Instructions

Pour whiskey, vermouth, campari and bitters into two shot glasses. Add a lemon curl/worm via bait hook, and serve up with some beer-- I went with Michelob Gold, which happens to be on tap at the legendary Slippery's in Wabasha.

Instructions

For those of you who do not have smokers, this recipe is a wonderful smoked salmon trick. The key ingredient-- liquid smoke. Yes, I know it's cheating, but it works. No smelly fishy fish here!

Place salmon on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper, and pat dry. Sprinkle all other ingredients over the filet and rub gently to ensure marinade is fully incorporate.

Wrap in plastic, and refrigerate for 1-2 hours.

Preheat your oven to 350. Remove salmon from the refrigerator and pat dry. Bake for 12-15 minutes until fish is opaque. Using a fork, gently pull the fish apart into bite-sized flakes.

Cover and set aside.

Time for your eggs!

In a medium sized bowl, whisk eggs, warm cream cheese, half and half, salt and pepper-- don't overmix, it's totally fine to have some clumps of cream cheese floating about, these will turn into pockets of cheesy delicious gooeyness as the eggs cook.

In a medium skillet, heat butter (or leftover bacon grease from the next recipe) over medium heat. Pour your egg mix into the skillet and allow to rest as the bottom just begins to set-- about 30 seconds. Using a spatula, gently begin to disturb your egg yolks. Don't go crazy with the stirring, moron, you want soft and creamy clumps! Reduce heat if necessary to prevent the eggs from overcooking.

Just before eggs finish cooking, add salmon flakes to the skillet and gently stir to warm each succulent piece.

To serve, top with torn dill, chives, and if your heart can still stand it after my next dish, some hot sauce.

Instructions

Before you do anything-- soak your toothpicks! You will be baking them in the oven, and if they are not pre-soaked they will burn beyond use.

Next, cut your bacon slices in half cross-ways, leaving you with 8 pieces. Add them to a skillet, and place over medium heat.

Before bacon gets beyond a pale brown, flip, and cook about halfway-- you don't want to fully cook your bacon as it will need to spend the remainder of its short existence in the oven. When your bacon reaches a pale brown color, remove it from the pan and drain on a few paper towels.

Preheat your oven to 400, and assemble your remaining ingredients-- if you haven't already, cut the specified amount of Spam into equal cubes and save the rest for... I don't know what... later. Mix your honey, syrup, and chile oil and set aside.

Wrap each of the Spam cubes in a single bacon slice, fastening with a toothpick. Bake for 10 minutes.

Remove from oven and drizzle with the spicy mustard glaze. Return to oven and continue baking for another 10 minutes until bacon is fully crisp.

Allow to cool slightly, and consume, keeping your tums handy.

Instructions

First, whisk together oil, vinegar, syrup, and dijon until emulsified. Then, assemble the rest of your ingredients:

Next, toast your almonds in a skillet over medium heat-- you should be able to hear them sizzle a bit and pop, but be careful not to burn! All in this should not take more than a minute or two.

Mix your ingredients together and set aside to marinate for at least an hour-- the vinaigrette will need a bit of time to break down and soften the tough broccoli a bit. Oy what a relationship metaphor.