Soooo My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 is not the best film. I understand the 27% critics’ consensus on Rotten Tomatoes. However, I also understand the 73% Audience Score. Because this is the type of movie you can enjoy while acknowledging its faults! Plus, it’s …
Happy bday to Tom Hanks! Naturally I had to celebrate with some kid friendly party food and a screening of 1988’s Big– a very absurd, but well-deservedly loved 80’s fave directed by the great Penny Marshall. If you haven’t seen it (she types scornfully), a …
Ok, so Temple of Doom isn’t the best of the Indiana Jones films— but it’s certainly not the worst (this assumes you even consider Crystal Skull to be part of the franchise, however; I’m still in denial).
Technically a PREQUEL (which I dunno how I did NOT realize until now, mind blown), Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom gets really dark– thematically, cinematically, and dare I say it, culinarily. Yep, it’s a word, look it up. At the outset, we find Indie (Harrison Ford) in Shanghai, where he thwarts an assassination attempt, meets a pretty if obnoxious blonde (Kate Capshaw), and collects a precocious child side-kick (the amazing Ke Huy Quan). Together our crew escapes from a Chinese crime boss and crash lands in India where a new quest awaits. Child slaves are set free, sacred stones are recovered– and all it takes is a lot of really gross food, so many bugs, demon hypnosis, and hearts getting ripped out of living chests. You know, your typical archaeological adventure. Anything goes!
To be clear, the movie has some issues– to start, some yeesh 1980’s ethnic stereotypes. But I’d have to agree with Ebert that this Spielberg/Lucas creation is a non-stop roller-coaster ride that is both terrifying and a whole lotta fun. So, here is a menu that borrows from traditional Asian/Indian cuisines (like Temple of Doom), and also cheats a bit (also like Temple of Doom). I’ve based the structure on an Indian Thali— a large plate containing smaller dishes that are meant to be shared. No eyeball soup in this one, but there’s plenty of other fun homages to the feast at Pankot Palace– a meal used to foreshadow the sinister blasphemy transpiring beneath the city itself. You’ll like it, I swear.
PS Happy 80th Birthday today Harrison Ford. Such a stud.
The Movie
The Menu
Short Round Short Rib Skewers
Yield: Enough for an energetic and very sassy child
Prep Time: 2 hours
Cook Time: 8 minutes
Total Time: 2 hours8 minutes
Wow, holy smokes-- I had to make a salty, spiced, and bite-sized recipe for Short Round! And while XinJiang style beef on a stick would more likely be found on the Shanghai streets outside of Club Obi-Wan, I figured our favorite pick pocket would prefer them. Plus, Indie tries to fork Willie :[ and then literally skewers a man with bbq whilst inside the clerb-- making this appetizer all the more appropriate?
PS this isn't related, but can we take a moment and appreciate the random ass cameo Dan Akroyd has at the beginning of Temple of Doom? If you haven't noticed it before, you're welcome.
Ingredients
2 tbsp vegetable oil
2 tbsp soy sauce
1/2 tbsp Shaoxing wine
1/2 tbsp grated ginger
2 tsp cornstarch
2 tsp cumin powder
1/2 tsp chili powder
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp sugar
1/4 tsp ground pepper
1 lb boneless short rib, cut into 1 inch cubes
1/2 onion, thickly sliced
3 cloves garlic
Instructions
Thoroughly mix the first 10 ingredients-- this will be your short rib marinade!
Smash your garlic cloves and drop into a ziploc bag-- add beef and onion slices as well. Pour marinade into the bag, squeezing out all of the air when you seal it. Massage the bag so the marinade fully covers everything inside and refrigerate for at least two hours or overnight.
Skewer short rib cubes closely onto appetizer toothpicks, trying to keep any fatty pieces in between cubes and not facing the outside-- you want the fat to melt into each piece of neighboring meat.
Heat grill or griddle pan on medium high. Transfer the beef skewers to the grill surface and cook, flipping every minute or so, until the beef is caramelized on all four sides. All in, you should be between 6-8 minutes. Just be sure you don't BURN YOUR FINGERS AND CRACK A NAIL!
Sprinkle with sesame seeds and I know we have a cocktail recipe later, but these go VERY well with champagne, just sayin'.
When Indiana and co inexplicably survive a plane crash landing via raft in the middle of the Himalayan Mts (I think? I might've missed a map connecty dot), the beginning of their journey is just beginning. Enter the myth of the sacred Sankara stones, which I have always thought looked like really well roasted baked potatoes.
So I made baby Bombay Aloo Sankara stones-- yes, it's a British-ized Indian dish, but let's be real this movie is far from authentic anyway.
Ingredients
1 lb new potatoes
1 1/2 inch piece ginger, grated
3 large garlic cloves, minced
1/2 cup tomato puree
1/3 onion, finely chopped
1 tbsp vegetable oil oil
hefty pinch red pepper flakes
1/4 tsp ground mustard
1/2 tsp ground coriander
1/4 tsp turmeric
1/2 tsp ground cumin
3/4 tsp garam masala
cilantro, for garnish
Instructions
Begin by placing your potatoes in a pot of salt water-- bring to a boil, and cook for roughly 8 minutes. Remove from heat and allow to cool.
Using a sharp knife, but three lines into the front facing surface of each potato (representing the three levels of the earth, obviously). Angle the knife a bit to deepen and widen the cut slightly.
Gather your remaining bombay aloo base ingredients: tomatoes, onion, spices, ginger, and garlic.
In a non-stick frying pan over a medium heat, caramelize the onions in oil. Add the garlic and ginger, followed by the spices and fry for another 2 mins-- stir constantly to avoid burning. Throw in the tomato mixture and bring to a gentle simmer.
Add the potatoes to the pan and toss to combine/warm through. Season with salt, to taste. When ready to eat, garnish with fresh cilantro.
Mayapore Dal
Yield: 2 Servings
Cook Time: 45 minutes
Total Time: 45 minutes
You're insulting them, and you're embarrassing me, EAT IT.
No but really you collective Willie's, this North Indian style dal is delicious, and a very common dish in a traditional Thali. That said, feel free to use whatever lentils you have, play around with the beans, and eat the end result with your hands like the Mayapore villagers do.
Ingredients
1 cup cooked mixed lentils **See Note
1/4 cup red kidney beans
1 tbsp butter
1/2 cup chopped onions
5 cloves garlic, grated
1 inch ginger, grated
1/8 teaspoon chili powder
1/4 teaspoon garam masala
1/2 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup tomato puree
1 cup chicken broth
salt, to taste
1/4 cup yogurt, divided
cilantro leaves, for garnish
Instructions
Some of these base ingredients should look familiar by now:
Begin with your masala by caramelizing the onions in butter for roughly 10 mins over medium low heat. Add in ginger and garlic and continue to stir-- reduce heat slightly if anything begins to brown/burn. Toss in herbs, followed by tomato puree.
Add in broth and simmer for roughly 30 minutes until much of the liquid has cooked down. Season with salt to taste.
Add your lentils and beans and stir to warm through-- about another 5 minutes. Stir in 1/8 cup of yogurt, and use the remainder for garnish.
Notes
Traditionally this Dal Makhani is made with black lentils, but I had a mish mash (red, brown, and black) from Trader Joes and other places. Turned out great.
Snake Surprise
Prep Time: 40 minutes
Cook Time: 10 minutes
Total Time: 50 minutes
Aaah, snake surprise! Just, a less steamy/disgusting version.
Traditionally Thali has a refreshing raw vegetable dish to help curb the salty richness of other foods included-- so, here is a sushi-esque kachumber "snake surprise" salad. I promise you, no fingers were harmed during the making of this recipe. It's so much easier to make than it looks.
Ingredients
6 cups water
2 1/2 tbsp salt
3 pickling/baby English cucumbers
1/2 cup chopped tomato
1/4 cup finely chopped red onion
hefty pinch red pepper flakes
hefty pinch chili powder
hefty pinch cumin powder
1/2 tbsp chopped cilantro
1 tsp lemon juice
1 tsp sunflower oil
salt to taste
Instructions
Start with your cucumber. Set up to chopsticks lengthwise on each side of the cumber to help brace it-- these are what will prevent you from cutting all the way through it. With a very sharp knive, make angled cuts as thin as you can (2-3mm width) all the way down the cucumber. Flip over, and make angled cuts in the opposite direction. You should end up with an accordian like effect.
In a pie dish or baking pan, whisk salt into 6 cups of water and stir until dissovled. Soak your cucumbers in this mixture for 30 minutes, refrigerated. You'll end up with a freakishly flexible cuc! Ewwwwww.
While the cucumber is softening/marinating, get your salad ingredients together:
Toss to combine and when ready to serve, pour/sprinkle over your kachumber snake, making sure to collect and drizzle any tomato-y juices over the cucumber.
As I said, a much better alternative to doublefisting snake babies into your mouth.
"Crunchy" Shrimp Curry
Cook Time: 30 minutes
Total Time: 30 minutes
Yah, yah, snakes are terrifying. But good god the BUGS in this movie. First it's the big beetles served at dinner, then it's the hordes of live bugs crawling and creeping and crunching like fortune cookies and eeeee. But I guess, fortune and glory, kid. Fortune and glory.
Thankfully, I'm not serving up bugs-- I'm not CRUEL. But shell-on shrimp, the cockroaches of the sea, seemed like the next best thing. Espeically when kicked up a notched as a curry.
Ingredients
2 tablespoon butter, divided
1/2 cup chopped onions
1/2 inch fresh ginger, grated
2 garlic cloves, minced
1/4 tsp ground turmeric
1/2 tsp ground cumin
1/2 tsp ground coriander
1/2 tsp red chili powder
1/2 tsp garam masala
1 1/2 tbsp tomato puree
1/2 lbs shrimp or prawns, shell on
1/4 cup coconut milk
Salt and pepper to taste
1 green chili, sliced for garnish
Roti or naan, to serve
Instructions
Begin with your shrimp-- without removing the shells, soak in salt water for a minimum of 10 minutes to help remove any fishiness.
Add to a pan with 1 tbsp of melted butter-- sautee on high for a minute until shells begin to crisp and the innards look opaque.
Gather up the rest of your base ingredients...
And sautee as you have done in all previous dishes. Caramelize onions with remaining 1 tbsp of butter for about 10 mins over medium heat. Add ginger, garlic, and spices-- stir to combine and slightly toast. Add liguids and simmer for another minute before adding shrimp-- toss to coat and warm through.
To eat, do peel the shrimp. If you need a how to, just watch this guy dismember a beetle.
Chilled "Monkey Brains"
Cook Time: 30 minutes
Total Time: 30 minutes
YUM DESSERT. Turns out I decided to use a base of royal custard and spiced berry compote without even realizing that's what they used on set!
So enjoy your fruit-- and maybe keep some by the bed for when you get hungry... after.
Ingredients
2 1/2 cups milk
4 tbsp sugar
3 tbsp custard powder
1/4 tsp vanilla
hefty pinch of saffron
1 1/2 cups chopped strawberries
1 1/2 cups chopped cherries
2-3 tbsp sugar, to taste
1 tbsp cornstarch
1 cup water, divided
1/4 tsp cardamom
Instructions
For the custard: heat 2 1/2 cups milk in a medium saucepan and whisk in 4 tbsp sugar until completely dissolved. In a separate bowl, mix the custard powder with 1/2 cup milk until smooth-- this will prevent lumpies. Add this mix gradually to the heated milk in the sauce pan and stir it continuously When it starts to thicken, add vanilla and saffron until the custard hits a goldeny yellow color. Remove from heat and allow to cool, making sure to cover the surface completely with plastic wrap to prevent a skin from forming.
Now for your spiced berry compote, ie monkey brains. Throw all of the remaining ingredients excl the water into a washed out saucepan-- simmer over medium heat, stirring constantly, and adding water by the tbsp full to prevent the berries from sticking. In about 15 minutes, you'll have a syrupy compote. Set aside to chill until ready to serve.
Once you've finished your snakes, bugs, and other assorted goodies, pour your custard into the most macabre vessel you can find and top with compote. Serve chilled, because obviously.
Bloody Beeting Heart... On Fire
Yield: 2 cocktails
Kali Maaaaaa, Kali MAAAAA.
I had to acknowledge Mola Ram and the heart removal scene SOMEHOW. And since I couldn't find beef heart anywhere (and didn't want to particularly cook it), here's a blood-like beet-ing heart recipe that yep, I set on FIRE. It might make you feel like you're being rapidly dropped into a pit of hot lava-- but in a good way!
Ingredients
1 ounce beet juice
1 ounce blood orange juice
1/2 teaspoon balsamic vinegar
2 ounces sweet vermouth
3 ounces Bulleit bourbon, plus more for garnish
Blood Orange Cap, pith only for garnish
Instructions
Add all ingredients excluding the garnish materials to a cocktail shaker filled with ice. Shake until chilled, and pour into two glasses. Fill the orange caps with addition bourbon, and ignite (using a long match or long lighter, don't set yourself on fire).
Om Namha Shivaye it's good!
Epilogue
Welp, pressure’s on now for a Last Crusade menu. I must choose my recipes… wisely. Or else.
In the meantime, I hear Fornite has added an Indiana Jones secret room to their game. It’s a whole thing. Go play, you crazy kids!
“If you are what you eat, then I only want to eat the good stuff.” Out of the mouths of rats… Ratatouille is, to this day, one of the best foodie films ever made. Even Anthony Bourdain thought so! Once you get past the very …
To all my fellow frump girls out there, I give you My Big Fat Greek Wedding– still the highest grossing romantic comedy of all time! A huge thank you to Rita Wilson, who saw the play and told her husband Tom Hanks they should EP …
For a period of time in the 60’s and 70’s, Albert Lamorisse’s short film Le Ballon Rouge (The Red Balloon) was one of the most acclaimed and beloved children’s movies in the world. I myself was not exposed to this charming fantasy short until college, but to date it is the film I remember best from my time in film school. And what better day to celebrate it than today– it’s 65th anniversary!
Set in the grey and melancholy streets of Paris, The Red Balloon follows a little boy Pascal (Lamorisse’s son) and his pet/friend, a sentient and comparatively vibrant red balloon. As soon as Pascal happens upon his Ballon! on a random street corner, they form a connection– Pascal trains it to follow him like a pet, to loyally wait for him while he’s at school or inside a local patisserie, and to flee the bullies that would harm them both.
A prizewinner at Cannes, the 34 minute film also won an Academy Award for its screenplay, despite only featuring a few lines of dialogue. But then, viewers don’t miss the talking– the bond between Pascal and his balloon doesn’t require verbal expression or clarification. Lamorisse is a genius when it comes to his utilization of color, framing and fanciful music, and the expert employment of all three accomplishes more much more than pages of dialogue.
The lack of spoken words also allows for some brilliant slapstick comedy. Every time I watch The Red Balloon, I’m struck by the precision of Lamorisse’s timing and his strategic use of long and medium shots to allow the camera to capture a personality in the balloon’s bobbing movements. It is, without a doubt, one of the most magical and poignant movies I’ve ever seen, and while the ending may have you in tears, they’re likely to be happy ones.
Because this is a short film, I kept the corresponding menu relatively small. That said, it smacks of a simple lunch or dinner in Paris, and when paired with a light red wine (I went with a French Syrah) the hope is that you feel whisked away to France, preferably by a small army of enchanted balloons.
The Movie
The Menu
Ballon! Tarte Tatin
Yield: 6 slices
Cook Time: 1 hour
Total Time: 1 hour
Nothing says French cuisine like flaky, buttery puff pastry. Add in some burst cherry tomatoes and behold-- a magical balloon-shaped treat that tastes DELIGHTFUL with a glass of syrah!
Ingredients
2 sheets puff pastry
1 tbsp unsalted butter
1 tbsp olive oil, divided
3 cups onions, halved and thinly sliced
pinch salt & sugar
1 clove garlic, minced
1 tsp sugar
1 tbsp red wine vinegar
16oz red (and maybe a few yellow) cherry tomatoes
1 tsp Herbes de Provence
Kosher salt, to taste
Freshly ground black pepper, to taste
Instructions
Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Unfold puff pastry sheet and cut into a 10-inch round; chill, covered, until ready to use.
Melt butter in an oven-proof 10 inch skillet over medium heat. Add olive oil, onions, a pinch each of sugar and salt and cook, stirring, until onions are golden and caramelized, 15 to 20 minutes. Add 1 to 2 tablespoons water and let cook off to prevent the onions from burning as they caramelize.
In the same skillet, add the second 1/2 tbsp olive oil and heat over medium. Add tomatoes and toss to coat with oil.
Cook for 5 minutes until tomatoes start to burst, releasing their juices. Transfer to a plate and allow to rest completely, releasing more juices that eventually you'll discard.
In yet again the same pan, combine sugar and 3 tablespoons water. Cook over medium heat until the sugar melts and lightly caramelizes, about 5 to 10 minutes. Add the vinegar and bring to a brief boil-- reduce heat and swirl until slightly thickened.
Return tomatoes to the pan and spread evenly over the bottom-- they should be tightly packed, but not SQUISHED. You want them to keep their balloon-y shape. Sprinkle thyme leaves, a pinch of salt, and freshly ground pepper over tomatoes, followed by your caramelized onions in an even layer.
Top tomatoes and onions with puff pastry round, and tuck the edges into the pan. Prick the top of the pastry with holes to let out steam.
Bake tart until crust is puffed up and golden brown, about 25 minutes. Let stand for 15 minutes, then run a knife around pastry to loosen it from pan.
Next, the moment of truth-- flip your pan onto a serving platter. You may need to pour off a bit of tomato juice to prevent the pastry from getting soggy as the tarte sits until serving.
To serve, slice into wedges and garnish with a few extra fresh thyme leaves.
Blue and White Salad
Yield: 2 Servings
Cook Time: 15 minutes
Total Time: 15 minutes
In honor of Lamorisse's own use of blue, white and red in The Red Balloon, I've created a blue cheese and endive salad that perfectly complements the flavors of the tarte tatin above. Bon appetit!
Ingredients
2 heads endive, thinly sliced lengthwise
1 half apple, thinly sliced
3 oz blue cheese, crumbled
1/4 tbsp walnuts, chopped
1/8-1/4 cup french vinaigrette (see note)
Instructions
If you haven't already, slice the endive and apple and toast your walnuts!
Just before serving, toss all ingredients together, beginning with a couple of tbsp of vinaigrette and adding more per your preference.
If you enjoyed The Red Balloon, I highly recommend Lamorisse’s other fantasy short White Mane. Both films are currently part of the Criterion Collection, and when watched together leave you feeling whimsical and sad and happy all at once. A short clip from White Mane is below:
The Breakfast Club– a perfect back-to-school time movie and perhaps the most famous in the John Hughes coming of age oeuvre. Sure, a case could be made for Ferris Bueller, and I do love me some Uncle Buck, but The Breakfast Club is the movie in …
I’d always promised myself that, should ever I start a “dinner and a movie” blog, Fried Green Tomatoes would be the first post. That clearly didn’t happen, and for a variety of reasons, but I think the biggest one is that I love this movie …
Here it is. My (very belated) first post of 2021. And because I took such a long break before coming back to Two Crumbs Up, I said to myself– self, let’s go big. BITE YOUR TEETH INTO THE ASS OF LIFE! And I did, with Big Night— potentially the greatest foodie movie ever made.
The premise of Big Night in a nutshell: Italian brothers Primo and Secondo own a failing restaurant in 1950’s Jersey Shore. Despite the delicious authenticity of their food, they can’t seem to hack it, and are persuaded by a “well-meaning” competitor to host a bank-breaking dinner party for celebrity guest, The Lip Louis Prima. What ensues is, as previously implied, the best on-screen meal I’ve ever seen, complete with an A+++ list of dinner guests: Stanley Tucci (who also co-wrote and co-directed the film), the aforementioned Mr. Shalhoub, Isabella Rossellini, Minnie Driver, Ian Holm. There are more (co-director Campbell Scott, Allison Janney and, random, a mute Marc Anthony), but these first five characters are at the center of a plot filled with a sumptuous balance of ambition, jealousy, integrity, unbreakable fraternal love, and Minnie emerging from a late night ocean swim like a Fellini goddess after being treated like shit by the men in her life.
But I think that’s enough of a tease for now. Especially since– guys, I’m TIRED. Even having (yes I admit it) cheated at times. I’m not Tony Shalhoub’s Primo, and kneading ALL of the pasta required for this meal would’ve been too much for my atrophied spaghetti arms. But I think the below meal is a solid representation of Big Night’s best, most accessible dishes, and I hope you enjoy. Let’s eat!
(PS if you’re wondering what that weird paper cone thing is in the top right corner of my header pic, you gotta get to the amaretti and about 1 hour 24 minutes into the film. It’s worth it, trust me.)
The Movie
The Menu
Martini
Yield: 1 Cocktail
Prep Time: 1 hour
Cook Time: 5 minutes
Total Time: 1 hour5 minutes
A classic cocktail that you can make with either gin or vodka (though I prefer vodka). It's gonna be a long night, so mix up more than one. It'll help calm your nerves and prime the stomach for what's to come. HEY MAMBO!
Ingredients
Ice
2 1/2 shots Vodka (Or gin. I guess.)
1/2 shot Dry Vermouth, plus more for swirlage
BIG Green olive
Instructions
1 hr before serving, place martini glass in the freezer. When ready to serve, add a splash of vermouth to the glass and swirl it around before discarding. Next, fill a cocktail shaker with ice and add vodka + 1/2 shot of vermouth. Shake until well chilled and strain into a martini glass. Garnish with BIGASS olive, with an added splash of olive brine if you like 'em dirty. I have a suspicion that's how Gabriella prefers them...
Garlic & Rosemary Focaccia
Yield: 16 Small Squares
Prep Time: 10 hours
Cook Time: 20 minutes
Total Time: 10 hours20 minutes
My first "cheat" of the post-- a no knead focaccia recipe that nonetheless SHOULD require day ahead prep, if you have the time. But man is this stuff perfect. As Primo says, to eat good food is to be close to God. This focaccia gets you at least halfway there, and is the perfect antispasto appetizer.
Ingredients
3/4 + 1/8 tsp Instant Rapid Rise Yeast
1 tsp Honey
315 g All-Purpose Flour (about 2.25 cups)
1/2 tbsp Kosher Salt
1/2 tbsp Rosemary plus 1/2 tsp, minced
3 tbsp Olive Oil, divided
1 tbsp Salted Butter
Flaky sea salt (preferably Maldon)
2 Garlic Cloves
Instructions
Lightly toss together flour, rosemary, salt, and yeast in a mixing bowl. In a separate measuring cup, mix 1 1/4 cup warm water and honey and stir rapidly to combine.
Pour wet ingredients into bowl of dry ingredients and stir with a rubber spatula. Don't overwork the dough, but mix until everything is incorporated and the sides of the bowl are relatively clean. Get in there with your hands if you feel up to it! You should end up with a rough dough ball.
Pour one tbsp of olive oil over your dough ball and turn once to coat. Cover tightly and regrigerate overnight (though, if you're in a big hurry you can also allow the dough to rise at room temperature for 4 hours-- the focaccia just won't be quite as light and fluffy).
2 hours before cooking, butter an 8x8 pan and add a tbsp of olive oil to the bottom. Remove your dough from the fridge and plop it into the center of your pan.
Take the top of the dough (farthest end from you) and fold it toward you. Do the same with each side of the dough, and finish by wrapping the bottom upwards-- the technique is demonstrated a bit better here. Allow this new focaccia dough package to continue rising in your pan, uncovered and in a warm place, for about 2 hours until doubled in size-- it'll come close to filling the pan.
While you are waiting, combine remaining minced rosemary, 2 cloves of grated garlic, and olive oil. Allow sit at room temperature, letting the flavors marry.
Preheat your oven to 450 and spread your focaccia dough a bit more evenly in the pan. Using all ten fingers, take all of your frustration at culinary philistines out on your focaccia dough, and make DEEP indentations all over the surface. Drizzle with more olive oil, and then brush lightly with rosemary garlic oil. Don't add TOO much, or the rosemary flakes will burn-- see below for the correct dosage.
Bake for 20 minutes, until focaccia crust is a heavenly golden brown. Remove from oven, brush lightly with more rosemary garlic oil, and sprinkle with flaky Maldon salt.
Cut into 16 equal squares (or 12 if you're feeling particulary ambitious), and serve immediately if possible. Focaccia is always best within 2 hours of baking, but if need be, you can always re-toast the next day.
Notes
If you can, ALWAYS weigh your flour with a scale for baking projects. Different flours do not have the same weight, and without grams or ounces you run the risk of compromising texture/rise.
Garganelli in Parmesan Brodo
Yield: 2 Servings
Cook Time: 2 hours
Total Time: 2 hours
The time has come to make it, make it, make it, make the pasta! Garganelli in an umami packed parmesan brodo is my version of Primo's Zuppa course-- and thankfully, the broth can be made ahead.
Ingredients
1 tbsp Olive Oil
1/2 Yellow Onion, Thickly Sliced
1 Head of Garlic, Halved
Handful Parsley
1/2 tbsp. black peppercorns
2-3 Small Bay Leaves
1/3 cup Dry White Wine
8oz Parmesan Rinds
4 cups Water
1/2 Celery Stalk, chopped
1/2 Carrot, chopped
3/4 cup All-Purpose Flour, plus more for dusting
1 Egg, Extra Large
2 Egg Yolks
1/4 tsp Salt
Instructions
Begin with the broth (again, can be made ahead!). Assemble your ingredients below.
Saute your onion and garlic in olive oil until just starting to brown and soften. Add white wine to deglaze the pan, and continue cooking until mostly evaporated.
Next, add peppercorns, bay leaves, parmesan rinds and water. Bring to a boil and reduce heat. Simmer for two hours until all of the parmesan goodness has thickened and flavored your broth. Strain all of the solids out of your broth, and store until almost ready to serve.
About an hour before you're ready to serve your zuppa, start on your garganelli! Don't let the below fool you-- I halved the recipe once I discovered that my paltry little arms did not have the strength to make a full batch of that size. Luckily, I didn't need 2 dozen noodles, so just use the below as a model for what to do. Dump your flour onto a pasta mat or other floured surface, and make a well in the center. Add salt, eggs, and yolks to the well, and mix with a fork to form a slurry.
Then, get in there with your hands and knead your dough until the shaggy mess becomes a flexible and smooth ball. Shape into a disk, add a bit of flour to the surface, and wrap tightly in plastic. Refrigerate for 30-45 minutes.
Flour a pasta mat and roll the dough into a rectangular shape at less than 1/16th inch thick-- you should be able to see through the dough. Cut your rectangle with a pasta or pizza cutter into 1 1/2-2 inch squares.
Using a nifty pasta stripper (product recommendation to follow), roll your squares at an angle, pressing down slightly to seal. You should end up with garganelli shapes like those below.
Flour lightly and place on a parchment paper lined baking sheet. Store wrapped and refrigerated (for no more than a few hours), until you are a couple of minutes away from serving.
15 minutes before serving, bring your broth to a boil and add chopped celery and carrot. Allow those to soften a bit, before adding fresh pasta. Boil the pasta for 2-3 minutes until al dente, and serve your zuppa immediately, topped with roughly chopped parsley.
Both Stanley Tucci and Tony Shalhoub have claimed this Tricolore Risotto is their sleep hitter favorite dish from Big Night. And this I Primi plate is delightful in appearance and taste-- all of the colors of the Italian flag come together in a dish comprised of pesto risotto, creamy parmesan risotto, and seafood risotto.
Just a word of advice , if you ever see risotto on a restaurant menu and expect a side of spaghetti to go with, don't. Primo and I don't care how much you like starch.
Ingredients
2 tbsp Pine Nuts
2 Garlic Cloves, chopped
2 cups Basil, roughly chopped
1 tsp Lemon Juice
1/4 tsp Kosher Salt, + more to taste
1/4 cup Olive Oil
1/4 cup Parmesan plus 1/3 cup, freshly grated and divided
1 1/2 cup Arborio Rice (divided-- you'll see)
1 1/2 tbsp Butter, divided
1 1/2 tbsp Olive Oil, divided
6 tbsp Shallots, chopped and divided
6 tbsp Dry White Wine, divided
2 cups Seafood Broth
4 cups Chicken Broth
1 tbsp Mascarpone
1/3 cup Asiago Cheese
1 tbsp Tomato Paste
Salt and Pepper, to taste
Instructions
First, your pesto (this can be made in advance!). Lightly toast your pine nuts in a non-stick skillet for a couple of minutes-- they will turn a light golden brown and become fragrant, but be careful they don't burn!
Next, in a (mini, if you have one) food processer, combine pine nuts, basil, and garlic and pulse until mostly pureed.
Add parmesan, lemon juice, and olive oil and continue to puree, adding a tsp of water if you like a slightly looser consistency. Add salt and pepper to taste. Set aside.
Next, assemble your ingredients for your tricolore risotto. Three different risottos at once is A LOT, but I tried to make it a bit simpler-- the liquid of the white risotto is the same for the pesto, so feel free to start by combining those two into one larger pan and keeping the seafood risotto with its seafood broth in its own, smaller pan.
Start with 2 tbsp shallots, 1/2 tbsp butter, 1/2 tbsp olive oil in a small pan, and 4 tbsp shallots, 1 tbsp butter, and 1 tbsp olive in a larger pan. Caramelize the shallots until softened, and add 1/2 cup arborio rice to the smaller pan, and 1 cup arborio rice to the larger pan. Toss the rice in the butter, oil, and shallots and allow to cook briefly until the edges of the rice become translucent-- see below.
Next, add two tbsp of white wine to the small pan, and the remaining wine to the large pan-- allow the wine to cook off very briefly, stirring constantly.
Now, the exhausting part. Risotto cannot be allowed to stick to the pan or itself, and its creamy consistency relies on a slow simmer with small additions of liquid, 1/2 a cup at a time, until it becomes tender. So, over the next 45 minutes or so, add seafood stock to the small pan, and chicken broth to the large pan, gradually and while stirring regularly.
When your risotto is creamy and al dente, add 1 tbsp of tomato paste to the smaller pan, and stir to combine. Next, divide the larger portion of risotto into two. Now you should have your pink/orange seafood risotto, a risotto ready for the addition of your green pesto, and a plain risotto ready to be made even more creamy.
Add asiago to your seafood risotto and stir to combine; stir pesto into one batch of plain risotto, and finally add mascarpone and parmesan to the last batch. Serve, lined up on a plate in the order of green, white, and "red". Demarcate your risotto types with fresh sprigs of thyme, and serve!
For reference, see below from Big Night. A pretty close mini-me!
Il Timpano
Yield: 8 Servings
Prep Time: 3 hours
Cook Time: 1 hour30 minutes
Additional Time: 1 hour
Total Time: 5 hours30 minutes
It only took three tries, but I DID IT. I MADE A TIMPANO. Also called a timballo, timpano is explained by Primo to be "PASTA... with a special crust. It's shaped like a drum, like a timpani drum. And inside, all of the most important things in the world"-- ie more pasta, different italian meats, cheeses, and in this instance hard boiled eggs. Which are, suprisingly, delicious in this epic masterpiece of a dish.
While it's still not "God damn it, I should kill you! This is so fucking good I should kill you!" level, the below Timpano recipe is pretty damn good.
So, pun intended, drumroll please...
Ingredients
1 1/2 cups Onion, chopped
3 Garlic Cloves, minced
1 tbsp Olive Oil
1 tbsp Butter
1/4 tsp Roasted Red Pepper Flakes
1/4 tsp Kosher Salt
2 28-oz Cans San Marzano Tomatoes
1/4 cup Tomato Paste
1/3 cup Italian Red Wine
1 15 oz can Tomato Sauce
3 tbsp Minced Basil
1/2 cup Day Old Crustless Bread, torn
2 tbsp Half and Half
3/4 cup Parmesan, grated
1/2 cup Onion, minced
1/3 Parsley Leaves, finely chopped
1 Egg
2 Garlic Cloves, minced
1/4 tsp Red Pepper Flakes
1 tsp Kosher Salt
1/4 tsp Ground Pepper
1/2 lb Ground Beef
1/2 lb Ground Pork
3 oz Pancetta or Bacon, minced
All-purpose flour, for dredging (about 1 cups)
2 tbsp Olive Oil
For Greasing the Dutch Oven: 1 tbsp each Butter and Olive Oil
2 1/4 cup All Purpose Flour (you can trust this ex grams or oz), plus more for dusting
1 1/2 lbs Penne Pasta
More Salt and Olive Oil for Pasta Water
3 Extra Large Eggs
6 Egg Yolks
1 tsp Salt
16 oz Low Moisture Mozzarella, 1/4 inch cube dice
8 oz Parmesan, grated
8 oz Aged Provolone, grated
3-4 oz Pepperoni
5 Eggs, hard boiled and slice lengthwise
Instructions
Begin with your tomato sauce (can be made a day ahead). The below will serve as your base! If you can get them, San Marzano tomatoes are the best-- just slightly sweeter and better quality over all.
Crush your tomatoes as much as possible and set aside.
In a large sauce pot, caramelize your onions in olive oil and butter until softened, adding garlic, salt, and red pepper flakes halfway through.
Add crushed tomatoes, tomato paste, wine, and tomato sauce to the pot and stir until fully incorporated. Allow to simmer for a couple of hours on very low heat while you continue to...
MEATBALLS! These can also be assembled (though not cooked) in advance. Begin by soaking your bread in half and half for five to ten minutes. Separately in a medium bowl, add meats, onion, parmesan, egg, garlic, red pepper flakes, salt, pepper, and chopped parsley. Squeeze the excess half and half from the bread and add wet bread to your bowl-- mix with your hands until just incorporated.
Form into 1 1/2 inch meatballs and dredge in flour. Set on a parchment lined sheet, cover in plastic and refrigerate until ready to cook.
While your sauce simmers and your meatballs set, attack your dough. As mentioned in my garganelli recipe, this is A LOT of dough-- I highly recommend cheating and using a stand mixer.
Add flour, salt, egg yoks, and eggs to a mixing bowl and mix on low speed for about 30 seconds with a paddle attachment until a shaggy dough begins to come together.
Switch to a dough hook, and mix on low speed until your dough comes together into a ball, just a couple more minutes.
On a well floured cutting board, knead your pasta dough for 2-3 more minutes until it becomes smooth and elastic.
Look how pretty! Wrap tightly in plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes.
Now it's time to cook your meatballs! Drizzle a bit of olive oil in a non-stick pan and heat on medium high. In batches if need be, fry your meatballs until golden brown on all sides:
When done, add meatballs to your sauce and let those meaty flavors infuse.
Now for your filler pasta! And, I admit, I cheated again. Sure, you could theoretically hand-roll 1.5 lbs of pasta, but it would take forever and honestly-- extruded pastas like penne (which stand up better to weight) are better dried and made entirely from semolina. And, most of my super fancy and authentic Italian cookbooks advise to just purchase from a store. Sooooo just let it go OK???
Heat a big pot of water with plenty of salt and olive oil (about 1 tbsp of each) and bring it to a boil. Boil penne to just UNDER al dente, about 8 minutes-- your penne will finish cooking inside your timpano. Just before straining, reserve 1 cup of pasta water. Once strained, dump pasta into your tomato sauce with meatballs and stir gently with a wooden spoon to fully incorporate.
Now for my Everest-- the giant circle of pasta dough that will be the outer casing for your timpano. On a VERY well floured pasta matt or other large flat surface, roll your refrigerated disc of pasta into a 22-23 inch diameter circle. You should be able to see through it slightly-- try to get it as thin as possible.
Grease a 6 qt dutch oven generously with oil and butter, and flip your pasta dough over so that it lies over the dutch oven. Press down gently so that the dough fits into and lines the inside of the pot-- you want a lot of extra dough draping over the sides.
And now, the time has come to preheat the oven to 375 and FILL YOUR TIMPANO. Be sure to retrieve your meatballs from your tomato sauce before you begin.
Start with a layer of pasta, and top with mozz and grated cheeses.
Then, add meatballs, egg halves, and pepperoni (which I vastly prefer over salami-- I tried it, trust me, the pepperoni is better).
Top that layer with more cheese, and repeat everything over one more time. Then add a final layer of pasta, a thin layer of cheese, and then bring your draped dough up and over the rim of the pan so that it covers your filling completely. Brush the top of your dough generously with olive oil to help seal it closed.
Bake, covered for 1 hour, then remove the cover and continue to bake for 30 minutes more. Remove your timpano when your crust becomes a lovely golden brown.
Allow to rest for at least an hour, lid off. When you are ready to eat, flip the dutch oven onto a cutting board and lift the pot off of your deliciously beautiful work of art.
Cut into that baby (at the table for presentation!) and eat. Again, don't get full, we have a LONG way to go...
Hens Roasted with Cipollini Onions and Balsamic Grapes
Yield: 4 Servings
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 50 minutes
Total Time: 1 hour
Since I couldn't make a suckling pig, and since I didn't really want a whole roasted fish, I went for Primo's roasted hens. When paired with rosemary, cippolini onions and balsamic roasted grapes you have <chef's kiss> quite the I Secundi course.
Ingredients
2 Cornish Hens
1 Lemon, Quartered
4 tbsp Butter, Softened
1 tsp Fresh Rosemary, minced
1 tsp Fresh Thyme, minced
4 Cloves Garlic
2-3 sprigs each Rosemary, Thyme
Olive Oil, Salt, Pepper
1 1/2 cup Cipollini Onions
1 cup Globe Red Grapes
1 tbsp Balsamic Vinegar
Instructions
Pat your hens dry with a paper towel and fold the itty bitty wings under the body-- if you're not sure how to do that, check out my post for Fantastic Mr. Fox! I have a photo how-to and everything.
Soften your butter (either at room temperature over 15-20 minutes, or briefly in the microwave), and mix in minced herbs. Next, set your hens in an oiled glass or ceramic baking dish, and stuff each with two lemon quarters and two garlic cloves.
Rub your herb butter under the breast skin of your hens, and surround your birds with cipolinni onions, rosemary and thyme springs. Drizzle with a healthy glug of olive oil and sprinkle with a tsp or so of salt and pepper.
Bake at 375 for 35-40 mins.
In the meantime, toss your grapes in a little olive oil and balsamic vinegar. At about the 35 minute mark, before your birds are done baking, throw your grapes into the baking dish. They will have JUST enough time to develope a lovely blister.
Remove your hens from the oven at about 50 minutes total, when the thickest part of the breast registers 165 and your skin is a nice and crisp golden brown. Serve whole or halved, depending on the intestinal capacity of you and your guests.
Roasted Asparagus with Stuffed Tomatoes Provencal
Yield: 2-4 Servings
Prep Time: 30 minutes
Cook Time: 20 minutes
Total Time: 50 minutes
Who knew there would be room for sides? While watching Big Night I clocked grapes and onions (check, done), these items, and some other sides that looked delicious but were a bit carby. So, I went with these somewhat lighter options.
Don't worry, there's still oil, bread and cheese included.
Ingredients
3 Roma Tomatoes
3/4 cups Panko Bread Crumbs
2 tbsp Shallots, minced
2 tbsp Fresh Basil, minced
1 tbsp Fresh Parsley, minced
1 tsp Garlic, minced
1/4 tsp Fresh Thyme Leaves
1/4 cup Finely Grated Parmesan
Salt, Pepper, Olive Oil
1 Bunch Asparagus (Let's say 16-18 stalks)
More Salt, Pepper, Olive Oil
1/2 Lemon, Thickly Sliced
Instructions
Since they are slightly more labor intensive, begin by prepping your tomatoes. Slice your romas in half lengthwise, removing the inner seeds as thoroughly as possible (see the bottom tomatoes in the below pic).
Combine shallots, cheese, garlic, chopped parsley, and breadcrumbs in a small bowl, and sprinkle your tomato halves with salt and pepper. Stuff your tomatoes with your bread mixture, and place onto an aluminum foil lined baking dish. Drizzle generously with olive oil. Note: at this point I switched from martinis to red wine because there was a very real danger of drunkendly dropping my timpano on the kitchen floor.
To prep your asparagus, first snap off the tougher end of the asparagus spear-- it should break naturally if you bend from the end with one hand and about 4 inches from the end with the other.
Space your asparagus out on another aluminum lined banking sheet, drizzling with olive oil and sprinkling lightly with a pinch of salt and pepper each.
About 20 minutes before eating, preheat your oven to 400. Bake tomatoes first for 15 minutes, and put asparagus in when you have 6-7 minutes remaining.
Serve asparagus with a squeeze of fresh lemon, and tomatoes with basil garnish, on individual plates or a single dish (the latter is preferred if you happen to be taking photos of all your Big Night dishes in one go and are struggling to fit everything into frame).
Wish Upon An Amaretti
Yield: 8 Cookies
Prep Time: 1 hour
Cook Time: 20 minutes
Total Time: 1 hour20 minutes
WE MADE IT! It's that time of the night when you and your dinner guests have lapsed into a food-and-martini/wine induced catatonia and the only thing left is I Dolci-- in this instance, some incredibly light and sweet amaretti cookies. If you can find some flying wish paper to help round out your dessert experience, I highly recommend it.
Buona sera all! It's time to say good night to Napoli.
Ingredients
3/4 cups Almond Flour
1/4 cup Granulated Sugar, + 1/8 cup for dusting
Pinch Kosher salt
1 egg white (reserve yolk, see below)
1/4 teaspoon almond extract
1/4 tsp lemon zest
1/8 cup powdered sugar
Instructions
In a small bowl, combine almond flour, 1/4 cup granulated sugar, lemon zest and salt. In a bigger bowl, combine egg whites and almond extract. Using a hand beater, beat the egg whites until stiff peaks form.
Then, add your flour mixture to your egg whites. Stir gently until dough comes together. Form dough into a disk, wrap tightly in plastic and refrigerate for 1 hour.
Meanwhile, preheat your oven to 325, and line a baking sheet with parchment paper. Next, prep your rolling sugars—sprinkle powdered sugar on one plate and remaining 1/8 cup granulated sugar on the other.
Remove your cookie dough from the fridge and scoop out 1-inch dough balls. As you go, coat each ball first in granulated sugar, then in powdered sugar.
Place each cookie dough ball on the parchment lined baking sheet, pressing gently down on each to flatten slightly. You should end up with 8 cookies.
Bake for 20 minutes, until cookies begin to crack but are still slightly soft. Remove from your oven and allow to cool in the pan.
Now, for your flying wish (or joss) paper! What was originally a product of Asian tradition representing "spirit money", now these whimsical papers can carry a written wish to the heavens. I think both are appropriate intents for Big Night. And anyway I really do like lighting stuff on fire.
Link to the flying wish paper I found on Amazon is below.
Like Primo and Secondo, sometimes all I want after an intense night of cooking is some god damn scramby eggs. And if you made it through all of the above with me, you’ll have loads of egg whites to work with– scramble with a drizzle of olive oil in a pan, toss in a bit of leftover cheese, and serve with some light greens, coffee, a lovely baguette, and some quiet time.
Here it is: Die Hard. Possibly the most well-known of the unconventional Christmas movies, and one of Alan Rickman’s greatest roles as super villain Hans Gruber (note I said “one of”. I have very strong opinions about this. Sheriff of Nottingham <3). If you’ve never …