Recipes for foodies and film nerds. Because life's too short for stale popcorn and crappy movies.
It’s almost Christmas as I write this, so Love Actually is, actually, all around. Thankfully, it’s a delightful movie full of relatable characters (except Kyra Knightly, who always sucks) and poignant moments that still make me ugly happy cry 20 yrs later. I have to …
I’ve been wanting to tackle Studio Ghibli and Hayao Miyazaki for a long while, and luckily my fave in the collection– Howl’s Moving Castle– is a bit simpler culinarily speaking its companions. Don’t worry, I’ll get to Spirited Away eventually. Based on a fantasy novel …
1990’s Mermaids is the perfect movie for Mother’s Day– or, alternatively, any mothers/daughters out there who live for driving each other nuts no matter what day it is. Fair warning though, you’re likely to relive some excruciatingly embarrassing moments from your youth as you watch.
Set in the early 1960’s, Mermaids follows single mom Ms. Rachel Flax (Cher) and her two daughters Charlotte (Winona Ryder) and the friggin’ ADORABLE Kate (Christina Ricci) as they relocate to a charing New England town. This seems to be standard practice for promiscuous Ms. Flax, who defines death as “dwelling on the past or staying in one place too long!” Charlotte, by contrast, is obsessed with Catholicism (despite her Jewish heritage) and yearns for some semblance of stability as she makes her way through the awkwardness that is high school. And Kate– well she just really likes to swim.
Enter a couple of new men to shake things up for the Flax ladies, in the form of sassy shoe store owner Lou (Bob Hoskins) and the beautiful handyman Joe (Michael Schoeffling aka Jake Ryan) who lives in a convent next door. Torn between her delusional commitment to Jesus and her attraction Joe’s quiet hunky-ness, Charlotte Flax is constantly in flux– not to mention at constant war with her shifty, clever, sexy AF mother.
HIT ME Saaaaargent! Here's a perfectly fizzy and dangerously sweet cocktail with just enough OOMPH to either get you real calm, or to behave like a woman about to go forth in sin. Pour all the ingredients over ice, stir, and try not to get sloppy (KATE). The first of several finger foods, and one that Ms. Flax specializes in-- plus some goldfish for Olympian hopeful Kate. Gather all your cheese ball ingredients (ie the first 11 items in the above list). Once fully mixed, refrigerate for at least 30 minutes. Scoop 2 heaping tbsps of your cheese ball mix at a time and roll into balls. Pulverize a couple of handfuls of goldfish crackers, leveraging any and all mother-daughter angst you might be harboring-- you can use a mini food processor or your bare hands. Add to a small bowl and toss with your reserved cheeses and parsley-- roll your cheeseballs in this mix until they are fully coated. Stick a pretzel into the top of each ball to facilitate "pick-me-up" status, and tie a piece of chive where the pretzel meets the ball into a pretty little bow for presentation. And, just for Kate, stick a whole goldfish cracker into the side of each ball. Definitely not Kosher.. but the everything bagel crust and cream cheese gets us closer to Ms. Flax's pre-coital snack tray for Lou! I opted out of the little American flag toothpicks... Preheat oven to 425°F, and line a cookie sheet with parchment paper. Cut your puff pastry into squares the length of your lil smokie sausages, and wide enough to wrap around them (they should just barely peek out of the ends). Place a tiny dollip of cream cheese on each puff pastry rectangle, followed by a ploop of mustard. Roll your sausages in each puff pastry rectangle. Place each mini dog seam side down onto the baking sheet at least once inch apart. Beat your egg thoroughly and brush over the top of each pig in the blanket. Then sprinkle each with a bit of the everything bagel seasoning blend, pressing ever so slightly to make sure the bits stick. Bake for about 17 minutes, or until pastry is puffed and golden brown. Serve immediately. The pigs in a blanket can be pre-assembled and refrigerated the night before serving-- I'd just avoid the egg wash and everything topping, as the piggies can start to get soggy. Charlotte laboring over manly sammies to impress Joe and her mother ruining them with a cookie cutter is so pathetic and adorable... That said, I couldn't commit to bologna and American cheese. It was just too... ick. So ham and "holy" (pun alert) swiss it is. Using a star shaped cookie cutter, cut your sammich bread, ham, and cheese into fun shapes-- I recommend doing these separately so as to not waste the sammich borders (use the bread for panzanella later or something!). Mix your mayo and mustard for your sammich schmear and assemble! Top off with a cocktail olive if you prefer-- just make sure they're sans pimentos (they give Kate hermias. ahem hives). Ms. Flax's Marshmallow Kebabs, but with slightly more nutritional value. And, with a touch of mermaid essence. Mix your water and food coloring thoroughly in a mixing bowl or glass. Place your marshmallows into the color bath and allow to sit for a while, rotating every few minutes until even coloring is achieved. While you wait, line a baking sheet with wax paper. Use this to dry your mallows, patting them halfway through to create a glitter/speckle effect. Allow for several hours or up to overnight to dry. In the morning they will be sticky, so use a clean basting brush to dust them with corn starch. When you're ready to serve "dinner", peel and cut your kiwis into chunks. Using appetizer forks, alternate mallows and blueberries and kiwi chunks. The more you can fit on a stick the better! Vitamins...
"You Give Me Fever" Cocktail
Yield:
2 cocktails
Ingredients
Instructions
Goldfish Cheeseball Pick-Me-Ups
Cook Time:
45 minutes
Total Time:
45 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Mini-Franks in Everything Bagel Pastry
Cook Time:
20 minutes
Total Time:
20 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Notes
Real Sandwiches a Man Can Sink His Teeth Into
Yield:
4 sandwiches
Cook Time:
15 minutes
Total Time:
15 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Mermaid Marshmallow Kebabs
Yield:
3 Kebabs
Prep Time:
12 hours
Cook Time:
45 minutes
Total Time:
12 hours 45 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
The only epilogue this movie could or should ever have:
The hairdo’s alone..
For more menus, check out my movie directory here!
Hocus Pocus– what a goofy ass time. Is it deserving of critical acclaim? No. But it’s a Halloween staple that everyone loves so much Disney just released a sequel 29 years later. And Sarah is STILL REALLY FUNNY! Both Hocus Pocus 1 & 2 star …
So last month kind of sucked for women. Actually, it really really sucked. But all the more reason to watch A League of Their Own– 30 years old on July 1, 2022 and a wonderful film to spend your afternoon with if you’re not feeling …
This past weekend was my oldest friend’s birthday. Coincidentally, he’s also the person who helped me start this blog. So I figured what better way to celebrate him than to attempt (for the fourth or fifth time) a menu perfectly matched to his favorite movie: Warren Beatty’s 1990 adaptation of Dick Tracy.
Even if you don’t like comic books, this movie is well worth a watch. Dick Tracy is a visually stunning noir that more than deserves a menu packed full of primary colors and hard lighting. Set in a stylized, thirties-era world where the bad guys physically manifest their worst personality traits, Warren Beatty stars as hard-boiled hero Dick Tracy– a detective committed to saving a city overrun by gangsters (while desperately trying to avoid parental responsibility AND juggling two dames. Men, amiright?).
In addition to the comic book set design and a soundtrack by Stephen Sondheim, the cast of characters in Dick Tracy are themselves fascinating to watch. Underneath layers and layers of grotesque silicon and paint, actors Al Pacino, Dustin Hoffman, William Forsyth are almost perfect replicas of comic book criminals Big Boy Caprice, Mumbles, and Flattop. Opposite them, tough-guy sleuth Tracy, his (horribly treated) girlfriend Tess Trueheart, and The Kid (played by Beatty, Glenne Headly, and Charlie Korsmo respectively) shine as a wise-cracking familial trio. Plus, random small parts for huge actors like Mandy Patinkin, Kathy Bates, Catherine O’Hara, Dick Van Dyke, and James Caan– why are they there? I have no idea, but I love it.
And then you have Madonna as Breathless Mahoney— Madonna, at the height of her singing fame lookin’ platinum and seductive AF and delivering lines like “I sweat a lot better in the dark”. What a silly fun time.
But enough about the movie, on to the food. Because I have a vision. A big boss must have a vision. And in my Dick Tracy vision I saw a giant bowl of vibrant chili ala Mike’s Diner. The smell alone will have you askin’, “when do we eat?”.
Not so fast coppa! You can't eat a Dick Tracy meal without a cocktail in your hand-- here's one that packs a wollop. And I didn't even have to make the name up! In a cocktail shaker filled with ice, vigourously shake the first four ingredients for a couple of minutes-- you want to break up as much of the apricot jamminess as you can. Pour into an ice filled glass and top off with ginger beer and a lemon twist and BLAM POW POW you've got quite a cocktail. Mike's Diner is Dick Tracy's favorite place to eat, and from the looks of it supplies a chili far superior than the gunk that comes out of a can in Tracy's office. So, I've made a three bean, three pepper, chunky steak chili to celebrate our favorite trio of Mike's patrons and served it up with some cheesy Ritz club crackers for dunking. Note, this makes about 6 servings, but it freezes so well I wouldn't bother halving the recipe. Besides, if you're anything like The Kid you won't need to worry about leftovers anyway. Begin by assembling your base ingredients-- these are what will flavor your chili! Next, cut your chuck steak into 1/2 inch cubes. Dredge in a bit of flour and sprinkle with salt and pepper and set aside. Hit a medium pot with a healthy glug of canola oil and bring to medium high heat. Add meat to the pot and sear on all sides about 2 mins. You'll want the meat to form a bit of a crust! Remove from the pot and set aside on a plate-- juices will collect, but don't worry we won't waste them. Now, add your base ingredients to the pot and a bit more canola oil. Caramelize for about 3 mins before adding the tomato paste. Stir and cook for a minute more. That done, it's time to add most of the remaining ingredients (in the above list, that's the chili powder allllll the way down to the beans (I like this Whole Foods version!). At this point you can also re-add your meat and all of the accumulated juices to the pot. Stir, and reduce heat to low-- allow to simmer for 2 hours and your meat will be very tender. On to the crackers! 20 minutes before serving, preheat the oven to 400. Grate your cheddar if you haven't already, and get your spices together. Place Ritz crackers on a sil pat or parchment paper lightly sprayed with canola oil. Cover with cheese, and sprinkle with pinches of your seasonings. Bake for about 4 mins, keeping a close eye on the crackers so they don't burn. Remove from the oven and allow to cool slightly before dipping into chili. Speaking of which... time to EAT. After your 2 hour slow cook, serve up your chili in bowls topped with your preferred garnishes-- I love sour cream, more red and yellow bell pepper + sliced jalapeno for another trio element, and (what the hell) more cheddar cheese. Chili freezes VERY well-- so don't worry if you end up with extra. Best diner dessert? An ice cream sundae! Here I've smothered what would otherwise be a faceless vanilla ice cream in a dark and sexy champagne blueberry syrup; then I topped it all off with candied walnuts, despite them being "bad for the brain". Just look at the pretty colors! For the blueberry syrup-- a super simple base of ingredients is ALMOST all that's needed for a smooth and succulant ice cream topper. Add the sugar, blueberries, champagne, and lemon to a small sauce pan and bring to a boil-- boil for 1 min and reduce heat to low, stirring briefly. Whisk cornstarch into water rapidly to create a smooth slurry. Add to the sauce pan and stir. Your sauce will thicken pretty immediately. Add your vanilla to the pan, and remove from heat-- at this point the syrup should just barely slide off the back of a spoon. Allow the sauce to cool completely, covered, while you move on to the nuts! The nuts are crazy easy-- preheat your oven to 400, and in a non-stick skillet, melt sugar with a tbsp of water. Place walnuts on a sil pat lined cookie sheet and pour your melted sugar over your nuts. Toss to cover fully. Bake for roughly 5 mins, checking every so often to make sure they do not burn. Remove from oven and allow to cool before going anywhere near your ice cream! When ready to chow down, scoop vanilla ice cream into your chosen receptacle (I chose a champagne coup in honor of Madonna) and top with blueberry syrup and nuts. If you are more ambitious than I am and decide to make your own vanilla ice cream, I have a good base recipe in this Ferris Bueller's Day Off post.
Tommy Gun Fizz
Yield:
1 Drink
Cook Time:
5 minutes
Total Time:
5 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Trio Chili w/ Cheesy Ritz
Yield:
6 Servings
Prep Time:
30 minutes
Cook Time:
2 hours
Total Time:
2 hours 30 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Notes
Bad Guy Sundae
Cook Time:
20 minutes
Total Time:
20 minutes
Ingredients
Instructions
Notes
So, turns out Warren Beatty loves Dick Tracy so much that he would do almost anything to prevent the rights from reverting to the original comic strip owners Tribune Media Services— even make a super weird half-hour television special in which film critic Leonard Maltin recites a bunch of facts about Dick Tracy and Beatty– awkwardly in character as Tracy– corrects him.
You can watch that 2009 debacle below. But hey, hopefully this means we’ll never have to deal with a poorly executed Beatty-less reboot!!!
For more menus, check out my movie directory here!
If you are reading this at the beginning of April– here is a not-so-traditional movie menu for Easter! At first you may not think Monty Python and the Holy Grail fits the spring holiday vibe, but think again. You’ve got religion (God be praised!), gatherings …
