Honey, I Shrunk the Kids– a classic family film that made every child in the 1980’s crave Little Debbie’s. Also the movie that made me realize grown ups should ALWAYS listen to their pets. QUARK KNEW EVERYTHING THE ENTIRE TIME SZALINSKI. Set in an unspecified …
Happy bday to Tom Hanks! Naturally I had to celebrate with some kid friendly party food and a screening of 1988’s Big– a very absurd, but well-deservedly loved 80’s fave directed by the great Penny Marshall. If you haven’t seen it (she types scornfully), a …
Uncle Buck was a childhood fave of mine. Is it the best movie in the world? Maybe not. But it’s god damn funny, and it’s got a lot of food in it that I’ve always wanted to make. Namely, really enormous pancakes.
The plot itself is relatively simple–a family emergency forces a set of parents to leave their children in the care of their screw up uncle. Played by John Candy, Uncle Buck is well meaning, but has no idea how to handle kids because he himself is a big man child who can’t hold down a job or commit to his more than understanding girlfriend. Buck’s oldest niece Tia (Jean Louisa Kelly) is appropriately emo, and the two younger children (played by Gaby Hoffman and Macaulay Culkin just pre-Home Alone) are wonderfully adorable and precocious. Gaffs abound, and tensions run high between Uncle Buck and Tia regarding her sexual predator of a twiddle-dink boyfriend, but it all ends wrapped up in a lovely little emotional bow.
John Hughes has always been great at these types of films, and if you’re a fan of John Candy (RIP) and you haven’t seen Uncle Buck yet, you’re in for a fun little treat. So here is an epic brekkie menu to honor the the drill wielding, gas hog driving, cigar smoking, clown punching, sock microwaving, bowler supreme Uncle Buck. Much better than crappy takeout Chinese or a disgusting lunch of bad banana and sardines– but maybe more importantly, it’s a GREAT meal for a hangover (I see you, on this January 1).
Now take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face! Good day to you, madam.
(Ok that made no sense, but I love that line.)
The Movie
The Menu
Johnny Cake Pancakes with Candied Bacon and Smoky Breakfast Sausages
Yield: 3 Huge Pancakes. It's. A lot.
Cook Time: 2 hours
Total Time: 2 hours
Johnny cakes + candied bacon and smoky sausages for cigar smoking John Candy. How much more on point can you get?
Unfortunately however, I don't have a giant griddle/grill in my kitchen, nor do I own a snow shovel for "easy" pancake flippage ala Uncle Buck. But I DO have a 15 inch paella pan. And I've been waiting to try this for a loooong time.
Now, you could make all the johnny cake batter in one go and try to separate it into 3 equal portions. But, you run the risk of the batter losing air between bakes AND it's hard to find a receptacle big enough to fit all that goldeny wet deliciousness. So, the instructions below have you making a pancake at a time. Which, for the faint of heart/slight of stomach, means that you could stop at one. I don't know why you would, but hey-- you do you.
Ingredients
4 1/2 cups AP Flour
1 1/2 cups Cornmeal
9 Eggs
1 cup Sugar
4 1/2 tbsp Baking Powder
2 1/4 tsp Baking Soda
3 tsp Salt
6 3/4 cups Buttermilk
15 tbsp Butter (9 tbsp of which should be melted), plus an additional 4 tbsp for your giant butter pat
6 tbsp Veggie Oil
Your Favorite Syrup (If you want to be authentically Buck about it, go with Pearl Milling Company)
6 Slices of Bacon
6-8 Smoked Breakfast Sausages
Instructions
If you're fully committed to the giant pancake effect, you're gonna need a giant pat of butter. So, before you start the pancake process, soften 4 tbsp of butter and create a 4x4 square-- I used a piece of tin foil to help mold it into shape before sticking it in the fridge to firm up.
Now it's time to preheat your oven to 375 and get all your johnny cake ingredients together!
Mix 1 1/2 cups of flour and 1/2 cup cornmeal in a small bowl. In a separate, larger, bowl add 3 eggs, 1/3 cup of sugar, 1 1/2 tbsp baking powder, 3/4 tsp baking soda, and 1 tsp salt.
Next, whisk the egg mix until it is light and smooth, about 30 secs. Then add 1 1/4 cup of buttermilk and half of the flour/cornmeal mix (about a cup)-- whisk gently until just combined (you want lots of lumpies at this stage. Next, add 3 tbsp of melted butter, the remaining 1 cup of buttermilk, and the remainder of your flour/cornmeal mix. Mix to combine, but only just-- lumpies are still ok!
Now it's time to prep your paella pan. Add 2 tbsp of veggie oil and 2 tbsp butter. Heat on medium high until the butter is fully melted-- swirl to coat the bottom of the pan fully. Quickly dump your pancake batter into the pan, scraping the sides of your bowl with a rubber spatula to get it all.
Immediately reduce the heat to medium low, and allow to cook for a minute or two, shaking the paella pan slightly. When you start to see bubbles pop up on the surface of the batter, time to get it in the oven.
Bake for roughly 20 mins-- you'll see the johnny cake puff up nicely in the oven as it cooks.
Once it's set, remove it from the oven and allow to rest for 10 minutes. Place a large cookie sheet or cutting board over the top of the pan and invert it-- you should see a nice golden pancake drop onto the sheet/board. I'd say "this is where you separate the men from the boys"... but that's sexist. Keep warm on the stove, loosely tented with aluminum foil, and repeat the process all over again... and then again!
While your last pancake is baking, feel free to get started on your meats. Typically breakfast sausages are easy-- you just fry them up in a pan until they get crispy and golden-y. For the bacon, I always start with a room temp pan and heat the bacon gradually to ensure crispness, flipping once or twice to cook on both sides. For the candied element, add about 3 tbsp of syrup to the pan just before your strips finish cooking and let them sizzle away for a minute or so, flipping once.
Instead of draining on paper towels, lay your bacon strips apart from one another on a piece of parchment paper. The syrupy coating on the outside with firm up a bit and you'll end up with a chewy, but still crispy, slice of heaven.
With all that done, you can assemble your breakfast mountain. Serve pancakes cut in wedges with a chunk of melty butter and a crap ton of syrup.
The Miles's and Maisy's of your life will be thrilled. You should see the toast. I couldn't even get it through the door!
Notes
For those of you reading this who have no idea what the hell a johnny cake is vs a traditional pancake-- Southern Living explains it well.
An egg skillet with all the mustardy onions, bell peppers, and yes more sausage, you can eat! I passed on adding cheese tho. You don't wanna end up needing a toilet plunger at the end of the meal. We don't have to eat everything Buck does.
Ingredients
8 oz Kielbasa
1/2 Large Onion
1/2 Red Bell Pepper
1/2 Green Bell Pepper
1/2 tbsp Veggie Oil
Hefty pinch Garlic Powder
9 Eggs
1/2 tbsp of butter
1/2 tsp Salt
1/4 tsp Cracked Black Pepper
1 tbsp Worcestershire Sauce
1 tbsp Spicy Brown Mustard (it's better than yellow in this, trust me)
Chopped Chives, for Garnish
Instructions
Cue up Tweedle Dee by Lavern Baker and get crackin'. Literally. Hey look it's ingredients!
In a cast iron skillet that will be your end destination for your scramble, heat your veggie oil on medium and add your onions. Sautee for a couple of minutes to soften slightly, then add your bell peppers, sausage, and a pinch of garlic powder. Whisk your mustard and worcestershershershire (I can never spell that right) together and toss that in too. Stir to coat everything, and move over to your eggs. It's time to multi-task:
In a separate non-stick skillet, melt your butter on medium while you whisk your eggs in a bowl with salt and pepper. Add those to your non-stick skillet and reduce heat slightly, letting the bottom of the eggs set for 10 or so seconds before you swirl them with a spoon. At the same time, keep an eye on your peppers and kielbasa, making sure they don't burn!
When your eggs are good and scramby, add those to your cast iron skillet and toss lightly with your sausages and veggies. Season with additional salt and pepper, if needed, and garnish with chopped chives.
Holy smokes!
Bittersweet Burnt Grapefruit
Yield: 2 Halves
Cook Time: 5 minutes
Total Time: 5 minutes
Since Uncle Buck's little b of a neice Tia doesn't really do brekkie, I made her a brulee'd grapefruit-- bitter with a hint of salt, BUT sweet at the end.
And if you're feeling a little Tia yourself, don't worry-- there's still coffee coming.
Ingredients
1 Grapefruit, chilled
1 1/2 tbsp Brown Sugar, divided
2 Hefty Pinches Kosher Salt
Instructions
Cut the grapefruit in half crosswise, and cut a thin slice off the bottom of each half to stabilize the pieces. Remove all seeds from the grapefruit that you can see, and loosen the segments with a sharp knife. Sprinkle each half evenly with the brown sugar and, using a blowtorch, brulee the sugar to form a golden brown and crispy surface.
Sprinkle the hot sugar with the salt, and serve immediately.
Notes
If you don't have a brulee torch, you can always stick your grapefruit close under the broiler for 3-5 mins, depending on how hot it gets.
Frosted Flakes and Coffee Cocktail
Yield: 2 Cocktails
Cook Time: 2 hours2 seconds
Total Time: 2 hours2 seconds
A breakfast cocktail that Uncle Buck would appreciate-- coffee and cereal milk and a lot of booze. They'reeeee Greeeeeat!
Ingredients
2 cups Frosted Flakes
1 cup Whole Milk
3/4 cup Heavy Cream
1/2 tsp Sugar
1 oz Coffee Liqueur, divided
2 oz Bourbon, divided
8 oz Coffee, chilled
Instructions
Preheat oven to 300. Spread the cornflakes in an even layer on a sheet pan lined with parchment paper and toast for about 15 minutes. Cool completely.
Reserve about 1/4 cup of your flakes for garnish. Then, add 3/4 of the flakes to your cream in one bowl, and 1 cup of flakes to your bowl of milk, stirring to make sure all of the flakes are as submerged as possible. Cover and set aside at room temperature for 20-30 minutes.
Strain the flakes out of each mix and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes. Just before you're ready to serve, use a hand beater or immersion blender to beat the cream and your sugar into stiff peaks. Pour your coffee, coffee liqueur, and whiskey into two glasses-- top off with cereal milk, followed by your cereal whipped cream, and garnish with reserved frosted flakes.
Turns out Moonstruck is 35 years young this month, and it also happens to be a holiday film. So happy Christmas Eve– time to celebrate with a bunch of classic Italian dishes and a lotta booze! When Moonstruck was released in 1987, Cher had already …
Hocus Pocus– what a goofy ass time. Is it deserving of critical acclaim? No. But it’s a Halloween staple that everyone loves so much Disney just released a sequel 29 years later. And Sarah is STILL REALLY FUNNY! Both Hocus Pocus 1 & 2 star …
Get ready to salivate– Chef is one of those foodie films that opens with food, closes with food, and has all the cooking, plating, and eating you could want in between.
A 2014 indie darling by Jon Favreau, Chef follows Carl Casper, a high-end LA chef who is stuck in a big fat rut. He’s divorced and phoning it in as a dad, his restaurant owner (Dustin Hoffman) won’t let him cook what he wants, and now a critic (Oliver Platt) is on the way to crush what little self-esteem he has left. But honestly, thank the food gods, because at the beginning of the film Chef Casper is kind of an arrogant asshole in need of constant validation (Is it good? It’s nice right? Tell me the truth. Good seasoning? Too much heat? Like it? Ugh…).
After a big old temper tantrum that costs him his job, Carl is forced to reevaluate, and eventually rediscovers his culinary identity on the road with his son Percy and best friend/line cook Martin (John Leguizamo)– cooking delicious Cuban food out of a rehabilitated food truck and (thanks to Percy) crushing social media. All in, it’s an uplifting travelogue that features fun cities, excellent music, and lots of male bonding. We’ll forget for a second that that the movie is also Jon Favreau’s wet dream (his ex-wife is Sofia Vergara and he’s currently sleeping with Scarlett Johansson? )– consultant Chef Roy Choi’s on-screen creations compensate for any and all minor predictability in the plot.
Oh and the acting is great too. (But really, it’s the food.)
Below you’ll find all of the recipes I could fit in to a single photo for a Chef themed movie menu. There are so many more that I wanted to try, but I think I got the greatest hits (with a few fusion-y twists). Empingao baby– this is it!
The Movie
The Menu
The Cocky Rooster
Yield: 3
Cook Time: 5 minutes
Total Time: 5 minutes
Nothing like a cold beer (cocktail) after a long day of hard work-- just ask Carl, Martin, and Carl's underage son Percy.
Technically this recipe comes from An Choi, a banh mi restaurant in NYC. It's a refreshing Asian riff on a michelada-- which seemed a perfect compliment to a movie full of Roy Choi recipes. Also there's the name. Because sometimes Chef Carl Casper is kind an arrogant ass.
Ingredients
Kosher or sea salt
1 ounce lime juice
2 to 3 generous squeezes of Sriracha
3 dashes Maggi sauce
12 ounces Cerveza (Mexican lager-style beer; I prefer Pacifico)
lime wedges, for the rim and to garnish
jalapeño slices, to garnish (optional)
Instructions
Rub a lime wedge along the edge of the cup, and dip in salt-- set aside.
Add siracha, maggi, and lime juice to your cups, swirling to mix. Add beer, and garnish with lime wedge and jalepeno (if you want just a little extra ego).
Farmer's Market Cajun Kettle Corn
Yield: 3 servings
Cook Time: 10 minutes
Total Time: 10 minutes
Aside from the opening credits, one of the first foodie moments in Chef sees Carl and his son Percy wandering between farmers market stalls. When Percy asks for kettle corn, Carl subjects him to a lecture about nutritional value. Then takes him to eat a giant andouille sausage sandwich. :I.
So, here is a salty, smoky, sweet combination of kettle corn and andouille, cajun-y spices-- a perfect snack for farmers market meandering.
It's spicy, you like spicy? No? Eh, it's not so spicy...
Ingredients
1/4 cup popcorn kernels
2 tbsp vegetable or canola oil
2 tbsp sugar
1 tsp fine salt
1/4 tsp smoked paprika
1/4 tsp garlic powder
1/4 tsp ground white pepper
1/4 tsp onion powder
1/8 tsp dried oregano
1/8 tsp cayenne
1/8 tsp dried thyme
1 tbsp butter (optional)
Instructions
Get them kernels and cajun spices together!
In a medium sized heavy bottom pot, eat vegetable oil and sugar over medium heat-- swirl, until sugar starts to dissolve. Add your kernels and stir to coat them in your sugar oil. Cover the pot-- the trapped heat inside is what will pop your corn! Shake the pot every 8-10 seconds to prevent the sugar from burning.
When the popping has slowed to once every 2 to 3 seconds, uncover the pot and remove from the heat. Ideally you'll have a slightly sticky and sweet batch of lovely kettle corn.
Pour into a large bowl and toss in your cajun spice mix-- if you want to add a little fat into your carbs covered with sugar, feel free to toss in 1 tbsp of melted butter. It does help the spices stick a bit better, but isn't 100% necessasry. But let's be real butter makes everything better. You can always have a piece of fruit afterwards.
Be forewarned, this shit is addictive.
Kimchi Grilled Cheese
Yield: 2 Sammies
Cook Time: 20 minutes
Total Time: 20 minutes
Who knew grilled cheese could become an art form? Roy Choi in the end credits of Chef, apparently. But because it's me, I decided to up the flavor of my sammie with a few Asian ingredients-- like spicy kimchi innards and a sesame seed buttered exterior that, when toasted, has a Michelin level crunch. See, I can be cocky too.
Just remember, per Roy: this is the only thing that exists in this world. And if you fuck this up, everything sucks in the world.
Ingredients
4 slices sourdough sandwich bread
1/2 cup mild cheddar cheese, grated
1/2 cup pepper jack cheese, grated
1/2 cup kimchi, roughly chopped
6 tbsp butter, softened
1/2 tbsp sesame seeds
Instructions
Start by lightly toasting one side of each piece of bread-- spread 2 tbsp of your butter on one side of each slice, and sear lightly on a griddle pan heated to medium. It should only take 5 minutes or so to get to a light golden brown.
Remove bread slices from the griddle pan and set onto a cutting board. Top the toasted sides first with cheddar, then kimchi, then pepper jack. Mix sesame seeds into remaining 4 tbsps of softened butter, and spread the mixture on the untoasted sides of each piece of bread.
Add sandwiches back to griddle pan over medium heat. Rotate repeatedly to ensure even browning and melting, pressing down slightly. Flip, and do the same to the other side. Per Roy: you’re not too busy with it, you’re precise, but then sometimes you step back. The whole sandwich is starting to evolve
What you should end up with is a gooey, spicy, sesame crunched flavor bomb (and don't you dare remove those crusts, Percy).
Aglio y Olio (aka Sexy Time Pasta)
Yield: 3 servings
Cook Time: 30 minutes
Total Time: 30 minutes
As indicated in my Chef post intro-- this scene still makes me lol. Jon Favreau wishes.
But that pasta did look fucking good. So I made it. It's yummy.
Ingredients
1/2 lb dried spaghetti
1/4 cup super high quality extra virgin olive oil, plus 1 tbsp for pasta water
7 large garlic cloves, sliced super thin
1 tsp crushed red pepper flakes
1/4 cup fresh parsley, minced
1/3 cup Parmesan cheese, grated
1/2 lemon
Kosher salt
Freshly ground black pepper
Instructions
Start by boiling your sgetti in a large pot of salted water-- add olive oil to the water as the pasta cooks to al dente level. Reserving about 1/4 cup of pasta water, drain noods and set aside.
Now for your Olio ingredients.
Heat olive oil in a large saute pan over medium heat-- add garlic slices and cook for 2 minutes, stirring frequently, until they begin to soften. Don't overcook them! Add red pepper flakes and cook for another 30 seconds.
Carefully add the reserved pasta-cooking water, 1/4 tsp salt and a few cranks of pepper to the pan and bring to a soft boil. Lower the heat and simmer for about 3 minutes, until the liquid has reduced a bit.
Add the drained pasta to the to the pan and toss to coat completely with the garlic-y peppery oil. Remove from heat, and add half the parsley and half the parmesan, as well as a healthy squeeze of lemon juice-- toss again, tasting for seasoning and if need be, adding more salt and/or pepper.
To plate, twirl noods into whatever receptacle you have closest to your bed-- ahem, stove-- and top with additional parsley and parmesan.
Tostones for Martin
Yield: 3 servings
Cook Time: 45 minutes
Total Time: 45 minutes
Could'a made yucca fries, but these were calling to me. And they're Martin's favorite. And, I really wanted an excuse to make this avocado crema. Dip all the things in it.
Ingredients
4 scallions
2 cloves garlic, peeled
1/2 cup Greek yogurt
1/2 cup cilantro
1 tsp jalapeno, stemmed, halved, and seeded (see note)
1 haas avocado, halved and seeded, flesh removed
Juice of 1 lime
1 tbsp water
Kosher salt, to taste
2 GREEN plantains (they should NOT be soft)
1 cup vegetable or canola oil, or as needed
1 cup water
1/4 tsp garlic powder
1 tablespoon kosher salt, plus more to top tostones
Juice of 1 lime
Instructions
Start with your avocado cilantro crema. Blend all of the below (ie your first 9 ingredients) in a mini food processor or blender until smooth. Refrigerate until ready to serve.
Using a sharp knife, cut off the tops and bottoms of each plantain-- slice through the skin of the plantain lengthwise, but don't cut through the inner portion. Using your fingers, peel the skin away from the plantain innards, and cut the plantains into rounds about 1 inch thick. Watch for tarantulas!
Fill a heavy bottomed skillet with roughly 1 inch of oil. Heat over medium. While your oil is warming up, whisk together water, garlic powder, salt, and lime juice (ie your final 4 ingredients) in a medium bowl. Set aside.
When your oil is warm-hot, add your plantain rounds to the skillet. The oil should not aggressively bubble-- you want a soft bubble for a light fry. Cook the plantains this way until softened and golden, approximately 4 minutes on each side (in batches if need be).
Remove from the pan and drain on paper towels.
Using the bottom of a glass or a press of some kind, smush each plantain round until they are about 1/3 of an inch thick-- if you flatten them too much, they'll break apart on the next fry. Dip the plantain disks into your garlic lime water, allowing them to sit in the mix for about 10 seconds before you remove and gently dry on paper towls.
Wen you are almost ready to serve, reheat your oil over medium high heat (it's ready when a drop of water pops in the oil). Re-fry the plantains until crisp, a little less than 2 minutes per side. Drain again on towels, and serve warm and crispy with avocado crema and a generous sprinkle of salt.
This is It Cubanos
Yield: 3-4 (plus leftovers)
Prep Time: 12 hours
Cook Time: 2 hours3 seconds
Total Time: 14 hours3 seconds
This. This is the shit.
Cubanos Chef Roy Choi style-- brined, mojo marinated pork with sweet ham, yellow mustard, pickles, swiss cheese, and crispy buttered Cuban bread. Oh. My. God.
Ingredients
2 lbs boneless pork shoulder, pre-tied into a rough roll of meat
Pork Brine
1 1/3 cup orange juice
1 cup water
2 1/2 tbsp rice vinegar
2 1/2 tbsp rum
2 1/2 tbsp salt
1 1/2 tbsp sugar
3 cloves garlic, roughly chopped
1 tsp fresh thyme leaves
1 tsp fresh rosemary, roughly chopped
1 tsp fresh sage, roughly chopped
1/2 tsp dried oregano
1 tsp peppercorns
1 bay leaf
Mojo Marinade
1/4 cup olive oil
1/4 cup cilantro
4 tsp mint leaves, minced
1/2 tbsp grated orange zest (from one orange)
2 1/2 tbsp orange juice (from aforementioned orange)
2 1/2 tbsp lime juice
3 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 tsp dried oregano
1/4 tsp ground cumin
1/4 tsp black pepper
1/4 tsp salt
For the Sammies
Two 6-8inch long Cuban Loaves (or one really long one)
8 slices swiss cheese
12-16 oz Mojo Roast Pork
6 oz shaved honey ham
3 tbsp yellow mustard
1/2 cup sliced dill pickles
4 tbsp softened butter
Instructions
Get all them brine ingredients mixed up and pour into a gallon ziploc. Add your pork shoulder to the bag, seal, and squish around for a second. Refrigerate, overnight, or at the very least 6 hours.
On the day of, puree all of the mojo marinade ingredients in a blender or mini food processor. Remove the pork shoulder from the brine and pat dry-- pour the marinade over the pork and refrigerate for another 2 hours, allowing all of the mojo deliciousness to soak into the meat.
Preheat the oven to 425 and set a rack over a baking sheet lined with foil. Remove the pork from the marinade and season all over with salt and pepper-- place onto your rack. Don't toss your leftover marinade!
Insert a meat thermometer into the center of your meat, and roast the pork for about 30 minutes. Pour a bit more marinade over the meat, removing it briefly from the oven if need be.
Reduce the oven temperature to 375 and continue roasting the pork for 1 hour and 30 minutes longer, basting once or twice more with remaining mojo-- you need to get to an internal temperature of 160.
When the meat is done, transfer to a cutting board and let it rest for 30 minutes-- the temperature will continue to rise a bit as it sits. Discard any string holding the roast together, and slice thinly-- about 1/4 inch thick slices. Don't worry, you're gonna have leftovers of this, so feel free to snack on a few slices and/or have a bunch of friends taste test.
Now that you have your juicy pork slices ready, it's time to get your remaining sammie ingredients together. Slice and generously butter the insides of your cuban loaves, and place on a flat griddle over medium high heat-- toast, moving the bread around a bit to ensure even browning. Remove from the griddle and spread the toasted bread insides with mustard.
Now for your layering order. Note, my is slightly different from Chef Choi's--I do cheese, pork, ham, pickle, cheese. I just find that sandwiching everything in melted cheese is... better.
When you're about ready to eat, generously butter the outside of each sandwich and place back onto your heated flat griddle pan. I don't have a legit plancha for pressing, but a panini press works pretty good. When that bread is golden and that cheese is melted, it's done.
To serve, cut each sandwich at a sharp diagonal. Eat hot, and preferably with a lot of cerveza. Not beer, cerveza. See Cocky Rooster recipe.
Notes
If you've not heard about the Floridian Cuban Sandwich debate, you can read about it here. For me, even though I hail from the Tampa Bay area, I'm not a huge salami and mayo fan, but to each their own. Just please, for the love of god, try to find some authentic Cuban bread. It's a pain in the ass, depending on where you live, but it's worth it.
Chocolate Lava Beignets
Yield: 18
Prep Time: 3 hours
Cook Time: 30 minutes
Total Time: 3 hours30 minutes
You'll find no infamous molten lava cake here. Instead, I give you molten chocolate BEIGNETS with just a hint of coffee. Cafe du Monde, nothing but respect-- but these beignets are GOOD.
Eat 'em slow. That molten chocolate center gets very, very hot.
Ingredients
3 tbsp heavy cream
1 tbsp butter
1/2 tbsp coffee
1 1/8 tsp active dry yeast (1/2 envelope)
1/4 cup sugar
3/4 cups lukewarm water
1 egg
1/2 tsp vanilla
1/2 cup evaporated milk
1 tsp salt
3 1/2 cups bread flour
2 tbsp unsalted butter, softened
Oil for deep-frying (canola or peanut)
4 oz bittersweet chocolate chips (about 1/2 cup)
Powdered Sugar, for garnish
Instructions
Start with your coffee ganache. In a microwave safe bowl, add your chocolate chips to your cream. Add 1 tbsp butter and coffee to a small, separate bowl and allow to come to room temp.
Microwave the chocolate/cream mix in 20 second bursts, stirring between each, until chocolate mix is smooth (all in, should take about a minutes worth of nukage). Add butter and coffee and stir in until butter is melted. Cover, and refrigerate for at least 3 hours until set.
Time to prep your beignet dough!
In a medium bowl, whisk together granulated sugar and warm water until sugar is dissolved. Add yeast and allow to get foamy (about 10 mins). In a separate bowl, beat the egg with vanilla and evaporated milk until incorporated. And, have your butter and flour ready.
Add half of your flour to a stand mixer bowl, together with egg mix. Beat with a dough hook until smooth, just a couple of minutes. Add yeast mix slowly while still running the mixer, followed by the butter, beating on medium low until smooth. Add remaning half of the flour and your salt-- beat 2 minutes more, until dough pulls away from the side of the bowl.
Add your dough to a lightly oiled bowl and cover-- let rise for 2 hours in a warm environement until the dough has doubled in size.
When the dough is ready, place on a lightly floured surface and roll out into a square roughly 1/8 inch thick. Using a floured knife, cut into 3x3 squares. Add a scant tsp of chocolate ganache to the center of each square, and fold the dough over the ganache to creat a nice little package. Make sure you seal the edges fully, or the chocolate will burst out when you fry your beignets.
Cover your raw beignets with a towl and allow to rest for 20 mins or so while you heat your oil for frying.
Place a deep, heavy bottomed pot (maybe the same one you used for your popcorn?) on high heat and fill that sucker with your oil (about 2-3 inches deep). Using a candy thermometer, bring the temperature of your oil up to 350 degrees.
In batches of 3-4, fry up your beignets roughly 1-2 minutes per side. Keep an eye on the temperature, and adjust your heat to compensate for any fluctuation-- you don't want to burn your lava filled treats!
Once your beignets are puffed and golden brown, remove from the hot oil and allow to drain on a paper towel lined cooked sheet. Sprinkle with powdered sugar (I didn't use too much, but feel free to go nuts if you like sweets), and serve warm.
THAT SHIT IS MOLTEN!!!!!! IT'S FUCKING MOLTEN!!!!!!!
Smashed Sugar Berries and Cream
Yield: 3 small servings
Cook Time: 1 hour
Total Time: 1 hour
Ok this was kind of a bonus dessert. Berries macerated in booze and topped with whipped cream and sugar dust... it just looked so yummy and easy and hey guess what it was (with a couple of adjustments).
Ingredients
For the Berries
1/3 heaping cup raspberries
1/3 heaping cup blackberries
1/3 heaping cup blueberries
1/3 heaping cup strawberries, thickly sliced
1 tbsp granulated sugar
1 tbsp Grand Marnier
Squeeze fresh lemon juice
Sugar Dust
2/3 cup granulated sugar
1 tbsp water
Whipped Cream
**SEE NOTE
Instructions
In a large bowl, sprinkle tbsp of sugar, Grand Marnier, and a squeeze of lemon juice over your berries and refrigerate-- the acid/alcohol will macerate the berries as they get sweeter from the sugar.
Now for your sugar dust-- in a small saucepan, combine sugar and water and heat over medium. Stir until sugar is fully melted and begins to turn into a light caramel color.
Pour onto a silpat lined baking sheet and allow to set for 20 minutes or so. Once the sugar sets, smash up with a knife...
...and add shards to a mini food processor or blender. Puree until you get a sugar dust. Don't worry if there are a few chunks-- you're gonna sift these out!
When you're ready to serve, top your macerated berries with whipped cream, and toss a handful of sugar dust on top with an arrogant chef-y flourish.
Happy 35 to Dirty Dancing, one of the greatest romances and dance films of all time (or at least the 80’s). Damn, Roger Ebert HATED this movie. And yet it has retained a loyal, long lasting fanbase– all of whom, I’m sure, secretly practice Johnny …
“If you are what you eat, then I only want to eat the good stuff.” Out of the mouths of rats… Ratatouille is, to this day, one of the best foodie films ever made. Even Anthony Bourdain thought so! Once you get past the very …
It all began on New Year’s Day… or in the case of this post, New Year’s Eve.
All hail Bridget Jones (Renee Zellweger), wanton sex goddess, who was able to land two, count ’em TWO, of the hottest British actors to ever grace the silver screen (that is, Hugh Grant and Colin Firth). There was quite a bit of hullabaloo in the UK when Zellweger was cast in this iconic literary role, being that she was NOT plump and definitely from Texas– but IMO she nailed it.
For those of you who have not seen Bridget Jones’s Diary, the film is a modern take on the classic “Pride and Prejudice” (Clueless, sorry, this one wins my affection award for modern Austen retellings). Now a single 32 year old living in London, our heroine Bridget must contend with the all too familiar fears of dying fat, alone, and eaten by wild dogs. With the arrival of the new year and her very non-PC mother’s turkey curry buffet, she fails all of her resolutions within about five minutes– and continues to do so with each subsequent, love triangle filled day that passes. Who should she choose– sexy red-flagapalooza boss Daniel Cleaver, romantic but emotionally constipated Mark Darcy, her career and sense of self-worth, or VODKA???
Clearly a perfect movie for singletons of the world over, this one really does hold up for me. And, it’s a great excuse to drink too much while watching a rom com at the end of a shitty pandemic year.
So, raise your glasses after filling them with booze, and enjoy the below menu of small plates inspired by Bridget Jones’s Diary. Let’s bid 2021 adieu!
The Movie
The Menu
I Choose Vodka
Yield: Oh, thousands.
Cook Time: 2 minutes
Total Time: 2 minutes
A relatively low calorie cocktail sure to get you smashed-- vodka, soda, and pretty red and green stuff.
Because now that we're in our 30's, we can definitely hold our drink!
Ingredients
All The Vodka
Club Soda
Mint
Raspberries
Instructions
Add raspberries and mint to a glass, fill said glass with mostly vodka, top off of sparkly water. Maybe add ice? And repeat frequently throughout the night because, like Bridget Jones:
Notes
Not a culinary note, but would still like to mention that a close friend of mine calls all whole berries in cocktails "standards" because while drunk at a bar one night, she asked if said bar had any fruit she could add to her wine-- when they replied no, she yelled "DON'T YOU HAVE ANY STANDARDS?!?!". And I feel like this is apt for Miss Jones, who could definitely up her standards at the beginning of the film and certainly seems to acquire some by the end (SPOILER).
So here's to you Ashley-- bottoms up!
Turkey Curry
Yield: 4 Servings
Prep Time: 1 hour30 minutes
Cook Time: 1 hour
Total Time: 2 hours30 minutes
A recipe for those still coping with Christmas leftovers and also for whom pickles on toothpicks are NOT the height of sophistication-- I give you a lovely turkey curry appetizer.
PS, this was my first time making curry! So, to be safe, I looked up a number of recipes and went with a slightly tweaked version of a NYT's Turkey Tikka Masala dish (tikka masala being the national dish of Britain).
Caperberry gravy and gherkins not included. Bridget Jones would not have approved.
Ingredients
For the Turkey Marinade:
1 tsp Garam Masala
1 tsp Ground Coriander
1 tsp Ground Cumin
1 tsp Paprika
2 tsp Ground Turmeric
1/2 tsp Salt
3 Cloves Garlic, minced
2 tsp Grated Fresh Ginger
1/2 cup Whole Milk Yogurt
1 1/2 cups Leftover Turkey, cut into 1 inch chunks
For the Masala:
2 tbsp Canola Oil
1/2 Onion, sliced
1/8 tsp Ground Cardamom
1 Small Bay Leaf
1/2 tsp Paprika
1/4 tsp Roasted Red Pepper Flakes
1/2 tsp Garam Masala
1 tsp Salt, plus more to taste
1 tbsp Grated Fresh Ginger
2 Cloves Garlic, minced
1 tbsp Tomato Paste
1 14oz Can Whole Peeled Tomatoes
1 cup Heavy Cream
1/4 cup Cilantro, roughly chopped, plus more for garnish
Steamed Basmati Rice
Instructions
Begin by marinading your turkey chunks in yogurt in spices-- in a medium bowl, add poultry, garam masala, coriander, cumin, paprika, turmeric, garlic, ginger, salt, and yogurt. Mix well, cover, and chill at least an hour or up to overnight.
Next, get started on your masala sauce. In a medium saucepan, add canola oil and heat to medium. Throw in your onion slices, and add cardamom, paprika, red pepper flakes, garam masala, a pinch of salt and your bay leaf. Toss to coat, and cook until onions are caramelized-- about 20 minutes. If need be, reduce the heat to medium low to prevent your onions from burning.
Add your ginger and garlic to the same pan and stir for another minute. Next, stir in your tomato paste and allow THAT to cook for another minute. Finally, add in tomatoes, crushing with your hands as you go. Simmer until liquid is almost evaporated, about 15 minutes. Add cream, cilantro, and salt-- continue to simmer until sauce thickens a bit, about 15 more minutes.
While your masala sauce simmers, turn on your oven's broiler. Lay your chicken chunks in their yogurt marinade on an aluminum foil lined baking sheet, and broil until the pieces begin to blacken ever so slightly-- this should take only 5 minutes. Remove from the oven and set aside.
Go back to your masala sauce and remove the bay leaf. Using an immersion blender, puree the sauce until relatively smooth. It should NOT need sieving, Una.
Just before serving, add the turkey chunks to the sauce and toss until warmed through. Add more salt if needed, and spoon over dishes filled with steamed basmati rice. Serve hot, garnished with cilantro leaves.
"Blue" Leek, Stilton, Fennel and Potato Soup
Yield: 2 Servings
Cook Time: 1 hour
Total Time: 1 hour
A kind of shot that Bridget would also enjoy-- full of carbs and cheese and not at all conducive to weight loss. But us verbally incontinent spinsters need some saturated fat sometimes.
AND blue is good. If you ask me there isn't enough blue food.
Ingredients
1 tbsp Butter
1 tbsp Olive Oil
1/2 Fennel Head
1 Leek
1 1/2 cup Chicken Broth
1/2 cup Heavy Cream
1 Clove Garlic
1 Small Russet Potato
1/3 cup Stilton Blue Cheese (about 1.5oz)
Salt, to taste
Fennel Fronds, to garnish
Instructions
Get those ingredients together!
Slice white fennel bulb into thick strips, removing the tough inner core but reserving a step or two for the fronds. Next, slice your leek, white and very pale green parts only-- if you are seeing a lot of grit on the leek, you may want to rinse the slices in water. Lastly, peel and cube your potato into roughly 1 inch thick chunks.
Heat the butter in a medium saucepan until melted, and add your fennel, leek, and potato. Add olive oil, and season lightly with salt and pepper-- toss to coat.
Allow the ingredients in the saucepan to sweat on medium/medium-low for about 10 minutes, until soft but NOT browned.
Add chicken stock, bring to a gentle simmer, and cover with a lid-- cook like this for about 30 minutes to allow your vegetables to fully soften.
Remove the pan from the heat and, using an immersion blender, puree the stock and vegetables until smooth. If using a food processor, do be sure to fasten the lid tightly...
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Add the cream and blue cheese, and continue to blend until fully incorporated.
Place soup back on low heat until slightly thickened, and season with salt and pepper to taste. Pour into to soup shot glasses, and serve with fennel fronds as garnish.
Japanese Omelette
Yield: 6 Pieces
Cook Time: 15 minutes
Total Time: 15 minutes
The main course in Bridget Jones's failed birthday supper, thanks to Mark Darcy-- and a recipe he might have been familiar making given his past unlucky relationship. Despite mother Pam's very non-PC judgement of Japanese culture, this surprisingly simple tamagoyaki recipe is delightful and perfect for a party.
The rolling process might seem intimidating at first, but just keep repeating to yourself-- I am the intellectual equal of everyone else here.
Ingredients
6 Eggs
2 tbsp Dashi Broth
2 tsp Low Sodium Soy Sauce
1 tsp Mirin (See Note)
1 tbsp Canola Oil
Siracha and Scallions, for garnish
Instructions
Begin with omelet base ingredients:
Whisk eggs, soy sauce, dashi and mirin until completely mixed. Note, if you don't have access to homemade dashi broth, you can always rely on these super helpful packages of dried dashi and dissolve it in water!
Then, in either an official tamagoyaki pan or a round non-stick skillet, you can begin building your layered roll. With a canola oil doused paper towel square, grease your pan, and heat over medium.
Pour 1/4 of your egg mixture into the pan and tilt to coat the bottoom with as even a circle as you can make. All enough time for the edges to solidify, at which point you can fold in two sides of the circle.
Next, roll the unfolded end of this "rectangle", from bottom of the pan to the top. Push yuor egg roll back to the bottom end of the pan, and re-grease the pan with your oiled paper towel. Pour another 1/4 of the egg mix into the empty space in the pan, and lift your already completed up egg roll to allow some of the raw mix to get under it.
Fold the sides in again once the raw mix has begun to firm up, and repeat the rolling process. Do this two more times, until you end up with a thicker log.
... this is starting to sound inappropriate.
Slice the egg roll into six equal pieces and top with a drizzle of siracha and scallions.
Have it OEUF! No overspray to mind, thank god.
Notes
If you don't have mirin, you can substitute with sake or alternatively a dry white wine and a pinch of sugar. Also, if the above set of instructioons on how to roll a tamagoyaki in a round pan is a bit murky, use this video on youtube-- super helpful!
Boozy Orange Marmalade Biscuits
Yield: 1 Dozen (ie 1 Serving)
Prep Time: 45 minutes
Cook Time: 20 minutes
Total Time: 1 hour5 minutes
A finishing flourish to *i hope* a slightly more successful meal than Bridget Jones's birthday "feast"-- orange marmalade biscuits/cookies with a nice spike of booze. Because, have you seen this movie??
I may use cookie and biscuit interchangeably here, just be aware. The movie's British guys, deal with it.
Ingredients
1 1/2 Sticks Butter, room temperature
1/2 cup Sugar
1/2 tsp Vanilla
1 3/4 cups AP Flour
Pinch of Salt
1/4 tsp Orange Zest
1/2 cup Orange Marmalade (see note, I have a recipe!!!!)
1/2 tbsp Cointreau
Powdered Sugar, for sprinkling on top
Instructions
Preheat your oven to 350 good god!
(i might be drunk as i write this)
Gather your base ingredients together...
... and beat your butter, sugar and vanilla together with a hand mixer until light and fluffy. Sift in flour and salt in 1/2 cup increments, and continue to beat until fully incorporated-- add the orange zest in with the last batch of sifted flour.
Form dough into a disk, and wrap in plastic. Refrigerate for at least 30 minutes.
After chilling period has ended, roll your dough between two pieces of parchment paper-- should be about 1/8 inch thick. Using a cookie cutter or whatever other round shaped devices you have on hand (note, I have a shot glass), cut 12 three-inch rounds and 12 three-inch donut shapes out of your dough.
Place onto a parchment paper lined baking sheet like so:
Bake, for 15-20 mins-- keep an eye, you want to take out of the oven when the edges of your shortbread biscuits turn golden at the edges.
Remove from the oven and allow to cool to room temperature. In the meantime, mix marmalade with booze and prep a cookie assembly station. When biscuits are cool, sprinkle the hollow ones with powdered sugar, and get to it:
Happy 55th Anniversary to Chuck Jones’s classic TV adaptation of How the Grinch Stole Christmas!! I know there have been a number of movies based on the original children’s book at this point, but this holiday animated special always held a special place in my …