Recipes for foodies and film nerds. Because life's too short for stale popcorn and crappy movies.
Turns out Moonstruck is 35 years young this month, and it also happens to be a holiday film. So happy Christmas Eve– time to celebrate with a bunch of classic Italian dishes and a lotta booze! When Moonstruck was released in 1987, Cher had already …
HEEYYYY YOUUUU GUYYYYYS, it’s National Junk Food Day! Which could really be any day for me, especially if pizza is involved. And I’m relatively certain this would be the case for The Goonies too– which is why you now have a pirate-y, Chunk-y, highly fattening set of recipes to enjoy below.
The Goonies is a 1985 classic that is, to this day, one of my favorite adventure films. And that’s not surprising, given it was EP’d (and closely monitored) by Steven Spielberg and directed by the late Richard Donner (Superman, Ladyhawke, Free Willy, so many more…). The film centers around a group of outcast kids self-dubbed as the Goonies– Sean Astin playing Mikey the asthmatic leader, my fave Ke Huy Quan playing nerdy inventor Data, Jeff Cohen as fat kid klutz Chunk, Corey Feldman as Mouth, and (though he would likely deny his Goonie status), older brother Brand (Josh Brolin).
When the rich assholes on the other side of town swoop in to purchase their neighborhood property in the Goondocks, Mikey and co head up to Mikey’s attic to see if they can find some last minute “rich stuff” to save their neighborhood. Instead, they find an aged treasure map that leads them on a fantastical, goofy, and sometimes gruesome quest to find famous pirate One-Eyed Willy’s buried treasure. As if booty, ahem booby (that’s what I said!) traps, lots of skeletons, and kissing sessions with ewwww GIRLS weren’t enough to contend with, the Goonies also have the criminal Fratelli’s (<3 Mama Anne Ramsey) on their trail.
And of course we can’t not mention Sloth, adopted Goonie– but I’m not sure how to describe him. So just watch.
If you haven’t seen The Goonies, you’re in for a legit treat you dorks. Plus, heyo, lots of actual treats to eat complete with Baby Ruth RUTH, Pepsi and Domino’s product placement. And now that I’m about 50lbs heavier than I was before I ate everything, I’ll need some pretty strong pinchers of power to button my pants without having a heart attack from the effort. But, after all, GOONIES NEVER SAY DIE(T). … see what I did there? Mouth would be ashamed.
(PS The music in this trailer is from Neverending Story. I sense a double feature in my immediate future…)
Oh boy, soda pop! With a LOT of rum for all pirates great and small (as long as their over 21). Just be careful-- alcohol combined with this much sugar and fruit could sink you. Divide all liquid ingredients between two cocktail glasses. Drop in some ice, garnish with fruit, and keep your eye out for tricky footing ahead, cause holy S-H-I-T! A pirate-y little twist on a fast food pizza with all three of Dominos most popular toppings-- (coin) pepperoni, (skull) mushroom, and extra cheeeeese. If you are making your pizza dough and following my recipe, reserve several hous in advance for dough to rise, etc. While you wait, you'll have plenty of time to cut little skull faces into your mushrooms-- using a straw or a piping tip, cut eyes into mushroom sliced from top through the stem. Then, use a sharp knife to cut a triangular nose hole, as well as "teeth" into the mushroom stems. Set aside (but not for too long or they will turn brown). And if you really want, give one an eyepatch P). Once your dough is ready, preheat your oven to its highest setting (mine goes up to 500 degrees). Spread cornmeal over parchment paper-- this will help hold your dough in place and give you that quintessential Dominos CRUNCH. Top with tomato sauce and (extra) cheese, followed by mushrooms and pepperoni. Carefully lift your pizza by the parchment paper corners and place into your preheated oven, either on a cookie sheet or pizza stone. Bake for just over 10 minutes, monitoring to make sure it doesn't burn. Remove from oven and allow to rest for a minute or two before cutting. And stay away from my pepperonis!!! You can find my pizza dough recipe in my On the Side section here. My favorite pizza sauce recipe is here. Ah the potato chip-- possibly the most perfect of the junk foods. But these you can't eat until you do the truffle shuffle. Obviously. Using a mandoline at one of it's thinnest setting, 1/16 - 1/8 of an inch, slice potatoes-- you really do need a mandoline folks, a sharp knife is highly unlikely to get slices thin enough. Add all of the potato slices to a large bowl filled with water and let sit for 30 mintues. The potatoes will lose their starch and you'll notice they will start to become stiff. Drain slices and set aside briefly. In a large saucepan, bring vinegar and 2 quarts water to a boil. Add potato slices and cook for 3 minutes. Drain, and place on paper towels to dry while you heat your oil. Heat oil to roughly 325 degrees. Once the oil hits temperature, fry your chips in 3 or 4 batches, making sure to move slices around with a heat proof spoon/spatula to prevent slices from sticking to one another. Each batch should take about 5 minutes, depending on how much your oil temperature fluctuates with the introduction of each batch to the pan. Potato chips will be done when they are a light golden color and they stop releasing bubbles as they fry (lack of bubbles means all of the water in the chips has been fried away, and your chips will be crispy cripsy!). Remove from the oil with a slotted spoon or strainer and transfer to a paper towel to dry/drain. Sprinkle as soon as possible with truffle salt to taste (I used a little more than a teaspoon). Transfer to a ziploc until ready to serve, at which point-- you know what to do. If kept in a sealed container/ziploc, chips will keep for a week! Ruth! Ruth! Baby! Ruth! Forever my (and Sloth's) favorite candy bar-- and now in ice cream form (with a little "chocolate eruption" added in). Whip your cream with a hand or stand mixer in a medium bowl-- after a couple of minutes you should see stiff peaks. Mix salt and extracts into half of your condensed milk-- set the rest of your condensed milk aside for the chocolate sauce. Fold one third of the whipped cream into the condensed milk mix to lighting it up a bit, then fold that lightened milk back into the fresh whipped cream-- VERY gently-- with a rubber spatula. You don't want to be heavy handed, or your ice cream will be a creamy ice cube. Pour into a pie tin or small metal loaf pan and smooth with your spatula. Cover tightly with plastic wrap and freeze for about 2 hours. About 15 minutes before your ice cream is finished with it's first round of freezing, make your chocolate "eruption" sauce. Add reserved condensed milk and chocolate chips to a small saucepan. Heat over medium, stirring constantly, until chocolate chips are melted-- add butter and mix until fully incorporated. Keep warm on the stove until you're ready to swirl. Once you've hit your two hour freeze mark, your ice cream should be about the consistency of soft serve. At this point you can add 3/4 of your candy bar chunks... ...and then swirl in your caramel sauce and chocolate eruption sauce. Continue to freeze, covered, until solid and scoopable (about another 4 hours). I smell ice cream!
Booty Trap Cocktail
Yield:
2 cocktails
Cook Time:
5 minutes
Total Time:
5 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Goonie Pie
Yield:
Single 8inch Thick Crust Pizza
Prep Time:
2 hours 30 minutes
Cook Time:
30 minutes
Total Time:
3 hours
Ingredients
Instructions
Notes
Truffle Shuffle Tato Chips
Yield:
4 Servings Unless You're a Goonie Then It's 2
Cook Time:
1 hour
Total Time:
1 hour
Ingredients
Instructions
Notes
Baby Ruth Chunk Ice Cream
Yield:
2 Large Servings (or 1 if you're Chunk)
Cook Time:
6 hours
Total Time:
6 hours
Ingredients
Instructions
Having now rewatched the streaming version of The Goonies a few times, I gotta say I was a little disgruntled that the TV version I remember from my youth had a lot more footage included! So, for your post-viewing pleasure, here are all of the Goonies deleted scenes. And, here’s a link to perhaps the best/worst of them. You’re welcome.
For more menus, check out my movie directory here!
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