Elf
A film by Jon Favreau, Elf has become a holiday staple in American households. I have to be honest– I was not initially a fan (I’m a bit of a Christmas movie snob). But I’m now happy to say that I’m no longer a cotton headed ninny muggins, and have learned to greatly appreciate this goofy ass film.
Maybe it’s the cast– Ed Asher as Santa Clause, and Peter Billingsly as a head elf? Come on. Or possibly it’s the various, comedic homages to Christmas claymation classics I love (the Narwhal might be my favorite character). OR it’s Peter Dinklage’s hilarious and enraged cameo. I could go on. But for the purposes of this post, let’s say it’s because Elf is kind of a foodie movie. Or, at least, it has a lot of food/food commentary in it. Let’s examine all of the nuggets of wonderful culinary advice Elf has to offer:
- Don’t eat yellow snow.
- If you see the gum on the street, leave it there. It’s not free candy.
- The real Rays Pizza is on 11th.
- Real Santas DON’T smell like beef and cheese.
- While you can eat cotton balls, they are not actually food.
- Cookies don’t go in the VCR. Or a blu-ray player if you live in modern times.
- Coffee with “syrup” is better.
- Drinking Coca Cola too much and too fast will give you the burps.
It’s a friggin’ goldmine of gastronomic wisdom.
So if you’re planning to watch Elf at some point during the holidays, here is a breakfasty/brunchy menu that will go perfectly with your screening. And, it actually tastes good– go figure!
The Movie
The Menu
Potentially the most disgusting breakfast ever captured on film (though 3 Men & A Little Lady is a contender too)-- Buddy's spaghetti breakfast in Elf has been consumed at many a holiday party. I myself cannot get behind the thought of maple syrup on pasta, but why not be clever and make the spaghetti out of something a little less gross and far more breakfast-y-- crepes! NOTE: this plate should never be served cold/room temp. It doesn't work. Heat is your friend here. Start with your crepe batter! Combine your eggs, milk, melted butter, salt, and sugar with a hand mixer. Sift in flour, and continue to hand beat on medium until smooth. Heat a small dollop of butter in a 10 inch nonstick skillet over medium heat-- spreading as it melts to lightly coat the pan. Pour 1/4 cup of batter into te heated pan, tilting the pan immediatelly to spread the batter into a thin even layer. Cook for roughly 30 seconds until the top begins to dry. Using a thin spatula, flip the crepe (you can use your fingers CAREFULLY to help). Cook for another 30 secs and transfer to a plate. Repeat with the remaining batter. Working with 2-3 crepes at a time, layered on top of one another, cut into very thin long strips-- this is your crepe spaghetti! Sure it looks more like linguini, but this was my first time making crepes and I was excited. Feel free to swirl your crepe pasta into swirls as you go, covering with plastic wrap to prevent them from drying out. Once you're finished cutting your crepe sgetti, gather your pasta toppings. As mentioned, temperature is KEY here-- which means you need to TOAST your pop tarts before you crumble them, then keep them someplace warm. In the same crepe pan from before, melt 1/2 tbsp of butter-- toss in your crepe sgetti with syrup and heat till fully warmed through. Plate your heated, syruped sgetti and add your toppings (inclusive of warmed chocolate syrup). If you want to add more maple syrup, feel free-- my sugar intake can't handle it but I'm no Buddy. Because this meal needed something at least a LITTLE savory... For the bacon, I always start with a room temp pan and heat the bacon gradually to ensure crispness, flipping once or twice to cook on both sides. For the candied element, add about 3 tbsp of syrup to the pan just before your strips finish cooking and let them sizzle away for a minute or so, flipping once. Just as the bacon is about to finish, add some freshly cracked black pepper. Instead of draining on paper towels, lay your bacon strips apart from one another on a piece of parchment paper. The syrupy coating on the outside with firm up a bit and you'll end up with a chewy, but still crispy, slice of heaven. These are not for throwing at other children, no matter how good your arm is. Gather your ingredients together like good little elves, and preheat your oven to 375. In a medium bowl, beat the butter and extracts with a hand mixer until smooth and creamy. Add half of your powdered sugar and beat on medium high until fully combined and little fluffy. Switch to low speed, and add the flour and salt--- when it's roughly incorporated, you can once again increase your beater speed until the dough comes together. Add in your nuts last, beating for just a bit to evenly distribute. Cover the dough and chill for 30+ minutes. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper and divide your dough into four equal portions. Roll into balls and place two inches apart on parchment lined sheets. Bake the cookies until golden brown on the bottom edges and just barely browned on top, about 15 minutes. Allow the cookies to cool for 10 minutes on the baking sheet, then very gently roll them in the confectioners’ sugar to coat completely. Place the cookies on a wire rack to cool completely. You'll notice the powdered sugar will melt a bit, but that's fine-- we're going to reroll the cookies in sugar once more to get the "snowy" effect. Light, crumbly, and thankfully not TOO sweet. ... because it has booze in it. Obviously. The guys in the Empire State mailroom would agree. Brew your fave coffee (however many cups is up to you, though with the amount of sugar already in this meal, use caution). Add booze and cream/half and half, and top with peppermint whipped cream and smashed pepermint candies. To make peppermint whipped cream-- see my standard whipped cream recipe here, but sub peppermint extract for the vanilla. 
Buddy's Breakfast "Spaghetti"
Ingredients
Crepes
Spaghetti Toppings
Instructions
Maple Syrup Candied Bacon
Ingredients
Instructions
Snowball Cookies
Ingredients
Instructions
The World's Best Cup of Christmas Coffee
Ingredients
Instructions
Notes
Epilogue
Me after this meal:
For more menus, check out my movie directory here!