Indiana Jones And The Temple of Doom

Instructions

Thoroughly mix the first 10 ingredients-- this will be your short rib marinade!

Smash your garlic cloves and drop into a ziploc bag-- add beef and onion slices as well. Pour marinade into the bag, squeezing out all of the air when you seal it. Massage the bag so the marinade fully covers everything inside and refrigerate for at least two hours or overnight.

Skewer short rib cubes closely onto appetizer toothpicks, trying to keep any fatty pieces in between cubes and not facing the outside-- you want the fat to melt into each piece of neighboring meat.

Heat grill or griddle pan on medium high. Transfer the beef skewers to the grill surface and cook, flipping every minute or so, until the beef is caramelized on all four sides. All in, you should be between 6-8 minutes. Just be sure you don't BURN YOUR FINGERS AND CRACK A NAIL!

Sprinkle with sesame seeds and I know we have a cocktail recipe later, but these go VERY well with champagne, just sayin'.

Instructions

Begin by placing your potatoes in a pot of salt water-- bring to a boil, and cook for roughly 8 minutes. Remove from heat and allow to cool.

Using a sharp knife, but three lines into the front facing surface of each potato (representing the three levels of the earth, obviously). Angle the knife a bit to deepen and widen the cut slightly.

Gather your remaining bombay aloo base ingredients: tomatoes, onion, spices, ginger, and garlic.

In a non-stick frying pan over a medium heat, caramelize the onions in oil. Add the garlic and ginger, followed by the spices and fry for another 2 mins-- stir constantly to avoid burning. Throw in the tomato mixture and bring to a gentle simmer.

Add the potatoes to the pan and toss to combine/warm through. Season with salt, to taste. When ready to eat, garnish with fresh cilantro.

Instructions

Some of these base ingredients should look familiar by now:

Begin with your masala by caramelizing the onions in butter for roughly 10 mins over medium low heat. Add in ginger and garlic and continue to stir-- reduce heat slightly if anything begins to brown/burn. Toss in herbs, followed by tomato puree.

Add in broth and simmer for roughly 30 minutes until much of the liquid has cooked down. Season with salt to taste.

Add your lentils and beans and stir to warm through-- about another 5 minutes. Stir in 1/8 cup of yogurt, and use the remainder for garnish.

Instructions

Start with your cucumber. Set up to chopsticks lengthwise on each side of the cumber to help brace it-- these are what will prevent you from cutting all the way through it. With a very sharp knive, make angled cuts as thin as you can (2-3mm width) all the way down the cucumber. Flip over, and make angled cuts in the opposite direction. You should end up with an accordian like effect.

In a pie dish or baking pan, whisk salt into 6 cups of water and stir until dissovled. Soak your cucumbers in this mixture for 30 minutes, refrigerated. You'll end up with a freakishly flexible cuc! Ewwwwww.

While the cucumber is softening/marinating, get your salad ingredients together:

Toss to combine and when ready to serve, pour/sprinkle over your kachumber snake, making sure to collect and drizzle any tomato-y juices over the cucumber.

As I said, a much better alternative to doublefisting snake babies into your mouth.

Instructions

Begin with your shrimp-- without removing the shells, soak in salt water for a minimum of 10 minutes to help remove any fishiness.

Add to a pan with 1 tbsp of melted butter-- sautee on high for a minute until shells begin to crisp and the innards look opaque.

Gather up the rest of your base ingredients...

And sautee as you have done in all previous dishes. Caramelize onions with remaining 1 tbsp of butter for about 10 mins over medium heat. Add ginger, garlic, and spices-- stir to combine and slightly toast. Add liguids and simmer for another minute before adding shrimp-- toss to coat and warm through.

To eat, do peel the shrimp. If you need a how to, just watch this guy dismember a beetle.

Instructions

For the custard: heat 2 1/2 cups milk in a medium saucepan and whisk in 4 tbsp sugar until completely dissolved. In a separate bowl, mix the custard powder with 1/2 cup milk until smooth-- this will prevent lumpies. Add this mix gradually to the heated milk in the sauce pan and stir it continuously When it starts to thicken, add vanilla and saffron until the custard hits a goldeny yellow color. Remove from heat and allow to cool, making sure to cover the surface completely with plastic wrap to prevent a skin from forming.

Now for your spiced berry compote, ie monkey brains. Throw all of the remaining ingredients excl the water into a washed out saucepan-- simmer over medium heat, stirring constantly, and adding water by the tbsp full to prevent the berries from sticking. In about 15 minutes, you'll have a syrupy compote. Set aside to chill until ready to serve.

Once you've finished your snakes, bugs, and other assorted goodies, pour your custard into the most macabre vessel you can find and top with compote. Serve chilled, because obviously.

Instructions

Add all ingredients excluding the garnish materials to a cocktail shaker filled with ice. Shake until chilled, and pour into two glasses. Fill the orange caps with addition bourbon, and ignite (using a long match or long lighter, don't set yourself on fire).

Om Namha Shivaye it's good!