I’ve been wanting to tackle Studio Ghibli and Hayao Miyazaki for a long while, and luckily my fave in the collection– Howl’s Moving Castle– is a bit simpler culinarily speaking its companions. Don’t worry, I’ll get to Spirited Away eventually. Based on a fantasy novel …
Uncle Buck was a childhood fave of mine. Is it the best movie in the world? Maybe not. But it’s god damn funny, and it’s got a lot of food in it that I’ve always wanted to make. Namely, really enormous pancakes. The plot itself …
I could spend days talking about Everything Everywhere All At Once. I can’t remember the last time I saw a film this original, while still being relatable and intensely relevant. A24, you did so good.
Everything Everywhere follows Evelyn Wang (Michelle Yeoh, brilliant), a disgruntled and exhausted owner of a laundromat who is being audited by a surly IRS agent (Jamie Lee Curtis, hilarious). Her loving husband Waymond (Ke Huy Quan, inspiring) is a cheery annoyance, and her difficult daughter Joy (Stephanie Hsu, badass) is desperate for acceptance that will never come from Evelyn as she is now. But here’s the kicker– there are a million other Evelyns in an infinity of universes whose experiences the OG Evelyn can tap into. That’s where the sci-fi fantasy stuff comes in.
In the middle of an IRS meeting, Evelyn is snatched from her own universe by Alpha-Waymond– a much more capable version of Evelyn’s husband who knows how to obliterate an army of security guards with kung fu moves and a fanny pack. Alpha-Waymond tells Evelyn about multiverse super villain Jobu Tupaki, who is building a mysterious “something” capable of destroying everything, everywhere– and, as it turns out, this OG Evelyn is the only person who can stop her.
What ensues is an absurd, trippy, hysterical journey full of “‘verse jumping”, epic martial arts choreography, and google eyes. Visual metaphors abound, and (without spoiling the ending) viewers are left with this profound message: even when you feel like nothing makes sense, that you’re being sucked into a whirling black hole of nihilism and apathy, IT’S GONNA BE OK. The most important thing is to be kind, especially when we don’t know what the heck is going on. Because nothing and everything matters. All at once.
I can’t explain it better than that.
Luckily, the Daniels included delicious looking foodstuffs in Everything Everywhere, so creating a brunch-y menu featuring quasi-traditional Asian dishes was easy. Just no hot dog finger recipes, you sicko cannibals. Ha ha ha ha.
The Movie
The Menu
Google Eyes Boba Tea
Yield: 3 Cocktails, 1 for each Wang
Cook Time: 20 minutes
Total Time: 20 minutes
NO MORE GOOGLE EYES.
Except they're so good. Especially with whiskey. Drink enough and it won't matter that your clothes never wear as well the next day and your hair never falls in quite the same way. Life's a silly mess anyway.
Ingredients
3/4 cup white sugar
3/4 cup water
3/4 tapioca pearls
2 cups prepared Oolong Tea
1/2 cup whole milk or half and half
3 shots whiskey, divided
Edible black glitter or activated charcoal, for the rim
Instructions
Start by making simple syrup-- in a small saucepan, heat water and sugar and simmer until sugar is dissolved. Remove from heat and allow to cool.
In a larger sauce pan, bring roughly 8 cups of water to boil. Add the tapioca pearls and cook for 5ish minutes, or till your pearls reach your desired softness (I like mine a little more firm). Drain the pearls and transfer them to a bowl of ice water to chill. Gather your reamining ingredients.
Once chilled, drain the pearls once again. Pour half of the simple syrup over the pearls, cover, and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes or until almost ready to serve..
To assemble your drinks-- wet the rim of three lowball glasses and dip into black sugar/glitter/charcoal. Divide tapioca pearls into your glasses and top with a scoop of ice (enough to get your glasses to half full. badum bump). Add tea, then whiskey, followed by 2 tablespoons of milk and 1 1/2 tablespoons of simple syrup into each glass. Flavor with more syrup and dairy, to your taste.
Extra Lucky Longevity Noodles
Prep Time: 1 hour
Cook Time: 30 minutes
Total Time: 1 hour30 minutes
Longevity noodles are a traditional, very popular dish eaten during Chinese New Year. AND eggs are considered especially lucky-- so eat it ALL. It's especially yummy for breakfast, as Gong Gong prefers.
Ingredients
1 egg
Soy Sauce, to marinate egg (about 1/3 cup)
6 oz Yi Mein/Longevity/Long Life noodles **SEE NOTE
⅛ tsp sugar
¼ tsp salt
2 tsp regular soy sauce
2 tsp dark soy sauce **SEE NOTE
2 tbsp oyster sauce
1/2 tsp sesame oil
1/8 tsp ground ginger
1/8 tsp white pepper
3-4 tbsp vegetable oil (divided)
1/2 cup sliced scallions, white and green parts divided
1 tbsp chives
Instructions
In a small saucepan, bring water to a boil. Add your egg and boil for roughly 7 minutes (don't go too much longer or you won't get that yolky jammy texture everyone loves so much). Once time is up, remove egg from the water and allow to cool. Peel, and add to a ziploc together with your soy sauce. Seal and refrigerate for at least an hour, and up to 24 hours.
In a small bowl, whisk together sugar, salt, both soy sauces, oyster sauce, sesame oil, and white pepper-- make sure all of your sugar is dissolved. Gather the rest of your ingredients.
In a large pot, bring about 8 cups of water to boil. Cook your noodles according to package instructions-- somewhere between 7-8 mins. Check to make sure they are al dente, no one likes overcooked noodles. And remember, these babies are LONG.
Add 2 tbsp of veggie oil to a wok or non-stick skillet over high heat. Toss in white parts of the scallions and saute for about 30 seconds. Add the noodles and stir fry for another 30 seconds, tossing to coat in oil.
Pour in your sauce mix and stir fry for another minute or so, continuing to toss. If you need to, add the remainder of your veggie oil to prevent your noodles from sticking to the pan. Just try not to break them up-- you want to keep your noodles long for longevity and prosperity! Add the green parts of the scallions as well as your chopped chives to the pan. Mix until they turn bright green, just another minute or so.
You can find legit longevity noods at any Asian market, but in a pinch lo mein or even thin spaghetti noods will work. You just won't have any good luck ya lazy bum.
Similarly, dark soy sauce can be found at most Asian grocers-- and trust me, it's worth it.
Black Hole Bagel
Prep Time: 2 hours
Cook Time: 25 minutes
Total Time: 2 hours25 minutes
"I got bored one day, and then I put everything in a bagel... everything. All my hopes and dreams, my old report cards, every breed of dog, every personal ad on Craigslist, sesame, poppy seed, salt, and it collapsed in on itself. 'Cause you see, when you really put everything on a bagel, it becomes this... the truth. Nothing... matters."
Unless you serve it with scallion cream cheese. Scallion cream cheese changes everything.
Ingredients
1 tsp active dry yeast
2 tsp brown sugar
2/3 cup warm water, + a few more tbsp on reserve
1 1/2 cup bread flour (I used OO flour)
1/4 cup dark rye flour
1/2 tbsp unsweetened cocoa powder
3/4 tsp salt
1/2 cup everything bagel seasoning
3/4 cup cream cheese, your preferred fat percentage (I'm not judging, get fat, nothing matters anyway)
1/3 cup sliced scallions
Instructions
Dissolve your sugar into 2/3 cup warm water, then add yeast-- you'll need to wait about two minutes for the yeast to "bloom", ie get all foamy. Add flours, salt, and cocoa powder to a separate mixing bowl while you wait-- the cocoa powder is what will guarantee a rich, dark pumpernickel color.
Mix dry ingredients until they are fully incorporated, and pour in your bloomy yeasty sugar water. Mix until you get a rough dough ball, adding a couple more tbsp of water as needed to get all of the flour into the dough ball. Let sit for 10 minutes-- then, on a floured cutting board, knead the dough for a minute or two until smooth.
Lightly brush a large mixing bowl with oil, add the dough, and turn to coat. Cover with a damp towel and let rise in a warm place for an hour and a half-- the dough should double in size. You'll know that it's ready when you press the dough with your finger and it doesn't bounce back:
Punch the dough down and, on an unfloured board this time, roll it into a ball. Coat a finger with flour and create a hole in the center, stretching it out roughly 2 inches in diameter. Cover with the same damp towel and let rise for about 20 minutes while you bring a big pot of water to boil and preheat your oven to 425.
When your water is boiling, carefully lower your bagel in-- boil for 2 minutes, flip, and boil for another two minutes.
Remove the bagel from the hot water and immediate coat with everything bagel seasoning.
Bake for 25 minutes and allow to rest for at least 15 before cutting. While you wait, mix sliced scallions into your cream cheese and when ready... MMMMMM DAIRY. In some universes cows don't even exist anymore, so relish it.
Just don't look too long or too closely-- you might get suuucked. Intooooo. the Baaaaagel...
Notes
Did you know: soldiers in China were making their own version of bagels 400 years ago, completely independently of what was going on with hole-y breads in Europe.
Except the Daniels actually did make a Raccacoonie-- and it is possibly one of the more bizarre and hilarious homages in Everything Everywhere.
So, here is what I think Raccacoonie would have done with traditional ratatouille ingredients. Teppanyaki style.
Ingredients
1 cup Japanese or Chinese Eggplant, cut into 1 inch cubes
1 cup Zucchini, cute into 1 inch cubes
1 cup Yellow Squash, cut into 1 inch cubes
1 cup Thick Sliced Red Onion
3/4 cup Red Bell Pepper, cut into chunks
3/4 cup premium soy sauce
1/4 cup mirin
1 tbsp rice wine vinegar
2 tbsp brown sugar
1 inch ginger, grated
3 garlic cloves, minced
2 tbsp vegetable oil
Sesame seeds, for garnish
Instructions
Place chef hat over the raccoon controlling your every movement and collect your "ratatouille" veggies. Mix up the remaining ingredients for the marinade (oil and sesame seeds occluded).
Marinade veggies for 30 minutes in a sealed ziploc.
Heat oil on a large flat griddle pan (or a large non-stick if that's all ya got). Add the veggies and cook, tossing every once in a while to ensure all sides are equally browned. You should be done in about 5 minutes, barring any glitches with the hair/hand connection.
Raccacoonie, I don't know what I'd do without you...
Be Kind Almond Cookies
Yield: 12 Cookies
Prep Time: 1 hour30 minutes
Cook Time: 15 minutes
Total Time: 1 hour45 minutes
A traditional Chinese cookie recipe for when you fuck up your income taxes real bad and you need an IRS agent to forget the butt plugs. It's strategic and necessary.
Ingredients
2/3 cups almond flour, lightly packed
1 stick unsalted butter, chilled and cut into cubes
Hefty pinch kosher salt
3/4 cups + 2 tbsp all-purpose flour
1/2 cup + 3 tbsp sugar, divided
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 tsp almond extract
1 large egg, whisked slightly and divided
24 almonds
1 tbsp powdered sugar
3 drops water
5 drops red food coloring
Instructions
Add almond flour, salt and butter to one bowl-- sift all purpose flour, sugar, and baking soda into another.
Beat the almond flour mix on medium until just incorporated, then add half of your whisked egg and almond extract. Add all-purpose mix next, continuing on medium speed until you have a doughy consistency.
Scoop 12 dough balls onto a piece of parchment paper using an ice cream scoop. Chill for at least an hour, covered.
Using your fingers, press dough into rounds roughly 2.5 inches in diameter (they should be at least 1 inch apart, they will spread as they bake!). Press two almonds into the top of each round to make eyes, and then use a small glass or measuring cup to impress a smile into each cookie. Brush with remaining whisked egg.
Bake at 325 for 10 minutes. Check at this point and, if you need to, re-impress your smiles into the dough. Continue to bake for another five minutes until cookies turn a pale gold, and remove from oven. Allow to cool on a baking sheet.
Whisk your sugar, water and food coloring and use this red mix to paint in your smilies. Remember, red is also good luck! Just lookit how happy these little dudes are, and I think they would be even in a stupid, stupid universe where we have hot dogs for fingers.
Epilogue
A few scattered takeaways after watching Everything Everywhere All At Once:
If you REALLY want to cook the hot dog fingers, here’s a recipe I contemplated adapting. But I couldn’t get past the idea. Mine just looked so lifelike… I think it was the nail polish.
I haven’t seen Marcel the Shell yet but it also seems like an A24 poignant work of genius and I’m very excited about it.
This month has become an unofficial celebration of Ke Huy Quan on Two Crumbs Up (see Temple of Doom and The Goonies). And it’s the below interview that pushed me over the edge. I’m so happy Ke is back in front of the camera, and that A24 created such a quality film celebrating AAPI talent and storylines. Watch if you want a pickmeup– he’s the best.
The Breakfast Club– a perfect back-to-school time movie and perhaps the most famous in the John Hughes coming of age oeuvre. Sure, a case could be made for Ferris Bueller, and I do love me some Uncle Buck, but The Breakfast Club is the movie in …
Little Miss Sunshine is one of those films that you’re thrilled exists– a wonderful family dramedy that is so well written and so well acted that it leaves you with hope for the film industry. The movie opens with a relatively dark montage. Mom Sheryl …
The Family Stone is one of those movies that I have to watch every year– usually late at night with no one around to see me ugly cry. It’s tradition.
At the outset of my first viewing experience, I honestly didn’t have high expectations. Yet another holiday movie with a star-studded ensemble cast? “What’s so great about you guys??” But said cast, for the most part, is SO DAMN GOOD at what they do. This movie features typecasting for the purposes of screwball comedy at its best.Sarah Jessica Parker as Meredith, the uptight outsider who visits her bf’s super close family for the first time, is wonderful– as is Diane Keaton in her role as the perfectly sassy matriarch much beloved by her husband and children (and especially youngest mini-me meanie daughter Amy, played by my hero Rachel McAdams). The physical comedy, the uncomfortable conversations, and the poignancy of parent to child interaction during times of heartbreak and loss is all captured so authentically that you can’t help but apply and compare The Family Stone to your own life in ways that make you laugh and sob. You almost never even notice Everett (Dermot Mulroney) being the most annoying human on the face of the earth!
If you haven’t seen The Family Stone yet, I hope you give it a try this holiday season, along with the recipes I’ve included below. Good news is, they should almost all be made the night before, so you can still indulge in a little late night blubbering while you watch.
Let the wild rumpus start!
The Movie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fl9jRAK30M
The Menu
Coffee for Sybil
Yield: 2 Mugs
Cook Time: 10 minutes
Total Time: 10 minutes
In the Stone house, everyone knows the rule about leaving a full pot of coffee for Sybil. And you never take her mug.
Ingredients
1 Cup Espresso or Super Strong Coffee
1 Cup Egg Nog
1 Shot Bourbon
1/8 tsp Cinnamon
1/8 tsp Nutmeg
2 Cinnamon Sticks for garnish
Instructions
While coffee brews, heat your egg nog and bourbon in a small saucepan over low heat until hot. Add nutmeg and cinnamon and stir to combine.
Mix with coffee and pour into the biggest, artsy looking ceramic mug you can find. Garnish with cinnamon sticks.
Morton Family Strata
Yield: 6-8 Servings
Prep Time: 20 minutes
Cook Time: 55 minutes
Additional Time: 18 hours12 seconds
Total Time: 19 hours15 minutes12 seconds
Strata-- a Morton family tradition and delicious breakfast main. I dunno what the hell recipe her family was following but that egg to bread ratio looked a little off. Here is a more standard recipe featuring all her key Mediterranean ingredients. Except mushrooms, of course. Because Everett has to ruin everything.
Allow the bread to soak overnight while you fly your freak flag at a local dive bar. Just don't spill it all over yourself before you pop it in the oven the next morning, or you'll smell like puke.
Ingredients
1/2 lb French or Italian Bread/Baguette, sliced 1 inch thick
1 tbsp Olive Oil, divided
1 cup chopped Onion
3/4 cup chopped Red Pepper
1 cup Sliced Tomato (Campari preferred)
1 1/2 cups Grated Fontina
1 cup Grated Parmesan, 1 tbsp reserved
1 1/4 cups Milk
1/2 cup Half and Half
7 Large Eggs
1/2 tbsp Dried Oregano
3/4 tsp Salt
1/4 tsp Ground Pepper
2 tbsp Chopped Kalamata Olives
Instructions
On the day before you plan to breakfast, assemble your strata. Begin with the bread-- if you're feeling as anal and uptight as Meredith pre-beer, and you have the appropriately shaped cookie cutter, cut out some star shapes for the top of your strata. They kind of show up. The rest of the bread you can cut/tear into 1 inch pieces. Set aside for about an hour, uncovered, to dry out a bit.
Heat 1/2 tbsp olive oil over medium heat and saute your onions and peppers until slightly softened. Then, in a large bowl, mix your egg, milk, half and half, salt, pepper, and oregano. Whisk just as fast as your wrist allows-- juuust fast fast fast fast fast.
Now, time to layer your strata. Grease an 11x7 baking dish with the remaining olive oil, and line the bottom with a solid layer of torn bread-- there should not be many spaces between pieces. Sprinkle liberally with 1/3 of your cheese, followed by peppers, onions, and tomato slices.
Repeat this layering process once more, followed by a last, more spread out layer of bread stars. Top with last 1/3 of cheese.
Pour your egg mix over your layers of bread, pressing slightly on the top to make sure everything is fully soaked through. Cover that sucker and refrigerate for at least 8 hours or overnight.
THE MORNING AFTER-- remove from the fridge and top off with your kalamata olives, a touch more oregano, more parmesan, and then allow to come to room temperature for 30 minutes.
Heat your oven and bake your strata until the crust becomes a golden brown and the egg has set, about 55 minutes. Plenty of time for sibling fisticuffs in advance of eating.
Stone Fruit Compote
Yield: 5-6 Servings (apps)
Prep Time: 2 minutes
Cook Time: 30 minutes
Total Time: 32 minutes
Simple to make yet complex in flavor, this compote has a frozen stone fruit for each of the Stone siblings-- cherry for Amy (obviously), a peach for cute as a button Thaddeus, blackberry for black sheep Ben, strawberry for Susannah (I don't know why...), and mango for Everett (the son who wants to be exotic and interesting but fails miserably. I hate Everett). Anchor this all in a bowl with a tart base of greek yogurt and top with cinnamon-y granola that both Sybil and Kelly would enjoy.
Ingredients
1 cup each Frozen Cherries, Strawberries, Blackberries, Mango chunks, Peach chunks
5 tbsp Brown Sugar
1/4 tsp Cinnamon
1/4 tsp Ginger
1 tbsp Brandy
1 1-inch Lemon Peel
1 1-inch Orange Peel
1/4 cup Fresh Orange Juice
1 cup Old Fashioned Oats
1/2 cup Pepitas
1/4 tsp Cinnamon
Pinch of Ground Clove
2 tbsp Coconut Oil
2 tbsp Maple Syrup
1/4 tsp Vanilla
Greek Yogurt
Instructions
Gather your fruits-- since stone fruits tend to be in season for the summer, go for frozen. If the strawberries are a bit big, feel free to half or quarter them so they are a bit more consistent in size with your smaller fruits.
Add to a pot with all other compote ingredients (up to the orange juice) and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer for 30 minutes, allowing the natural pectin of the fruit to thicken.
Using a potato masher, gently mash some of the larger chunks of fruit for a slightly smoother consistency. Set aside to cool, and refrigerate until ready for serving.
Now time for granola! Mix oats, pepitas, spices, coconut oil, maple syrup and vanilla in a bowl-- use your fingers to break up any clumps if your coconut oil is still solid.
Spread onto a parchment lined baking sheet and bake at 350 for about 20 minutes until lightly golden brown. You should have about a cup and a half of granola.
When it's time for breakfast, spoon compote over a bowl of greek yogurt and top with crunchy granola. It's almost like you're a healthy person! Time for more spiked eggnog coffee...
Aunt Milly's Famous Brownies (Rosemary and Rye)
Yield: 16 2-inch square Brownies
No holiday is complete without chocolate. We never meet Aunt Milly in The Family Stone, but her brownies have a couple of cameos-- the most notable of which involves two of the Stones getting stoned. And since I can't make actual pot brownies, I went for an interesting infusion of rosemary. It's DELIGHTFUL. All credit given to Aube Giroux at PBS-- this is her Rosemary Rye brownie recipe, with just a couple of tweaks.
Ingredients
1 1/2 sticks unsalted butter
6 oz semi-sweet chocolate
1/2 cup rye flour
3 tbsp cocoa powder
3/4 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
3 large eggs
1 cup granulated sugar
1 cup chopped pecans or walnuts (optional)
1 tbsp chopped fresh rosemary
2 tsp vanilla
Instructions
Hey look it's all your ingredients!
Melt butter and chocolate until smooth, either in a double boiler or via microwave-- if using the latter technique, just microwave in 30 second installments with stirs in between. Whisk in half the sugar and the salt. Allow to come to luke warm temperature.
In a separate bowl, whisk eggs, remaining sugar, and vanilla until smooth. Pour half of the melted chocolate mix, stirring constantly, so that your eggs don't overheat from the chocolate. Pour in remaining chocolate mix and stir to fully incorporate.
Sift your flour, cocoa powder, and baking powder, and add rosemary. Now, combine your wet and dry ingredients, adding the nuts last. Pour brownie batter into an 8x8 baking pan lined with parchment paper.
Bake your brownies at 350 for about 30 minutes, checking at 20 and 25 to make sure they're not over-cooking-- the middle should be SLIGHTLY jiggle still for a fudgy brownie, and a toothpick should come out with moist crumbs.
Let brownies cool in the pan when done, and enjoy with any other substance you choose, no judgement here. Dammit I miss California.