So last month kind of sucked for women. Actually, it really really sucked. But all the more reason to watch A League of Their Own– 30 years old on July 1, 2022 and a wonderful film to spend your afternoon with if you’re not feeling …
While the initial intention was to time this Jurassic Park menu to the release of the sixth (and dear god we hope) final movie in the Jurassic Park/World franchise, I’ve also realized that I’m slowly making my way through the Steven Spielberg “top five”. If …
Despite all the critics of the admittedly hokey/convenient storylines throughout Independence Day, it is still one of my favorite sci-fi disaster films. The plot: the year is 1996, the date is July 2, and out of literally nowhere (technology is kinda iffy in this film, just go with it) massive alien spacecraft are approaching Earth with one mission– to ANNIHILATE THE HUMAN RACE. What follows is a suspenseful and action-packed amalgamation of missions taken independently by a pretty solid ensemble cast of characters– Bill Pullman as President Whitmore, Jeff Goldblum as tech/chess genius David Levinson, Vivica A. Fox as exotic dancer Jasmine Dubrow, and of course Will Smith as fighter pilot Steven Hiller (in the role that launched his career as a box office super star). Of course, the characters all manage to come together by Act 3 of the film, and after the obligatory (and very well written, btw) Presidential speech, they all fight the aliens and are saved by……..
NOT TELLING.
I do want to note that prior to Independence Day, Roland Emmerich tried his hand at a sci-fi blockbuster with Stargate. And don’t get me wrong– I LOVE Stargate. But you can tell he learned some lessons from the making of that film in this next endeavor, especially in the visual effects department. Colossal fireballs, skyscrapers exploding, jet/spaceship chases, not to mention the aliens themselves, were all incredibly well-executed for the time. Add in the relatively good acting (for blockbusters, at least), and it’s really everything you’d want to see in a movie theater– especially at a time when we could all use a little/lot of humorous perspective about widespread end-of-the world type events.
Now if, like me, you’re playing it safe this July 4th but still saying to yourself, “I coulda been at a barbecue!”– here’s a Southwestern-y,very green bbq meal for ya that will hopefully make you feel as energized and ok as the ending of Independence Day. You can legit bbq outside on a grill, or inside on a griddle pan with the same results.
Now let’s KICK THE TIRES AND LIGHT THE FIRES!
The Movie
The Menu
Trojan Horse
Cook Time: 1 minute
Total Time: 1 minute
The Trojan Horse is a delicious summer-y solution for people who don't like Guinness-- more importantly, however, it's an appropriate drink for a certain duo who trick their way into an enemy ship with a conveniently effective computer virus.
Checkmate.
Ingredients
6 oz Guinness
6 oz CocaCola (to be consistent with Independence Day brand placement)
Instructions
Start with the beer, and top with the CocaCola. Then...
SYSTEM FAILURE MWAHAHAHAHAHA
UFO Burger with Extra Green Sh*t
Yield: 4 Burgers
Prep Time: 30 minutes
Cook Time: 30 minutes
Total Time: 1 hour
Yes, I kinda stole the crunch wrap supreme design. But the whole iris-y disk look is very space ship-y! Factor in an explosion of Southwestern flavors and you have a burger fit for Roswell. Plus lots of extra green shit = lots of fun.
Ingredients
2 New Mexican Hatch/Anaheim chiles
1/2 sweet onion, thickly sliced
1/2 tbsp red wine vinegar
3/4 tsp honey
2 tbsp canola oil, divided
1 tsp chopped fresh cilantro leaves
1 Avocado
1 Clove Garlic, grated
1 tsp Red Onion, minced
1 tbsp Fresh Lime Juice
1/4 tsp Oregano (dried)
1 tsp more Cilantro
Salt, to taste
Jalapeño (Optional)
1 lb Ground Beef/Bison
1 tsp Salt
1 tsp Cumin
1/2 tsp Chili Powder
1/2 tsp Garlic Powder
1 cup Monterey Jack Cheese, grated
5 Large (8inch) Tortillas (If you can find spinach ones, go green)
Instructions
First, get your green chili "salsa" ready-- a quick and easy topping for your burger that is just the right amount of sweet/spicy.
Heat your grill/griddle pan to medium high. Slice your peppers in half lengthwise, and stem/seed them. Toss the chilis and onions in 1 tbsp canola oil and toss onto your griddle. Grill for 5-7 mins, turning occasionally to prevent burning.
When caramelized and browned, remove from heat and allow to sit-- you should be able to peel the skins from the chilis once cooled.
In a mini-food processor, add peeled peppers, onions, vinegar, honey, olive oil, and 1 tsp cilantro leaves. Pulse until very roughly chopped-- you're looking for a salsa texture. Refrigerate.
Now, time for your green shit! See guacamole ingredients below:
In a medium bowl, mash avocado, garlic, lime juice, oregano and cilantro thoroughly. Add salt to taste, and ONLY IF YOU WANT TO, add about 1/2 or more tsp of jalepeno. We're dealing with some heavy spice already, so be forewarned-- proceed with caution! Once fully mixed, top guacamole with a bit more lime juice to prevent oxidation (ie, the green stuff turning into a less appropriate and far less appetizing brown color). Refrigerate while you prep your burger patties.
In a medium bowl, mix beef, cumin, chili powder, garlic powder and salt with your hands. Divide your mixture into FOUR equal portions, and shape into patties about 1/2 inch thick. Preheat your grill to medium high, and brush with a bit of extra canola oil. Add patties and cook, 3 minutes per side.
While patties are grilling, place four tortillas on a flat surface and cut your other tortilla into four pieces. Divide grated cheese into four equal portions and place in the center of each large tortilla. When patties are finished grilling, place one each on top of the cheese. Then, top patties with green chili "salsa".
Place smaller tortilla cuts on top of the burgers and, pull the edges of the larger tortillas inward-- you should easily make a spiral effect to close in your burger patty and fillings.
Using either a frying pan on your grill, or the reverse flat side of your griddle pan (or a frying pan on the stove if you must), gently place your UFO burgers seam side down for roughly 3 mins over medium heat. Flip, and sear the other side for an additional 3 minutes.
Allow to rest for a few minutes, and serve with green shit (ahem guac) on the side.
Notes
New Mexican green chiles or Anaheim chiles are preferable here, but if you can't find them use roasted jalapeños that have been peeled and chopped.
Bang Bang Firecracker Corn
Yield: 2-3 Servings
Cook Time: 20 minutes
Total Time: 20 minutes
I dunno what it is about aliens and crops but I figured what the hell-- corn is appropriate on multiple levels, especially when you add a hell of an explosion of heat with some bang bang sauce. Didn't I promise you fireworks??
Ingredients
1/8 cup sweet chili sauce
3/4 tbsp melted butter
1/4 tbsp sriracha
1 clove garlic, finely minced
1/2 tbsp lime juice
2 ears corn, husks removed, cut into thirds
Freshly chopped cilantro, for garnish
Instructions
Start by cutting each ear of corn into thirds-- it's just better portion control.
Heat a pot of salted water and bring to a boil. Throw in your corn and par-boil for 3-4 minutes. You want the corn to be slightly tender, but not soft or quite ready for eating.
Remove from the water and set aside (this can be done overnight, just make sure you refrigerate!).
Now, time to mix the sauce ingredients below:
This is going to be SPICY, so if you're averse to that you just be sparing with your application to the corn.
Speaking of-- heat your griddle pan on medium, and brush corn very lightly with canola oil. Grill, about 5 minutes per side.
Once you do the full circuit, baste with sauce and continue to grill, allowing caramelization to do its thing.
Once corn is just charred and before you light a kitchen/grill fire, remove your ears from the heat and set on a plate. To serve, drizzle with as much additional sauce as you can handle, sprinkle with chopped cilantro, and get ready for some tastebud fireworks!
Notes
I didn't have sweet chili sauce, but I DID have a bunch of packets of sambal oelek from various Thai orders-- if you're in the same boat, here is a really cool cheat recipe for sweet chili sauce using those very packets.
Watermelon for Russell
Yield: Probably Too Much...
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Additional Time: 12 hours
Total Time: 12 hours10 minutes
Guys, I've been sayin' it. I've been sayin' it for ten damn years! It's not Fourth of July without watermelon-- and Russell gave me the excuse I needed to soak it in vodka. Spending the holiday sober? Well, you picked a helluva time to quit drinking...
Ingredients
Watermelon (I did a mini)
Vodka (I used a 200 mL bottle)
1/2 Lime
Mint, julienned
Instructions
This process is actually super easy. On whatever side of the melon you choose for the bottom, lightly shave off some of the rind to create a flat surface for the fruit to sit on.
Next, using the cap of the vodka bottle, trace a circle at the new top of your melon.
Cut a hole into the top along your traced circle, and dig out about an inch of fruit. Using a sharp knife or skewer, stab into the fruit several times (but avoid piercing the rind)-- this will help your vodka spread through your fruit effectively.
Now, at this point, some people use a funnel. And you certainly can too. But i just put the melon on top of the bottle, pressed down so it was firmly anchored into the fruit, and then flipped the whole thing over. It worked great, and one less dish to wash!
Allow your vodka'd melon to sit until as much of the vodka drains as possible-- I stuck mine in the fridge overnight so that it was super infused and chilly in the morning.
When ready to serve, remove the bottle and slice melon into triangles. Squeeze your half of a lime over the top, and sprinkle with mint.
Or, alternatively walk into a room with the bottle still in the melon shouting to your friends: Hello, boys! I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!
Notes
You COULD also use tequila, and sprinkle with salt. I was just feeling the cool refreshing-ness of the vodka lime combo...
Smoky Chocolate Cigars
Yield: 6 Cigars
Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 10 minutes
Additional Time: 1 hour
Total Time: 1 hour25 minutes
It ain't over till the fat lady sings!
I dunno that this dessert cookie needs much more of an intro...
Ingredients
2 tbsps unsalted butter
1/4 cup confectioners sugar
1/4 tsp vanilla extract
1 large egg white
3 tbsp sifted flour
1 tsp cocoa powder
1/2 cup chocolate chips
1/8 tsp chipotle powder
1/8 cup heavy cream
1/8 cup toasted walnut bits
Instructions
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Using a stand or hand mixer, cream the butter, sugar, and vanilla until you get a smooth paste.
Add the egg whites, and as you continue beating, add in flour and cocoa powder-- continue until you get to a smooth batter.
Line a baking sheet with a sil pat or parchment paper, and dollop 4 equal spoonfuls of batter onto the sil pat in a row. Spread your dollops into rectangles roughly 6x3 inches. It should be a very thin layer of batter about 1/16 inch thick.
Bake for 7 minutes, watching that the edges don't burn. Remove from the oven and IMMEDIATELY roll at the long end around a pasta roller or a 1/2 inch spoon handle-- I used a dough scraper to help me lift the edge it was VERY useful. But note, the cookie dough will harden the longer it sits, so must go faster, must go faster.
Place on a plate or rack to cool, seam side down so that the cone shape is maintained.
While the cookies cool, make your chocolate dip. In a double boiler setup, add chocolate chips and chipotle powder.
Melt, stirring at regular intervals. Add cream, and stir briskly off heat. Immediately dip the ends of your chocolate cigars into your ganache and then your toasted walnut bits.
But DO feel free to pour over all of the crazy articles/footage that’s been released recently regarding UFO’s in American airspace because seriously the aliens are coming you guys!!! Plus the below has an appropriate 90’s song intro…
This past weekend was my oldest friend’s birthday. Coincidentally, he’s also the person who helped me start this blog. So I figured what better way to celebrate him than to attempt (for the fourth or fifth time) a menu perfectly matched to his favorite movie: …