Recipes for foodies and film nerds. Because life's too short for stale popcorn and crappy movies.
“With the coming of the Second World War, many eyes in imprisoned Europe turned hopefully, or desperately, toward the freedom of the Americas. Lisbon became the great embarkation point. But, not everybody could get to Lisbon directly, and so a tortuous, roundabout refugee trail sprang …
I loved The Menu. So much that I’m a little concerned I have rage issues and/or violent tendencies…but the self aware part of me is also tickled that The Menu makes fun of people like ME– “foodies” who spend too much money on groceries, who eat at fancy restaurants (though I would NEVER spend $1250 on a damn meal), and who watch Chef’s table. Horrifyingly I’m pretty sure I’ve dated a Tyler.
Created by Seth Weiss and Will Tracy (Succession, ahem), The Menu literally skewers those who buy into and participate in the cult of the celebrity chef. At the outset of the film, you meet an assortment of all the worst types of elites foodie assholes (sycophant Nicholas Hoult, egocentric critic Janet McTeer, name dropping sellout actor John Leguizamo, and more) boarding a boat to a secluded island where renowned Chef Julian Slowik (Ralph Fiennes) and his staff are preparing a meal for the ages. What they DON’T know is that (with the exception of surprise dinner guest Margot, played by Anya Taylor Joy), they’ve all been carefully selected not to preen, or to proselytize the genius of the food, but for something far more sinister.
I won’t spoil anything else for you except a) Hong Chau is incredible as Elsa, Slowik’s terrifyingly enigmatic maitre d’, and b) the funniest parts of the movie to me are the Chef’s Table imitation shots. Bravo David Gelb for consulting on the cinematography and blatantly mocking your own Netflix series. Truly, laughably good.
Now, on to the menu for The Menu.
Over the next few hours you will ingest fat, salt, sugar, protein, bacteria, fungi, various plants and animals, and, at times, entire ecosystems…a biome of culinary ideas, if you will. And think of yourselves as ingredients in a degustation concept.
KIDDING. You’re gonna eat a big fatty hunk of meat covered with American cheese, most definitely sandwiched between two slices of bread to accompany the savory accompaniments. And, to complete the masochism: a side of crinkle cut fries and s’mores for the grand finale. Because cooking, after all, requires joy.
I told you, you weren’t leaving. But don’t worry. It’s all part of the menu.
Here it is. A real cheeseburger. Not some fancy deconstructed avant bullshit. A very good, very traditional cheeseburger. Like the very first cheeseburger you ever ate. The cheap ones your parents could barely afford. Medium. With American Cheese. Worth every penny of $9.95. Time to be VERY precise with your proteins. Remember, chefs play with the raw material of life itself. For my part, I went with two 3.5oz patties to fit my slightly larger hamburger buns. Once your proteins have been weighed and formed into balls, cover and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes-- a chilled burger will be that much more juicy. While your proteins are chilling, use the time to gather together your burger accoutrement. Note, you can technically use any condiments/sauces that bring you joy, but my burger sauce is REALLY good for this recipe-- see the link below! Heat a large cast iron skillet or flat griddle on high, and add your buttered bun halves face side down on the hot surface. Toast for a minute or two until golden brown, and set aside, carefully wiping away any residual butter. Continue to heat the pan until it is piping hot, another minute or two-- you'll know it's ready when a splash of water pretty immediately evaporates. Now for your patties. You are NOT going to oil the pan before adding your meats to the pan-- adding these "dry" will ensure a solid maillard reaction (a very snazzy term for crispy crusties). As soon as you add your balls of beef to the skillet/griddle, place a small square of parchment paper on top of each-- this will serve as a layer between the meat and your panina press/large steel spatula. Press the meat down into a thickness somewhere around 1/2 inch, peeling back the parchment paper quickly after pressing so that it doesn't burn. Season with salt and freshly ground pepper, and top with half of your thinly sliced onions. You should be able to see the crispy crusties start to form on the bottom of each patty after about a minute: Flip your burger for futher evidence of aforementioned crusties-- at this point, you'll understand why a steel spatula is better than a plastic one (if you try the latter, you'll end up breaking the patties apart). When you flip, make sure that the onions stay underneath the flipped patty-- they will continue to cook and soften in all of the greasy meat juices. Place two slices of American cheese on each patty, and continue to cook for another minute, until the cheese melts over the patty and forms crispy crusties of it's own: In the meantime, throw a dollop of your preferred sauce (look out for a split emulsion!) on the top half of your burger and lay four pickle chips onto the bottom half. Once they are maillarded-- remove your patties from the heat (making sure to scrape as many bits up as you can with them) and place one on top of the other on your pickle bottomed bun. Top with your sauced bun half and press together lightly. Consume immediately, preferably with a side of crinkle cut fries (recipe to follow). That. Is a cheeseburger. Amazing mouthfeel. Pretty sure it's the American cheese. I want it documented here that I did a taste test of super expensive fancy pants Wagyu vs your standard grocery store 80/20 fat ratio ground beef. Appropriately for this film, the $4.99/lb ground beef won hands down. But for all the food gods' sakes, please don't opt for lean beef. You need the fatty goodness for optimum smushiness and taste. Also my really yummy burger sauce recipe is here! Props to "Margot" for ordering the crinkle cut fries-- just slightly more of a pain in the ass than regular julienned. But, after all, a chef's single purpose on this Earth is to serve people food that they might actually like. SO BE IT MARGOT. So send backsies for this menu. Peel and cut your potatoes into 1/4 inch thick strips with your crinkle cut knife-- submerge in cold water as you prep to avoid potatoes turning brown. Add vinegar, salt, 2 qts of water and potatoes to a large stock pot and bring to a boil-- cook for 10 minutes until tender, but not completely falling apart. Remove from heat with a strainer and allow to come to room temperature. While you wait, heat oil in the same pot and heat to roughly 380 degrees (I use a candy thermometer to make sure I've got the right temp). After about 30 minutes, bring your oil back up to frying temp, and fry your batches again-- about 3 minutes per batch. You're looking for a golden brown color. Remove each batch from the hot oil with a mesh strainer and drain on paper towels-- if you aren't serving until your burgers are done you can keep warm in the oven for 15 mins or so. The s'more. The most offensive assault on the human palate ever contrived. Unethically sourced chocolate and gelatinised sugar water imprisoned by industrial-grade graham cracker. It's everything wrong with us, and yet we associate it with innocence. With childhood. Mom and dad. But what transforms this fucking monstrosity is fire. The purifying flame. It nourishes us, warms us, reinvents us, forges and destroys us. We must embrace the flame. We must be cleansed. Made clean. Like martyrs or heretics, we can be subsumed... and made anew. I love you all! Dunk your marshmallows quickly in your brandy and skewer lengthwise. Turn the marshmallows slowly about 2 inches over a low flame-- the brandy will likely catch fire as it burns off, but it won't quickly char the mallow. It will, however, allow the heat to soften the mallow a bit before the golden brown color sets in as you rotate it. Never burn anything except by design-- to make delicious. Plus it's way more fun to light stuff on fire with booze. Now you may be tempted at this point to shove the gooey mallow into your face hole. But the whole point, after all, is not to eat, but to TASTE. And you'll burn your taste buds off if you eat your toasted mallows right off the flame. Add a square of your firecracker chocolate to the top of a graham square, and top with your gooey marshmallow-- the heat will soften the chocolate. Use the other graham square as leverage to squeeze your mallow onto your s'more as you pull out the skewer. Repeat with the other two s'mores and enjoy, if you survive. No promises to anyone who doesn't have student loans. If firecracker/pop rocks chocolate isn't available to you, just sprinkle whatever kick you can-- a pinch of chili powder, or maybe some sea salt. Then it'll be like you're EATING THE OCEAN.
Just a Well-Made Cheeseburger
Yield:
1 Perfect Burger
Prep Time:
30 minutes
Cook Time:
5 minutes
Total Time:
35 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Notes
A Side of Crinkle Cut Fries
Yield:
An Unhealthy Amount
Cook Time:
1 hour
Total Time:
1 hour
Ingredients
Instructions
When you're ready to fry separate your potatoes into four batches and fry each for 1 minute. Temperature will fluctuate as you add and remove batches, so play with your gauge and wait between batches to make sure you stay at around 380. Drain each batch on paper towels, and allow to come to room temperature.
Highly Flammable S'mores
Yield:
3 S'mores
Cook Time:
10 minutes
Total Time:
10 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Notes
Because every great meal deserves the perfect beverage pairing.
Our first selection this evening is somewhat of a classic, with a strong nose of cherry and vanilla. Some may consider the taste to be rather minimal initially, but it does increase as the drink warms up. And, the primary flavors of marzipan and almond pair excellently with the starch and salt in the exquisite expression that is the crinkle cut fry.
I give you, cherry coke:
Next, we have a lager with 4.2% alcohol by volume. Crisp, clean and refreshing, this light beer is full of Rocky Mountain refreshment, with clean malt notes and low bitterness to perfectly complement the richness of your elegantly dripping American cheese.
I give you, Coors Light:
Finally, for those of you who prefer a slightly more refined potable to go with the chef's vision (I'm looking at you, mama Slowik)-- a wine that benefits from hyper decantation with an immersion blender to awaken it from its slumber, and is characterized by a faint sense of longing and regret.
I give you, any red wine you want, from any year you can get, from Insert Any Winery Here:
Are those notes of bergamot I'm tasting?
(no but seriously I did go to my local wine shop and they gave me this bottle that tasted pretty good, if you want to try it. or you can read this article I guess, you snob.)
For more menus, check out my movie directory here!
Uncle Buck was a childhood fave of mine. Is it the best movie in the world? Maybe not. But it’s god damn funny, and it’s got a lot of food in it that I’ve always wanted to make. Namely, really enormous pancakes. The plot itself …
Turns out Moonstruck is 35 years young this month, and it also happens to be a holiday film. So happy Christmas Eve– time to celebrate with a bunch of classic Italian dishes and a lotta booze! When Moonstruck was released in 1987, Cher had already …
Hocus Pocus– what a goofy ass time. Is it deserving of critical acclaim? No. But it’s a Halloween staple that everyone loves so much Disney just released a sequel 29 years later. And Sarah is STILL REALLY FUNNY!
Both Hocus Pocus 1 & 2 star Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Kathy Najimy as the infinitely evil/hilarious Sanderson sisters– witches who were hanged in Salem 300+ years ago who can only be brought back if a virgin (god, high school was rough) lights a certain magic candle on All Hallow’s Eve. Set to guard the flame is Thackeryyyy (pronounced with a trill) Binx– a colonial boy who was cursed by the sisters and is now a talking cat. … Stay with me. Thackery goes a full 300 years without encountering a child idiotic enough to light the candle, until tie-dye wearing teenager Max Dennison decides he wants to impress a girl. What follows is a lot of witchy hijinks, one bad and one good musical number, and little sister Dani screaming a lot. What follows further still (29 years later, to be exact) is more of the same with some origin story thrown in. So it made for a not too complicated Two Crumbs Up double feature night!
So here is a menu for this Halloween (and the next, and the next, amokamokamok) for BOTH of the Hocus Pocus films. It’s no child on toast, but there are cat treats for Binx and Cobweb! Just don’t forget the salt…
A cocktail inspired by the infamous Black Flame Candle-- despite the cherry, this is definitely not virgin territory, so don't bother trying to light it on fire. Looks like you'll have to wait another 300 years... Start by making your black cherry syrup-- in a small saucepan, add cherries, sugar, water, orange juice, and your spices. Simmer on low heat until the sugar is completely dissolved and you have cherry mush and yummy luscious liquid. Strain out the cherries and discard, leaving cherry syrup (should be about a cup). Set aside to chill. Add two oz each whiskey and spiced cherry syrup to your cocktail glasses and top off with ginger beer. Garnish with a piece of orange peel skewered around a black cherry, ends pointing up so they kinda look like a flame. It's all about the optics people. It's not lost on me that I've made soups for two other witchy movies in my repertoire-- but this Hocus Pocus one is soooooo good. Using a variation of traditional Three Sisters soup ingredients (squash, beans, corn), this brew is full of zucchini, peas, corn and sweet/salty creamy yumminess. IT'LL GIVE YOU LIFE! Itch-it-a-cop-it-a-Mel-a-ka-mys-ti-ca-- time that thou gatherest thy ingredients! Heat butter and olive oil in a medium saucepan until butter is foamy. Add the sliced leeks and toss in a little salt and pepper. Cook for 5-7 minutes until caramelized, reducing heat if they begin to burn. Add the garlic cloves and red pepper flakes, cooking for a couple of minutes more to soften. Now, throw in your zuchinni chunks and toss to coat, adding another pinch or two to taste. Pour in chicken broth and bring to a boil-- reduce eat, and allow to simmer for about 10 minutes or just until some of the broth is reduced and zucchini begins to soften. Lastly, throw in kernels from one ear of corn and your peas. Cook for a couple of minutes more, until all the veggies are cooked but not mushed. Remove from heat and, using an immersion blender or food processor, puree until the soup is bright green and mostly smooth. Add parsley leaves and cream and continue to puree until completely smooth-- squeeze lemon juice to taste, and add a bit more salt and pepper if needed. When ready to serve, swirl some additional cream into the surface of the soup and top with pepitas. Come little children, I'll taaaake thee awayyyyyy. Can't make a witchy brew without DEAD MAN'S TOE, DEAD MAN'S TOE! Don't worry, they're not Billy's-- poor man has been through enough. Roll your puff pastry out to be roughly 1/8 thick-- you may only need a partial sheet to start with. Using a small glass or cookie cutter, cut pastry into circles roughly 2.5 inches in diameter. Top each round with grated cheddar and a piece of ham, then wrap your little parcels like an open on one end burrito-- your little ham chunk should be sticking out like a recessed.. ahem.. toenail. Usine a knife, make a few shallow lines in the pastra about halfway up the bundle to mimic toe joints, then press pieces of rosemary leaves into the soft dough to resemble stitches. You can do this on all, or some if you're patience is thin. Brush with egg wash. Bake at 425 for 15 minutes and hey presto-- like mini grilled cheeses with a really disgusting origin story. Poor Mayor Traske, Hocus Pocus 2's goofy public servant-- he just wanted a damn caramel apple. So here it is-- the best caramel apple I've ever made, covered in all of Satan's favorite Clark Bar ingredients from Hocus Pocus 1. It's devilicious, Master. Stem and skewer your apples with sticks, then refrigerate until cold. In the meantime, add water, sugar, and salt to a small saucepan and heat on medium. Stir occasionally wit a fork until the sugar has dissolved completely, and then increase the heat slightly so that it's boiling. Simmer, stirring occasionally, until the syrup turns a lovely honey gold color (should take about 7-8 mins). Just be careful because it turns quickly! Immediately add cream-- the mixture will sputter and look like it's going to overboil, but you'll be fiiiine. Just reduce the heat to medium-low, and stir constantly with a heat-resistant spatula for about 7 minutes. The caramel will continue to bubble and thicken. Transfer to a small heat-resistant bowl and cool to about 210F. Dip cold apples in caramel, and let as much excess drip over the bowl before you move it over to rest on a parchment lined cutting board-- you can also use a knife to help scrape away the excess drippage from the bottom of each apple. Refrigerate once more for at least 30 minutes to allow the caramel to set. Now, time for your chcocolate. In a microwave proof bowl, add chips and shortening. Microwave in 15-20 second increments over the course of a minute or two, stirring after each increment, until chocolate is completely melted-- you want it to drizzle, you DON'T want it to become torched. Now, time for final assembly. For the chocolate, best to start with a clean sheet of parchment paper, and do one apple at a time. Use a spoon to drizzle lines on the top and sides of each apple, rotating the paper for ease. Refrigerate for another 30 minutes to set the chocolate. Add peanuts to a deep bowl or tupperware, and press the bottom half of each apple into the bits. They should stick well, but might take a few rotations to get optimum crunch. Refrigerate for a final 30 minutes. ... and HUZZAH! Serioucly, it's salty, it's sweet, it's so much better than melting caramel candy that breaks your teeth... I'm a dummy and forgot to get popsicle sticks. But if you have a spare set of chopsticks and some hefty wire cutters lying around, you'll end up with something even better! There was no way I would ever let Thackery go hungry. And while Cobweb and I don't have the same history, I sense we might get there. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper and preheat your oven to 375. In a small bowl, mix oil and flour until you have a rough looking sand mixture. Stir in catnip, salt and grated carrot (I used a purple carrot for AESTHETICS), followed by your egg. At this point, if the mix feels too wet/sticky to form into a ball, add a couple of tbsp of flour in small doses. Flour a cutting board and roll out your dough to be about 1/4 inch thick. Sprinkle the surface will a little extra flour. Now, using a pizza wheel or knife, cut your dough into 1/4-1/2 inch squares. Toss onto a baking sheet, and bake for about 13 minutes until your treats turn golden brown. Cool, and store in an airtight container for several days (or freeze!)-- your feline friends will not be disappointed.
Black Flame Cocktail
Yield:
2 cocktails
Cook Time:
15 minutes
Total Time:
15 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Sanderson Sisters' Brew
Yield:
2 servings
Cook Time:
30 minutes
Total Time:
30 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Dead Man's Toes
Yield:
8ish
Cook Time:
30 minutes
Total Time:
30 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Clark Bar Caramel Apple
Yield:
3
Cook Time:
30 minutes
Additional Time:
2 hours
Total Time:
2 hours 30 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Notes
Cat Treats for Binx and Cobweb
Yield:
1 cup
Ingredients
Instructions
Looking for more witchy menus? See below. Go nuts– blessed be.
For more menus, check out my movie directory here!
Happy 35 to Dirty Dancing, one of the greatest romances and dance films of all time (or at least the 80’s). Damn, Roger Ebert HATED this movie. And yet it has retained a loyal, long lasting fanbase– all of whom, I’m sure, secretly practice Johnny …
I could spend days talking about Everything Everywhere All At Once. I can’t remember the last time I saw a film this original, while still being relatable and intensely relevant. A24, you did so good.
Everything Everywhere follows Evelyn Wang (Michelle Yeoh, brilliant), a disgruntled and exhausted owner of a laundromat who is being audited by a surly IRS agent (Jamie Lee Curtis, hilarious). Her loving husband Waymond (Ke Huy Quan, inspiring) is a cheery annoyance, and her difficult daughter Joy (Stephanie Hsu, badass) is desperate for acceptance that will never come from Evelyn as she is now. But here’s the kicker– there are a million other Evelyns in an infinity of universes whose experiences the OG Evelyn can tap into. That’s where the sci-fi fantasy stuff comes in.
In the middle of an IRS meeting, Evelyn is snatched from her own universe by Alpha-Waymond– a much more capable version of Evelyn’s husband who knows how to obliterate an army of security guards with kung fu moves and a fanny pack. Alpha-Waymond tells Evelyn about multiverse super villain Jobu Tupaki, who is building a mysterious “something” capable of destroying everything, everywhere– and, as it turns out, this OG Evelyn is the only person who can stop her.
What ensues is an absurd, trippy, hysterical journey full of “‘verse jumping”, epic martial arts choreography, and google eyes. Visual metaphors abound, and (without spoiling the ending) viewers are left with this profound message: even when you feel like nothing makes sense, that you’re being sucked into a whirling black hole of nihilism and apathy, IT’S GONNA BE OK. The most important thing is to be kind, especially when we don’t know what the heck is going on. Because nothing and everything matters. All at once.
I can’t explain it better than that.
Luckily, the Daniels included delicious looking foodstuffs in Everything Everywhere, so creating a brunch-y menu featuring quasi-traditional Asian dishes was easy. Just no hot dog finger recipes, you sicko cannibals. Ha ha ha ha.
NO MORE GOOGLE EYES. Except they're so good. Especially with whiskey. Drink enough and it won't matter that your clothes never wear as well the next day and your hair never falls in quite the same way. Life's a silly mess anyway. Start by making simple syrup-- in a small saucepan, heat water and sugar and simmer until sugar is dissolved. Remove from heat and allow to cool. In a larger sauce pan, bring roughly 8 cups of water to boil. Add the tapioca pearls and cook for 5ish minutes, or till your pearls reach your desired softness (I like mine a little more firm). Drain the pearls and transfer them to a bowl of ice water to chill. Gather your reamining ingredients. Once chilled, drain the pearls once again. Pour half of the simple syrup over the pearls, cover, and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes or until almost ready to serve.. To assemble your drinks-- wet the rim of three lowball glasses and dip into black sugar/glitter/charcoal. Divide tapioca pearls into your glasses and top with a scoop of ice (enough to get your glasses to half full. badum bump). Add tea, then whiskey, followed by 2 tablespoons of milk and 1 1/2 tablespoons of simple syrup into each glass. Flavor with more syrup and dairy, to your taste. Longevity noodles are a traditional, very popular dish eaten during Chinese New Year. AND eggs are considered especially lucky-- so eat it ALL. It's especially yummy for breakfast, as Gong Gong prefers. In a small saucepan, bring water to a boil. Add your egg and boil for roughly 7 minutes (don't go too much longer or you won't get that yolky jammy texture everyone loves so much). Once time is up, remove egg from the water and allow to cool. Peel, and add to a ziploc together with your soy sauce. Seal and refrigerate for at least an hour, and up to 24 hours. In a small bowl, whisk together sugar, salt, both soy sauces, oyster sauce, sesame oil, and white pepper-- make sure all of your sugar is dissolved. Gather the rest of your ingredients. In a large pot, bring about 8 cups of water to boil. Cook your noodles according to package instructions-- somewhere between 7-8 mins. Check to make sure they are al dente, no one likes overcooked noodles. And remember, these babies are LONG. Feel free to sample, just be aware you may be eating one of your own children in another universe. Drain and briefly set aside. Add 2 tbsp of veggie oil to a wok or non-stick skillet over high heat. Toss in white parts of the scallions and saute for about 30 seconds. Add the noodles and stir fry for another 30 seconds, tossing to coat in oil. Pour in your sauce mix and stir fry for another minute or so, continuing to toss. If you need to, add the remainder of your veggie oil to prevent your noodles from sticking to the pan. Just try not to break them up-- you want to keep your noodles long for longevity and prosperity! Add the green parts of the scallions as well as your chopped chives to the pan. Mix until they turn bright green, just another minute or so. Serve immediately, with your soy sauce marinated egg cut in half for extra good luck and longevity. You can find legit longevity noods at any Asian market, but in a pinch lo mein or even thin spaghetti noods will work. You just won't have any good luck ya lazy bum. Similarly, dark soy sauce can be found at most Asian grocers-- and trust me, it's worth it. "I got bored one day, and then I put everything in a bagel... everything. All my hopes and dreams, my old report cards, every breed of dog, every personal ad on Craigslist, sesame, poppy seed, salt, and it collapsed in on itself. 'Cause you see, when you really put everything on a bagel, it becomes this... the truth. Nothing... matters." Unless you serve it with scallion cream cheese. Scallion cream cheese changes everything. Dissolve your sugar into 2/3 cup warm water, then add yeast-- you'll need to wait about two minutes for the yeast to "bloom", ie get all foamy. Add flours, salt, and cocoa powder to a separate mixing bowl while you wait-- the cocoa powder is what will guarantee a rich, dark pumpernickel color. Mix dry ingredients until they are fully incorporated, and pour in your bloomy yeasty sugar water. Mix until you get a rough dough ball, adding a couple more tbsp of water as needed to get all of the flour into the dough ball. Let sit for 10 minutes-- then, on a floured cutting board, knead the dough for a minute or two until smooth. Lightly brush a large mixing bowl with oil, add the dough, and turn to coat. Cover with a damp towel and let rise in a warm place for an hour and a half-- the dough should double in size. You'll know that it's ready when you press the dough with your finger and it doesn't bounce back: Punch the dough down and, on an unfloured board this time, roll it into a ball. Coat a finger with flour and create a hole in the center, stretching it out roughly 2 inches in diameter. Cover with the same damp towel and let rise for about 20 minutes while you bring a big pot of water to boil and preheat your oven to 425. When your water is boiling, carefully lower your bagel in-- boil for 2 minutes, flip, and boil for another two minutes. Remove the bagel from the hot water and immediate coat with everything bagel seasoning. Bake for 25 minutes and allow to rest for at least 15 before cutting. While you wait, mix sliced scallions into your cream cheese and when ready... MMMMMM DAIRY. In some universes cows don't even exist anymore, so relish it. Just don't look too long or too closely-- you might get suuucked. Intooooo. the Baaaaagel... Did you know: soldiers in China were making their own version of bagels 400 years ago, completely independently of what was going on with hole-y breads in Europe. STOP MAKING UP WORDS! Except the Daniels actually did make a Raccacoonie-- and it is possibly one of the more bizarre and hilarious homages in Everything Everywhere. So, here is what I think Raccacoonie would have done with traditional ratatouille ingredients. Teppanyaki style. Place chef hat over the raccoon controlling your every movement and collect your "ratatouille" veggies. Mix up the remaining ingredients for the marinade (oil and sesame seeds occluded). Marinade veggies for 30 minutes in a sealed ziploc. Heat oil on a large flat griddle pan (or a large non-stick if that's all ya got). Add the veggies and cook, tossing every once in a while to ensure all sides are equally browned. You should be done in about 5 minutes, barring any glitches with the hair/hand connection. Raccacoonie, I don't know what I'd do without you... A traditional Chinese cookie recipe for when you fuck up your income taxes real bad and you need an IRS agent to forget the butt plugs. It's strategic and necessary. Add almond flour, salt and butter to one bowl-- sift all purpose flour, sugar, and baking soda into another. Beat the almond flour mix on medium until just incorporated, then add half of your whisked egg and almond extract. Add all-purpose mix next, continuing on medium speed until you have a doughy consistency. Scoop 12 dough balls onto a piece of parchment paper using an ice cream scoop. Chill for at least an hour, covered. Using your fingers, press dough into rounds roughly 2.5 inches in diameter (they should be at least 1 inch apart, they will spread as they bake!). Press two almonds into the top of each round to make eyes, and then use a small glass or measuring cup to impress a smile into each cookie. Brush with remaining whisked egg. Bake at 325 for 10 minutes. Check at this point and, if you need to, re-impress your smiles into the dough. Continue to bake for another five minutes until cookies turn a pale gold, and remove from oven. Allow to cool on a baking sheet. Whisk your sugar, water and food coloring and use this red mix to paint in your smilies. Remember, red is also good luck! Just lookit how happy these little dudes are, and I think they would be even in a stupid, stupid universe where we have hot dogs for fingers.
Google Eyes Boba Tea
Yield:
3 Cocktails, 1 for each Wang
Cook Time:
20 minutes
Total Time:
20 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Extra Lucky Longevity Noodles
Prep Time:
1 hour
Cook Time:
30 minutes
Total Time:
1 hour 30 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Notes
Black Hole Bagel
Prep Time:
2 hours
Cook Time:
25 minutes
Total Time:
2 hours 25 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Notes
Raccacoonie Ratatouille
Prep Time:
30 minutes
Cook Time:
5 minutes
Total Time:
35 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Be Kind Almond Cookies
Yield:
12 Cookies
Prep Time:
1 hour 30 minutes
Cook Time:
15 minutes
Total Time:
1 hour 45 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
A few scattered takeaways after watching Everything Everywhere All At Once:
4. Just be a rock.
For more menus, check out my movie directory here!
HEEYYYY YOUUUU GUYYYYYS, it’s National Junk Food Day! Which could really be any day for me, especially if pizza is involved. And I’m relatively certain this would be the case for The Goonies too– which is why you now have a pirate-y, Chunk-y, highly fattening set …
