Instructions

Start with your fresh and delicious homeade limeade!

In a small sauce pot, simmer 3/4 cup water and 1/2 cup sugar until the sugar is completely dissolved. Set aside to come to room temperature.

In the meantime, juice your limes. When your simple syrup is cooled, add to your juice and lime zest-- top off with the remaining 1 1/2 cup of water and mix. Don't strain your limeade, unless you're a some kind of city kid and can't take your pulp.

Now, in one small baking dish mix your blood orange soda (a little extra O2 might just save your life) and pomegranate juice. Pour your limeade into a medium baking dish. Add tequila and triple sec to the limeade and stir.

Place in freezer and chill-- every hour for the next 3-4 hours, mix your granitas with a fork to create a slushy consistency.

When you're ready to serve, swipe a lime wedge around the rim of your glass. Coat with sea salt. Tilting the glass, fill with about 1/3 cup of the blood orange mixture. Then, add your limeade tequila mixture-- you want to keep the two colors separate but close and at an angle.

Serve, with additional lime fin wedges.

Here's to swimmin' with bow-legged women...? I mean ok.

Instructions

WARNING: YOUR KITCHEN MAY SMELL A BIT CHUMMY AFTER THIS SO PREPARE TO SEAL AWAY YOUR DISCARDED SHELLS IN SOME ZIPLOCS WITH LEMON SLICES.

Bring about 4 qts of water, 2 tbsp sea salt, old bay and 1/2 the lemon to a soft boil in a medium pot. Add the lobster tail and crab leg and count down a minute. Next, add the shrimp and continue to cook uncovered for 3 minutes longer. You'll notice the shells start to get pink/red as the seafood cooks.

Once your time is up, remove the shrimp first, followed by the crab and lobster with a slotted spoon. Transfer to a bowl of cold water. Throw the lemon in with and allow to come to room temperature (about five minutes).

Now, time to retrieve your chum meat! The shrimp is easy-- just shell those suckers and call it a day.

For the lobster, cut along the top part of the shell down to the base fans. Watch out for sharp edges and use heavy duty kitchen scissors so you don't bloody up the place (we already made a cocktail for that).

The crab will be the trickiest. If you have the tools, use them to get the meat free from the shell; but you can also just use a hammer to crush the shell around the meat as cleanly as possible-- just be careful because you don't want tiny bits of shell in your chum rolls or you'll end up with a broken tooth.

Once you have your meat free, cut your larger pieces into roughly 1/2 inch chunks and refrigerate while you make your sauce. Next, combine ingredients 4-11. Refrigerate the sauce as well.

Finally, lightly butter the insides, tops and sides of your brioche buns. Toast in an oven preheated to 375 for about 5 minutes.

When ready to eat, toss your shellfish in your mayo mixture (it's ok if you have a little sauce leftover, you don't want to overdo it) and pile your sammiches high with chum. YUM.

Get to it, you eating machines.

Instructions

Get those ingredients together, and preheat your oven to 375 degrees.

Melt your butter and your old bay/paprika. If you want to commit to aesthetics, feel free to break your crackers in half diagonally.

Place your saltines salted side down on a sil pat lined baking sheet. Brush with your seasoned butter mix and try not to lick your fingers.

Bake for 4-5 mins, keeping an eye on your crackers in case they don't burn. Serve with sammiches, or munch in the background while looking down on the general public.

Instructions

Start by prepping a medium glass baking pan with a thick coat of butter-- set aside.

Now for your taffy ingredients:

In a small saucepan, add the sugar, cornstarch, corn syrup, water, butter, and salt. Affix a candy thermometer to the side of the saucepan, and heat over medium. Cook, without stirring, until the mixture hits 250 degrees.

Immediately remove from heat and stir in vanilla. Poor into the greased pan, swirl in several drops of food coloring, and allow to cool for about 10-15 mins-- it should still be warm/hot, but easily handled. Also OOOOO pretty.

Butter your hands liberally, and begin to pull and stretch the taffy until it lightens in color and you feel like you're getting a workout.

Maybe you even get a little dizzy...

It'll be easier if you butter your hands as you go-- all in the push pull process will take about 15 mins.

When you're ready, cut wax paper into 3x3 inch squares and pull the taffy into a 1/2 inch thick rope. Using kitchen scissors, cut taffy into 1 inch length pieces. Sprinkle with sea salt, and wrap in your wax paper-- twisting the ends.

So easy, even the dummass mayor of Amity Island could do it.