Hocus Pocus– what a goofy ass time. Is it deserving of critical acclaim? No. But it’s a Halloween staple that everyone loves so much Disney just released a sequel 29 years later. And Sarah is STILL REALLY FUNNY! Both Hocus Pocus 1 & 2 star …
Get ready to salivate– Chef is one of those foodie films that opens with food, closes with food, and has all the cooking, plating, and eating you could want in between. A 2014 indie darling by Jon Favreau, Chef follows Carl Casper, a high-end LA …
So, to be completely 100% all the way honest, I wasn’t a huge fan of Waitress when it was released in 2007. At the time I knew nothing of the broadway musical that would come later that same year, and I had already seen (and loved) The Good Girl starring Jen Aniston in 2002. Now, of course, I’m in my 30’s and any movie featuring a smarter-than-her-town jaded heroine hits the spot for me. Also it’s a really good foodie movie. ‘Cause see the main character Jenna also happens to be her town’s pie genius.
Having inherited her late mother’s gift for making a pie fit any occasion, mood, or change in the weather, Jenna debuts all of her culinary creations at Joe’s Pie Shop where she waits tables. Jenna has a horrible home life with a loser, epically selfish and abusive husband (Jeremy Sisto, ugh what’s wrong with me he’s still a stud)– and then she finds out she’s pregnant. With a damn. baby. Good thing her new gyno happens to be incredibly handsome (Nathan Fillion, ahem), sensitive and super into her. What follows is a whole lotta self examination and realization and Jenna coming into her own and who really cares because, like the patrons of Joe’s, we’re here for the food.
So for this cute movie I made some very sweet (and one savory) pie or pie-like treats. I prioritized my selections based on those that actually got their own visual vignette in the film, but feel free to pick any of the other numerous pies Jenna references! Just do as I did, for the sake of your waist line, and make some of these pies personal sized. Luckily, all of the below recipes can be baked at the same temps and for roughly the same amount of time, so despite the volume it’s all a piece of … you know. HAPPY PI DAY!
Per the handsome doc, coffee (and most definitely booze) are on Jenna's "bad food list". Good thing none of US are pregnant.
(if you are you shouldn't drink this...)
Ingredients
8 oz Brewed Coffee, chilled
2 tbsp Simple Syrup
2 tbsp Whiskey
3 tbsp Cream
Whipped cream **SEE NOTE
Nutmeg, for garnish
Instructions
Fill a high ball or sundae glass with ice. Pour in the coffee, syrup, cream and whiskey, stirring until mixed. Top with the whipped cream and sprinkle with nutmeg.
Notes
If you want to make whipped cream from scratch-- BRAVO. It's super easy and way more delicious than what you'll find in a can. Just check out my On the Side how-to.
I Don't Want Earl's Baby Pie
Yield: 9 inch Quiche
Cook Time: 2 hours2 seconds
Total Time: 2 hours2 seconds
One of the first pies of the film: a savory quiche filled with brie and smoked ham. Nothing says "I wish I could shirk my parental responsibilities" like a bunch of broken eggs!
Ingredients
1/2 Sister Mary Edwina's Pie Crust **SEE NOTE
5 oz brie
2/3 cup smoked ham, chopped
6 eggs
1/4 cup cream
1/2 cup milk
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
2 tbsp sliced scallion, divided
Instructions
For quiche, you'll need to blind bake your crust (otherwise, you run the risk of a soggy bottom and that would be a dman shame! Preheat your oven to 375. Roll out your portion of pie crust and line a 9inch pie dish-- crimp the edges all pretty like (there's a very usefull how to at Food52). Prick the bottom of the crust with a fork several times (this will prevent air bubbles from expanding beneath the crust as it bakes.
You can further prevent uneven crusts by lining the dough with parchment paper and weighting it with dried beans or pie weights (more on that here). Bake for 11-12 minutes until crust just starts to turn a pale gold. Remove from the oven and set aside to come to room temperature-- reduce the oven temp to 350, and get started on your filling.
Whisk eggs, dairy, salt and pepper together. Layer chunks of brie, ham and half of your scallions on the bottom of your cooled pie crust, and pour your egg mix over your fillings.
Bake for roughly 45-50mins at 350-- the center should still have a very slight jiggle when it comes out of the oven, as the quiche will contine to set as it sits. When ready to serve, sprinkle with a few of the remaining scallions.
MMM a dark chocolate cream pie drowned in caramel-- all it needs is some extra salt to bring out the perfect level of bitterness.
Ingredients
1/8 Pie Crust recipe (about 4oz dough) **SEE NOTE
3/4 tbsp salted butter, room temperature
1/2 cup bittersweet chocolate chips
1/4 tsp vanilla extract
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1 tbsp cornstarch
2/3 tbsp unsweetened cocoa powder
1 egg yolk
1/3 cup heavy cream, room temperature and divided
2/3 cup milk, room temperature
2-3 tbsp Caramel Sauce **SEE NOTE
Flaky Sea Salt
Instructions
Start with your crust. Preheat the oven to 375. On a piece of wax paper, roll out your dough into an 8 inch diameter circle. Place a 5inch pie tin over the dough...
.. and flip it over. Peel away the wax paper and press the dough into your mini-pan, crimping the edges. Bake for 5-10 minutes until golden brown. Remove and set aside to cool completely.
Now for your filling! In a medium bowl, whisk together the sugar, cornstarch, cocoa, espresso powder, and salt. Add 1/2 of the cream and the egg yolks-- continue whisking until smooth.
Pour this mixture into a medium saucepan over medium heat, whisking ask it begins to warm. Gradually whisk in the remaining cream and all of the milk. Bring to a very soft boil, whisking constantly as the mixture thickens (approximately 1 minute).
Remove the saucepan from the heat and pour the mixture back into your mixing bowl. Add the chocolate, butter and vanilla. Stir until everything is melted and the mix is smooth. If you have any stray lumps, you can pass the filling through a strainer to nix them.
Now, place a sheet of plastic wrap over the chocolate mix and press down to seal the top-- you don't want any air pockets, or you run the risk of a skin forming over the chocolate. Chill the mix in the fridge for 30 minutes to an hour before spooning into your cooled pie crust.
Before serving, pour your caramel sauce over your pie and sprinkle with flaky sea salt. For best slicing, refrigerate the pie overnight before serving.
Baby Screaming It's Head Off in the Middle of the Night and Ruining My Life Pie
Yield: 1 4inch Cheesecake
Cook Time: 1 hour
Additional Time: 2 hours
Total Time: 3 hours
Ok Ok this is not a pie. It's a NY style cheesecake. But Jenna made it, so it's not cheating! Especially since this one is low calorie and still creamy delicious enough to make the late night child care a little more bearable.
Ingredients
1/3 cup graham cracker crumbs
1 tbsp salted butter, melted
1/2 tbsp granulated sugar
1/2 cup cream cheese, softened to room temperature **SEE NOTE
1/8 cup greek yogurt, at room temperature **SEE NOTE
1/8 cup granulated sugar
1/4 tsp vanilla extract
1/4 tsp lemon juice
1 small egg, room temperature
1/8 cup brandy
1/8 cup pecans, roughly chopped
nutmeg, for garnish
Instructions
Preheat oven to 375-- time to assemble your graham cracker crust!
Combine graham cracker crumbles, sugar and melted butter in a bowl-- the mixture will be like a grainy wet sand.
In a 4 inch springform pan (or, if you don't have one of these, you can always make 3-4 mini mini cheesecakes in a lined cupcake tray), firmly press heaping tablespoons full of the crust mix into the bottom. Prebake the crust for 5 minutes, and set aside--reduce the heat to 350.
For the filling: Using a handheld or stand mixer fitted with a paddle or whisk attachment, beat the cream cheese and granulated sugar together on medium-high speed in a large bowl until the mixture is smooth and creamy, about 1 minute.
Add the sour cream, vanilla extract, and lemon juice then beat until fully combined. On medium speed, add the egg and beat just until combined. Batter will be thick.
Pour the batter over the graham cracker crust (make sure your spring form pan is completely sealed!).
Tightly wrap the bottom and sides of the springform pan in aluminum foil-- then, submerge the pan in a water bath (the water should only come up about halfway along the sides.
Bake until the edge of the cheesecake is set and the middle has a SLIGHT jiggle-- about 35 mins (or, if you're using a muffin tin, 20 mins).
Once finished, set the pan on a wire rack and allow to cool at room temperature for 30 minutes. Refrigerate for at least 2 hours. Once fully chilled and you are almost ready to serve, brush the top of the cheesecake with brandy.
Add chopped pecans and nutmeg as a final garnish and hot damn that's yummy.
Cheesecakes will keep in the refrigerator for up to 5 days.
Notes
Most cheesecake recipes will call for full fat everything. And that's wonderful, but you know what's better? Finding a recipe that's just as good with low fat ingredients-- and this is one of them! Feel free to use reduced fat cream cheese and yogurt and you'll be much more willing and able to shove all these other pies in your face.
Earl Murders Me Because I'm Having An Affair Pie
Cook Time: 1 hour
Total Time: 1 hour
A dark and bloody red pie for dark moods. I added the broken heart-- seemed appropriate.
Ingredients
1/3 cup all-purpose flour
1 tbsp cocoa powder
1/2 tbsp granulated sugar
2 tbsp salted butter
1 to 2 tbsp water
4 oz blackberries
4 oz raspberries
1 heaping tbsp sugar
squeeze lemon juice
2 tsp cornstarch
Instructions
As per usual, crust is first! In a bowl, stir together flour, cocoa, sugar, and salt. Cut in the butter until pieces are pea sized. Sprinkle 1 tablespoon ice water over the mixture and gently toss with a fork. Press into a ball and, if pieces are falling off, add a bit more water to the mix. Form into a disc and refrigerate for 30 mins.
Roll pastry from the center to the edge of a piece of wax paper, working to create a thin circle about 1/8 thick. Using a heart stencil or a sharp knife, cut 3 hearts out of your dough about 2 1/2 inches tall.
Roll out the remainder of your dough into mini pie sized discs. Crimp edges as desired (I used a fork to make angled indents.
In a small mixing bowl, CRUSH the remaining ingredients with your BARE HANDS until you get a jammy consistency.
Fill your crusts with berry mixture and, after cutting your dough hearts into two jagged halves, place them on top of the berry filling.
Bake until crust is just turning a more golden brown.
I Can't Have No Affair Because It's Wrong and I Don't Want Earl to Kill Me Pie
Yield: 1 4inch Pie
Vanilla custard with banana (hold the banana).
Ingredients
1/8 portion Sister Mary Edwina's Pie Crust Recipe **SEE NOTE
1 egg
1/3 cup milk
4 tbsp heavy cream
Pinch nutmeg
1/8 tsp vanilla
2 1/2 tbsp sugar
Whipped cream, for topping **SEE NOTE
Instructions
Preheat your oven to 375 (again). Prep your pie crust (again)-- just look at the other pie recipes for gods sake.
Once you have the crust in its little pie tin, use a spoon to imprint little scallop edges.
Then (huge surprise, I know) prebake your crust for 5 minutes and set aside to come to room temperature. Reduce heat to 350.
In a small bowl, whisk together the remaining ingredients excl the whipped cream topping. Because, duh.
Pour custardy pie filling into your prebaked and cooled crust (you don't want scramby eggs at the bottom!).
Bake for 35 minutes until custard is set. Serve chilled or warm (but not too warm or your damn whipped cream'll melt!).
So, our Waitress baker Jenna describes this one as “Lumpy oatmeal with fruitcake mashed in. Flambéed of course." If you want, you can of course soak this sucker in brandy and light it on fire, but don't go nuts and burn your house down. Please. Here's a how to on how NOT to do that.
Ingredients
1/4 cup quick-cooking oats
2 tbsp all-purpose flour
2 tbsp brown sugar
3 tbsp cold butter
pinch clove
2 tbsp chopped pecans
2 tbsp red candied cherries
1 tbsp chopped dates
1 tbsp chopped candied pineapple
2 tbsp butter, softened
2 tbsp packed brown sugar
1 small egg, room temperature, lightly beaten
2 tbsp corn syrup
hefty pinch each of ground cloves, ginger and nutmeg
Brandy, for lighting on fire!
Instructions
LAST CRUST. And this one is a little tricky.
Preheat the oven to 350. Mix oats, flour, sugar, clove, and COLD butter-- very important, as this crust does NOT work with softened or melted butter.
Once your dough reaches a wet sand consistency, press into the bottom and sides of a 4 inch pie tin. Here's where it gets iffy-- using another pie tin, weight the little crust down with pie weights or dried beans. As this particular crust cooks, it tends to swell as the oats absorb the butter. This step helps your crust stay crust shaped! Prebake your crust, remove from the oven and reduce heat to 350.
Now for your filling! You should have a heaping 1/2 cup full of the dry ingredients...
... which you'll mix together and add to your prebaked crust. Whisk your wet ingredients
Collect your filling ingredients and fill your oatmeal crust-- you should have a heaping 1/2 cup full.
In a small bowl, cream butter and brown sugar until light and fluffy, 5-7 minutes. Beat in the eggs, corn syrup, cloves, ginger and nutmeg. Pour over fruit mixture.
I got nothing except for the fact that now all I wanna do is rewatch Felicity. Earl or Dr. Pomatter; Ben or Noel. Damn Keri Russell gets into some solid love triangles…
I’ve been wanting to do at least one serious horror/thriller for October. But let me just say that blood, guts and ghosts don’t always make for appetizing menus. Enter Mike Pence (or should I say his winged companion) who inspired me to revisit Hitchcock’s classic …
Hi, hello, and welcome to a screening of perhaps the scariest “kids and family” movie ever made: Return to Oz. Trust me, it’s on lists. You’ve got mental institutionalization, Frankenstein-d animal/vegetable/furniture hybrid creatures (sometimes with or without a head), the witch actress from Willow, evil rock …
I’ve been craving pizza almost as much as I’ve been craving movies from my childhood– and it just so happens that this year is the 30th anniversary of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (god I’m old). So here we are!
While looking up reviews of TMNT, I was a little bit surprised to discover that it doesn’t have the best reviews. I myself have vivid memories of running around the house screaming “Cowabunga!” after seeing it, so clearly something stuck. Though, maybe it was because I was 5 years old and I was able to look past some of the hilariously bad moments and appreciate the absurdity of giant Turtles eating pizza while fighting an insidious gang of dark ninjas in NYC. In any event, rewatching the movie now still leaves an impression– you have to admire the creature effects from The Jim Henson Company, the costuming, the production design, and the stunts. And, let’s not forget Baby Sam Rockwell as “Head Thug” of the Foot Clan!
If you’ve never seen this movie, hopefully you can appreciate these things too. And if this is a revisit for you, I know you’ll get a kick out of the cocktail at the very least. It’s totally tubular.
The Movie
The Menu
Green B-Ooze
Yield: 2 Cocktails
Cook Time: 5 minutes
Total Time: 5 minutes
While not as prominantly featured in the first TMNT movie, the OOZE is the radioactive sludge that causes Splinter and the Turtles to grow bigger and more intelligent. So here's a B-Ooze cocktail with an Asian flair-- it won't make you grow and will make you more stupid, but most importantly it glows under a black light. TURTLE POWER!
Ingredients
4 shots Gin
2 shot Sake
6 Mint Leaves
1 tsp Sweet Matcha Powder
Healthy Squeeze Lime Juice
1 Small Pinch of Riboflavin/Vitamin B2 Powder
Club Soda
2 Lime Slices
Instructions
Combine gin, sake, mint leaves, matcha, lime juice, and riboflavin powder in a cocktail shaker with ice. Note, Riboflavin can be bought at any grocery/vitamin store-- it's an everyday supplement that just happens to glow! Be careful though, as adding more than just a pinch will make your cocktail a bit bitter.
Shake your ingredients for a good minute to ensure that the mint is crushed and the flavors are infused. Pour into two highball glasses and top with club soda and a thin slice of lime.
Then, get out your black light and realize what a crazy gd nerd you are.
I've tried a number of pizza dough recipes in the last few months and this is the best so far-- a very slightly simplified version of the recipe used at one of my favorite NYC pizza joints, Roberta's. Using bread flour is key if you can find it!
Ingredients
1 1/2 cup Bread Flour
1 1/2 cup All Purpose Flour
1 1/2 tsp Kosher Salt
1 1/4 cup Lukewarm Water
1 tsp Active Dry Yeast
1 1/2 tsp Olive Oil
Instructions
In a large mixing bowl, combine flours and salt. In a small mixing bowl, stir together 1 1/4 cup of lukewarm tap water, the yeast and the olive oil, then pour it into flour mixture.
Knead with your hands until well combined, approximately 3 minutes—if you need to add another tsp of water to the mix to collect all that flour, that’s fine. Let the mixture rest for 15 minutes.
Then knead rested dough for 3 minutes until smooth and elastic and shapes easily into a ball of dough.
Cut into two pieces and shape each into a ball. Place on a heavily floured surface or in separate bowls, cover, and let rest and rise for 3 to 4 hours at room temperature until doubled in size. You can also refrigerate for 8 to 24 hours-- just be sure to remove it 30 to 45 minutes before you begin to shape it for pizza.
Mikey's Bodacious Order
Yield: 1 8-inch Pizza
Cook Time: 30 minutes
Total Time: 30 minutes
While this is perhaps the most "traditional" pizza in this post, it's definitely got a LOT going on-- thick crust, double cheese with pepperoni, ham, mushrooms, onions, sausage, green peppers, black olives and NO anchovies.
Just look at that nummy stretchy cheeeeese...
Ingredients
Pizza Dough (see above recipe)
½ cup Pizza Sauce (your favorite store bought brand, or freshly made per the link in notes)
4 oz White Button Mushrooms
2 tbsp Chopped Ham
9-10 Slices Pepperoni
1/4 Green Pepper
1/2 cup Cooked Sausage
1 tbsp Chopped Black Olives (I went kalamata, but you can go the traditional sliced black olive route)
2 cups Grated Mozzarella
Instructions
Preheat your oven to its highest temperature (mine goes up to 500). Place your pan, pizza stone, or whatever you'd like to put your pizza on, in the oven to preheat for at least 30 minutes. I don't have a pizza stone, so I flip a cookie sheet and use the flat bottom surface.
Assemble all your toppings-- the more cheese the better.
Place a sheet of parchment paper on a flat surface. Drop the largest of the three pizza dough balls onto the parchment paper and shape into an 8-9 inch round, depending on your thickness preferences (and oven space)-- just remember, Mikey likes thick crust.
Spread the pizza sauce thinly over the dough. Next, sprinkle the majority of the cheese over the sauce. Then, add your toppings, spreading evenly with the meat as close to the top as possible-- you want it to crisp! Sprinkle with the last of your cheese, and spritz with olive oil.
Lift the parchment paper with pizza and place it onto the preheated pan from the oven-- you should hear a sizzle as the dough hits the hot surface. This means your crispy crust is already forming!
Bake for roughly 15 mins, depending on the heat of your oven-- you'll be able to tell that it's done when your cheese becomes a nice golden color and your crust starts to brown.
Notes
You can find my recipe for pizza sauce in the "On the Side" section of this site, here.
Ninja Kick Pizza
Yield: 1 8-inch Pizza
Cook Time: 30 minutes
Total Time: 30 minutes
Not QUITE a white pizza, since the base on this one is actually a creamy miso sauce-- just one of many Japanese ingredients that make this a deliciously savory (and spicy) pie. Dudes and Dudettes, major-league butt-kicking is back in town.
Ingredients
Pizza Dough (see above recipe)
½ tsp Toasted Sesame Oil
3 tbsp Miso
¼ cup Water
½ tsp Rice Vinegar
½ tsp Chili Oil
8 oz Shiitake Mushrooms
¾ cup Thinly Sliced Onion (About ½ of a Medium Onion)
1 tsp Canola Oil
¾ cup Grated Parmesan Cheese
1 tbsp Siracha
1 tbsp Sliced Scallions
Instructions
As with Mikey's pizza, make sure your oven preheats on its highest setting for an hour before baking-- mine goes up to 500. Also preheat your pan, pizza stone, or whatever you'd like to put your pizza on for at least 30 minutes before baking. I don't have a pizza stone, so I flip a cookie sheet and use the flat bottom surface.
Assemble your ingredients. Start by caramelizing your onions in canola oil over low heat (about 10 minutes). Just before they become fully translucent, add shitake mushrooms-- they won't have enough time to fully soften when they bake, so it's helpful to brown them just a bit beforehand.
Next, mix your miso paste, water, sesame oil, vinegar, and chili oil until it becomes a creamy consistency.
Now it's time to assemble your Ninja Kick Pizza! Drop one of the smaller of your three dough balls onto a sheet of parchment paper and shape into an 8-inch round. Spread your miso mixture on your dough just as you would pizza sauce, leaving half an inch from the edge clear. Top with your shitakes and caramelized onions, and finally with cheese. Spritz with additional canola oil.
Lifting parchment paper carefully, place onto a preheated cookie sheet back-- you should hear a sizzle as the crust hits the hot surface. Bake for 12-15 minutes until crust becomes golden brown.
Finish your pizza off with a sprinkling of sliced scallion and a healthy drizzle of siracha, depending on how much kick you can take. HiiiiiYA!
Penicillin Pie
Yield: 1 8-inch Pizza
Cook Time: 30 minutes
Total Time: 30 minutes
Do you like penicillin on your pizza? Turns out it's delicious when paired with green pistachios, green apples, green arugula (notice a trend here?), and a honey balsamic drizzle--it's a shell of a good hit.
Hey look I made a funny.
Ingredients
Pizza Dough (see above recipe)
1/2 cup Cream Cheese
3/4 cup Blue Cheese
1 Small Granny Smith Apple, thinly sliced
1/4 cup Chopped Pistachios
Freshly Ground Pepper
3/4 cup Loosely Packed Arugula
3 tbsp Balsamic Vinegar
1 tbsp Honey
Instructions
Make sure your oven preheats on its highest setting for an hour before baking-- mine goes up to 500. Also preheat your pan, pizza stone, or whatever you'd like to put your pizza on for at least 30 minutes before baking.
Assemble your ingredients-- cheeses, chopped nuts, apple, and black pepper go on the pie before baking. To prep your balsamic drizzle, heat balsamic and honey in a small saucepan until slightly thickened and reduced.
Drop one of the two smaller balls of dough onto a piece of parchment paper and spread into a circle of roughly 8 inches in diameter. Heat your cream cheese in a microwave until softened slightly, and spread over the crust. Next, layer apple slices over your cheese and sprinkle with chopped pistachios. Top with blue cheese and a sprinkle of freshly cracked pepper.
Carefully lift pizza and parchment paper and place onto your preheated baking dish-- you should hear yet another sizzle as the raw dough hits the hot surface. Bake for 12-15 minutes until crust is golden brown. Once done, remove from the oven and let cool slightly. Top with arugula and drizzle with your balsamic glaze. Salty, sweet, and tart YUM.
Epilogue
As a franchise, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles has been around for forever– unsurprisingly, there have been NUMEROUS iterations of recipes taken from and inspired by the movies/shows/comics. Here is a link to the official cookbook, which is a bit tamer than some of the bizarre recipes compiled by chefs and fans. If anyone is able to successfully ingest peanut butter and clam pizza, please report back…