The NeverEnding Story is one of those perfectly messed up childhood movies that you watch now and feel like you belong to a special club. Because it’s a REALLY good 80’s movie. Based on a bonkers German fantasy novel by Michael Ende, The NeverEnding Story …
Turns out Moonstruck is 35 years young this month, and it also happens to be a holiday film. So happy Christmas Eve– time to celebrate with a bunch of classic Italian dishes and a lotta booze! When Moonstruck was released in 1987, Cher had already …
Hocus Pocus– what a goofy ass time. Is it deserving of critical acclaim? No. But it’s a Halloween staple that everyone loves so much Disney just released a sequel 29 years later. And Sarah is STILL REALLY FUNNY!
Both Hocus Pocus 1 & 2 star Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Kathy Najimy as the infinitely evil/hilarious Sanderson sisters– witches who were hanged in Salem 300+ years ago who can only be brought back if a virgin (god, high school was rough) lights a certain magic candle on All Hallow’s Eve. Set to guard the flame is Thackeryyyy (pronounced with a trill) Binx– a colonial boy who was cursed by the sisters and is now a talking cat. … Stay with me. Thackery goes a full 300 years without encountering a child idiotic enough to light the candle, until tie-dye wearing teenager Max Dennison decides he wants to impress a girl. What follows is a lot of witchy hijinks, one bad and one good musical number, and little sister Dani screaming a lot. What follows further still (29 years later, to be exact) is more of the same with some origin story thrown in. So it made for a not too complicated Two Crumbs Up double feature night!
So here is a menu for this Halloween (and the next, and the next, amokamokamok) for BOTH of the Hocus Pocus films. It’s no child on toast, but there are cat treats for Binx and Cobweb! Just don’t forget the salt…
The Movie(s)
The Menu
Black Flame Cocktail
Yield: 2 cocktails
Cook Time: 15 minutes
Total Time: 15 minutes
A cocktail inspired by the infamous Black Flame Candle-- despite the cherry, this is definitely not virgin territory, so don't bother trying to light it on fire. Looks like you'll have to wait another 300 years...
Ingredients
1 cup frozen black cherries
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup water
2 tbsp orange juice
Pinch each of ground allspice, cinnamon, clove
4 oz bourbon whiskey
High Quality Ginger Beer to top off
Garnish: Cherries and Orange Peel
Instructions
Start by making your black cherry syrup-- in a small saucepan, add cherries, sugar, water, orange juice, and your spices. Simmer on low heat until the sugar is completely dissolved and you have cherry mush and yummy luscious liquid.
Strain out the cherries and discard, leaving cherry syrup (should be about a cup). Set aside to chill.
Add two oz each whiskey and spiced cherry syrup to your cocktail glasses and top off with ginger beer. Garnish with a piece of orange peel skewered around a black cherry, ends pointing up so they kinda look like a flame. It's all about the optics people.
Sanderson Sisters' Brew
Yield: 2 servings
Cook Time: 30 minutes
Total Time: 30 minutes
It's not lost on me that I've made soups for two other witchy movies in my repertoire-- but this Hocus Pocus one is soooooo good. Using a variation of traditional Three Sisters soup ingredients (squash, beans, corn), this brew is full of zucchini, peas, corn and sweet/salty creamy yumminess. IT'LL GIVE YOU LIFE!
Ingredients
1 tbsp Butter
1 tbsp Olive Oil
1 Leek, sliced (about 1 cup)
3 Garlic Cloves
Pinch Roasted Red Pepper Flakes
2 small Zucchini, seeds scooped out and cut into chunks (about 2.5/3 cups)
2 1/2 cups Chicken Broth
1/2 cup Peas
1 Ear Corn (if frozen, thawed)
1/3 cup Fresh Parsley Leaves
1/2 cup Heavy Cream, plus more for garnish
Fresh Lemon Juice, to taste
Salt & Pepper, to taste
Green Pumpkin Seeds/Pepitas, for garnish
Instructions
Itch-it-a-cop-it-a-Mel-a-ka-mys-ti-ca-- time that thou gatherest thy ingredients!
Heat butter and olive oil in a medium saucepan until butter is foamy. Add the sliced leeks and toss in a little salt and pepper. Cook for 5-7 minutes until caramelized, reducing heat if they begin to burn. Add the garlic cloves and red pepper flakes, cooking for a couple of minutes more to soften. Now, throw in your zuchinni chunks and toss to coat, adding another pinch or two to taste.
Pour in chicken broth and bring to a boil-- reduce eat, and allow to simmer for about 10 minutes or just until some of the broth is reduced and zucchini begins to soften. Lastly, throw in kernels from one ear of corn and your peas. Cook for a couple of minutes more, until all the veggies are cooked but not mushed.
Remove from heat and, using an immersion blender or food processor, puree until the soup is bright green and mostly smooth. Add parsley leaves and cream and continue to puree until completely smooth-- squeeze lemon juice to taste, and add a bit more salt and pepper if needed.
When ready to serve, swirl some additional cream into the surface of the soup and top with pepitas.
Come little children, I'll taaaake thee awayyyyyy.
Dead Man's Toes
Yield: 8ish
Cook Time: 30 minutes
Total Time: 30 minutes
Can't make a witchy brew without DEAD MAN'S TOE, DEAD MAN'S TOE!
Don't worry, they're not Billy's-- poor man has been through enough.
Ingredients
1 sheet of puff pastry
2-3 tbsp aged cheddar, grated
1 inch chunks ham steak
1 small egg whisked with a splash of water
1 sprig rosemary
Instructions
Roll your puff pastry out to be roughly 1/8 thick-- you may only need a partial sheet to start with. Using a small glass or cookie cutter, cut pastry into circles roughly 2.5 inches in diameter. Top each round with grated cheddar and a piece of ham, then wrap your little parcels like an open on one end burrito-- your little ham chunk should be sticking out like a recessed.. ahem.. toenail.
Usine a knife, make a few shallow lines in the pastra about halfway up the bundle to mimic toe joints, then press pieces of rosemary leaves into the soft dough to resemble stitches. You can do this on all, or some if you're patience is thin. Brush with egg wash.
Bake at 425 for 15 minutes and hey presto-- like mini grilled cheeses with a really disgusting origin story.
Clark Bar Caramel Apple
Yield: 3
Cook Time: 30 minutes
Additional Time: 2 hours
Total Time: 2 hours30 minutes
Poor Mayor Traske, Hocus Pocus 2's goofy public servant-- he just wanted a damn caramel apple. So here it is-- the best caramel apple I've ever made, covered in all of Satan's favorite Clark Bar ingredients from Hocus Pocus 1. It's devilicious, Master.
Ingredients
3 small Granny Smith apples
Sticks for your apples (see note)
1/4 cup water
2/3 cup sugar
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 cup chilled heavy cream
3 oz bittersweet chocolate chips
1/2 tbsp shortening
1 cup salted Spanish peanuts, chopped
Instructions
Stem and skewer your apples with sticks, then refrigerate until cold. In the meantime, add water, sugar, and salt to a small saucepan and heat on medium. Stir occasionally wit a fork until the sugar has dissolved completely, and then increase the heat slightly so that it's boiling. Simmer, stirring occasionally, until the syrup turns a lovely honey gold color (should take about 7-8 mins). Just be careful because it turns quickly!
Immediately add cream-- the mixture will sputter and look like it's going to overboil, but you'll be fiiiine. Just reduce the heat to medium-low, and stir constantly with a heat-resistant spatula for about 7 minutes. The caramel will continue to bubble and thicken. Transfer to a small heat-resistant bowl and cool to about 210F.
Dip cold apples in caramel, and let as much excess drip over the bowl before you move it over to rest on a parchment lined cutting board-- you can also use a knife to help scrape away the excess drippage from the bottom of each apple. Refrigerate once more for at least 30 minutes to allow the caramel to set.
Now, time for your chcocolate. In a microwave proof bowl, add chips and shortening. Microwave in 15-20 second increments over the course of a minute or two, stirring after each increment, until chocolate is completely melted-- you want it to drizzle, you DON'T want it to become torched.
Now, time for final assembly. For the chocolate, best to start with a clean sheet of parchment paper, and do one apple at a time. Use a spoon to drizzle lines on the top and sides of each apple, rotating the paper for ease. Refrigerate for another 30 minutes to set the chocolate.
Add peanuts to a deep bowl or tupperware, and press the bottom half of each apple into the bits. They should stick well, but might take a few rotations to get optimum crunch. Refrigerate for a final 30 minutes.
... and HUZZAH! Serioucly, it's salty, it's sweet, it's so much better than melting caramel candy that breaks your teeth...
Notes
I'm a dummy and forgot to get popsicle sticks. But if you have a spare set of chopsticks and some hefty wire cutters lying around, you'll end up with something even better!
Cat Treats for Binx and Cobweb
Yield: 1 cup
There was no way I would ever let Thackery go hungry. And while Cobweb and I don't have the same history, I sense we might get there.
Ingredients
1 tbsp olive oil
1/2 cup + 2 tbsp all purpose flour (and more for dusting)
1 pinch salt
1 tsp dried catnip
1/3 cup finely shredded carrot
1 small egg, lightly beaten
Instructions
Line a baking sheet with parchment paper and preheat your oven to 375.
In a small bowl, mix oil and flour until you have a rough looking sand mixture. Stir in catnip, salt and grated carrot (I used a purple carrot for AESTHETICS), followed by your egg.
At this point, if the mix feels too wet/sticky to form into a ball, add a couple of tbsp of flour in small doses.
Flour a cutting board and roll out your dough to be about 1/4 inch thick. Sprinkle the surface will a little extra flour. Now, using a pizza wheel or knife, cut your dough into 1/4-1/2 inch squares. Toss onto a baking sheet, and bake for about 13 minutes until your treats turn golden brown.
Cool, and store in an airtight container for several days (or freeze!)-- your feline friends will not be disappointed.
Epilogue
Looking for more witchy menus? See below. Go nuts– blessed be.
“If you are what you eat, then I only want to eat the good stuff.” Out of the mouths of rats… Ratatouille is, to this day, one of the best foodie films ever made. Even Anthony Bourdain thought so! Once you get past the very …
I honestly think I’ve seen Jim Henson’s Labyrinth fifty times (a lucky benefit of a previous Day Job). I’ve mentioned in earlier posts that I’m a huge sucker for 1980’s fantasy, and while this is not my FAVORITE of the genre, it’s definitely up there. …
It all began on New Year’s Day… or in the case of this post, New Year’s Eve.
All hail Bridget Jones (Renee Zellweger), wanton sex goddess, who was able to land two, count ’em TWO, of the hottest British actors to ever grace the silver screen (that is, Hugh Grant and Colin Firth). There was quite a bit of hullabaloo in the UK when Zellweger was cast in this iconic literary role, being that she was NOT plump and definitely from Texas– but IMO she nailed it.
For those of you who have not seen Bridget Jones’s Diary, the film is a modern take on the classic “Pride and Prejudice” (Clueless, sorry, this one wins my affection award for modern Austen retellings). Now a single 32 year old living in London, our heroine Bridget must contend with the all too familiar fears of dying fat, alone, and eaten by wild dogs. With the arrival of the new year and her very non-PC mother’s turkey curry buffet, she fails all of her resolutions within about five minutes– and continues to do so with each subsequent, love triangle filled day that passes. Who should she choose– sexy red-flagapalooza boss Daniel Cleaver, romantic but emotionally constipated Mark Darcy, her career and sense of self-worth, or VODKA???
Clearly a perfect movie for singletons of the world over, this one really does hold up for me. And, it’s a great excuse to drink too much while watching a rom com at the end of a shitty pandemic year.
So, raise your glasses after filling them with booze, and enjoy the below menu of small plates inspired by Bridget Jones’s Diary. Let’s bid 2021 adieu!
The Movie
The Menu
I Choose Vodka
Yield: Oh, thousands.
Cook Time: 2 minutes
Total Time: 2 minutes
A relatively low calorie cocktail sure to get you smashed-- vodka, soda, and pretty red and green stuff.
Because now that we're in our 30's, we can definitely hold our drink!
Ingredients
All The Vodka
Club Soda
Mint
Raspberries
Instructions
Add raspberries and mint to a glass, fill said glass with mostly vodka, top off of sparkly water. Maybe add ice? And repeat frequently throughout the night because, like Bridget Jones:
Notes
Not a culinary note, but would still like to mention that a close friend of mine calls all whole berries in cocktails "standards" because while drunk at a bar one night, she asked if said bar had any fruit she could add to her wine-- when they replied no, she yelled "DON'T YOU HAVE ANY STANDARDS?!?!". And I feel like this is apt for Miss Jones, who could definitely up her standards at the beginning of the film and certainly seems to acquire some by the end (SPOILER).
So here's to you Ashley-- bottoms up!
Turkey Curry
Yield: 4 Servings
Prep Time: 1 hour30 minutes
Cook Time: 1 hour
Total Time: 2 hours30 minutes
A recipe for those still coping with Christmas leftovers and also for whom pickles on toothpicks are NOT the height of sophistication-- I give you a lovely turkey curry appetizer.
PS, this was my first time making curry! So, to be safe, I looked up a number of recipes and went with a slightly tweaked version of a NYT's Turkey Tikka Masala dish (tikka masala being the national dish of Britain).
Caperberry gravy and gherkins not included. Bridget Jones would not have approved.
Ingredients
For the Turkey Marinade:
1 tsp Garam Masala
1 tsp Ground Coriander
1 tsp Ground Cumin
1 tsp Paprika
2 tsp Ground Turmeric
1/2 tsp Salt
3 Cloves Garlic, minced
2 tsp Grated Fresh Ginger
1/2 cup Whole Milk Yogurt
1 1/2 cups Leftover Turkey, cut into 1 inch chunks
For the Masala:
2 tbsp Canola Oil
1/2 Onion, sliced
1/8 tsp Ground Cardamom
1 Small Bay Leaf
1/2 tsp Paprika
1/4 tsp Roasted Red Pepper Flakes
1/2 tsp Garam Masala
1 tsp Salt, plus more to taste
1 tbsp Grated Fresh Ginger
2 Cloves Garlic, minced
1 tbsp Tomato Paste
1 14oz Can Whole Peeled Tomatoes
1 cup Heavy Cream
1/4 cup Cilantro, roughly chopped, plus more for garnish
Steamed Basmati Rice
Instructions
Begin by marinading your turkey chunks in yogurt in spices-- in a medium bowl, add poultry, garam masala, coriander, cumin, paprika, turmeric, garlic, ginger, salt, and yogurt. Mix well, cover, and chill at least an hour or up to overnight.
Next, get started on your masala sauce. In a medium saucepan, add canola oil and heat to medium. Throw in your onion slices, and add cardamom, paprika, red pepper flakes, garam masala, a pinch of salt and your bay leaf. Toss to coat, and cook until onions are caramelized-- about 20 minutes. If need be, reduce the heat to medium low to prevent your onions from burning.
Add your ginger and garlic to the same pan and stir for another minute. Next, stir in your tomato paste and allow THAT to cook for another minute. Finally, add in tomatoes, crushing with your hands as you go. Simmer until liquid is almost evaporated, about 15 minutes. Add cream, cilantro, and salt-- continue to simmer until sauce thickens a bit, about 15 more minutes.
While your masala sauce simmers, turn on your oven's broiler. Lay your chicken chunks in their yogurt marinade on an aluminum foil lined baking sheet, and broil until the pieces begin to blacken ever so slightly-- this should take only 5 minutes. Remove from the oven and set aside.
Go back to your masala sauce and remove the bay leaf. Using an immersion blender, puree the sauce until relatively smooth. It should NOT need sieving, Una.
Just before serving, add the turkey chunks to the sauce and toss until warmed through. Add more salt if needed, and spoon over dishes filled with steamed basmati rice. Serve hot, garnished with cilantro leaves.
"Blue" Leek, Stilton, Fennel and Potato Soup
Yield: 2 Servings
Cook Time: 1 hour
Total Time: 1 hour
A kind of shot that Bridget would also enjoy-- full of carbs and cheese and not at all conducive to weight loss. But us verbally incontinent spinsters need some saturated fat sometimes.
AND blue is good. If you ask me there isn't enough blue food.
Ingredients
1 tbsp Butter
1 tbsp Olive Oil
1/2 Fennel Head
1 Leek
1 1/2 cup Chicken Broth
1/2 cup Heavy Cream
1 Clove Garlic
1 Small Russet Potato
1/3 cup Stilton Blue Cheese (about 1.5oz)
Salt, to taste
Fennel Fronds, to garnish
Instructions
Get those ingredients together!
Slice white fennel bulb into thick strips, removing the tough inner core but reserving a step or two for the fronds. Next, slice your leek, white and very pale green parts only-- if you are seeing a lot of grit on the leek, you may want to rinse the slices in water. Lastly, peel and cube your potato into roughly 1 inch thick chunks.
Heat the butter in a medium saucepan until melted, and add your fennel, leek, and potato. Add olive oil, and season lightly with salt and pepper-- toss to coat.
Allow the ingredients in the saucepan to sweat on medium/medium-low for about 10 minutes, until soft but NOT browned.
Add chicken stock, bring to a gentle simmer, and cover with a lid-- cook like this for about 30 minutes to allow your vegetables to fully soften.
Remove the pan from the heat and, using an immersion blender, puree the stock and vegetables until smooth. If using a food processor, do be sure to fasten the lid tightly...
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Add the cream and blue cheese, and continue to blend until fully incorporated.
Place soup back on low heat until slightly thickened, and season with salt and pepper to taste. Pour into to soup shot glasses, and serve with fennel fronds as garnish.
Japanese Omelette
Yield: 6 Pieces
Cook Time: 15 minutes
Total Time: 15 minutes
The main course in Bridget Jones's failed birthday supper, thanks to Mark Darcy-- and a recipe he might have been familiar making given his past unlucky relationship. Despite mother Pam's very non-PC judgement of Japanese culture, this surprisingly simple tamagoyaki recipe is delightful and perfect for a party.
The rolling process might seem intimidating at first, but just keep repeating to yourself-- I am the intellectual equal of everyone else here.
Ingredients
6 Eggs
2 tbsp Dashi Broth
2 tsp Low Sodium Soy Sauce
1 tsp Mirin (See Note)
1 tbsp Canola Oil
Siracha and Scallions, for garnish
Instructions
Begin with omelet base ingredients:
Whisk eggs, soy sauce, dashi and mirin until completely mixed. Note, if you don't have access to homemade dashi broth, you can always rely on these super helpful packages of dried dashi and dissolve it in water!
Then, in either an official tamagoyaki pan or a round non-stick skillet, you can begin building your layered roll. With a canola oil doused paper towel square, grease your pan, and heat over medium.
Pour 1/4 of your egg mixture into the pan and tilt to coat the bottoom with as even a circle as you can make. All enough time for the edges to solidify, at which point you can fold in two sides of the circle.
Next, roll the unfolded end of this "rectangle", from bottom of the pan to the top. Push yuor egg roll back to the bottom end of the pan, and re-grease the pan with your oiled paper towel. Pour another 1/4 of the egg mix into the empty space in the pan, and lift your already completed up egg roll to allow some of the raw mix to get under it.
Fold the sides in again once the raw mix has begun to firm up, and repeat the rolling process. Do this two more times, until you end up with a thicker log.
... this is starting to sound inappropriate.
Slice the egg roll into six equal pieces and top with a drizzle of siracha and scallions.
Have it OEUF! No overspray to mind, thank god.
Notes
If you don't have mirin, you can substitute with sake or alternatively a dry white wine and a pinch of sugar. Also, if the above set of instructioons on how to roll a tamagoyaki in a round pan is a bit murky, use this video on youtube-- super helpful!
Boozy Orange Marmalade Biscuits
Yield: 1 Dozen (ie 1 Serving)
Prep Time: 45 minutes
Cook Time: 20 minutes
Total Time: 1 hour5 minutes
A finishing flourish to *i hope* a slightly more successful meal than Bridget Jones's birthday "feast"-- orange marmalade biscuits/cookies with a nice spike of booze. Because, have you seen this movie??
I may use cookie and biscuit interchangeably here, just be aware. The movie's British guys, deal with it.
Ingredients
1 1/2 Sticks Butter, room temperature
1/2 cup Sugar
1/2 tsp Vanilla
1 3/4 cups AP Flour
Pinch of Salt
1/4 tsp Orange Zest
1/2 cup Orange Marmalade (see note, I have a recipe!!!!)
1/2 tbsp Cointreau
Powdered Sugar, for sprinkling on top
Instructions
Preheat your oven to 350 good god!
(i might be drunk as i write this)
Gather your base ingredients together...
... and beat your butter, sugar and vanilla together with a hand mixer until light and fluffy. Sift in flour and salt in 1/2 cup increments, and continue to beat until fully incorporated-- add the orange zest in with the last batch of sifted flour.
Form dough into a disk, and wrap in plastic. Refrigerate for at least 30 minutes.
After chilling period has ended, roll your dough between two pieces of parchment paper-- should be about 1/8 inch thick. Using a cookie cutter or whatever other round shaped devices you have on hand (note, I have a shot glass), cut 12 three-inch rounds and 12 three-inch donut shapes out of your dough.
Place onto a parchment paper lined baking sheet like so:
Bake, for 15-20 mins-- keep an eye, you want to take out of the oven when the edges of your shortbread biscuits turn golden at the edges.
Remove from the oven and allow to cool to room temperature. In the meantime, mix marmalade with booze and prep a cookie assembly station. When biscuits are cool, sprinkle the hollow ones with powdered sugar, and get to it:
I’m now back in Los Angeles after an almost 6 month hiatus in my home state of Florida– and yes, it’s often as weird there as the internet says. However, now that I’m back to my regular life on the West Coast, I’m finding that …
If you imagined me spinning around my kitchen listening to Stevie Nicks and Joni Mitchell while executing this Practical Magic menu, that vision would be 100% accurate. It would also not be an exaggeration to say that I’ve watched this movie at least 30 times. …
I loved and feared The Witches as a child. It’s always been that moment early in the film, when “Ereeka’s” father sees the painting. CHILLING. But this is why I love late 80’s and early 90’s movies for children– they were often dark and absurdly grotesque in a way that mirrored the experience of childhood itself. Author Roald Dahl was a master of this in his books, and though it’s known he didn’t appreciate how the ending of The Witches differed from the one he published in 1983, I think producer Jim Henson and director Nick Roeg were successful in creating a film that visually frightens, disgusts, and entertains all at once.
And let’s just take a moment and appreciate Angelica Houston as the Grand High Witch. My own gramma taught me that if I didn’t have anything nice to say I shouldn’t say anything at all– so I won’t say anything about the new Witches remake featuring Anne Hathaway in the iconic role… except that no one (especially Anne Hathaway, oops, I said it) could ever replicate Angelica’s performance as her grandness, Miss Ernst, the evilest of all evil witches. Seriously, just look at this lewk, collective Lukes:
So now it’s time to gather your loved ones close (including children, if they dare, the stinking little carbuncles), and enjoy a meal suited for 1990’s The Witches. You are in for a treat.
The Movie
The Menu
Formula 86
Yield: 1 Cocktail
Prep Time: 1 hour
Cook Time: 5 minutes
Total Time: 1 hour5 minutes
My very latest, and very greatest, magic formula-- a sweet and slightly bitter Jager cocktail that's very similar to this common German shot. "One doze, and ze time works to ze second. But more zan five dozes, breaks ze delay barrier... and ze formula works INSTANTLY." Her grandness speaks the truth.
Ingredients
1 shot Jägermeister
1 shot Peach Schnapps
3 shots Cran-Grape Juice
1/2 shot Lemon Juice
2 Generous Dashes Orange Bitters
Essence of Dog's Droppings (J/K)
Instructions
If drinking straight up, freeze a martini glass ahead of time. When ready, fill a cocktail shaker with ice and all of the ingredients. Shake until completely chilled, and pour into your cold martini glass.
If you'd like something a little lighter, you can also serve this cocktail in a highball glass with ice and a splash of club soda.
Cress Soup
Yield: 2 Servings
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 30 minutes
Total Time: 40 minutes
I almost made both cock-a-leekie and cress soups, because I've always wondered what Bruno's father was missing out on. But having tried this surprisingly easy recipe I realized entitled Mr. Jenkins was 100% right to demand the cress. It's like a creamy, potato-y bowl of goodness so luxurious you don't even realize you're getting a full serving of greens too.
Poor cock-a-leekie, always second choice...
Ingredients
1/2 tbsp Salted Butter
1/2 tbsp Olive Oil
1 Leek, white part only, roughly chopped (about 3/4 cup)
1 Russet Potato, small, peeled and chopped into 1/2 inch cubes (about 1 cup)
2 Bunches Water Cress, rinsed
1/2 tsp Lemon Juice
1/4 cup Heavy Cream
Salt and Pepper
2 tsp Chives, chopped
Instructions
First, prep your ingredients-- and make sure your watercress is thoroughly rinsed! Peel and chop your potatoes last, or they will brown (if this starts to happen before you add your potatoes to the soup, you can keep them in a bowl of ice water until they are needed).
Add butter and olive oil to a pot and melt over medium heat until butter begins to foam. Add leeks and celery to the pot and stir to coat. Sprinkle with a pinch of salt and a bit of cracked pepper. Caramelize for about 10 minutes until mostly translucent, adjusting heat as necessary to prevent leeks from burning.
If potatoes have been soaking, remove them from the water and drain thoroughly. Add to the pot and stir to coat. Add chicken broth and bring to a boil-- reduce heat to low and cover the pot. Continue to simmer, covered, on low for about 20 minutes until potatoes have softened.
Next, add cress to the pot and stir for about a minute until the greens are wilted.
Remove the pot from heat. Using an immersion blender, puree the soup until creamy. If you do not have an immersion blender, pour your soup into a food processor or regular blender and puree until smooth.
Add lemon juice and cream and stir to combine. Season with additional salt and pepper to taste. Note, if you think it needs more, you might be a witch.
Transfer soup to two bowls and serve, topped with a tsp of chives each. After consuming, check behind your ears for fur, just in case.
Notes
If you don't have access to leeks, you can substitute 2 shallots, chopped, or 1 medium onion. I just wanted to offer up an homage to cock-a-leekie-- I still feel bad for it.
Cheese and Pickle Sandwitches
Yield: 1 Sandwich
Cook Time: 10 minutes
Total Time: 10 minutes
A cheesy pre- and post-transformation snack for Luke and Bruno Jenkins (a boy who has VERY strong opinions about butter vs margarine on his sandwiches). Note, I kept this cheese and pickle tea sammie recipe as traditional as possible with only a few tweaks. If you can't find a jar of Branston pickles, opt for a generic apple chutney-- the sweet/savory flavor is much closer to a British "pickle" than dill or butter pickles.
Ingredients
2 Slices Whole Grain or Seeded Bread
1 tbsp Branston Pickles/Chutney
1 tbsp Salted Butter
4-5 Hefty Slices Sharp English Cheddar
1 Handful Arugula (or "rocket" for ze vitches of Inkland)
Instructions
Gather together your ingredients, making sure to allow the butter to soften for 5-10 minutes until spreadable. Spread one slice of bread with butter, and layer on cheese followed by arugula. Spread second slice of bread with pickle/chutney, and place atop your cheese/arugula/butter half.
Cut into quarters diagonally and enjoy (but avoid just nibbling around the edges, the management can be fussy).
Norwegian Chocolate Cigars
Yield: 10 Cigars
Prep Time: 1 hour30 minutes
Cook Time: 15 minutes
Additional Time: 1 hour
Total Time: 2 hours45 minutes
The witches know how to tempt and trap revolting little children with sweets. But Norwegian Gramma Helga also has her vices, namely sugar and cigars! So, as a special treat, I've combined the two concepts with a Norwegian butter cookie cigar dipped in chocolate and nut ash. Diabetes be damned.
Ingredients
5 tbsp Salted Butter
1/8 tsp Baking Powder
1/8 tsp Kosher Salt
1 cup Flour
1/4 tsp Ground Cardamom
1 Pinch Ground Allspice
1 Pinch Ground Ginger
1/3 cup Sugar
1/2 tsp Vanilla Extract
1 Small Egg
1/3 cup Milk Chocolate Chips
1/4 cup Chopped Walnuts
Instructions
Allow butter 5-10 minutes to soften. Add flour, baking powder, salt, and spices in a medium mixing bowl, and using a hand mixer, add softened butter and mix until fully incorporated.
Add sugar to the bowl and continue to mix. In a separate bowl, lightly break up egg with a fork and mix in vanilla. Pour egg mixture into the dry ingredients and stir with a fork until a dough forms.
Form into a disk, wrap in plastic wrap, and refrigerate for at least an hour (and up to overnight).
When ready to assemble, first preheat your oven to 375, and then lightly flour a cutting board. Divide your dough disc into 9-10 equal portions, and using your fingers roll into cigar length shapes-- they should be just slighly thinner than your finger.
Bake on a sil-pat lined baking sheet (use parchment paper as an alternative) for about 15 minutes until the ends just begin to turn a golden brown. Cool on a rack.
While your cookies cool, toast your chopped walnuts in a sautee pan over medium heat-- be careful, they burn easily! Next, melt your chocolate chips in the microwave, about 1-2 minutes with stirring. Dunk the ends of your cookies in the melted chocolate, followed by your nut ash. Place chocolate dunked cookies on parchment paper as you go, and refrigerate for an additional hour to allow the chocolate to set before serving.
Epilogue
This meal for The Witches is only one of many, many movie menus I have planned for the various Roald Dahl film adaptations that exist (my brain is currently awhirl with Boggis, Bunce and Bean themed treats). In the meantime, I encourage you to take a look at Roald Dahl’s Revolting Recipes Cookbook— a compilation of deliciously disgusting dishes inspired by the foods featured in Dahl’s books. Yum?