Boondock Saints: “A juvenile, ugly movie that represents the worst tendencies of directors channeling Tarantino.” Fair enough. But it’s still a fun ride and Sean Patrick Flanery is feckin’ hot. If you grew up in the 90’s, you’ve likely seen Boondock Saints and have since …
Happy 35 to Dirty Dancing, one of the greatest romances and dance films of all time (or at least the 80’s). Damn, Roger Ebert HATED this movie. And yet it has retained a loyal, long lasting fanbase– all of whom, I’m sure, secretly practice Johnny …
To all my fellow frump girls out there, I give you My Big Fat Greek Wedding– still the highest grossing romantic comedy of all time! A huge thank you to Rita Wilson, who saw the play and told her husband Tom Hanks they should EP a film adaptation… this movie is still a damn joy to watch.
For those who haven’t benefited from the witty writing and genuinely poignant acting of My Big Fat Greek Wedding, this is a romantic comedy starring Nia Vardalos (who wrote the play) as a young Greek woman, Toula, who lives and works in Chicago with her VERY Greek family. Depressed, unmarried, and ever the outsider, Toula struggles with the concept that nice Greek girls are supposed to do three things in life: marry Greek boys, make Greek babies, and feed everyone… until the day they die. Much to the chagrin of her endearingly sexist father, she takes the first steps toward independence and inevitably meets a “pretty strong vegetarian teacher”, Ian Miller (John Corbett)– in Greek, a XENO, with big .. long … HAIRS on .. top .. of his .. HEAD! What follows is a hilarious union of a (I’ll say it again) VERY Greek family with a very vanilla (I want to say Presbyterian?) one. And, of course, the realization on all sides that in the end, people of all backgrounds have so much more in common than we might think. D’awwwwwwwww.
Also According to Nia Vardalos, paying for catering during production was a snap because when local Greek restaurants learned about it, they sent over masses of free food wherever filming was taking place. Double d’aaaaaaaaw.
So here is a Greek feast featuring several foods from My Big Fat Greek Wedding– a meal full of warmth and wisdom, and of course a steaming hot side dish of guilt. Specifically for the vegetarians.
Note, no cocktail on this one– because all you really needs is ouzo. Lots, and lots, and lots of ouzo. OPA!
The Movie
The Menu
Vegetarian Moussaka (Not Moose-Kaka)
Yield: 4 Individual Casseroles
Cook Time: 2 hours2 seconds
Total Time: 2 hours2 seconds
A lentil based moussaka safe for all the Millers out there-- and SO much better than Wonder Bread sandwiches. Those delicate pretty bitches in middle school don't even know.
PS, special shout out to MyGreekDish.com-- really good food blog from which I stole bits and pieces!
1 cup of cooked lentils (brown, black or green, NOT red)
4 tbsp salted butter
1/4 cup flour
1 cup whole milk, room temperature
1 egg yolk
3/4 heaping cup grated parmesan
salt to taste
Instructions
Place a rack in the middle of an oven preheated to 425. Whisk half of the garlic, 1/4 cup oil, and half of the oregano in a small bowl. Brush both sides of eggplant and potato rounds with herb oil; season with salt and pepper. Transfer to a sil pat lined cookie sheet (it’s okay to if they overlap a bit) and bake until tender and slightly browned, about 15 mins. Set aside and reduce oven temperature to 375.
Next gather your vegetarian moussaka filling-- and let me tell you, I never knew lentils could be this badass.
Heat 1 tbsp olive oil in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Add the chopped red onion and cook for 5-6 minutes until caramelized. Add 1 1/2 cloves minced garlic and mushrooms and cook until mushrooms are softened. Next, add the cinnamon and tomato paste-- stir until vegetables are coated.
Toss in the chopped tomatoes and red wine, together with 1/2 tbsp oregano, the dried bay leaf, and the sugar. Bring to the boil and reduce the heat to medium low-- cook, uncovered, for for 20-25 mins until sauce is thickened a bit. Stir in your lentils last.
Finally, prep your beschamel topping. In a small saucepan, melt the butter over low-medium heat. Add the flour, and whisk until a paste forms and the smell of flour dissipates. Add milk and continue to whisk in order to prevent your sauce from getting lumpy. Gradually, the consistency should thicken into a cream. Remove from the stove and very quickly whisk in the egg yolk, salt, pepper, and most of the grated cheese (reserve some to sprinkle on top). Season with salt to taste.
Now, time to assemble-- in four greased 8oz ramikens, layer 2 slices of eggplant, 1 slice of potato, 1/4 cup of lentil mix. Then add another 2 slices of eggplant and top with beschamel, sprinkling the aforementioned reserve cheese on top.
Bake for aabout 35 minutes until beschamel begins to turn a lovely golden brown. Moose kaka never tasted so good.
Spanakopita
Yield: 10-12
Sexy as a "pottery class".
Ingredients
2/3 cup frozen chopped spinach
1 tbsp oil + more for brushing (or get some olive oil spray)
1/2 onion, chopped
1 spring onion, chopped
1 clove garlic
1 egg
1/3 cup crumbled feta
pinch nutmeg
1 handful parsley, chopped
salt and pepper
Instructions
Begin with your spanakopita filling! Note, you can use fresh spinach, but frozen is such a wonderful cheat. You just need to drain a minute on a paper towel as pictured below.
In a medium pan, saute the onions with a dash both of olive oil and salt over medium low heat-- you want to caramelize them, not burn them. Add the garlic and cook for a couple more minutes, watching carefully so THAT doesn't burn. Remove from the heat and allow to cool.
In a medium bowl, mix the feta cheese, egg, nutmeg, spring onion, and a bit more salt and pepper. Add the chopped parsley and onion mixture and stir until fully incorporated.
Preheat the oven to 375 (unless it's already there for your moussaka!) and start shaping your spanakopita triangles.
Spread one sheet of the phyllo dough on a cutting board and brush/spray on a light coat of olive oil. Spread one more sheet on top and brush/spray again. Cut the phyllo sheets in 3 strips lengthwise. At the end of each strip, add one heaping tablespoon of the filling. Fold one corner to form a triangle and continue folding the triangle over itself, until the entire piece of phyllo is used.
Continue with the rest phyllo sheets and filling.
Place the spanakopita triangles onto a parchment paper lined cookie sheet and brush/spray them with olive oil once more. Bake for 25-30 minutes, until golden and crispy.
What do you mean he don't eat no meat?!?! that's ok that's ok. I make lamb.
Yield: Never Enough
Everything else is veggie what do you want from me IAN?
I don't have a roasting spit nor do I have the intestinal real estate to accomodate an entire roast lamb. So here is my compromise-- a boneless leg of lamb that can be trimmed to whatever size you need. This was good for 4-6 people.
Ingredients
3 tbsp extra-virgin olive oil
1/4 tsp onion powder
2 garlic cloves
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
1 teaspoon finely grated lemon zest
1 1/2 teaspoon fresh oregano, minced
2 1/2 - 3 lbs boneless leg of lamb, in one piece
Salt and freshly ground pepper
2 additional tablespoons olive oil, divided
1 tablespoons fresh juice from about 1 lemon, divided
4 or 5 campari tomatoes
1/2 cucumber, chopped into 1/2 inch pieces
1/4 medium red onion, thinly sliced
1/2 cup Kalamata olives, pits removed
1/2 teaspoon more of fresh oregano, minced
1/4 cup plain Greek yogurt
2 ounces feta cheese, crumbled
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
Pita, torn for serving
Instructions
The night before you're ready to break bread with the fam, marinade your meat. If the lamb itself has come pre-tied (common), untie it and unroll it. Whisk together your marinade-- oil, lemon juice and zest, garlic, onion powder, and oregano. Spread inside of lamb leg with half of the marinade:
Then, roll the lamb back up and re-tie, which will ensure an even roast-- if you need a how-to on trussing, this video is super helpful (disregard the goofy opening credit sequence). When you're done, you should have a lovely little package 'o' meat that you can cover with the rest of your marinade. Refrigerate, uncovered, overnight.
About 3.5 hours before eating, take your lamb out of the fridge and allow to come to room temp for about an hour. Meanwhile, preheat the oven to 275-- if this seems low to you, that's because it IS! We're gonna reverse sear this bad boy for a perfectly pink interior. When the roast hits room temp, insert an in-oven thermometer into the middle of the roast and place onto the middle rack. Roast for just about two hours (possibly slightly less) until the inside hits a temp of 125°F for medium-rare, or 130°F to 135°F for medium. Remember, the temp will continue to rise about 5 degrees as it rests, so don't overdo it or you'll be all like:
Once you hit your preferred temp, remove it from the oven and alllow it to rest for at least 45 minutes. You can now use your oven for whatever you want (ahem moussaka, spanakopita, CAKES)-- the lamb can technically sit for even longer, covered, until you're ready for the sear part of the reverse sear!
While the roast rests and your oven is being used for... whatever, make a simple greek salad.
Toss tomatoes, sliced onion, cucumber, olives, and fresh oregano. Whisk 1 tbsp olive oil and 1/2 tbsp of lemon juice together and pour over-- so easy! Refrigerate.
Now for your whipped feta sauce: in a mini food processor, combine remaining 1 tbsp olive oil, 1/2 tbsp lemon juice, feta and yogurt. Puree until smooth and refrigerate until ready to serve.
About 30 minutes before eating, increase the oven temp to 500. When it's nice and hot inside there, put your roast back into the oven, uncovered, for 15 minutes. This will create the nice crispy crust you want on a roast, without cooking the interior any further. Remove from the oven and allow to rest for a final 5-10 minutes. Carve with a sharp knife and serve-- forks optional, pita encouraged, sauce and salad mandatory.
It's an Apples and Oranges Bundt!
Cook Time: 40 minutes
Total Time: 40 minutes
Sure, you may remember that the Millers bring over a gorgeous BUNDT to the Portokalos party, but you may not remember that the root of the word Miller is a Greek word. Miller come from the Greek word "milo," which is mean "apple," so there you go. And the name Portokalos, is come from the Greek word "portokali," which mean "orange." So, okay? Here tonight, we have, ah, apple and orange bu-bunn-bundTTT. We all different, but in the end, we all fruit!
Ingredients
1/3 cup canola oil
1 egg
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
3/4 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/8 teaspoon fine sea salt
1/8 teaspoon fine sea salt
1/8 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon ground cinnamon
zest of 1/2 orange
zest of 1/2 orange
1/2 large apple, grated
1/2 large apple, grated
1/2 cup chopped pistachios
1/2 cup chopped pistachios
3/4 cups powdered sugar
3/4 cups powdered sugar
1 tablespoons milk
1 tablespoons milk
1/2 tablespoon orange juice
1/2 tablespoon orange juice
Instructions
It's the simplest recipe ever-- start by mixing the oil, egg, sugar and vanilla in a medium bowl. In a second bowl, whisk together the flour, soda, salt and cinnamon. And get your apples and oranges ready!
Add the dry ingredients to your whisked wet ingredients and stir until fully mixed. Add the grated apple and orange zest and stir a couple more times.
Now-- you can either bake this in a small bundt pan OR you can be cool like me and use super tacky silicon mold shapes that Nikki Portokalos would 100% appreciate (link to the product below). Pour until just filled (leave a little space for the bundts to rise).
Bake at 350 for about 20 minutes until golden brown and a toothpick comes out clean. Remove from oven and cool, inverted, for another 30 or so minutes.
While you're waiting, whisk together your powdered sugar, milk and orange juice. Remove the cakes from the molds and drizzle with your icing-- sprinkle chopped pistachios (or you can dunk your cakes into a pile of them), for a blaklava-esque flair.
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