Tag: potato

The Goonies

The Goonies

HEEYYYY YOUUUU GUYYYYYS, it’s National Junk Food Day! Which could really be any day for me, especially if pizza is involved. And I’m relatively certain this would be the case for The Goonies too– which is why you now have a pirate-y, Chunk-y, highly fattening set 

Indiana Jones And The Temple of Doom

Indiana Jones And The Temple of Doom

Ok, so Temple of Doom isn’t the best of the Indiana Jones films, but it’s certainly not the worst. This assumes you even consider Crystal Skull to be part of the franchise, however; I myself am still pretending it was never made.  Technically a PREQUEL 

Ratatouille

Ratatouille

“If you are what you eat, then I only want to eat the good stuff.” Out of the mouths of rats…

Ratatouille is, to this day, one of the best foodie films ever made. Even Anthony Bourdain thought so! Once you get past the very weird concept of a rat inexplicably being able to control the physical actions of a human man by puppeteering him through his hair (…), Ratatouille’s democratic thesis of “anyone can cook!” is pretty perfectly executed. In a world where (as Collette aptly points out) haute cuisine is an antiquated hierarchy built upon rules written by stupid, old, men, Remy the rat is challenged not only to push culinary boundaries, but to do so with integrity. Big props to Patton Oswalt in the title role, who brings a level of earnestness and humility to Remy the rat– not to mention the rest of the stellar voice cast and genius animation from Pixar. 

I’d continue to summarize and gush, but I’m tired. It’s not that the recipes were particularly hard– the food just looked so EDIBLE onscreen that I wanted to make each and every bite live up to the visual inspiration. I blame famous celebrity chef Thomas Keller, who consulted on this film. And then hope he reads this one day and gets me a free res at The French Laundry. 

Happy 15th Birthday today, Ratatouille, and bon appetit!

The Movie

 

The Menu

Lightning-y Mushroom Puffs

Lightning-y Mushroom Puffs

Yield: 6-8
Cook Time: 40 minutes
Total Time: 40 minutes

I found a mushroom... Ah, oh, oh... You found cheese? And not just any cheese-- TOMME DE CHEVRE DE PAYS?! That would go beautifully with my mushroom!! And... this rosemary! This rosemary with maybe with a few drops from this sweet grass. You got to taste this! This is... It's got this kind of... It's burny, melty... It's not really a smoky taste. It's a certain... It's kind of like a... It's got, like, this Ba-boom, zap kind of taste. Don't you think?

It's lightning-y!!

Except, turns out mushrooms don't puff up when you light them on fire, electrocute them, or subject them to high roasting temperatures. But puff pastry does! So here's an alternative to Ratatouille's first recipe-- a super simple apertif bite reminiscent of a gougere. But instead of a choux pastry I opted for the aforementioned pre-made puff pastry. Yes, I cheated. Sue me.

Ingredients

  • 3.5 oz mushrooms, preferably chanterelle
  • 1/2 tbsp butter
  • 1/4 tsp minced rosemary
  • pinch saffron
  • salt & pepper
  • 1/2 tsp honey
  • hard goat cheese (if you can find Tomme de Chevre, bless)
  • 1 sheet puff pastry

Instructions

Seriously, so few ingredients. And, don't forget the saffron. A little saffron would MAKE THIS!

Preheat your oven to 400 and heat your butter in a small cast iron skillet. Chop your mushrooms and add to pan together with rosemary, saffron, salt and pepper. Place in your oven and roast for 10 mins, tossing occassionally. Your mushrooms should start to brown and get all deliciously crispy charred (... lightning-y!). Remove from the oven and stir in your saffron and honey, adding a splash of water if the mushrooms are sticking to the pan. Set aside and allow to come to room temperature.

Cut your puff pastry into 2 inch squares, stretching them out a bit as you go. Place a big nubbin of cheese and a tablespoon full of mushrooms into the center of each square-- wrap the dough around the filling to create little balls.

Bake at 400 on a parchment lined cookie sheet for about 25 minutes until pastry is puffed and golden brown.

Serve hot for optimum gooey-ness!

lightning mushroom

Notes

Chanterelles are a pain in the ass to find sometimes. If you can't locate these delicate French shrooms at your local grocery store, you can sub in another fungi (shitake mushrooms for example).

Remy's Soup

Remy's Soup

Yield: 2 servings
Cook Time: 40 minutes
Total Time: 40 minutes

What'd you throw in there, oregano? No? What, rosemary? That's a spice isn't it, rosemary? You didn't put rosemary in? Then what was all the flipping and... the throwing the...

Who can say what Remy ACTUALLY did to fix a soup that was ruined by Linguini and all his Linguini-ness. Was it a tomato soup that became a clam chowder? What were the little white chunks our favorite rat added first? I've watched this scene several times and this recipe is my best guess-- a version of a potage parmentier (French potato leek soup) that has a little bit of carrot to add a lovely warm this-might-have-been-red-once-but-is-now-creamy hue. The soup is a delightful second course, but could also be a main if you're too scared of the ratatouille recipe to come.

Ingredients

  • 2 tbsp unsalted butter
  • 2 large leeks, white and light green parts only, roughly chopped (about 2 1/2 cups)
  • 2 cloves garlic, peeled and sliced
  • 1 large Yukon Gold potato, peeled and roughly chopped into ½-inch pieces
  • 1 small carrot, chopped
  • 1 bay leaves
  • 3 sprigs fresh thyme
  • small bunch parsley
  • 3 1/2 cups chicken or vegetable broth
  • 1/2 cup heavy cream
  • salt & pepper
  • thyme sprig and additional cream, to garnish

Instructions

Look it's ingredients!

Add your leeks to a medium pot together with your butter and garlic. Sautee on medium low heat until caramelized (but not browned!). Season generously with salt and pepper.

Add the potatoes and carrots to the pot, followed by your herbs tied up in a little bundle with kitchen twine (we call this a bouquet garni (very French and fancy).

Pour your broth over all, and bring to a boil.

Reduce heat and simmer for roughly 30 minutes, until potatoes and carrots are softened. Remove the herbs and (off the heat) puree the soup with an immersion blender or some other kind of blender (but immersion blenders are super cool). Once smooth, add cream and continue to puree until thick and, well, creamy.

Keep warm on the stove until ready to serve, with fresh thyme and a drizzle of cream for garnish.

"Ratatouille"

Yield: 2-3 servings
Cook Time: 3 hours
Total Time: 3 hours

Ratatouille. It's like a stew, right? Why do they call it that? If you're gonna name a food, you should give it a name that sounds delicious. Ratatouille doesn't sound delicious. It sounds like "rat" and "patootie." Rat patootie! Which does not sound delicious.

Except that it is. It really, REALLY, is. Especially when it's made this way-- ie a slightly revised version of Thomas Keller's confit byaldi. Thomas Keller's confit byaldi <flourishes apron>.

Ingredients

  • 1 1/2 red bell pepper
  • 2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil, divided
  • 2 cloves minced garlic
  • 1/2 cup finely diced onion
  • 14 oz canned tomatoes (preferably San Marzan
  • 1 sprig thyme
  • 1 sprig flat-leaf parsley
  • 1 small bay leaf
  • Kosher salt
  • 1 zucchini (4 to 5 ounces) sliced in 1/16-inch rounds
  • 1 Japanese eggplant (4 to 5 ounces) sliced into 1/16-inch rounds
  • 1 yellow squash (4 to 5 ounces) sliced into 1/16-inch round
  • 3 tomatoes on the vine, sliced into 1/16-inch rounds
  • 1/2 teaspoon minced garlic
  • 2 teaspoons olive oil
  • 1/8 teaspoon thyme leaves
  • Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
  • 1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil
  • 1 teaspoon balsamic vinegar
  • chives
  • Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

Instructions

First, the yummy tomato-y base of your "ratatouille"/confit byaldi.

Set your broiler on high, and place stemmed and seeded pepper halves onto a sheet of aluminum foil, skin side up. Spritz with a little olive oil and broil for 5-10 minutes (this will depend on your oven, just keep an eye on your peppers you want the skin to be consistently black, but not burn your peppers to a crisp!). Addto a bowl and cover tightly with your aluminum foil, allowing the peppers to steam for another 10 mins. This is what will allow the skins to peel off easily:

In a saucepan, caramelize your onions in your remaining olive oil for about 10 minutes on medium low heat. Add garlic and continue to sautee for a minute more, followed by your tomatoes and their juices, squashed. Chop your peppers roughly and add those to the pot as well, together with thyme, parsley and bay leaf. Season with salt and pepper, and bring to a simmer.

Continue to simmer over low heat until very soft and very little liquid remains, about 10 minutes, stirring occasionally. Discard herbs and puree with immersion blender. Reserve 1/2 cup of mixture and spread remainder in bottom of a 9 inch pie plate.

Now for your vegetables. Thomas Keller appears to skip this step and I don't know why cause it's crazy. When making squash recipes I almost ALWAYS sweat out my veggies by sprinkling fresh slices with a bit of salt. Lay them out on paper towels for a good 10 minutes, then pat dry-- this helps prevent them from becoming all gross and soggy while they cook.

Arrange vegetable slices in concentric circles over the sauce, in this order: zucchini, eggplant, squash and tomatoes. Roughly 1/4 inch of each slice should be exposed. You might have a few extra vegetable slices-- if so, these will keep for a couple of days, don't stress. Mix garlic, oil and thyme leaves in bowl and season with salt and pepper to taste-- brush the surface of the vegetables with the mix and lookit how pretty.

Cover tightly with aluminum foil and bake in an oven preheaded to 275-- the vegetables will be tender after about 2 hours. Uncover, and continue to bake for an additional 30 minutes to steam off any excess liquid.

At this point your ratatouille can be covered and refrigerated for up to 2 days (you can always reheat in 350-degree oven until warm).

When ready to serve, combine 2 tbsp of your reserved 1/2 cup of tomato/pepper base sauce with oil, vinegar, and salt/pepper to taste. Drizzle this in a circle around your plate and sprinkle with fresh herbs. In the center of the plate, wrap your layered vegetables vertically around themselves, almost like you would if you were forming a rosebud. Then, take another line of layered vegetables and lay it over the top of your vegetable spiral. It looks more difficult than it is but trust me-- it ain't.

Remy Makes Ratatouille

Top with a thinly sliced chive and bon appetit! A peasant dish fit for the snobbiest of all snobby food critics.

Synesthesia Cheese Plate

Synesthesia Cheese Plate

Yield: A lot of cheese
Cook Time: 15 minutes
Total Time: 15 minutes

Ratatouille's Remy loves his synesthesia. After all-- good food is like music you can taste, color you can smell. There is excellence all around you. You need only to be aware to stop and savor it.

Enter the cheese plate-- which, traditionally in a French meal, is served AFTER the main course. Feel free to switch it up, however, since this is where we also bring in the WINE.

Ingredients

  • 1/2 lb chopped strawberries
  • 1 tsp cornstarch
  • 2 tbsp sugar
  • 1 1/2 tbsp water
  • 1 tsp balsamic
  • 1/2 tsp lemon juice
  • pomegranate seeds/arils
  • chopped walnuts
  • Camembert cheese
  • Comte cheese
  • Mimollette cheese
  • Champagne
  • Rose (I only ever buy from Provence region. I'm not a snob. It's just better. WAY better.)
  • Cabernet Sauvignon

Instructions

Since Remy's first synesthesia experiment is strawberry meets cheese, I decided to make a super simple strawberry drizzle-- all you have to do is add chopped strawberries, cornstarch, sugar, juice, and (for something a little extra special) balsamic to a small saucepan. Add a splash of water to help the ingredients mix, bring to a boil, and then allow to simmer until thickened.

Drizzle onto a small plate or cutting board, and arrange your cheeses all fancy like over it. Sprinkle with pomegranate arils (another favorite of Remy's it seems--see synesthesia moment with Emille) and walnuts for crunch and VOILA, a mix of salty, nutty, sweet, deliciousness!

When it comes to wine-- champagne with the camembert (bubbles and cream, always lovely), a dry rose (emphasis on the Provence!) with the comte (the most popular cheese in France, btw), and a rich cabernet sauvignon for the darker, saltier mimolette (also a classic pairing). There's no Cheval Blanc 1947, but we can't all be as frou frou as Anton Ego. Nopety nopety noooooo.

synesthesia cheese strawberry

Notes

I chose these cheeses because, as Remy says, the best food in the world is made in France. But, per Collette, haute cuisine doesn't have to be snooty. See what you can find, and employ those mix and match skills! There are tons of guides online, but here is one from Serious Eats to get you started.

Chocolate Souffle Omelette

Chocolate Souffle Omelette

Yield: 2 Omelettes
Cook Time: 20 minutes
Total Time: 20 minutes

One of my favorite Ratatouille scenes involves Remy making Linguini a basic omelette (that he then doesn't get to eat!). But since there wasn't really a dessert in the film, I took a risk and made this up-- a Frenchified souffle dessert omelette.

This wasn't an easy one to figure out. But, I channeled my inner Gusteau-- "You must be imaginative, strong-hearted. You must try things that may not work, and you must not let anyone define your limits because of where you come from. Your only limit is your soul. What I say is true - anyone can cook... but only the fearless can be great!"

I settled for pretty good. The whipped cream put it over the top :).

Ingredients

  • 2 eggs
  • 1 1/2 tsp cocoa powder
  • 2 tbsp sugar
  • 1/4 tsp vanillia
  • 2 tbsp yogurt
  • 2 tbsp chocolate chips
  • whipped cream and chocolate shavings, for garnish

Instructions

Preheat your oven to 400.

Then, separate your yolks from your whites, adding the whites into a small mixing bowl. Whip those whites into stiff peaks with a hand or stand mixer, and add your sugar, cocoa powder, yogurt and vanilla to your yolks.

Whisk your yolks with all that stuff together until sugar is dissolved and mixture is smooth. Fold this chocolate-y yolk mix into your egg whites, doing your best not to deflate the whites too much.

In an oven proof skillet, melt half of your butter. Pour in half of your egg mix and smooth into a rough circle-- sprinkle 1 tbsp of chocolate ships onto half of the circle.

Now this is key-- THESE ARE NOT REGULAR OMELETTES. After many failed attempts to cook these, uncovered and covered, on the stove, I realized that the fluffy whites need all around heat to set. So, slide your pan into your preheated oven and bake for roughly 7 minutes until chips are softened and souffle omelet is set.

Fold your souffle omelettes over a hefty dollop of whipped cream and sprinkle with chocolate shavings. Serve warm, before your cream starts to weep! It's a little messy, but we'll just say I "Linguini'd" the presentation.

 

Epilogue

There are very few animated films where I would appreciate a sequel– this is one of them. Even Roger Ebert agreed with me.

Someone find me the president of Pixar’s hair…

Ratatouille – supposedly secular

 

For more menus, check out my movie directory here!

Better Off Dead

Better Off Dead

Better Off Dead is one of those 80’s movies that a number of people don’t get. It’s surreal, fantastical, slapstick-y, absurd, and yes, there is a claymation hamburger that sings along with Van Halen. It’s f*cking funny you guys. Better Off Dead focuses on Lane 

Bridget Jones’s Diary

Bridget Jones’s Diary

It all began on New Year’s Day… or in the case of this post, New Year’s Eve. All hail Bridget Jones (Renee Zellweger), wanton sex goddess, who was able to land two, count ’em TWO, of the hottest British actors to ever grace the silver 

How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

Happy 55th Anniversary to Chuck Jones’s classic TV adaptation of How the Grinch Stole Christmas!! I know there have been a number of movies based on the original children’s book at this point, but this holiday animated special always held a special place in my heart. First, it is painfully neon and creepy AF (thanks Dr. Seuss and Boris Karloff). Second, because while I love the Grinch theme, that damn Whoville song “Welcome Christmas” always makes me cry sloppy. Maybe that says something about the size of my heart the other 364 days of the year (MEH, tell me how YOU fared in 2021)– but also there’s something to be said about Christmas not always being about presents. Sometimes, it’s about nostalgia, being together, holding hands, and singing…

Nah. Nevermind. It’s about food. What was I thinking. But the song is still real pretty.

Ok I know this is only a 26 minute special but I have to honor the Whoville Christmas feast with a legit Roast Beast– with this of course comes Who Pudding, Who Hash, and a few other items that I definitely would’ve have stolen in a flash (hey look, I rhymed). Merry Christmas guys :).

 

The Movie

 

The Menu

grinchmas punch

Grinchmas Punch

Yield: 2 Cocktails
Cook Time: 5 minutes
Total Time: 5 minutes

This yummy punch is a perfect complement to your holiday Who-meal-- and just sweet enough to make the grouchiest of Grinches a little more chipper.

Ingredients

  • 3 oz Gin, chilled
  • 3 oz Cranberry Juice Cocktail, chilled
  • 3 oz Ginger Beer, chilled
  • 3 oz Prosecco, chilled
  • 1/2 oz Lime Juice
  • Lime round, for garnish
  • Sugar, Green Food Coloring, and Lime Zest, for garnish (optional, see note)

Instructions

Pour first five ingredients into a (limey sugary rimmed) champagne coupe/flute. Garnish with a slice of lime and feel the holiday spirit coursing through your veins!

Notes

If you'd like to garnish the rim of your glass with colored sugar, feel free to mix a bit of lime juice with granulated sugar , zest, and a drop of grinchy green food coloring. Fully mix with your fingers, and allow to dry completely. Wet the rim of your glass with water, then dip into the sugar before pouring your liquids in.

roast beast

Roast Beast

Yield: 2 servings plus lots of leftovers...
Prep Time: 12 hours
Cook Time: 5 hours
Additional Time: 45 minutes
Total Time: 17 hours 45 minutes

Though the roast beast in How The Grinch Stole Christmas looks like a bird (sometimes? It's got hooves in one shot, wings in another, Seuss you weirdo), it's very clearly RED MEAT. And there is really no other better red meat to make for a holiday meal than PRIME RIB. Serve it up with some horseradish cream-- it's seriously so good you guys, get ready to never make a turkey in December again.

Ingredients

  • 3 Bone-In Prime Rib Roast (see Note)
  • 1 1/2 tbsp Rosemary, minced, plus 1/2 tbsp more for the Jus
  • 1 1/2 tbsp Garlic, minced (3-4 cloves)
  • 1/2 cup Olive Oil
  • 1 tsp Salt
  • 1/2 tsp Freshly Ground Pepper
  • (For Horseradish Cream)
  • 3/4 cup Mayonnaise
  • 1/4 cup Sour Cream
  • 2 tbsp Dijon Mustard
  • 2 1/2 tbsp Horseradish
  • Salt, to taste

Instructions

The night before, whisk together your rosemary, garlic, salt, pepper, and olive oil and rub into your rib roast. Note, when you order your roast, you should get it not "boneless", but with the chine bones cut almost away from the base of the meat-- see where my finger is pointing? The butcher should be able to then tie the meat back onto the bones, thus making this a "standing" rib roast.

standing rib roast

The morning of the big day, remove your roast from the fridge and allow to come to room temperature-- this should take about 2 hours. In the meantime, preheat your oven to its lowest setting (I put mine at about 200 degrees).

When your oven is heated, insert a thermometer into the center of the rib roast, between two bones. Slow roast in the oven for about 5 hours, until the internal temperature reaches 120-125 degrees for rare (don't worry, while it rests, the meat will continue to cook-- if you want a roast that is a bit more well done, see Note).

While the roast beast is roasting, make the horseradish cream. Combine mayo, sour cream, dijon, and horseradish and mix thoroughly. Add salt to taste, and refrigerate (if you can resist just eating it by the spoonful).

horseradish cream

When your roast has finally reached your preferred internal temperature, remove it from the oven and allow it to rest for at least 30 mins and up to 1 1/2 hours.

resting roast

Increase the temperature of your oven to its highest (mine was 550).

About 15 minutes before you are ready to carve, put your roast beast back into your super hot oven and cook until well-browned and crisp on the exterior.

To carve: remove the cooking twine and cut the main roast away from the bones. Set roast cut-side down and slice the meat across the grain according to the thickness you prefer. You'll see three different thicknesses below cause I had kind of a shitty knife... whoopth.

roast beast

Notes

120-125°F (49-52°C) would be about rare, 130°F (54°C) for medium-rare, or 135°F (57°C) for medium to medium-well. Remember, your roast will continue to cook, increasing about 5 more degrees, as it rests outside of the oven! PS if you want more deets on how to achieve the perfect reverse sear, and more importantly why it's the way to go with prime rib, check out this link.

broccolini wreath

Broccolini Holly-Who-Wreath

Yield: 2 Servings
Cook Time: 10 minutes
Total Time: 10 minutes

A wonderful way to get your vegetables in-- this Holly-Who-Wreath is super easy peasy and delicious enough to be of interest to those who like to pilfer tasty holiday dishes.

Ingredients

  • 8 oz Broccolini
  • 3/4 cup Chicken Broth
  • 2 Cloves Garlic
  • 2 tbsp Olive Oil
  • Pinch Red Pepper Flakes
  • Squeeze Lemon Juice
  • Salt & Pepper, to taste
  • Pomegranate Seeds, for garnish

Instructions

The beauty of this recipe is its simplicity-- salty with only a bit of finishing sweet.

broccolini ingredients

First, steam the broccolini in a large sautee pat with one cup of chicken broth-- bring the broth to boiling, add the broccolini and garlic cloves, cover, and steam for 2 minutes, 30 seconds (NO MORE, NO LESS).

Remove the lid and add olive oil and red pepper flakes to the pan. Quickly sear the broccolini over high heat until slightly brown. Squeeze quickly with a bit of lemon juice, and sprinkle with salt and freshly cracked pepper.

sauteed broccolini

Arrange on your plate in a wreath design around your roast beast, and garnish with pomegranate seeds!

who hash

Who Hash

Yield: 2 Servings

Every Who down in Whoville apparently had a thing for cans of Who Hash. And while some would say corned beef is the way to go, we've already got the prime rib-- so let's add some sage and BACON.

Ingredients

  • 1 1/2 cup Russet Potato, diced into 1/2 inch cubes
  • 1 1/2 cup Sweet Potato, diced into 1/2 inch cubes
  • 2 tbsp White Vinegar
  • 1 tsp Salt
  • 1 cup Shallot, diced into 1/2 inch chunks
  • 2 slices Thick Cut Bacon (plus more for snacking while cooking)
  • Salt & Pepper, to taste
  • Fried Sage Leaves (optional)

Instructions

Begin with your base ingredients:

hash base

Fill a medium pot with 2 qts of water and add your potato cubes. Add vinegar and salt to the water and bring to a boil-- reduce to a simmer and cook for about 5 minutes until the potatoes are just tender. Strain and set aside.

Next, in a large saute pan, fry up some bacon! Quick rule of thumb-- always put your slices of bacon in a cold pan and heat it up to medium. Don't ask me why, it's just what you're sposed to do.

bacon

Drain finished bacon on napkins and feel free to snack on one or two slices. In the meantime, pour roughly 1/3 of the grease into a bowl and set aside. Reheat the grease in the pan over medium high, and add your potatoes! Sautee until browned, about 10 minutes. Mince one of the sage leaves, and toss half of those minced bits in with your potatoes. Saute for a minute more, and transfer to a bowl.

potato hash

In the same pan, add your reserved bacon grease and heat to medium. Add shallots and caramalize/brown-- but do not burn! Stir frequently for about 10 more minutes, and again add half of your minced sage. Toss for another minute or so, and add to your bowl of potatoes.

Finish by tossing in your bacon, and adding salt and pepper to taste. And, if you like to be semi-fancy, fry some sage leaves over high heat in olive oil for about a minute per side, for garnish.

who hash

who pudding

Who Pudding

Yield: 2 (Large) Who Puddings
Cook Time: 30 minutes
Additional Time: 1 hour
Total Time: 1 hour 30 minutes

This not-quite-an-American-or-British-but-kind-of-trifle-like-Who Pudding will make your heart grow THIS BIGx3. Especially when you realize how easy it is to make.

Just note, you have to eat your way through all three layers in order for it (and the sugar rush) to take full effect.

Ingredients

  • 1 pint Strawberries
  • 1/4 Lemon, zested and juiced
  • 1 1/2 tbsp Sugar
  • 1/2 tsp Cornstarch
  • 1/2 cups Heavy Whipping Cream
  • 5 oz Cream Cheese, at room temperature
  • 1/2 cups Confectioner's Sugar
  • 1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 6 oz Frozen Raspberries
  • 1 1/2 tbsp Sugar
  • 1 Large Egg White

Instructions

Begin with your strawberry jam/compote, as it will need a bit to set. Cut your strawberries into 1/4 inch slices, and throw into a small saucepan with sugar, lemon, and zest. Bring to a boil, and reduce too a simmer for about 5 minutes until strawberries break down.

strawberry jam

Remove from the heat, and cool before transferring to a bowl to chill for at least an hour before serving.

Follow this up with your whipped cream cheese layer, which can be refrigerated for at least a day before serving. Begin by adding your cream cheese, confectioners sugar, and vanilla to a small bowl. Using a hand mixer, beat until smooth (about 2 minutes).

In a separate bowl, whip your whipping cream with the same hand mixer until stiff peaks form (about 3 minutes).

Now for the Schitt's Creek hilarity-- take 1/3 of your whipped cream and FOLD it into the cream cheese mixture until it's fully incorporated. You're trying to get the cream cheese mixture to be a bit lighter before adding it to the rest of the whipped cream, so as not to completely flatten it with subsequent FOLDING. And that's just what you do next-- add that now lighter whipped cream/cream cheese mix to the rest of the whipped cream, and FOLD lightly until mixed:

cream cheese whipped cream

Refrigerate.

Now for the most timely layer-- the raspberry mousse! Most mousses require gelatin, but I stole this 3 ingredient recipe from Serious Eats and damn if it didn't work perfectly.

No longer than 30 minutes before you plan to serve, add your frozen raspberries and granulated sugar to a food processor and puree until broken down as much as possible. Then, add an egg white-- puree for 2-3 minutes and you'll see the mixture become full, light and fluffy. It's like a Christmas miracle!

raspberry mousse

Store immediately in the fridge, unless you're not able to spoon up immediately. But, if you are, start with a layer of strawberry, followed by whipped cream cheese, followed by raspberry mouse, and repeat. Top off with three strawberries cut into the shape of hearts (cause Dr. Seuss was literal too) and a sprig of mint.

who pudding

 

Epilogue

My favorite character in How the Grinch Stole Christmas! is definitely Max. Poor little thing. So for those Max’s in your life, maybe make some treats from this website— I may try a couple of these recipes in the next couple of weeks but for now I’m cooked out.

And also, did Cindy Lou Who inspire Maggie Simpson’s no feet look? Thought for the day.

 

For more menus, check out my movie directory here!

His Girl Friday

His Girl Friday

His Girl Friday– the film that crushed the 90 word per minute standard for humans with a whopping 240 word per minute average. Per Director Howard Hawks: “we wrote the dialog in a way that made the beginnings and ends of sentences unnecessary; they were 

Twister

Twister

You’ve never seen it miss this house, and miss that house, and come after you! That’s right, it’s… DUN DUN DUUUUUNH… TWISTER! But actually, other than that one line, this movie is a wonderfully suspenseful thriller– I would even say it’s one of the top 

Grabbers

Grabbers

Happy Day After St. Patrick’s Day (or Tuesday, I don’t know what you’ve been up to tonight)! Time to indulge in hangover food/hair of the dog and the movie Grabbers: an Irish comedy horror mashup of Tremors and Aliens. The film is set in a small island town where local police contend with hostile blood-sucking monsters from outer space (it’s always the quiet places where the mad shit happens), and they realize that getting drunk is the only way to survive. 

Yep, getting drunk is the only way to survive. 

Sound silly? Feck off. Grabbers has great reviews and lots of indie awards. Nerdy monster flick homages abound, and there are legitimately scary moments– and it’s all so well balanced by the clever writing and solid acting (Russell Tovey) that I don’t care about the campy shit. IT’S FUNNY, TRUST ME. Plus the little romance side plot between Garda Ciarán O’Shean and Garda Lisa Nolan– d’aww. I’d drink with all these folks and only run moderately fast to abandon them from alien invaders!

I’m sure everyone knows how to make a corned beef brisket from a store bought package. You might’ve also already made colcannon for St. Patty’s yesterday. But in case you haven’t (or, if you happen to be reading this months after March 17th and are craving Irish food), I’ve included pretty straight forward recipes to get you to where you need to be. Enjoy, get drunk, and keep an eye out for sea monsters. Sláinte!

 

The Movie

 

The Menu

.20 Blood Alcohol *AKA All the Booze

.20 Blood Alcohol *AKA All the Booze

FOR THE CRACK.

No, but seriously, it makes sense. If we taint our blood with booze, we're poisonous to eat. I don't know why it's never occurred to me before.

Instructions

For each of these, just mix and drink. It's that easy. Just. Keep. Drinking.

BLOOD OF AN IRISHMAN COCKTAIL:

1 ounce rye whiskey (or bourbon)
1 ounce Campari
1 ounce sweet vermouth
Ice

BABY GUINNESS

2 fluid ounces coffee flavored liqueur (to help keep you awake)
½ fluid ounce Irish cream liqueur

(Pour in this order-- the cream will float to the top just like foam on a Guinness)

GREEN BEER

Any Lager
Couple Drops of Green Food Coloring

It's so easy. That's why I put it last.

Also feel free to have even more beer. AND TEQUILA!

grabbers fried calamari

Beer Battered Fried Grabbers

Yield: 2-4 Servings
Prep Time: 1 hour
Cook Time: 20 minutes
Total Time: 1 hour 20 minutes

'Tis no feckin' lobster!

It's basically calamari, BUT with a fish and chip style beer batter and malt vinegar/tartar sauce on the side. If you're averse to squid, just remember-- heat + alcohol renders them DEAD and therefore infinitely safe (and delicious) to consume.

Ingredients

  • 3/4 cup mayonnaise
  • 1 tbsp + 1 tsp pickle relish
  • 1 tbsp minced onion
  • 1 tbsp parsley, minced
  • 3/4 tsp Fresh Dill
  • 1/2 tbsp lemon juice
  • 3/4 tsp Dijon Mustard
  • Dash of Hot Sauce
  • Salt and Pepper to taste
  • 1/2 cup All Purpose Flour
  • 1/2 cup Cornstarch
  • 6 oz Can of Beer (Lager Preferred)
  • 1 Small Egg
  • 1/2 tsp Kosher Salt
  • 3/4 lb Calamari
  • 6 cups Canola Oil
  • Malt Vinegar
  • Lemon Slices (optional)

Instructions

Begin with your tartar sauce-- mix the first nine ingredients thoroughly and refrigerate until ready to use.

tartar sauce

About an hour before you want to fry your fried grabber/calamari, soak your squid pieces in milk. This helps get rid of any residual fishiness.

In the meantime, assemble your batter. Whisk together flour, cornstarch, beer, egg, and salt in a medium-sized bowl. It's ok if there are a couple of lumps-- those will crisp in the hot oil as you fry!

Pour oil into a large dutch oven. Heat to a temp of about 350°F-- but be careful! You want to maintain that temperature, so if you have a thermometer that attached get that ish out.

Dry squid with paper towels, and drop each piece into the bowl of batter.

squid

When oil is around 350°F., begin to dredge your squid pieces in the batter. Drop several pieces into the hot oil using a plastic slotted spoon, batches at a time. Continue to ddjust heat to keep temperature at about 350 and cook squid pieces in batches until they are golden brown, two to three minutes per batch.

frying calamari

Drain fried GRABBER on a baking sheet covered with paper towels. Serve with tartar sauce, malt vinegar, and some lemon slices.

grabbers fried calamari

grabbers corned beef nachos

Irish Pub Nachos

Yield: 2-4 Servings
Prep Time: 2 hours
Cook Time: 30 minutes
Total Time: 2 hours 30 minutes

Possibly the most epic drunk food-- nachos, but with an Irish twist. You've got potatoes, you've got corned beef, you've got crisp pickled cabbage, and best of all, you've got Guinness Irish Cheddar to drizzle over it all.

Ingredients

  • 1 Corned Beef Brisket, about 2.5 lbs
  • 1/2 tsp Red Pepper Flakes
  • 3/4 tsp Black Peppercorns
  • 1 Clove, whole
  • 2 Bay Leaves
  • 1/2 Piece Ginger
  • 1/4 tsp Fennel Seed
  • 1 tsp Coriander Seed
  • 1 tsp Mustard Seed
  • 1/2 cup Guinness
  • 6 cups Water
  • 2 tbsp Salt
  • 1 cup Green Cabbage, finely sliced
  • 1/4 cup Red Wine Vinegar
  • 1/2 cup Hot Water
  • 1/2 tbsp Sugar
  • 1/2 tsp Kosher Salt
  • 2 Russet Potatoes
  • 1/2 tsp Garlic Powder
  • 1/2 tsp Table Salt
  • 2 cups Grated Irish Cheddar
  • 1/3 cup Cream Cheese
  • 1/2 tsp Spicy Mustard
  • 1/4 tsp Paprika
  • 3 tbsp Guinness Beer
  • 3 tbsp Scallion Greens, sliced
  • 1 tbsp Parsley, roughly chopped

Instructions

IF you haven't already cooked your corned beef, feel free to use this simple recipe:

Remove corned beef from packaging and place in a 6 qt dutch oven. Assemble your pickling spices (ingredients 2-9).

corned beef prep

Add pickling spices, Guinness and enough water to come halfway up the meat-- braise for 2 hours until juicy and tender. For nachos, shred and set aside in some residual cooking juices to maintain moisture.

shredded corn beef

Next, let's quick pickle some cabbage! VERY thinly slice your green cabbage and mix Red Wine Vinegar, Hot Water, 1/2 tbsp Sugar and 1/2 tsp Kosher Salt. Allow your cabbage to sit in your vinegar-y liquid while you prepare the rest of your foodstuffs (up to 24 hours if you're making things ahead).

grabbers cabbage

Now for your potato crisp base. Preheat your oven to 425. Using a mandolin, thinly slice your russets in circles and dry on paper towels.

mandolin

Place on parchment lined paper and spray with olive oil. Sprinkle with table salt and garlic powder. Bake for 10-15 minutes until one side is beginning to brown. Flip each soon-to-be potato crisp, and continue to bake for another 10 minute or so. Remove from the oven and set aside in a warm place.

grabbers potato chips

FINALLY-- it's time for the Guinness Irish Cheddar cheese/queso. This stuff is GOOD, and only requires four ingredients:

grabbers Guinness cheese sauce

Melt the cream cheese with the beer in a small sauce pan over medium heat. Add cheddar and mustard and stir until fully melted and drizzle-able. Reduce heat to low, and get ready to assemble your Irish Nachos.

nacho cheese

Feel free to lay a base of cheese, followed by your potatoes. Add corned beef, a handful of pickled cabbage, more drizzles of cheese, a sprinkling of paprika, and top off with your sliced scallion greens and parsley. It'll have you up on the bar dancin' a drunken jig it's so good.

grabbers corned beef nachos

grabbers colcannon egg bombs

Colcannon Egg Bombs

Yield: 2
Prep Time: 1 hour
Cook Time: 30 minutes
Total Time: 1 hour 30 minutes

I knew I wanted to do something with carb-y Colcannon, one of the national dishes of Ireland, and I knew I wanted to do something with eggs (because yolky goodness)-- so here is a soft-boiled egg wrapped in a creamy potato mixture and deep fried. Think of it as a version of a Scotch potato, with an Irish twist.

Much better than those feckin' sea monster eggs, though I've never had one of those fried crispy...

Ingredients

  • 2 Soft Boiled Eggs
  • 2-3 Medium Yukon Gold potatoes (about ¾ lbs)
  • Kosher Salt
  • 2 tbs Salted butter
  • 1 1/2 tbsp Scallions, sliced white parts only
  • 1/2 cup Cabbage, finely chopped
  • 1/2 cup Kale, finely chopped
  • 1/3 cup Half & Half
  • Salt & Pepper, to taste
  • 1 Egg, scrambled
  • 2 tbsp All Purpose Flour
  • 1 cup Panko Bread Crumbs
  • 1 qt Canola Oil

Instructions

Peel potatoes and boil in a pot of salted water for 20-25 minutes until fork tender. In the meantime, soft boil two eggs for six and a half minutes ONLY-- no more and no less. Set both aside, and assemble the rest of the ingredients.

colcannon ingredients

Melt your butter over medium heat and add onions, cabbage, kale, and a pinch each of salt and pepper. Saute for about ten minutes until softened.

grabbers colcannon base saute

Add half and half to the pot and bring to a simmer. Turn off heat and add your potatoes. Mash with a potato masher until mostly smooth-- you've just made Irish Colcannon! (albeit a not-so-creamy version since we're frying it up)

colcannon

Using plastic wrap to help you mold the potato mixture, encase each of your eggs in your colcannon, being careful not to squeeze too hard and burst your yolks.

colcannon bombs

Refrigerate for at least an hour, covered, to help the potato mixture set.

In the meantime, ready your breading station-- first flour, then egg, then panko.

breading station

When ready to fry, heat oil to 350 and gently submerge your eggs one at a time. Fry until golden brown-- 1 to 2 minutes-- and allow to drain on paper towels.

Slice in half and watch as all that gooey yellow goodness cascades down the side of creamy fried mash potato...

grabbers colcannon egg bombs

 

Epilogue

I’m pissed go away.

grabbers drinks

 

For more menus, check out my movie directory here!

Pan’s Labyrinth

Pan’s Labyrinth

While not part of the 1980’s fantasy collection that I grew up with, Pan’s Labyrinth is still a favorite. This dark and beautiful fairy tale follows the quest of an 11-year-old heroine living in two worlds: Franco’s Spain, and the dreamy/sometimes nightmarish underworld of director