Tag: butter

Napoleon Dynamite

Napoleon Dynamite

I’m relatively certain I saw Napoleon Dynamite in theaters five times when it came out. I also suspect that my high school bestie and I ruined the experience for everyone else by laughing so hard. The goofball dick bf watching in the auditorium got us 

Uncle Buck

Uncle Buck

Uncle Buck was a childhood fave of mine. Is it the best movie in the world? Maybe not. But it’s god damn funny, and it’s got a lot of food in it that I’ve always wanted to make. Namely, really enormous pancakes.  The plot itself 

Chef

Chef

Get ready to salivate– Chef is one of those foodie films that opens with food, closes with food, and has all the cooking, plating, and eating you could want in between. 

A 2014 indie darling by Jon Favreau, Chef follows Carl Casper, a high-end LA chef who is stuck in a big fat rut. He’s divorced and phoning it in as a dad, his restaurant owner (Dustin Hoffman) won’t let him cook what he wants, and now a critic (Oliver Platt) is on the way to crush what little self-esteem he has left. But honestly, thank the food gods, because at the beginning of the film Chef Casper is kind of an arrogant asshole in need of constant validation (Is it good? It’s nice right? Tell me the truth. Good seasoning? Too much heat? Like it? Ugh…). 

After a big old temper tantrum that costs him his job, Carl is forced to reevaluate, and eventually rediscovers his culinary identity on the road with his son Percy and best friend/line cook Martin (John Leguizamo)– cooking delicious Cuban food out of a rehabilitated food truck and (thanks to Percy) crushing social media. All in, it’s an uplifting travelogue that features fun cities, excellent music, and lots of male bonding. We’ll forget for a second that that the movie is also Jon Favreau’s wet dream (his ex-wife is Sofia Vergara and he’s currently sleeping with Scarlett Johansson? )– consultant Chef Roy Choi’s on-screen creations compensate for any and all minor predictability in the plot.

Oh and the acting is great too. (But really, it’s the food.)

Below you’ll find all of the recipes I could fit in to a single photo for a Chef themed movie menu. There are so many more that I wanted to try, but I think I got the greatest hits (with a few fusion-y twists). Empingao baby– this is it!

 

The Movie

 

The Menu

cocky rooster cocktail

The Cocky Rooster

Yield: 3
Cook Time: 5 minutes
Total Time: 5 minutes

Nothing like a cold beer (cocktail) after a long day of hard work-- just ask Carl, Martin, and Carl's underage son Percy.

Technically this recipe comes from An Choi, a banh mi restaurant in NYC. It's a refreshing Asian riff on a michelada-- which seemed a perfect compliment to a movie full of Roy Choi recipes. Also there's the name. Because sometimes Chef Carl Casper is kind an arrogant ass.

Ingredients

  • Kosher or sea salt
  • 1 ounce lime juice
  • 2 to 3 generous squeezes of Sriracha
  • 3 dashes Maggi sauce
  • 12 ounces Cerveza (Mexican lager-style beer; I prefer Pacifico)
  • lime wedges, for the rim and to garnish
  • jalapeño slices, to garnish (optional)

Instructions

Rub a lime wedge along the edge of the cup, and dip in salt-- set aside.

Add siracha, maggi, and lime juice to your cups, swirling to mix. Add beer, and garnish with lime wedge and jalepeno (if you want just a little extra ego).

farmers market cajun kettle corn

Farmer's Market Cajun Kettle Corn

Yield: 3 servings
Cook Time: 10 minutes
Total Time: 10 minutes

Aside from the opening credits, one of the first foodie moments in Chef sees Carl and his son Percy wandering between farmers market stalls. When Percy asks for kettle corn, Carl subjects him to a lecture about nutritional value. Then takes him to eat a giant andouille sausage sandwich. :I.

So, here is a salty, smoky, sweet combination of kettle corn and andouille, cajun-y spices-- a perfect snack for farmers market meandering.

It's spicy, you like spicy? No? Eh, it's not so spicy...

Ingredients

  • 1/4 cup popcorn kernels
  • 2 tbsp vegetable or canola oil
  • 2 tbsp sugar
  • 1 tsp fine salt
  • 1/4 tsp smoked paprika
  • 1/4 tsp garlic powder
  • 1/4 tsp ground white pepper
  • 1/4 tsp onion powder
  • 1/8 tsp dried oregano
  • 1/8 tsp cayenne
  • 1/8 tsp dried thyme
  • 1 tbsp butter (optional)

Instructions

Get them kernels and cajun spices together!

popcorn ingredients

In a medium sized heavy bottom pot, eat vegetable oil and sugar over medium heat-- swirl, until sugar starts to dissolve. Add your kernels and stir to coat them in your sugar oil. Cover the pot-- the trapped heat inside is what will pop your corn! Shake the pot every 8-10 seconds to prevent the sugar from burning.

When the popping has slowed to once every 2 to 3 seconds, uncover the pot and remove from the heat. Ideally you'll have a slightly sticky and sweet batch of lovely kettle corn.

Pour into a large bowl and toss in your cajun spice mix-- if you want to add a little fat into your carbs covered with sugar, feel free to toss in 1 tbsp of melted butter. It does help the spices stick a bit better, but isn't 100% necessasry. But let's be real butter makes everything better. You can always have a piece of fruit afterwards.

farmers market cajun kettle corn

Be forewarned, this shit is addictive.

kimchi grilled cheese

Kimchi Grilled Cheese

Yield: 2 Sammies
Cook Time: 20 minutes
Total Time: 20 minutes

Who knew grilled cheese could become an art form? Roy Choi in the end credits of Chef, apparently. But because it's me, I decided to up the flavor of my sammie with a few Asian ingredients-- like spicy kimchi innards and a sesame seed buttered exterior that, when toasted, has a Michelin level crunch. See, I can be cocky too.

Just remember, per Roy: this is the only thing that exists in this world. And if you fuck this up, everything sucks in the world.

Ingredients

  • 4 slices sourdough sandwich bread
  • 1/2 cup mild cheddar cheese, grated
  • 1/2 cup pepper jack cheese, grated
  • 1/2 cup kimchi, roughly chopped
  • 6 tbsp butter, softened
  • 1/2 tbsp sesame seeds

Instructions

Start by lightly toasting one side of each piece of bread-- spread 2 tbsp of your butter on one side of each slice, and sear lightly on a griddle pan heated to medium. It should only take 5 minutes or so to get to a light golden brown.

Remove bread slices from the griddle pan and set onto a cutting board. Top the toasted sides first with cheddar, then kimchi, then pepper jack. Mix sesame seeds into remaining 4 tbsps of softened butter, and spread the mixture on the untoasted sides of each piece of bread.

Add sandwiches back to griddle pan over medium heat. Rotate repeatedly to ensure even browning and melting, pressing down slightly. Flip, and do the same to the other side. Per Roy: you’re not too busy with it, you’re precise, but then sometimes you step back. The whole sandwich is starting to evolve

grilled cheese

What you should end up with is a gooey, spicy, sesame crunched flavor bomb (and don't you dare remove those crusts, Percy).

kimchi grilled cheese

aglio y olio

Aglio y Olio (aka Sexy Time Pasta)

Yield: 3 servings
Cook Time: 30 minutes
Total Time: 30 minutes

As indicated in my Chef post intro-- this scene still makes me lol. Jon Favreau wishes.

But that pasta did look fucking good. So I made it. It's yummy.

Ingredients

  • 1/2 lb dried spaghetti
  • 1/4 cup super high quality extra virgin olive oil, plus 1 tbsp for pasta water
  • 7 large garlic cloves, sliced super thin
  • 1 tsp crushed red pepper flakes
  • 1/4 cup fresh parsley, minced
  • 1/3 cup Parmesan cheese, grated
  • 1/2 lemon
  • Kosher salt
  • Freshly ground black pepper

Instructions

Start by boiling your sgetti in a large pot of salted water-- add olive oil to the water as the pasta cooks to al dente level. Reserving about 1/4 cup of pasta water, drain noods and set aside.

Now for your Olio ingredients.

pasta ingredients

Heat olive oil in a large saute pan over medium heat-- add garlic slices and cook for 2 minutes, stirring frequently, until they begin to soften. Don't overcook them! Add red pepper flakes and cook for another 30 seconds.

sizzling garlic

Carefully add the reserved pasta-cooking water, 1/4 tsp salt and a few cranks of pepper to the pan and bring to a soft boil. Lower the heat and simmer for about 3 minutes, until the liquid has reduced a bit.

Add the drained pasta to the to the pan and toss to coat completely with the garlic-y peppery oil. Remove from heat, and add half the parsley and half the parmesan, as well as a healthy squeeze of lemon juice-- toss again, tasting for seasoning and if need be, adding more salt and/or pepper.

aglio y olio toss

To plate, twirl noods into whatever receptacle you have closest to your bed-- ahem, stove-- and top with additional parsley and parmesan.

aglio y olio

tostones with avocado cream

Tostones for Martin

Yield: 3 servings
Cook Time: 45 minutes
Total Time: 45 minutes

Could'a made yucca fries, but these were calling to me. And they're Martin's favorite. And, I really wanted an excuse to make this avocado crema. Dip all the things in it.

Ingredients

  • 4 scallions
  • 2 cloves garlic, peeled
  • 1/2 cup Greek yogurt
  • 1/2 cup cilantro
  • 1 tsp jalapeno, stemmed, halved, and seeded (see note)
  • 1 haas avocado, halved and seeded, flesh removed
  • Juice of 1 lime
  • 1 tbsp water
  • Kosher salt, to taste
  • 2 GREEN plantains (they should NOT be soft)
  • 1 cup vegetable or canola oil, or as needed
  • 1 cup water
  • 1/4 tsp garlic powder
  • 1 tablespoon kosher salt, plus more to top tostones
  • Juice of 1 lime

Instructions

Start with your avocado cilantro crema. Blend all of the below (ie your first 9 ingredients) in a mini food processor or blender until smooth. Refrigerate until ready to serve.

avocado crema ingredients

Using a sharp knife, cut off the tops and bottoms of each plantain-- slice through the skin of the plantain lengthwise, but don't cut through the inner portion. Using your fingers, peel the skin away from the plantain innards, and cut the plantains into rounds about 1 inch thick. Watch for tarantulas!

cut plantains

Fill a heavy bottomed skillet with roughly 1 inch of oil. Heat over medium. While your oil is warming up, whisk together water, garlic powder, salt, and lime juice (ie your final 4 ingredients) in a medium bowl. Set aside.

When your oil is warm-hot, add your plantain rounds to the skillet. The oil should not aggressively bubble-- you want a soft bubble for a light fry. Cook the plantains this way until softened and golden, approximately 4 minutes on each side (in batches if need be).

first fry plantain

Remove from the pan and drain on paper towels.

Using the bottom of a glass or a press of some kind, smush each plantain round until they are about 1/3 of an inch thick-- if you flatten them too much, they'll break apart on the next fry. Dip the plantain disks into your garlic lime water, allowing them to sit in the mix for about 10 seconds before you remove and gently dry on paper towls.

smash tostones

Wen you are almost ready to serve, reheat your oil over medium high heat (it's ready when a drop of water pops in the oil). Re-fry the plantains until crisp, a little less than 2 minutes per side. Drain again on towels, and serve warm and crispy with avocado crema and a generous sprinkle of salt.

tostones with avocado cream

cubano

This is It Cubanos

Yield: 3-4 (plus leftovers)
Prep Time: 12 hours
Cook Time: 2 hours 3 seconds
Total Time: 14 hours 3 seconds

This. This is the shit.

Cubanos Chef Roy Choi style-- brined, mojo marinated pork with sweet ham, yellow mustard, pickles, swiss cheese, and crispy buttered Cuban bread. Oh. My. God.

Ingredients

  • 2 lbs boneless pork shoulder, pre-tied into a rough roll of meat

Pork Brine

  • 1 1/3 cup orange juice
  • 1 cup water
  • 2 1/2 tbsp rice vinegar
  • 2 1/2 tbsp rum
  • 2 1/2 tbsp salt
  • 1 1/2 tbsp sugar
  • 3 cloves garlic, roughly chopped
  • 1 tsp fresh thyme leaves
  • 1 tsp fresh rosemary, roughly chopped
  • 1 tsp fresh sage, roughly chopped
  • 1/2 tsp dried oregano
  • 1 tsp peppercorns
  • 1 bay leaf

Mojo Marinade

  • 1/4 cup olive oil
  • 1/4 cup cilantro
  • 4 tsp mint leaves, minced
  • 1/2 tbsp grated orange zest (from one orange)
  • 2 1/2 tbsp orange juice (from aforementioned orange)
  • 2 1/2 tbsp lime juice
  • 3 cloves garlic, minced
  • 1/2 tsp dried oregano
  • 1/4 tsp ground cumin
  • 1/4 tsp black pepper
  • 1/4 tsp salt

For the Sammies

  • Two 6-8inch long Cuban Loaves (or one really long one)
  • 8 slices swiss cheese
  • 12-16 oz Mojo Roast Pork
  • 6 oz shaved honey ham
  • 3 tbsp yellow mustard
  • 1/2 cup sliced dill pickles
  • 4 tbsp softened butter

Instructions

Get all them brine ingredients mixed up and pour into a gallon ziploc. Add your pork shoulder to the bag, seal, and squish around for a second. Refrigerate, overnight, or at the very least 6 hours.

pork mojo brine

On the day of, puree all of the mojo marinade ingredients in a blender or mini food processor. Remove the pork shoulder from the brine and pat dry-- pour the marinade over the pork and refrigerate for another 2 hours, allowing all of the mojo deliciousness to soak into the meat.

Preheat the oven to 425 and set a rack over a baking sheet lined with foil. Remove the pork from the marinade and season all over with salt and pepper-- place onto your rack. Don't toss your leftover marinade!

Insert a meat thermometer into the center of your meat, and roast the pork for about 30 minutes. Pour a bit more marinade over the meat, removing it briefly from the oven if need be.

mojo pork

Reduce the oven temperature to 375 and continue roasting the pork for 1 hour and 30 minutes longer, basting once or twice more with remaining mojo-- you need to get to an internal temperature of 160.

When the meat is done, transfer to a cutting board and let it rest for 30 minutes-- the temperature will continue to rise a bit as it sits. Discard any string holding the roast together, and slice thinly-- about 1/4 inch thick slices. Don't worry, you're gonna have leftovers of this, so feel free to snack on a few slices and/or have a bunch of friends taste test.

sliced mojo pork

Now that you have your juicy pork slices ready, it's time to get your remaining sammie ingredients together. Slice and generously butter the insides of your cuban loaves, and place on a flat griddle over medium high heat-- toast, moving the bread around a bit to ensure even browning. Remove from the griddle and spread the toasted bread insides with mustard.

cuban ingredients

Now for your layering order. Note, my is slightly different from Chef Choi's--I do cheese, pork, ham, pickle, cheese. I just find that sandwiching everything in melted cheese is... better.

When you're about ready to eat, generously butter the outside of each sandwich and place back onto your heated flat griddle pan. I don't have a legit plancha for pressing, but a panini press works pretty good. When that bread is golden and that cheese is melted, it's done.

cuban press

To serve, cut each sandwich at a sharp diagonal. Eat hot, and preferably with a lot of cerveza. Not beer, cerveza. See Cocky Rooster recipe.

cubano

Notes

If you've not heard about the Floridian Cuban Sandwich debate, you can read about it here. For me, even though I hail from the Tampa Bay area, I'm not a huge salami and mayo fan, but to each their own. Just please, for the love of god, try to find some authentic Cuban bread. It's a pain in the ass, depending on where you live, but it's worth it.

chocolate lava beignets

Chocolate Lava Beignets

Yield: 18
Prep Time: 3 hours
Cook Time: 30 minutes
Total Time: 3 hours 30 minutes

You'll find no infamous molten lava cake here. Instead, I give you molten chocolate BEIGNETS with just a hint of coffee. Cafe du Monde, nothing but respect-- but these beignets are GOOD.

Eat 'em slow. That molten chocolate center gets very, very hot.

Ingredients

  • 3 tbsp heavy cream
  • 1 tbsp butter
  • 1/2 tbsp coffee
  • 1 1/8 tsp active dry yeast (1/2 envelope)
  • 1/4 cup sugar
  • 3/4 cups lukewarm water
  • 1 egg
  • 1/2 tsp vanilla
  • 1/2 cup evaporated milk
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 3 1/2 cups bread flour
  • 2 tbsp unsalted butter, softened
  • Oil for deep-frying (canola or peanut)
  • 4 oz bittersweet chocolate chips (about 1/2 cup)
  • Powdered Sugar, for garnish

Instructions

Start with your coffee ganache. In a microwave safe bowl, add your chocolate chips to your cream. Add 1 tbsp butter and coffee to a small, separate bowl and allow to come to room temp.

chocolate ganache

Microwave the chocolate/cream mix in 20 second bursts, stirring between each, until chocolate mix is smooth (all in, should take about a minutes worth of nukage). Add butter and coffee and stir in until butter is melted. Cover, and refrigerate for at least 3 hours until set.

Time to prep your beignet dough!

In a medium bowl, whisk together granulated sugar and warm water until sugar is dissolved. Add yeast and allow to get foamy (about 10 mins). In a separate bowl, beat the egg with vanilla and evaporated milk until incorporated. And, have your butter and flour ready.

beignet batter ingredients

Add half of your flour to a stand mixer bowl, together with egg mix. Beat with a dough hook until smooth, just a couple of minutes. Add yeast mix slowly while still running the mixer, followed by the butter, beating on medium low until smooth. Add remaning half of the flour and your salt-- beat 2 minutes more, until dough pulls away from the side of the bowl.

Add your dough to a lightly oiled bowl and cover-- let rise for 2 hours in a warm environement until the dough has doubled in size.

When the dough is ready, place on a lightly floured surface and roll out into a square roughly 1/8 inch thick. Using a floured knife, cut into 3x3 squares. Add a scant tsp of chocolate ganache to the center of each square, and fold the dough over the ganache to creat a nice little package. Make sure you seal the edges fully, or the chocolate will burst out when you fry your beignets.

beignet filling

Cover your raw beignets with a towl and allow to rest for 20 mins or so while you heat your oil for frying.

Place a deep, heavy bottomed pot (maybe the same one you used for your popcorn?) on high heat and fill that sucker with your oil (about 2-3 inches deep). Using a candy thermometer, bring the temperature of your oil up to 350 degrees.

In batches of 3-4, fry up your beignets roughly 1-2 minutes per side. Keep an eye on the temperature, and adjust your heat to compensate for any fluctuation-- you don't want to burn your lava filled treats!

beignet fry

Once your beignets are puffed and golden brown, remove from the hot oil and allow to drain on a paper towel lined cooked sheet. Sprinkle with powdered sugar (I didn't use too much, but feel free to go nuts if you like sweets), and serve warm.

molten chocolate beignets

THAT SHIT IS MOLTEN!!!!!! IT'S FUCKING MOLTEN!!!!!!!

berries and cream with sugar dust

Smashed Sugar Berries and Cream

Yield: 3 small servings
Cook Time: 1 hour
Total Time: 1 hour

Ok this was kind of a bonus dessert. Berries macerated in booze and topped with whipped cream and sugar dust... it just looked so yummy and easy and hey guess what it was (with a couple of adjustments).

Ingredients

  • For the Berries
  • 1/3 heaping cup raspberries
  • 1/3 heaping cup blackberries
  • 1/3 heaping cup blueberries
  • 1/3 heaping cup strawberries, thickly sliced
  • 1 tbsp granulated sugar
  • 1 tbsp Grand Marnier
  • Squeeze fresh lemon juice

Sugar Dust

  • 2/3 cup granulated sugar
  • 1 tbsp water

Whipped Cream

  • **SEE NOTE

Instructions

In a large bowl, sprinkle tbsp of sugar, Grand Marnier, and a squeeze of lemon juice over your berries and refrigerate-- the acid/alcohol will macerate the berries as they get sweeter from the sugar.

macerated berries

Now for your sugar dust-- in a small saucepan, combine sugar and water and heat over medium. Stir until sugar is fully melted and begins to turn into a light caramel color.

Pour onto a silpat lined baking sheet and allow to set for 20 minutes or so. Once the sugar sets, smash up with a knife...

sugar break

...and add shards to a mini food processor or blender. Puree until you get a sugar dust. Don't worry if there are a few chunks-- you're gonna sift these out!

sifting sugar dust

When you're ready to serve, top your macerated berries with whipped cream, and toss a handful of sugar dust on top with an arrogant chef-y flourish.

berries and cream with sugar dust

Notes

You can find my recipe for whipped cream here.

 

Epilogue

Whoever compiled the soundtrack for the movie Chef did an A+ job. I highly recommend listening whilst you cook– it’s a vibe.

 

For more menus, check out my movie directory here!

Jurassic Park

Jurassic Park

While the initial intention was to time this Jurassic Park menu to the release of the sixth (and dear god we hope) final movie in the Jurassic Park/World franchise, I’ve also realized that I’m slowly making my way through the Steven Spielberg “top five”. If 

Fried Green Tomatoes

Fried Green Tomatoes

I’d always promised myself that, should ever I start a “dinner and a movie” blog, Fried Green Tomatoes would be the first post. That clearly didn’t happen, and for a variety of reasons, but I think the biggest one is that I love this movie 

Jaws

Jaws

I grew up in Florida. We had a boat. And let me just put it in writing: I DO NOT. GO. IN. THE OCEAN. It is dark, and there are sharks in there. See: Jaws.

Oddly though, this film has become a comfort movie for me– when it’s late at night and I’m far, far away from any large body of water, I turn it on and usually pass out within an hour. Maybe it’s a nostalgia thing? Released in June of 1975, Jaws was the first summer blockbuster and quickly became the highest-grossing picture up to that time. It was also Spielberg’s first in a long, long, LONG line of incredibly successful films. Who’d have thought that a movie about a shark that has almost no screen time would be such a hit? But that was part of the magic of Jaws. Fin teases, a two note theme courtesy of John Williams, and super simple shark POV’s were very effectively utilized to instill a FEAR (all caps emphasized) of the terrifying unknown. And let’s acknowledge the stellar performances–  Roy Schieder as the well meaning police chief of Amity Island/Shark City, Richard Dreyfuss as nerdy and dry-witted marine biologist Hooper, and, of course, the incredible Robert Shaw as grizzled shark hunter Quint (whose monologue still gives me chills. pretty sure he was shitfaced drunk during filming).

I’m not sure it’s possible to come up with a menu as genius as Jaws, but here is my attempt: a post-July 4 meal that has all the seafood and gore you could want in a Jaws themed lunch/dinner. Just be aware, if you’re planning to eat this whole thing solo– you’re probably gonna need a bigger boat.

 

The Movie

 

The Menu

blood in the water

Blood in the Water (Blood Orange and Limeade Marg)

Yield: 2-4 cocktails
Cook Time: 15 minutes
Additional Time: 3 hours
Total Time: 3 hours 15 minutes

Shoooow me the way to go home. I'm tired and I wanna go to bed. I had a little drink about an hour ago, and it went straight to my head.

... is what you'll be singing after a few of these cocktails. But there's nothing like a margarita/granita while you're lounging out at sea. Even if it's morbid as all hell.

Ingredients

  • 3/4 cup water + 1 1/2 cup water
  • 1/2 cup sugar
  • 3/4 cup lime juice (4-5 large limes)
  • 1 tsp lime zest
  • 1 12oz can blood orange soda
  • 1/4 cup pomegranate juice
  • 1 cup tequila
  • 1/4 cup triple sec
  • Additional lime wedges and sea salt for the rim

Instructions

Start with your fresh and delicious homeade limeade!

limeade ingredients

In a small sauce pot, simmer 3/4 cup water and 1/2 cup sugar until the sugar is completely dissolved. Set aside to come to room temperature.

In the meantime, juice your limes. When your simple syrup is cooled, add to your juice and lime zest-- top off with the remaining 1 1/2 cup of water and mix. Don't strain your limeade, unless you're a some kind of city kid and can't take your pulp.

Now, in one small baking dish mix your blood orange soda (a little extra O2 might just save your life) and pomegranate juice. Pour your limeade into a medium baking dish. Add tequila and triple sec to the limeade and stir.

limeade and blood orange

Place in freezer and chill-- every hour for the next 3-4 hours, mix your granitas with a fork to create a slushy consistency.

slushy mixture

When you're ready to serve, swipe a lime wedge around the rim of your glass. Coat with sea salt. Tilting the glass, fill with about 1/3 cup of the blood orange mixture. Then, add your limeade tequila mixture-- you want to keep the two colors separate but close and at an angle.

Serve, with additional lime fin wedges.

blood in the water

Here's to swimmin' with bow-legged women...? I mean ok.

chum sandwiches

Great White Chum Sandwiches

Yield: 2 giant sammiches!
Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 20 minutes
Total Time: 35 minutes

I do love a good lobster roll, as does everyone in the northeast of the US-- this sandwich, however, happens to have lobster, shrimp AND crab. It's no holiday roast, but I'm pretty sure our favorite great white shark would be ok with that.

Just one more reminder, these are bigass sandwiches. A traditional lobster roll will have about 3.5oz of meat, and these have about 5/6oz. So you're either gonna have to take it slow or grow your own set of jaws THIS BIG.

Ingredients

  • 2 tbsp sea salt
  • 1 tsp old bay
  • 1 lemon, halved
  • 1 4oz lobster tail
  • 1 4oz crab leg (I have Dungeness here)
  • 8 oz jumbo shrimp, shell and tail on
  • 1/4 cup mayonnaise
  • 1/4 tsp dijon mustard
  • Freshly ground black pepper
  • 1/4 tsp minced fresh dill
  • 1/2 tbsp minced chives, plus more for garnish
  • 1 tbsp minced celery
  • 3 dashes hot sauce
  • 1/2 tsp lemon juice (from second half of lemon)
  • 1 tbsp butter
  • 2 split top brioche hot dog buns

Instructions

WARNING: YOUR KITCHEN MAY SMELL A BIT CHUMMY AFTER THIS SO PREPARE TO SEAL AWAY YOUR DISCARDED SHELLS IN SOME ZIPLOCS WITH LEMON SLICES.

Bring about 4 qts of water, 2 tbsp sea salt, old bay and 1/2 the lemon to a soft boil in a medium pot. Add the lobster tail and crab leg and count down a minute. Next, add the shrimp and continue to cook uncovered for 3 minutes longer. You'll notice the shells start to get pink/red as the seafood cooks.

seafood cooking

Once your time is up, remove the shrimp first, followed by the crab and lobster with a slotted spoon. Transfer to a bowl of cold water. Throw the lemon in with and allow to come to room temperature (about five minutes).

Now, time to retrieve your chum meat! The shrimp is easy-- just shell those suckers and call it a day.

shrimps

For the lobster, cut along the top part of the shell down to the base fans. Watch out for sharp edges and use heavy duty kitchen scissors so you don't bloody up the place (we already made a cocktail for that).

lobster

The crab will be the trickiest. If you have the tools, use them to get the meat free from the shell; but you can also just use a hammer to crush the shell around the meat as cleanly as possible-- just be careful because you don't want tiny bits of shell in your chum rolls or you'll end up with a broken tooth.

crab

Once you have your meat free, cut your larger pieces into roughly 1/2 inch chunks and refrigerate while you make your sauce. Next, combine ingredients 4-11. Refrigerate the sauce as well.

jaws chum sandwich assembly

Finally, lightly butter the insides, tops and sides of your brioche buns. Toast in an oven preheated to 375 for about 5 minutes.

When ready to eat, toss your shellfish in your mayo mixture (it's ok if you have a little sauce leftover, you don't want to overdo it) and pile your sammiches high with chum. YUM.

chum sandwiches

Get to it, you eating machines.

Notes

You can play with the shell fish ratios if you like-- more shrimp is just more budget friendly.

jaws old bay saltines

Old Bay Saltines

Yield: Lots!
Cook Time: 5 minutes
Total Time: 5 minutes

The first time you see Jaws's veteran shark hunter Quint he's scraping his brittle fingernails down a chalkboard and munching on saltines.

So here are some of those, seasoned and baked with butter and the ocean-y-est of all seasonings, Old Bay. It's a super simple recipe, but oh so good-- plus they kinda look like shark teeth/fins!

Ingredients

  • 1 sleeve saltines
  • 1 tbsp butter
  • 1 tsp old bay seasoning
  • 1/4 tsp paprika

Instructions

Get those ingredients together, and preheat your oven to 375 degrees.

saltines

Melt your butter and your old bay/paprika. If you want to commit to aesthetics, feel free to break your crackers in half diagonally.

Place your saltines salted side down on a sil pat lined baking sheet. Brush with your seasoned butter mix and try not to lick your fingers.

jaws seasoned saltines

Bake for 4-5 mins, keeping an eye on your crackers in case they don't burn. Serve with sammiches, or munch in the background while looking down on the general public.

salt water taffy

Sea Salt Saltwater Taffy

Yield: About 2 dozen pieces
Cook Time: 10 minutes
Additional Time: 30 minutes
Total Time: 40 minutes

You know the famous dolly zoom "Jaws Effect" shot where Brody sees little Alex Kintner get ET UP? Here is a a dessert that also requires a lot of push pull. It's also a perfectly portable treat for a day at the beach.

Just be careful-- you might need some great white capacity teeth for optimum chewage.

Ingredients

  • 1/2 cup + 2 tbsp white cane sugar
  • 2 tsp corn starch
  • 1/4 cup corn syrup
  • 1/4 cup water
  • 1/2 Tbsp butter, unsalted (plus more for greasing the dish and your hands)
  • 1/4 tsp sea salt (plus more for sprinkling)
  • 1/4 tsp vanilla extract
  • Green and blue food coloring (couple of drops each)

Instructions

Start by prepping a medium glass baking pan with a thick coat of butter-- set aside.

Now for your taffy ingredients:

jaws salt water taffy ingredients

In a small saucepan, add the sugar, cornstarch, corn syrup, water, butter, and salt. Affix a candy thermometer to the side of the saucepan, and heat over medium. Cook, without stirring, until the mixture hits 250 degrees.

taffy boil

Immediately remove from heat and stir in vanilla. Poor into the greased pan, swirl in several drops of food coloring, and allow to cool for about 10-15 mins-- it should still be warm/hot, but easily handled. Also OOOOO pretty.

jaws salt water taffy color

Butter your hands liberally, and begin to pull and stretch the taffy until it lightens in color and you feel like you're getting a workout.

jaws salt water taffy pull

Maybe you even get a little dizzy...

jaws push pull

It'll be easier if you butter your hands as you go-- all in the push pull process will take about 15 mins.

When you're ready, cut wax paper into 3x3 inch squares and pull the taffy into a 1/2 inch thick rope. Using kitchen scissors, cut taffy into 1 inch length pieces. Sprinkle with sea salt, and wrap in your wax paper-- twisting the ends.

taffy cut

So easy, even the dummass mayor of Amity Island could do it.

 

Epilogue

Remember when Dennis Quaid and Lea Thompson starred in Jaws 3 and a thirty-five-foot shark becomes trapped in a SeaWorld theme park IN 3D????

Yah, that happened. Hollywood…

jaws gif

But also seriously, Bruce the Great White was supposed to be 25 feet long? FLORIDA SHARKS GROW UP TO 40 FEET. 40 FEET OF DEATH AND TEETH AND LIFELESS EYES. BLACK EYES. LIKE A DOLLS EYES.

 

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