Grabbers
Happy Day After St. Patrick’s Day (or Tuesday, I don’t know what you’ve been up to tonight)! Time to indulge in hangover food/hair of the dog and the movie Grabbers: an Irish comedy horror mashup of Tremors and Aliens. The film is set in a small island town where local police contend with hostile blood-sucking monsters from outer space (it’s always the quiet places where the mad shit happens), and they realize that getting drunk is the only way to survive.
Yep, getting drunk is the only way to survive.
Sound silly? Feck off. Grabbers has great reviews and lots of indie awards. Nerdy monster flick homages abound, and there are legitimately scary moments– and it’s all so well balanced by the clever writing and solid acting (Russell Tovey) that I don’t care about the campy shit. IT’S FUNNY, TRUST ME. Plus the little romance side plot between Garda Ciarán O’Shean and Garda Lisa Nolan– d’aww. I’d drink with all these folks and only run moderately fast to abandon them from alien invaders!
I’m sure everyone knows how to make a corned beef brisket from a store bought package. You might’ve also already made colcannon for St. Patty’s yesterday. But in case you haven’t (or, if you happen to be reading this months after March 17th and are craving Irish food), I’ve included pretty straight forward recipes to get you to where you need to be. Enjoy, get drunk, and keep an eye out for sea monsters. Sláinte!
The Movie
The Menu
FOR THE CRACK. No, but seriously, it makes sense. If we taint our blood with booze, we're poisonous to eat. I don't know why it's never occurred to me before. For each of these, just mix and drink. It's that easy. Just. Keep. Drinking. BLOOD OF AN IRISHMAN COCKTAIL: 1 ounce rye whiskey (or bourbon) BABY GUINNESS 2 fluid ounces coffee flavored liqueur (to help keep you awake) (Pour in this order-- the cream will float to the top just like foam on a Guinness) GREEN BEER Any Lager It's so easy. That's why I put it last. Also feel free to have even more beer. AND TEQUILA! 'Tis no feckin' lobster! It's basically calamari, BUT with a fish and chip style beer batter and malt vinegar/tartar sauce on the side. If you're averse to squid, just remember-- heat + alcohol renders them DEAD and therefore infinitely safe (and delicious) to consume. Begin with your tartar sauce-- mix the first nine ingredients thoroughly and refrigerate until ready to use. About an hour before you want to fry your fried grabber/calamari, soak your squid pieces in milk. This helps get rid of any residual fishiness. In the meantime, assemble your batter. Whisk together flour, cornstarch, beer, egg, and salt in a medium-sized bowl. It's ok if there are a couple of lumps-- those will crisp in the hot oil as you fry! Pour oil into a large dutch oven. Heat to a temp of about 350°F-- but be careful! You want to maintain that temperature, so if you have a thermometer that attached get that ish out. Dry squid with paper towels, and drop each piece into the bowl of batter. When oil is around 350°F., begin to dredge your squid pieces in the batter. Drop several pieces into the hot oil using a plastic slotted spoon, batches at a time. Continue to ddjust heat to keep temperature at about 350 and cook squid pieces in batches until they are golden brown, two to three minutes per batch. Drain fried GRABBER on a baking sheet covered with paper towels. Serve with tartar sauce, malt vinegar, and some lemon slices. Possibly the most epic drunk food-- nachos, but with an Irish twist. You've got potatoes, you've got corned beef, you've got crisp pickled cabbage, and best of all, you've got Guinness Irish Cheddar to drizzle over it all. IF you haven't already cooked your corned beef, feel free to use this simple recipe: Remove corned beef from packaging and place in a 6 qt dutch oven. Assemble your pickling spices (ingredients 2-9). Add pickling spices, Guinness and enough water to come halfway up the meat-- braise for 2 hours until juicy and tender. For nachos, shred and set aside in some residual cooking juices to maintain moisture. Next, let's quick pickle some cabbage! VERY thinly slice your green cabbage and mix Red Wine Vinegar, Hot Water, 1/2 tbsp Sugar and 1/2 tsp Kosher Salt. Allow your cabbage to sit in your vinegar-y liquid while you prepare the rest of your foodstuffs (up to 24 hours if you're making things ahead). Now for your potato crisp base. Preheat your oven to 425. Using a mandolin, thinly slice your russets in circles and dry on paper towels. Place on parchment lined paper and spray with olive oil. Sprinkle with table salt and garlic powder. Bake for 10-15 minutes until one side is beginning to brown. Flip each soon-to-be potato crisp, and continue to bake for another 10 minute or so. Remove from the oven and set aside in a warm place. FINALLY-- it's time for the Guinness Irish Cheddar cheese/queso. This stuff is GOOD, and only requires four ingredients: Melt the cream cheese with the beer in a small sauce pan over medium heat. Add cheddar and mustard and stir until fully melted and drizzle-able. Reduce heat to low, and get ready to assemble your Irish Nachos. Feel free to lay a base of cheese, followed by your potatoes. Add corned beef, a handful of pickled cabbage, more drizzles of cheese, a sprinkling of paprika, and top off with your sliced scallion greens and parsley. It'll have you up on the bar dancin' a drunken jig it's so good. I knew I wanted to do something with carb-y Colcannon, one of the national dishes of Ireland, and I knew I wanted to do something with eggs (because yolky goodness)-- so here is a soft-boiled egg wrapped in a creamy potato mixture and deep fried. Think of it as a version of a Scotch potato, with an Irish twist. Much better than those feckin' sea monster eggs, though I've never had one of those fried crispy... Peel potatoes and boil in a pot of salted water for 20-25 minutes until fork tender. In the meantime, soft boil two eggs for six and a half minutes ONLY-- no more and no less. Set both aside, and assemble the rest of the ingredients. Melt your butter over medium heat and add onions, cabbage, kale, and a pinch each of salt and pepper. Saute for about ten minutes until softened. Add half and half to the pot and bring to a simmer. Turn off heat and add your potatoes. Mash with a potato masher until mostly smooth-- you've just made Irish Colcannon! (albeit a not-so-creamy version since we're frying it up) Using plastic wrap to help you mold the potato mixture, encase each of your eggs in your colcannon, being careful not to squeeze too hard and burst your yolks. Refrigerate for at least an hour, covered, to help the potato mixture set. In the meantime, ready your breading station-- first flour, then egg, then panko. When ready to fry, heat oil to 350 and gently submerge your eggs one at a time. Fry until golden brown-- 1 to 2 minutes-- and allow to drain on paper towels. Slice in half and watch as all that gooey yellow goodness cascades down the side of creamy fried mash potato...
.20 Blood Alcohol *AKA All the Booze
Instructions
1 ounce Campari
1 ounce sweet vermouth
Ice
½ fluid ounce Irish cream liqueur
Couple Drops of Green Food Coloring
Beer Battered Fried Grabbers
Ingredients
Instructions
Irish Pub Nachos
Ingredients
Instructions
Colcannon Egg Bombs
Ingredients
Instructions
Epilogue
I’m pissed go away.
For more menus, check out my movie directory here!