Forrest Gump
30 years after its release (omg I’m OLD), Forrest Gump still holds up. Parts may not necessarily be as PC as they were once thought to be, but it’s still an A+ film that deserved all six of its Academy Award wins. That doesn’t even …
Tag: beer
10 Things I Hate About You
At some point I’ll have a series of menus based on movies from the 90’s that are actually based on literature– there were THREE in 1999 alone! So let’s start with the best of those, 10 Things I Hate About You. Loosely based on Shakespeare’s …
Boondock Saints
Boondock Saints: “A juvenile, ugly movie that represents the worst tendencies of directors channeling Tarantino.”
Fair enough. But it’s still a fun ride and Sean Patrick Flanery is feckin’ hot.
If you grew up in the 90’s, you’ve likely seen Boondock Saints and have since watched it on at least one St. Patrick’s Day since. It’s a dude movie through and through– brothers, guns, violence, crude humor, and lots of male bravado. But aside from the actually relevant theme of “everything sucks and is corrupt, someone actually do something about it”, there’s also Willem Dafoe– who is, as always, a terrific character actor.
If you HAVEN’T seen Boondock Saints, here’s the logline– sick and tired of the crime overtaking Boston, Irish Catholic fraternal twins Conner (Sean Patrick Flanery) and Murphy (Norman Reedus) decide to turn vigilante and kill ALL THE BAD GUYS. Together with their Italian buddy Rocco (David Della Rocco), they cut a bloody swathe through the city’s riff raff– only to find themselves chased by super savvy/flamboyant FBI agent Paul Smecker (Willem Dafoe) and a mysterious assassin (Billy Connelly) who it turns out is actually their [SPOILERS NEVERMIND].
Again, it’s not the best movie ever made. Nor is it in any way PC. Also they kill a cat. But hell, it is a classic St. Patty’s Day flick that happens to go perfectly with a huge plate of Shepherd’s Pie. So drink up folks, and blast The Blood of Cu Chulainn. Sláinte!
The Movie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydXojYfCF3I&t=14s
The Menu
"There was a FIIIIIREFIIIIIIIGHT!!!!" Note: You might recognize this bevvie as an "Irish Car Bomb" but that name is actually super offensive nowadays (particularly if you're in Ireland). So don't call it that anymore k? K. Add the Baileys to two shot glasses, followed by the whiskey-- pouring slowly to create a layered effect. And Shepherds we shall be For Thee my Lord, for Thee Power hath descended forth from Thy hand Our feet may swiftly carry out Thy commands. So we shall flow a river forth to Thee And teeming with souls shall it ever be. In nomine Patri, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Plus an onion bagel and cream cheese 'tato crust for Agent Smecker. Place the potatoes in a large pot. Cover the potatoes with water. Bring the water to a boil and cook until fork tender. From the time the potatoes hit the water, this should be about 40 minutes. Drain in a colander and pour into a mixing bowl. While still hot, add cream cheese, half and half, first batch of salt/pepper, and onion powder-- beat with a hand mixer until smooth. Cover and set aside. Now for the meaty filling! Preheat oven to 400, and heat a cast iron skillet over medium low heat. Add olive oil and onions. Cook about 7 minutes, stirring occasionally until softened and slightly translucent. Mince your garlic and add to the skillet together with your carrots, stirring to coat with what oil is left in the pan. Cook for roughly 2 minutes. Add the ground lamb and use a wooden spoon to break it up as it cooks. While the lamb is still slightly pink, add salt/pepper and flour, tossing to coat the meat. Next, add the worcestshire sauce and remaining ingredients all the way through to the bay leaf. Bring to a boil, and then immediate reduce heat to low and simmer for roughly 7 more minutes, allowing the sauce around the meat to thicken. In a small saute pan, melt butter and toss in your breakcrumbs-- toast over medium heat until golden brown. Remove from heat and throw in your onion flakes. Spread your potato mixture over your meat filled skillet and sprinkle liberatlly with buttered breadcrumbs/onion flakes. Bake uncovered for 27-30 minutes, and cool for 15 minutes before serving. If you prefer beef, go for it. But keep in mind you will not be making a Shepherd's Pie-- it's a Cottage Pie. Fuckin'- What the fuckin'. Fuck. Who the fuck fucked this fucking... FUCK THESE ARE GOOD PEAS. RIP Rocco aka Funny Man-- you're an asshole cat killer but I'm giving you a recipe anyway. Gather your ingredients together, and dream of Sicily. Heat stainless steel skillet over medium heat. Add oil, and toss in your leeks-- stir until just tender, about 4 minutes. Be careful that they don't burn! Add the asparagus, peas, salt, pepper, and a glug of white wine, then cover the skillet. Cook over medium heat until vegetables are tender but still slightly al dente, about 5 minutes. Remove the lid and continue to cook for 2 more minutes to allow any residual heat to cook off. Just before serving, toss in freshly torn basil and lemon zest, seasoning with a bit more salt to taste. Buon appetito! A penny saved is worth two in the bush, isn't it? Especially if you have eye sockets and you're DEAD. Combine the chocolate chips and shortening in a small microwave-safe bowl. Microwave in 30-second intervals, stirring, until smooth and melted. Add vanilla and pistachios and stir to combine. Pour into circular silicon molds (see below for an Amazon link to buy) and refrigerate until chocolate is firm. Remove coins from silicon and wrap delicately in gold foil. Then say a prayer and head on down the River Styx. Penny mold can be found (CHEAP!) on Amazon here!
Irish Shot
Yield:
2 Cocktails
Ingredients
Instructions
Drop the shot into a pint glass filled half to three-quarters with the Guinness. Then CHUG CHUG CHUG before it curdles.
I Am The Lord My Shepherd's Pie
Ingredients
Instructions
Notes
Sidekick Peas, Sicilian Style
Ingredients
Instructions
Chocolate Pennies
Ingredients
Instructions
Notes
Recommended Products
Epilogue
Guys, don’t watch the Boondock Saints sequel. It’s bad. I mean really bad. If you need another St. Patty’s Day film, highly recommend Grabbers. Or Once. Or Sing Street. Anything that isn’t Boondock Saints 2. Julie Benz you’re so much better than that horrific southern accent.
For more menus, check out my movie directory here!
Grabbers
Happy Day After St. Patrick’s Day (or Tuesday, I don’t know what you’ve been up to tonight)! Time to indulge in hangover food/hair of the dog and the movie Grabbers: an Irish comedy horror mashup of Tremors and Aliens. The film is set in a small island town where local police contend with hostile blood-sucking monsters from outer space (it’s always the quiet places where the mad shit happens), and they realize that getting drunk is the only way to survive.
Yep, getting drunk is the only way to survive.
Sound silly? Feck off. Grabbers has great reviews and lots of indie awards. Nerdy monster flick homages abound, and there are legitimately scary moments– and it’s all so well balanced by the clever writing and solid acting (Russell Tovey) that I don’t care about the campy shit. IT’S FUNNY, TRUST ME. Plus the little romance side plot between Garda Ciarán O’Shean and Garda Lisa Nolan– d’aww. I’d drink with all these folks and only run moderately fast to abandon them from alien invaders!
I’m sure everyone knows how to make a corned beef brisket from a store bought package. You might’ve also already made colcannon for St. Patty’s yesterday. But in case you haven’t (or, if you happen to be reading this months after March 17th and are craving Irish food), I’ve included pretty straight forward recipes to get you to where you need to be. Enjoy, get drunk, and keep an eye out for sea monsters. Sláinte!
The Movie
The Menu
FOR THE CRACK. No, but seriously, it makes sense. If we taint our blood with booze, we're poisonous to eat. I don't know why it's never occurred to me before. For each of these, just mix and drink. It's that easy. Just. Keep. Drinking. BLOOD OF AN IRISHMAN COCKTAIL: 1 ounce rye whiskey (or bourbon) BABY GUINNESS 2 fluid ounces coffee flavored liqueur (to help keep you awake) (Pour in this order-- the cream will float to the top just like foam on a Guinness) GREEN BEER Any Lager It's so easy. That's why I put it last. Also feel free to have even more beer. AND TEQUILA! 'Tis no feckin' lobster! It's basically calamari, BUT with a fish and chip style beer batter and malt vinegar/tartar sauce on the side. If you're averse to squid, just remember-- heat + alcohol renders them DEAD and therefore infinitely safe (and delicious) to consume. Begin with your tartar sauce-- mix the first nine ingredients thoroughly and refrigerate until ready to use. About an hour before you want to fry your fried grabber/calamari, soak your squid pieces in milk. This helps get rid of any residual fishiness. In the meantime, assemble your batter. Whisk together flour, cornstarch, beer, egg, and salt in a medium-sized bowl. It's ok if there are a couple of lumps-- those will crisp in the hot oil as you fry! Pour oil into a large dutch oven. Heat to a temp of about 350°F-- but be careful! You want to maintain that temperature, so if you have a thermometer that attached get that ish out. Dry squid with paper towels, and drop each piece into the bowl of batter. When oil is around 350°F., begin to dredge your squid pieces in the batter. Drop several pieces into the hot oil using a plastic slotted spoon, batches at a time. Continue to ddjust heat to keep temperature at about 350 and cook squid pieces in batches until they are golden brown, two to three minutes per batch. Drain fried GRABBER on a baking sheet covered with paper towels. Serve with tartar sauce, malt vinegar, and some lemon slices. Possibly the most epic drunk food-- nachos, but with an Irish twist. You've got potatoes, you've got corned beef, you've got crisp pickled cabbage, and best of all, you've got Guinness Irish Cheddar to drizzle over it all. IF you haven't already cooked your corned beef, feel free to use this simple recipe: Remove corned beef from packaging and place in a 6 qt dutch oven. Assemble your pickling spices (ingredients 2-9). Add pickling spices, Guinness and enough water to come halfway up the meat-- braise for 2 hours until juicy and tender. For nachos, shred and set aside in some residual cooking juices to maintain moisture. Next, let's quick pickle some cabbage! VERY thinly slice your green cabbage and mix Red Wine Vinegar, Hot Water, 1/2 tbsp Sugar and 1/2 tsp Kosher Salt. Allow your cabbage to sit in your vinegar-y liquid while you prepare the rest of your foodstuffs (up to 24 hours if you're making things ahead). Now for your potato crisp base. Preheat your oven to 425. Using a mandolin, thinly slice your russets in circles and dry on paper towels. Place on parchment lined paper and spray with olive oil. Sprinkle with table salt and garlic powder. Bake for 10-15 minutes until one side is beginning to brown. Flip each soon-to-be potato crisp, and continue to bake for another 10 minute or so. Remove from the oven and set aside in a warm place. FINALLY-- it's time for the Guinness Irish Cheddar cheese/queso. This stuff is GOOD, and only requires four ingredients: Melt the cream cheese with the beer in a small sauce pan over medium heat. Add cheddar and mustard and stir until fully melted and drizzle-able. Reduce heat to low, and get ready to assemble your Irish Nachos. Feel free to lay a base of cheese, followed by your potatoes. Add corned beef, a handful of pickled cabbage, more drizzles of cheese, a sprinkling of paprika, and top off with your sliced scallion greens and parsley. It'll have you up on the bar dancin' a drunken jig it's so good. I knew I wanted to do something with carb-y Colcannon, one of the national dishes of Ireland, and I knew I wanted to do something with eggs (because yolky goodness)-- so here is a soft-boiled egg wrapped in a creamy potato mixture and deep fried. Think of it as a version of a Scotch potato, with an Irish twist. Much better than those feckin' sea monster eggs, though I've never had one of those fried crispy... Peel potatoes and boil in a pot of salted water for 20-25 minutes until fork tender. In the meantime, soft boil two eggs for six and a half minutes ONLY-- no more and no less. Set both aside, and assemble the rest of the ingredients. Melt your butter over medium heat and add onions, cabbage, kale, and a pinch each of salt and pepper. Saute for about ten minutes until softened. Add half and half to the pot and bring to a simmer. Turn off heat and add your potatoes. Mash with a potato masher until mostly smooth-- you've just made Irish Colcannon! (albeit a not-so-creamy version since we're frying it up) Using plastic wrap to help you mold the potato mixture, encase each of your eggs in your colcannon, being careful not to squeeze too hard and burst your yolks. Refrigerate for at least an hour, covered, to help the potato mixture set. In the meantime, ready your breading station-- first flour, then egg, then panko. When ready to fry, heat oil to 350 and gently submerge your eggs one at a time. Fry until golden brown-- 1 to 2 minutes-- and allow to drain on paper towels. Slice in half and watch as all that gooey yellow goodness cascades down the side of creamy fried mash potato...
.20 Blood Alcohol *AKA All the Booze
Instructions
1 ounce Campari
1 ounce sweet vermouth
Ice
½ fluid ounce Irish cream liqueur
Couple Drops of Green Food Coloring
Beer Battered Fried Grabbers
Yield:
2-4 Servings
Prep Time:
1 hour
Cook Time:
20 minutes
Total Time:
1 hour 20 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Irish Pub Nachos
Yield:
2-4 Servings
Prep Time:
2 hours
Cook Time:
30 minutes
Total Time:
2 hours 30 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Colcannon Egg Bombs
Yield:
2
Prep Time:
1 hour
Cook Time:
30 minutes
Total Time:
1 hour 30 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Epilogue
I’m pissed go away.
For more menus, check out my movie directory here!
Grumpy Old Men
Grumpy Old Men– the perfect movie to help you transition from Thanksgiving turkey time to whatever December holiday you choose to celebrate. The sixth of ten films in which great friends Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau costarred, Grumpy Old Men is set in the freezing …
Young Frankenstein
Here it is: my favorite Halloween movie and perhaps my favorite Mel Brooks film, Young Frankenstein. Fans of the director will immediately recognize hilarious throwbacks (and throw forwards) to his other movies– walk this way, wasn’t your hump.. on the other side?, etc. But of …