Napoleon Dynamite

Instructions

Moisten the rim of two glasses and coat with salt and chili mix (it'll be like a roundhouse kick to the mouth, Rex Kwan Do style). Fill each 3/4 of the way with ice, and set aside.

Add some ice to a shaker along with your remaining cocktail ingredients. Shake until well chilled, and pour into two cocktails. Swig until well sated.

Instructions

Add 3 eggs to a pot of boiling water-- cook for 8 minutes, and rince under cold water to cool. Peel and cut in half.

Mix mayo, mustard, relish and paprika.

Add healthy dollops to each egg half and sprinkle with minced dill. Sprinkle a bit more paprika and serve.

JK.

Instructions

Preheat your oven to 400 degrees and toss your tots onto a foil lined cookie sheet. I like to spray mine with a bit of olive oil or butter spray, but it's not imperative.

Bake, turning every 5 minutes, for 15 minutes until golden and crispy.

While you wait, collect your cheese sauce ingredients.

In a saucepan, melt butter over medium heat. Toss in flour and stir until a wet sand consistency forms-- your roux should smell like buttered popcorn when it's ready. Add milk and cheese and stir until smooth. Mix in onion powder, garlic powder, and hot sauce and allow to thicken to your preferred consistency (if you need to, you can reheat and thin out with a bit more milk).

Mound your tots on a plate and top with cheese sauce, tomatoes, and cilantro. Serve with a side of sour cream.

And kids, if you plan to "save these for later", please line your pockets with ziplocs first thanks.

Instructions

Liberally sprinkle salt and fresh cracked pepper all over your big hunk of red meat. For best results, allow to rest, loosely covered, in the fridge overnight. Either way, allow to come to room temperature for about 45 minutes before cooking.

Add oil to a cast iron skillet and crank the heat up to high. Right when the oil starts to smoke, add the steak to the pan and appreciate the lovely sound of sizzling. Flip every 30 seconds or so over four minutes, to allow the steak to cook evenly and begin to form a golden crust. Add 2 1/2 tbsp of butter, shallot, and garlic to the pan, and reduce heat to medium high. As the butter melts, tilt the pan and begin to baste the steak with spoonfuls of the liquid fat, aiming at lighter spots.

Continue flipping and basting until you hit an internal temperature of 120 to 125°F for medium-rare (about 4 more minutes). Transfer to a plate to rest for 5-10 minutes. While you wait, heat peas and a splash of water in a microwave for two minutes, adding butter and a bit of salt halfway through. Serve in a small pile next to your steak if you'd like to pretend to be healthy.

Highly recommend eating at least half of it before testing out aerodynamics.

Instructions

Start with your preferred whipped topping-- if opting for the Deb route, strain your yogurt overnight using a fine mesh strainer. You want to remove as much moisture out as possible to get a thicker frosting in the end. Once you've discarded said liquid, you can proceed the same way for both recipes. Simply whip in a mixing bowl on high speed until thickened. Refrigerate for another hour (though overnight again for the lighter option is even better).

Preheat oven to 350 and get your cake ingredients together-- including a six inch cake pan that should be greased with butter. You can add your baking powder and salt to flour, and mix the vanilla with the milk. Separate your egg.

Add 3 tbsp sugar to a small mixing bowl with the egg yolk and mix on high speed until the mixture is a pale yellow. Add milk and vanilla and stir to combine. Add the flour mixture and stir, gently, until just combined (don't overmix).

In a slightly larger mixing bowl, beat egg whites on high until foamy/bubbly. Continuing to beat, slowly add the remaining tbsp of sugar. Once you get stiiff peaks, fold in the egg yolk better, scraping the bottom and sides of the bowl well, until incorporated.

Pour batter into your greased pan and smooth it into an even layer. Bake for 20 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the cake comes out clean.

Remove from the oven and allow cake to cool completely.

While you wait, mix your tres leches (using 1% or full fat ingredients, depending on the version you've chosen). Once your cake has cooled, invert onto a plate and (using a toothpick), poke holes all over the cake. Pour half of the tres leches mix over the cake-- it's ok if it soaks through and pools a bit around the edges of the cake.

Refrigerate for 30 minutes, and pour the remaining mixture over the cake. Refrigerate again for at least 30 minutes (you can cover and refrigerate overnight if you prefer, along with your yogurt from the 1% version).

Smooth half of the whipped topping over the top of the cake. Add the remaining topping to a piping bag with a fluted tip, and pipe a classic border around the top of the cake. If you need a how to, I love the tips in this video.

Using red writing icing, write "Vote for Pedro" across the top of your cake.

You can be as sloppy as you want to, thankfully-- it's sposed to look like a highschool boy made this after all.