Return to Oz
Hi, hello, and welcome to a screening of perhaps the scariest “kids and family” movie ever made: Return to Oz. Trust me, it’s on lists. You’ve got mental institutionalization, Frankenstein-d animal/vegetable/furniture hybrid creatures (sometimes with or without a head), the witch actress from Willow, evil rock monsters, and (eeeee) the Wheelers. No idea how baby Fairuza Balk made it through without serious trauma. But I guess I did as a child, so here I am, telling you all to suck it up– because this is a wonderful 80’s fantasy film.
Return to Oz picks up where Wizard of Oz leaves off… kind of. Taking more directly from L. Frank Baum’s series of books than its predecessor, this non-sequel follows the adventures of a much younger Dorothy Gale who has returned to Kansas and is experiencing some serious insomnia. As you continue to make your way through the film, you quickly realize that Toto, the Scarecrow, the Tin Man, and the Cowardly Lion are, at best, peripheral. There is no singing, there are zero Munchkins, and Glinda has seemingly peace-d the hell out of Oz. And that’s understandable, because some shit has gone down since Dorothy left.
But I won’t spoil the movie. Except to repeat, “Beware the Wheelers”. SCARY SCARY.
There was so much I wanted to do with this menu– but let’s just say my thinking ran down. In the end I settled for an Oz-adjacent luncheon featuring (of course) CHICKEN eggs and loads of green stuff.
“OZ!” <poof>.
The Movie
The Movie
You've gotta give it to the Nome King-- he seems to have a pretty good palate. I opted for an iced version of his melted silver cocktail (because who wants warm gin?), accompanied by a rock candy swizzle (which was surprisingly easy to make). Be forewarned, this is a strong drink. See that you don't lose your head-- who knows who will pick it up for their own, personal use. Several days beforehand, start your rock candy. Bring 2 3/4 cup sugar and water to a boil and reduce heat-- simmer until all of the sugar is completely dissolved. Remove from heat and allow to cool for 20 minutes. Stir in your food coloring-- add a few extra drops for a more vibrant emerald green. Pour into a mason jar. Using your string and tape, hang your swizzle stick so that it is at least an inch and a half away from the sides of the jar, and an inch from the bottom: If you don't have a swizzle stick with a hook to hang on your string, fasten with more tape, or alternatively use a clothespin to fasten the stick in place. Cover the jar with plastic wrap and set aside in a cool, dry place. Crystals should begin to form over the next few days-- the longer you allow the sizzle stick to remain in the sugar syrup, the bigger your crystals will be (the below took about 3.5 days). When you're ready to drink, remove your rock candy and set on parchment paper to dry. Mix gin, egg white, sugar, lime juice and silver glitter (if you're bougie like me) in a cocktail shaker. Add ice and shake for a minute or two until frothy. Pour into a glass with additional ice and top off with club soda and rock candy swizzle. The visual of Dorothy picking her lunch pail from a tree always stuck with me-- it's very much like the sandwich scene in Neverending Story. I always felt a special kinship with kids on epic quests who had sense enough to look for (and savor) sustenance during their journey. So here's a spin on Dorothy's lunch pail ham sandwich that also pays homage to those freaky Wheelers-- Dorothy's first encounter in this new terrifying version of Oz. Begin by mixing the cream cheese, scallions, parsley, a pinch each of salt and freshly ground pepper, 1/2 tbsp of the bell pepper, and the half and half-- this last ingredient will help the cream cheese mixture more spreadable. Spread cream cheese mixture onto your spinach wrap. Sprinkle remaining bell pepper pieces over the cream cheese (I did a spiral yellow brick road pattern cause I'm fancy). Sprinkle spinach over the cheese and bell pepper, and top with ham slices-- these should be evenly spread over the surface of the wrap. Beginning at one side of the wrap, roll tightly to the other side, applying a bit more of the cream cheese mixture to the very edge if needed-- this will help glue the wrap shut. If you'd like to wait a beat before serving, you can wrap your pinwheel sandwich tightly in plastic and refrigerate for an hour or so-- this will also allow the sandwich to set. When ready to serve, slice your wrap into wheels, starting at the center. Each pinwheel should be about an inch to an inch and a half thick. If you think you'll miss Dorothy's old Wizard of Oz friends, don't worry-- the non-human, not-always-alive sidekicks in Return to Oz are more complex and (dare I say it) more endearing. This three-in-one recipe is a tribute to Tik Tok, Jack Pumpkinhead, the Gump, and Dorothy's CHICKEN Billina (or perhaps more accurately her eggs. look away, no spoilers here). Bring a medium sized pot of salted water to a boil. Add 3 eggs to the water (or, if you're like me and want a spare in case of peeling accidents, 4 eggs). Boil for 10 minutes. Remove and place immediately in cold water. While eggs cool, add pepitas/pumpkin seeds to a saute pan with schmalz, cumin, chile, garlic, salt and pepper. Toast over medium heat for a couple of minutes, keeping a close eye on the seeds to prevent burning. Remove from heat and allow to cool before chopping in a small food processor or with a knife. Next, assemble a deviled egg assembly line-- one egg per recipe. Cut your eggs in half lengthwise and scoop out the yolks-- add one yolk to each of your bowls. Now, it's time to assemble. For Jack's eggs: Spread your chopped pepita/pumpkin seeds on a cutting board and place each egg-half face down in the "dust"-- when you lift, there should be a nice coating of pepita seeds around the rim of the egg (if the seed pieces are not sticking, you can add a bit of water to the rim before coating). Then, thoroughly mix yolk with mayo, mustard, half of the paprika, and apple cider. Scoop the filling into each egg white hollow, and sprinkle remaining paprika on top to achieve a more orange-y color. Finish with three chive pieces inserted into the filling to look like pumpkin stems. Now it's time for Tik Tok. Mix yolk, mayo, caper juice, lemon juice, olive oil, and thyme until smooth. Scoop filling into hollowed egg white halves, and top with a few thyme leaves, pepper, capers, and one more spritz of oil to prevent your action from running down. Next up, Gump-- a weird reindeer/couch creature who merits a horse-radishy deviled egg. Mix yolk with mayo, mustard, horseradish, and half of your dill (aka the powder of life for most great deviled eggs). Scoop your filling into the egg white halves and stick some parsley leaf "wings" into each side of the filling. Finally, proceed with remaining dill(/powder of life) in accordance with the following instructions: Sprinkle lightly one dusting dose on static object to be brought to life, speaking the words "WEAUGH, TEAUGH, PEAUGH". Repeat if no reaction. If you like certain flavors more than others (or characters, you meanie), you can make just one of these deviled egg recipes and increase the quantity accordingtly. That said, I (like Mombi) prefer an assortment of toppings to choose from. Admitting it freely-- baking is not my strongest talent. But these personal sized pies were relatively simple, down to the "decor" on top. And the lovely ruby-red stone fruit filling is a nice visual tie to Dorothy's Ruby Slippers and their (albeit brief) appearance in Return to Oz. Assemble crust a couple of hours in advance: in a medium bowl, mix flour, sugar and salt. Cut the stick of butter into 1/2 inch cubes and add to the flour mixture. You can cut the butter in with knives (tutorial here), but I prefer to get in there with my hands. Break up the butter into the flour, until you are left with a mix that looks a bit like wet sand. Add cold water by the tablespoonful until a loose dough forms. Dump your dough onto a lightly floured surface and shape into a rough disk-- wrap in plastic and refrigerate for about an hour. Combine berries, sugar, and lemon juice in a medium saucepan and bring to boil-- reduce heat and simmer berries for 5-10 minutes until fruit is just bursting. Remove about half a cup of berry juice and mix the cornstarch into the juice-- doing this before you add the cornstarch to the pot prevents lumpies. Mix your cornstarch berry mixture into the rest of the filling, and simmer for a few more minutes until it is thickened to a loose jam consistency. Set aside to cool. It's now time to assemble your limestone pies! Preheat your oven to 400 degrees, grease two ramekins with butter, and (in a separate bowl) whisk your egg with a splash of water-- this will be used to brush your pie crust before baking. Remove dough from the fridge and cut into four equal pieces. On a lightly floured surface, roll two of the dough balls into appx 8-inch circles, about 1/4 inch thick. Fold these into your ramekins-- these are your pie bottoms. Then, take your other two pieces and roll them into 4 inch circles, still about 1/4 inch thick (reserve any extra dough-- these will be used for topping decor). Spoon your filling into the dough filled ramekins. and top with your 4-inch rounds-- push down around the border to create a mound shape (see below), and seal the edges. Brush the top of your pies with egg wash. From your excess dough, cut petal/leaf shapes and a two small balls for the center of your flower toppings (see image below). Place on top of your pies, relying on the egg wash to help these pieces stick in place. Using a fork, press around the rim for a final decorative flourish! Bake for about 40 minutes until crust turns golden brown. Remove from the oven and allow to cool for about 15 mins. To remove the individual pies, twist gently at the edges of the crust-- if you need a little help, use a sharp knife to run around the inside rim of the crust (though your butter should make this process relatively smooth). Serve your limestone pies warm or at room temperature. If you don't have 12oz ramekins, you can make this as one full size pie-- the dough recipe supports a single double crust pie.Liquid Silver with Emeralds
Ingredients
Instructions
Lunch Pail Pinwheels
Ingredients
Instructions
Sidekick Eggs
Ingredients
Instructions
Notes
Limestone-Fruit Pie
Ingredients
Sister Mary Edwina's Pie Crust
Stone Fruit Filling
Instructions
While your dough rests, make your pie filling.Notes
Epilogue
I dunno that I need to write anything else for this supremely creepy movie. So here’s this:
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