Recipes for foodies and film nerds. Because life's too short for stale popcorn and crappy movies.
Honey, I Shrunk the Kids– a classic family film that made every child in the 1980’s crave Little Debbie’s. Also the movie that made me realize grown ups should ALWAYS listen to their pets. QUARK KNEW EVERYTHING THE ENTIRE TIME SZALINSKI. Set in an unspecified …
1990’s Mermaids is the perfect movie for Mother’s Day– or, alternatively, any mothers/daughters out there who live for driving each other nuts no matter what day it is. Fair warning though, you’re likely to relive some excruciatingly embarrassing moments from your youth as you watch.
Set in the early 1960’s, Mermaids follows single mom Ms. Rachel Flax (Cher) and her two daughters Charlotte (Winona Ryder) and the friggin’ ADORABLE Kate (Christina Ricci) as they relocate to a charing New England town. This seems to be standard practice for promiscuous Ms. Flax, who defines death as “dwelling on the past or staying in one place too long!” Charlotte, by contrast, is obsessed with Catholicism (despite her Jewish heritage) and yearns for some semblance of stability as she makes her way through the awkwardness that is high school. And Kate– well she just really likes to swim.
Enter a couple of new men to shake things up for the Flax ladies, in the form of sassy shoe store owner Lou (Bob Hoskins) and the beautiful handyman Joe (Michael Schoeffling aka Jake Ryan) who lives in a convent next door. Torn between her delusional commitment to Jesus and her attraction Joe’s quiet hunky-ness, Charlotte Flax is constantly in flux– not to mention at constant war with her shifty, clever, sexy AF mother.
HIT ME Saaaaargent! Here's a perfectly fizzy and dangerously sweet cocktail with just enough OOMPH to either get you real calm, or to behave like a woman about to go forth in sin. Pour all the ingredients over ice, stir, and try not to get sloppy (KATE). The first of several finger foods, and one that Ms. Flax specializes in-- plus some goldfish for Olympian hopeful Kate. Gather all your cheese ball ingredients (ie the first 11 items in the above list). Once fully mixed, refrigerate for at least 30 minutes. Scoop 2 heaping tbsps of your cheese ball mix at a time and roll into balls. Pulverize a couple of handfuls of goldfish crackers, leveraging any and all mother-daughter angst you might be harboring-- you can use a mini food processor or your bare hands. Add to a small bowl and toss with your reserved cheeses and parsley-- roll your cheeseballs in this mix until they are fully coated. Stick a pretzel into the top of each ball to facilitate "pick-me-up" status, and tie a piece of chive where the pretzel meets the ball into a pretty little bow for presentation. And, just for Kate, stick a whole goldfish cracker into the side of each ball. Definitely not Kosher.. but the everything bagel crust and cream cheese gets us closer to Ms. Flax's pre-coital snack tray for Lou! I opted out of the little American flag toothpicks... Preheat oven to 425°F, and line a cookie sheet with parchment paper. Cut your puff pastry into squares the length of your lil smokie sausages, and wide enough to wrap around them (they should just barely peek out of the ends). Place a tiny dollip of cream cheese on each puff pastry rectangle, followed by a ploop of mustard. Roll your sausages in each puff pastry rectangle. Place each mini dog seam side down onto the baking sheet at least once inch apart. Beat your egg thoroughly and brush over the top of each pig in the blanket. Then sprinkle each with a bit of the everything bagel seasoning blend, pressing ever so slightly to make sure the bits stick. Bake for about 17 minutes, or until pastry is puffed and golden brown. Serve immediately. The pigs in a blanket can be pre-assembled and refrigerated the night before serving-- I'd just avoid the egg wash and everything topping, as the piggies can start to get soggy. Charlotte laboring over manly sammies to impress Joe and her mother ruining them with a cookie cutter is so pathetic and adorable... That said, I couldn't commit to bologna and American cheese. It was just too... ick. So ham and "holy" (pun alert) swiss it is. Using a star shaped cookie cutter, cut your sammich bread, ham, and cheese into fun shapes-- I recommend doing these separately so as to not waste the sammich borders (use the bread for panzanella later or something!). Mix your mayo and mustard for your sammich schmear and assemble! Top off with a cocktail olive if you prefer-- just make sure they're sans pimentos (they give Kate hermias. ahem hives). Ms. Flax's Marshmallow Kebabs, but with slightly more nutritional value. And, with a touch of mermaid essence. Mix your water and food coloring thoroughly in a mixing bowl or glass. Place your marshmallows into the color bath and allow to sit for a while, rotating every few minutes until even coloring is achieved. While you wait, line a baking sheet with wax paper. Use this to dry your mallows, patting them halfway through to create a glitter/speckle effect. Allow for several hours or up to overnight to dry. In the morning they will be sticky, so use a clean basting brush to dust them with corn starch. When you're ready to serve "dinner", peel and cut your kiwis into chunks. Using appetizer forks, alternate mallows and blueberries and kiwi chunks. The more you can fit on a stick the better! Vitamins...
"You Give Me Fever" Cocktail
Yield:
2 cocktails
Ingredients
Instructions
Goldfish Cheeseball Pick-Me-Ups
Cook Time:
45 minutes
Total Time:
45 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Mini-Franks in Everything Bagel Pastry
Cook Time:
20 minutes
Total Time:
20 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Notes
Real Sandwiches a Man Can Sink His Teeth Into
Yield:
4 sandwiches
Cook Time:
15 minutes
Total Time:
15 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Mermaid Marshmallow Kebabs
Yield:
3 Kebabs
Prep Time:
12 hours
Cook Time:
45 minutes
Total Time:
12 hours 45 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
The only epilogue this movie could or should ever have:
The hairdo’s alone..
For more menus, check out my movie directory here!
The Breakfast Club– a perfect back-to-school time movie and perhaps the most famous in the John Hughes coming of age oeuvre. Sure, a case could be made for Ferris Bueller, and I do love me some Uncle Buck, but The Breakfast Club is the movie in …
ON THIS DAY 30 years ago, Thelma & Louise drove across the country in a blue Thunderbird and into the annals of feminist film history. It’s one of those movies I rediscover every 10 years– funny, tragic, and (sadly) still so relevant, Thelma & Louise was written by Callie Khouri and unfolds like a fantasy for women in the 1990’s aching to be free of the BS society doles out. You wouldn’t think the movie’s two main characters would be the “murdering type”, but turns out that (like most badass women in this world), they’ve always been “crazy”– this is just the first chance they’ve ever had to really express themselves.
But let’s back up a minute. For the unfamiliar, Thelma & Louise (directed by Ridley Scott) begins innocently enough– two young women who need a break from men and (as applicable) dead end jobs decide to take a fishing vacation together. No matter that they can’t fish– they’ll figure it out and/or have fun trying. Shit hits the fan, however, when Thelma’s (played by Geena Davis) flirtation at a truck stop bar leads to a sexual assault– and Louise (played by Susan Sarandon) IS NOT HAVING IT. Now our besties are on the lamb, and what ensues is an epic road trip toward Mexico and self-discovery.
With a little tasty treat in the shape of Brad Pitt along the way.
… though that encounter, like most other encounters with men in this film (and in life, let’s be real) becomes just another bump in the road for Thelma & Louise. But I’ll let you watch the movie to find out how.
On to the food! After all, one does need fuel for a road trip of this magnitude– I figured cocktails, tacos, and some Rocky Road ice cream would do the trick. With, of course, the end goal of drinking margaritas by the sea, mamacitas (just be sure to make a few extra).
Let's kick things off right-- Thelma orders a Coke up front with a Wild Turkey back. Louise orders a margarita and a Cuervo on the side. I'm sure there's a Buzzfeed quiz that would tell you which you would like more, but I'm sticking with both + refills. Louise's order is relatively simple-- girl doesn't have time for anything fancy, she wants to DANCE. Pour whiskey over ice, top off with coca cola, and garnish with a cherry. For Thelma's margarita, first run a slice of lime around the rim of your glass to moisten it. Then, dip the glass in salt to coat the rim. Next, mix tequila, triple sec, lime juice, agave, and ice in a cocktail shaker-- shake vigourously until fully chilled, and pour into salted glass. Add more ice and garnish with a slice of lime. Serve both drinks with their respective shots and get ready to BEAT A MAN'S ASS. Each of the male characters in Thelma & Louise is a different version of "that guy": super villain Harlan; Thelma's pig husband; sweet talking JD; jealous and kinda violent Jimmy; even Harvey Keitel's well-meaning-but-still-part-of-the-system police officer role. But let's be real, they're all just "on the side" when it comes to true love between best friends. So here is a recipe that celebrates the best of those "on the side" male characteristics-- sweet at first, can even be super hot, and always fun with chips and a beer. But definitely not the main course. PS the code word is peaches. Whisk together lime juice, oil, honey, and cumin until all of the honey is incorporated. Next, get all of your chopped ingredients together, like so: Toss in peaches, tomatoes, onion, bell pepper and jalepeno until fully coated-- season to taste with salt and freshly ground pepper. Allow to sit for an hour or more to let the flavors meld into a climax of sweet, spicy, and smoky mmmmmmm... 15 minutes before serving, toss in cilantro (you don't want this to sit in the salsa for a long time or it'll get all soggy). Serve with tortilla chips or on tacos. Ok I did it-- a food and movie pun. But it makes sense right? Also the recipe is delicious so you're welcome. Preheat oven to 325F. Generously season all sides of the lamb shoulder with salt and set aside while you make the marinade. Before serving, tear the lamb into smaller pieces and place into an oven proof serving dish. Skim the remaining marinade, removing fat, and pour about 1 cup over the meat to keep it moist and flavorful-- adjust with salt to taste. Serve with quick pickled onions, sour cream, cotija and a sprinkle of cilantro. And if youre in a rush, wrap in parchment paper or aluminum foil and eat while you drive! Quick Citrus-Pickled Onions recipe is here! In addition to giving me all the badass feminist energy, I can now thank Thelma & Louise for indirectly prompting me to try Mexican chocolate for the first time. Depending on the brand, you might get a kick of cinnamon and vanilla, or in this case chile-- either of which adds a MUCH appreciated level of complexity to what would otherwise be plain sweet chocolate. Plus, hey look another food/movie pun. I'm starting to feel like I got a knack for this shit. Get all your ingredients together-- but note, the base should be refrigerated for a minute before you can mix up your ice cream. In a medium saucepan whisk together egg yolks, cocoa powder and sugar until there aren't any lumps. Then, whisk in cream and milk. Put pan over medium heat and cook, whisking frequently, until a custard thickly coats the back of a spoon, but a swiped finger leaves a clean line. Stir in vanilla and salt, and pour into tupperware. Refrigerate overnight, or freeze for an hour until completely chilled. You'll end up with a thick yummy pudding consistency: Churn in ice cream maker according to manufacturer's instructions (see notes). Transfer ice cream to a large container and quickly stir in nuts, chocolate, and marshmallows with a rubber spatula until thoroughly mixed in. Return to freezer and chill for at least 3 hours before serving.
Girls' Night Out
Ingredients
Instructions
Peach & Pepper Salsa
Cook Time:
15 minutes
Additional Time:
1 hour
Total Time:
1 hour 15 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
On the Lamb Tacos
Prep Time:
30 minutes
Cook Time:
2 hours 30 minutes
Total Time:
3 hours
Ingredients
Instructions
Slice the top of the chiles off and shake the interior seeds loose-- discard (you don’t need to remove every single one, a few strays are ok). Break the chilies apart into smaller pieces and add to a mini-processor with garlic, spices, vinegar, juice from 1/2 orange, beer, and 2 tbsp canola oil. Process until very smooth.
Heat a medium dutch oven to medium-high heat and add 2 tbsp canola oil. Sear the salted lamb shoulder, browning each side to create a crust and lock in those nummy juices.
Once all sides are seared, nestle the orange slices around the lamb and add bay leaf. Pour the marinade over the meat and shake the pan to ensure the marinade gets all the way to the bottom.
Cover tightly and bake for 2 1/2 hours-- you'll know it's done when the meat pulls apart easily. You're looking for this:
Notes
Recommended Products
Rocky Road to Mexico
Yield:
1 Pint
Cook Time:
1 hour
Additional Time:
4 hours
Total Time:
5 hours
Ingredients
Instructions
Taking this epilogue opportunity to double down on Thelma & Louise’s feminist message. In the 1990’s it was still a novel idea to cinematically celebrate women who “hit back” so to speak, and I love that Callie Khouri stood her ground not only on the characters of Thelma & Louise but also the men in her film. Per Geena Davis: “I heard [the screenwriter Callie Khouri] being interviewed and they told her, ‘We don’t think the men’s parts are good enough,’ and she said ‘So what?’”. Hehe.
So if you’re in the film industry and you find the topic of feminism and Hollywood as HUGELY important as I do, watch this movie a second time and maybe also check out the informative research at the Geena Davis Institute on Gender and Media.
And then maybe find the Thelma to your Louise (or vice versa), kick back with a bottle of Wild Turkey and make a plan to burn the world down.
For more menus, check out my movie directory here!
