Boondock Saints
Boondock Saints: “A juvenile, ugly movie that represents the worst tendencies of directors channeling Tarantino.”
Fair enough. But it’s still a fun ride and Sean Patrick Flanery is feckin’ hot.
If you grew up in the 90’s, you’ve likely seen Boondock Saints and have since watched it on at least one St. Patrick’s Day since. It’s a dude movie through and through– brothers, guns, violence, crude humor, and lots of male bravado. But aside from the actually relevant theme of “everything sucks and is corrupt, someone actually do something about it”, there’s also Willem Dafoe– who is, as always, a terrific character actor.
If you HAVEN’T seen Boondock Saints, here’s the logline– sick and tired of the crime overtaking Boston, Irish Catholic fraternal twins Conner (Sean Patrick Flanery) and Murphy (Norman Reedus) decide to turn vigilante and kill ALL THE BAD GUYS. Together with their Italian buddy Rocco (David Della Rocco), they cut a bloody swathe through the city’s riff raff– only to find themselves chased by super savvy/flamboyant FBI agent Paul Smecker (Willem Dafoe) and a mysterious assassin (Billy Connelly) who it turns out is actually their [SPOILERS NEVERMIND].
Again, it’s not the best movie ever made. Nor is it in any way PC. Also they kill a cat. But hell, it is a classic St. Patty’s Day flick that happens to go perfectly with a huge plate of Shepherd’s Pie. So drink up folks, and blast The Blood of Cu Chulainn. Sláinte!
The Movie
The Menu
"There was a FIIIIIREFIIIIIIIGHT!!!!" Note: You might recognize this bevvie as an "Irish Car Bomb" but that name is actually super offensive nowadays (particularly if you're in Ireland). So don't call it that anymore k? K. Add the Baileys to two shot glasses, followed by the whiskey-- pouring slowly to create a layered effect. And Shepherds we shall be For Thee my Lord, for Thee Power hath descended forth from Thy hand Our feet may swiftly carry out Thy commands. So we shall flow a river forth to Thee And teeming with souls shall it ever be. In nomine Patri, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Plus an onion bagel and cream cheese 'tato crust for Agent Smecker. Place the potatoes in a large pot. Cover the potatoes with water. Bring the water to a boil and cook until fork tender. From the time the potatoes hit the water, this should be about 40 minutes. Drain in a colander and pour into a mixing bowl. While still hot, add cream cheese, half and half, first batch of salt/pepper, and onion powder-- beat with a hand mixer until smooth. Cover and set aside. Now for the meaty filling! Preheat oven to 400, and heat a cast iron skillet over medium low heat. Add olive oil and onions. Cook about 7 minutes, stirring occasionally until softened and slightly translucent. Mince your garlic and add to the skillet together with your carrots, stirring to coat with what oil is left in the pan. Cook for roughly 2 minutes. Add the ground lamb and use a wooden spoon to break it up as it cooks. While the lamb is still slightly pink, add salt/pepper and flour, tossing to coat the meat. Next, add the worcestshire sauce and remaining ingredients all the way through to the bay leaf. Bring to a boil, and then immediate reduce heat to low and simmer for roughly 7 more minutes, allowing the sauce around the meat to thicken. In a small saute pan, melt butter and toss in your breakcrumbs-- toast over medium heat until golden brown. Remove from heat and throw in your onion flakes. Spread your potato mixture over your meat filled skillet and sprinkle liberatlly with buttered breadcrumbs/onion flakes. Bake uncovered for 27-30 minutes, and cool for 15 minutes before serving. If you prefer beef, go for it. But keep in mind you will not be making a Shepherd's Pie-- it's a Cottage Pie. Fuckin'- What the fuckin'. Fuck. Who the fuck fucked this fucking... FUCK THESE ARE GOOD PEAS. RIP Rocco aka Funny Man-- you're an asshole cat killer but I'm giving you a recipe anyway. Gather your ingredients together, and dream of Sicily. Heat stainless steel skillet over medium heat. Add oil, and toss in your leeks-- stir until just tender, about 4 minutes. Be careful that they don't burn! Add the asparagus, peas, salt, pepper, and a glug of white wine, then cover the skillet. Cook over medium heat until vegetables are tender but still slightly al dente, about 5 minutes. Remove the lid and continue to cook for 2 more minutes to allow any residual heat to cook off. Just before serving, toss in freshly torn basil and lemon zest, seasoning with a bit more salt to taste. Buon appetito! A penny saved is worth two in the bush, isn't it? Especially if you have eye sockets and you're DEAD. Combine the chocolate chips and shortening in a small microwave-safe bowl. Microwave in 30-second intervals, stirring, until smooth and melted. Add vanilla and pistachios and stir to combine. Pour into circular silicon molds (see below for an Amazon link to buy) and refrigerate until chocolate is firm. Remove coins from silicon and wrap delicately in gold foil. Then say a prayer and head on down the River Styx. Penny mold can be found (CHEAP!) on Amazon here!
Irish Shot
Ingredients
Instructions
Drop the shot into a pint glass filled half to three-quarters with the Guinness. Then CHUG CHUG CHUG before it curdles.
I Am The Lord My Shepherd's Pie
Ingredients
Instructions
Notes
Sidekick Peas, Sicilian Style
Ingredients
Instructions
Chocolate Pennies
Ingredients
Instructions
Notes
Recommended Products
Epilogue
Guys, don’t watch the Boondock Saints sequel. It’s bad. I mean really bad. If you need another St. Patty’s Day film, highly recommend Grabbers. Or Once. Or Sing Street. Anything that isn’t Boondock Saints 2. Julie Benz you’re so much better than that horrific southern accent.
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