films in one sitting. But, as big brother Brendan insists, rock and roll is a RISK. Also this menu is not the hardest I’ve ever concocted, as long as you allocate a couple of hours of stewing/rising time. Hopefully you think it’s a hit.
The Movie(s)
The Menu
St. Luke's Love Song
Yield: 1 cocktail
Cook Time: 5 minutes
Total Time: 5 minutes
According to Google, this cocktail "was first seen in 'Taste Magazine', published by BC Liquors." No idea if that's actually the case, but I looked up St. Luke (having repressed all of my eight formative years in Catholic school) and apparently he's the patron saint of artists, bachelors, and students. Pair this with the "love song" element and it's almost as though Jesus Christ himself meant for this cocktail to be made for these two films.
That said I changed the recipe a bit. I'm a rebel.
Ingredients
1 1/2 shot Irish Whiskey
1/2 shot Triple Sec
1/2 oz Lavender Tea
2 Maraschino Cherries, + 1 for garnish
Dash Angostura Bitters
Instructions
It's an odd ingredient, but trust me-- get some lavender tea bags and brew a cup.
Once your tea is ready, muddle together with cherries, whiskey, bitters, and triple sec. Pour into a glass filled with ice, and garnish with a final cherry.
Irish Stew with Knedlíky
Yield: 4 Servings
Prep Time: 2 hours30 minutes
Cook Time: 2 hours
Total Time: 4 hours30 minutes
I always make Irish stew around March, but when I watched Once last I realized that there are harmonies among the Eastern and Western European countries that mirror the compatibility of "guy" and "girl" in Once. And so here you have a traditional lamb stew paired with Knedlíky-- a Czech bread/dumpling normally served with goulash that (and I'm not exaggerating) is the BEST complement to Irish Stew I've ever had. <3
Start with the dumplings, as they need a good 2 hours to rise. Combine the warm milk, sugar, and yeast and allow the yeast to bloom for about 10 minutes. Next, combine the flour and salt in a large mixing bowl.
Beat the egg lightly with a fork, and add it to the milk mixture. Finally, add wet ingredients to dry ingredients and knead together for a few minutes until smooth. The dough can be a bit tacky but shouldn't be sticky-- if you need to, add a bit of flour. Cover tightly with plastic wrap and let it rise in a warm spot for 2 hours or until doubled in size (see below for what it will eventually look like).
IN THE MEANTIME, preheat your oven to 350. Trim your lamb meat from the bones, and cut into one-inch cubes (reserve the bones). Toss salt and pepper with 1 tbsp flour, and dredge your lamb pieces. Gather together your stew's base ingredients!
Heat a tbsp of oil in a dutch oven and sear the lamb cubes in two batches, until all pieces are seared golden brown. Transfer to a plate.
Add another tbsp of oil to the pot, and toss in your onions. Allow to caramelize for 3 minutes or so, after which you can add your carrots, celery, and garlic.
Saute together for five more minutes before adding in the remaining tbsp of flour. Toss to coat.
Add lamb to the pan along with your potatos, thyme, and rosemary (I like to tie these latter two ingredients with some twine to prevent the stems from floating about during the cooking process).
Throw in your broth and guinness and bring to a boil. Cover, and place in oven-- brainse for two hours and/or until lamb is tender.
Now, back to your Knedlíky!
Once your dough is risen, divide into two and shape each piece nto a 2-inch thick "loaf". Cover with a towel, and let the shaped dumplings rise for 15 minutes.
Meanwhile, in a large pot (at least 10-inches wide), bring salted water to a soft boil. When ready, boil the dumplings uncovered for 20 minutes flipping them over halfway through. They will swell quite a bit.
Remove from the boiling water with a large slotted spoon or spatula, and immediately poke them with a toothpick in a few spots to let the steam out.
Cool for at least 5 minutes (or up to 30 if you're still waiting for your stew to finish, just keep 'em in a ziploc) before slicing into 1/2 inch thick slices. KNEDLIKY LOOKS A LITTLE WEIRD GUYS. But they slice just like bread.
When your stew has finished cooking and your lamb is fork tender, remove the herb satchel and lamb bones. Serve with Knedliky slices and if you don't have anyone else to cuddel up with at least know that your insides appreciate you and the effort you've taken to please them.
Rabbit Greens with Green Goddess Dressing
Yield: 2 Servings
Cook Time: 5 minutes
Total Time: 5 minutes
FYI my favorite character in Sing Street is Eamon-- the John Lennon to Cosmo's Paul McCartney. His weird affection for his rabbit friends was such a randomly quirky and hilarious add-on that I had to acknowledge it.
So here are some simple greens that you and some furry friends can enjoy, drizzled with a light, homemade green goddess dressing. No store bought allowed on Two Crumbs Up-- per me AND Sing Street's resident goddess Raphina, you should never do anything by halves.
Ingredients
1/4 cup mayonnaise
3 tbsp sour cream
1 1/2 tbsp chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley
1 1/2 tbsp fresh chives
1/2 tsp fresh tarragon (optional)
1/2 tbsp lemon juice
1/4 tsp white wine vinegar
1/2 tsp capers
1 pinch garlic powder
1 pinch cayenne pepper
salt and freshly ground black pepper to tasteButter Lettuce
Carrots (I prefer thin peels)
Shallots, sliced very thinly
Radish, sliced very thinly
Fresh Dill for Garnish
Instructions
Puree the first ten ingredients in a mini food processor-- season with salt and pepper to taste.
Arrange your lettuce, carrots, radishes and shallots as artiiscally (or not) as you want, and drizzle with salad dressing. Top with a few sprigs of fresh dill and enjoy!
Happy-Sad Cake
Yield: 9 Squares
Prep Time: 5 minutes
Cook Time: 30 minutes
Total Time: 35 minutes
Apparently a "sad cake" is a thing? Though, a cake that doesn't over-rise and is deliciously gooey just like a brownie sounds anything but sad to me-- and when combined with some blueberries for Cosmo's baby blue cadillac, I figure this recipe has the perfect ratio of happy to sad.
ANECDOTE: I saw Sing Street for the first time when I was going through a really REALLY bad breakup. I was on an international flight at the time, and plane travel has always been a really weird emotional trigger for me, despite how often I fly. So you can imagine what the passenger next to me thought when I started crying uncontrollably while watching this film.
That said, the moment Cosmo started singing Drive It Like You Stole It I had my first post-breakup moment of "fuck you, I'm gonna be fine". And so, long anecdote short, I'm dedicating this cake to everyone in a similar situation. THIS IS YOUR LIFE, YOU. CAN. GO. ANYWHERE. YOU GOTTA GRAB THE WHEEL AND OWN IT. AND DRIVE IT LIKE YOU STOLE IT.
Ingredients
1 stick Unsalted Butter
1 cup + 2 tbsp Dark Brown Sugar
1/4 cup White Sugar
2 Eggs
1 cup Flour
1 tsp Baking Powder
1/2 tsp Vanilla Extract
1/2 cup Chopped Walnuts
1/2 cup Fresh Blueberries
Instructions
Preheat your oven to 350-- coincidentally the temperature at which your Irish stew is currently cooking! Assemble your ingredients:
Melt butter and brown sugar in a 3 qt sauce pan until fully incorporated. It should be a lovely dark caramel color. Remove from heat.
Stir in white sugar, vanilla, baking powder, and flour. Whisk eggs in a separate bowl, and add slowly to the pot with the other ingredients, stirring quickly to prevent eggs from cooking.
Once fully mixed, add blueberries and nuts and gently incorporate.
Grease and flour an 8x8 baking pan and pour your batter into that sucker. Bake for roughly 35 minutes, until a toothpick comes out of the center of the cake clean.
Allow to cool, before cutting into squares and enjoying while listening to the Sing Street soundtrack
Epilogue
I feel I have to conclude this post with a profession of my love for Glen Hansard (who won an Academy Award for Once’s “Falling Slowly”). His voice is mind-blowing. If you can, I highly recommend giving his solo records a listen.
And, if you need access to the official soundtracks for Once and Sing Street, I gotcha:
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