The Shining

Instructions

Hey look it's some ingredients:

Note, I had a second orange and I realized this cocktail needs it, so while it is not pictured above it is, indeed, part of this recipe.

Cut two thin round slices from the middle of one orange, slice each into halves, and reserve for garnish. Squeeze the rest of the juice into a bowl and add the remaining ingredients. Stir to combine, and pour into a mid-size glass baking dish. Cover with cling wrap and freeze for 1 hour. At this point, your liquid will have developed a thin layer of ice-- use a fork to disturb the ice into flakes. Repeat this process after another hour, and another, until you end up with a slushy like consistency. Garnish with orange slices and serve-- but beware of brain freezes.

Instructions

Start with your dressing, which can be refrigerated for up to two weeks if need be (unike Jack).

Toss your walnuts in a saute pan and toast over medium low heat for a few minutes, stirring every minute or so to avoid burning them. Set aside to cool. Next, add remaining vinaigrette ingredients to a mini food processor or blender and pulse to emulsify. Add nuts, and season with salt and pepper to taste.

Cover, and move on to your beautiful meats.

Allow to come to room temperature (should take about 15 minutes), and in the meantime preheat the oven to 400). Rub your meats with olive followed by a generous coating of salt and freshly ground pepper. Heat a cast iron skillet on high, and add steaks-- cook one side, undisturbed, for 4 minutes. Flip, and immediately transfer to oven for another 5 minutes. Remove from the oven and the pan and place on aluminum foil to rest, loosely tented, for about ten minutes.

While you wait for your steak to rest, put your cast iron skillet back over low heat and deglaze your pan with a splash of rum, scraping up any meaty bits of goodness. Add shallots, garlic, and knob of butter and continue to cook on low until caramelized. Toss in flour and stir until floury smell dissapates (about a minute), after which you pour in your broth and wine. Strip thyme leaves and add last, stirring your sauce until reduced by half.

Slice steak against the grain, and admire how perfectly juicy it is.

Layer onto a plate, and pour redrum sauce over. Lastly, serve up your hedge maze clippings as you ponder your sanity.

Top with your nutty af vinaigrette and a snowy sprinkle of parmesan.

Instructions

Start by soft boiling your taters. Add vinegar, salt, 2 qts of water, and spuds to a stock pot and bring to a boil-- cook for 10 minutes until just tender, but not completely falling apart. Remove from heat with a strainer and lay out on paper towels. Allow to come to room temperature, and slice in half lengthwise (it's no fun unless they really look like FINGERS).

Heat oil in a deep skillet-- use a candy thermometer if possible to measure heat at roughly 380 degrees. When your oil has reached deep frying temp, separate your potatoes into four batches and fry each for 1 minute. Temperature will fluctuate as you add and remove batches, so play with your gauge and wait between batches to make sure you stay at around 380. A word of advice-- do NOT try for less than four batches. Your oil could boil over and cause a grease fire and those are never, I repeat NEVER, fun. You basically want it to look like this:

Drain each batch of taters on paper towels, and allow to come to room temperature. Let sit for 30 minutes.

Bring your oil back up to frying temp, and fry your batches again, this time about 2-3 minutes per batch. You're looking for a golden brown color. Remove each batch from the hot oil with a mesh strainer and drain on paper towels.

Sprinkle with sea salt and serve with a shiny side of ketchup and my oh my Doc, you've got one hell of a meal.

Pretty sure Tony would approve.

Instructions

Start with your cherry innards! Add all ingredients to a small saucepan and bring to a boil. Reduce heat, and simmer for 10 minutes until liquid has reduced to a thick syrup.

Mash thoroughly with a fork or potato masher, and set aside to cool completely.

Now on to your cookies. In a medium bowl, whisk the flour, baking powder, and salt together. Set aside.In a large bowl using a handheld or a stand mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, beat the butter and sugar together on high speed until the mixture is light and creamy, about 3 minutes. It should look like this:

Add the egg, vanilla, and almond extract and beat on high speed until combined, about 1 minute. Scrape down the sides and bottom of the bowl and beat again to combine. Next, add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients and mix on low speed until combined. The dough should be soft, but if it seems too sticky for rolling, beat in a bit more flour.

Divide the dough in half-- each portion should be about 7 oz with this recipe. Roll each half on a lightly floured piece of parchment paper into a circle about 1/8 inch thick and between 8 and 9 inches and diameter. Pro tip-- flour your rolling pin to avoid it sticking! Lightly dust one round with flour, and place the second round (still on its piece of parchment paper) on top of it. Cover the dough tightly with cling wrap, and refrigerate for 2 hours.

Once the dough has been appropriately chilled, it's time to form your twin x 2 cookies! See now this is where I get a little janky. Do I have cookie cutters in the shape of little girl dresses? No. So instead I printed out a copy of the legit Grady girls' dress and used it as a stencil.

... and hey presto, it worked! Cut 8 dresses out, and place 4 on a cookie sheet lined with fresh parchment paper. add a tbsp or so of cherry innards to this bottom layer cookie, and place your top layers over-- you're going to want a half inch of cookie border around the cherries to make sure they don't ooze out while cooking. Note, you'll have extra cherries for use later >;D. Seal the edges of your cookie dresses shut as tightly as possible, and refrigerate for another 20 or so minutes while you wait for your oven to preheat to 350.

Bake for about 18 miinutes until your edges turn golden brown-- remove from oven and allow to cool completely on a rack before you think about icing them.

Speaking of which: in a large bowl using a hand mixer fitted, whip the powdered sugar and meringue powder with water and vanilla. It should take just under two minutes to get to the right consistency (when lifting the whisk up off the icing, the icing should drizzle down and smooth out within 5–10 seconds).

To color your icing, divide into portions-- 2/3 will be blue icing, and the remainder should be divided in 2 portions, one for white icing, one for pink. For ease, use separate bowls, and remeber that a little gel food coloring goes a long way (you can use a toothpick to dot the gel into the icing if you want to be extra precise).

Fill piping bags with a thin icing tip with blue icing first for your dress body-- I used a mason jar to help me.

Start with the border and fill in as smoothly as possible (though the icing should smooth out a bit on its own). Refrigerate for at least 30 minutes to set. If you notice that there are some blemishes, you can actually use a paintbrush and a little water to smooth them out. Continue on with your white icing collar/sleeve ends, your pink bow belts, and another blue scalloped border at the bottom of your "dresses". Refrigerate for at least another 30 minutes, after which you can go to town.

Just make sure to chop two of your twins up into bloody bits (one per person), adding reserved cherry guts for effect.

Like I said, I'm a sick person.