Monty Python and the Holy Grail
If you are reading this at the beginning of April– here is a not-so-traditional movie menu for Easter! At first you may not think Monty Python and the Holy Grail fits the spring holiday vibe, but think again. You’ve got religion (God be praised!), gatherings of friends and family (with routines and chorus scenes with footwork impec-cable), and not one but TWO rabbit appearances (the second with NASTY, POINTY TEETH).
So everyone else can keep their deviled eggs and insipid peeps. I’m happy with dismembered chicken, thank you very much!
Is Monty Python and The Holy Grail the funniest movie ever made? I honestly think it might be. Co-directed by the two Terry’s (Gilliam and Jones) in 1975, it is the Monty Python troupe’s first real journey to the cinema after years of sketch comedy for television. The story is of course focused on King Arthur and his legendary quest for the Holy Grail, and makes amazing use of historical and cinematic source material for medieval gags. Together with his following of incompetent/irrationally violent/not so brave Round Table knights, King Arthur must contend with snobbish French aristocrats with out-RAGEOUS accents, irritable peasants with too firm a grasp on economics, sorcerers, monsters, and the British police. The Dark Ages were a bitch.
I cannot say how many times my brother and I annoyed my parents with “he’s going to tell, he’s going to tell, he’s going to tell, he’s going to tell” , or walked slowly around our house singing some garbled version of “pie iesu domine, dona eis requim” and smashing our heads with books. But I’m sure this is exactly the type of lunacy Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Eric Idle, Michael Palin, and the two Terry’s would have appreciated. Perhaps Life of Brian would’ve been more thematically appropriate for Easter, but after all– no bunnies.
OK, let’s GET ON WITH IT. “And the people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and large chu–” Skip it. I did not make those things. But I did make other delicious things you could eat for lunch OR dinner. Please do enjoy, together with a side stitch-inducing screening of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
Special thanks goes to Moose trainer Yutte Hermsgervørdenbrøtbørda as well as “Ralph” the Wonder Llama.
The Movie
The Menu
YOU'RE MOTHER WAS A HAMPSTER, AND YOU'RE FATHER SMELT.. OF ELDERBERRIES! Who knew Elderberry syrup was widely available online, and good for your immune system to boot? Mix your first four ingredients-- top off with chilled gin and champagne (if you're a wicked, bad, naughty Zoot) OR club soda (you're such a Galahad, you prude). No I didn't cook real rabbit-- I'm not a monster aaaaaaaaaagh. But trust me when I say that this Scottish version of rarebit (the historical poor man's rabbit in the UK) is a scrummy alternative. It's basically cheese on toast with a BITE (get it?). Now for the recipe. Follow! BUT-- follow only if ye be men of valor! Begin with a roux-- melt butter in a sauce pan over medium heat until foaming, then add flour. Stir and allow to cook for a minute or two, until the smell of flour fades and you have a popcorn-smelling wet sand texture. Add your remaining ingredients (except the bread, you silly K-nig-hts), and stir over medium-low heat until melted. Keep your cheese mixture warm while you lightly toast your bread. Pour cheese sauce over bread and summon fire without flint or tinder-- ie toast the cheese with a blow torch or under a broiler. To avoid burning the toast, I suggest counting to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. And now, brave knights! If you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth... RUN AWAAAAAY! It's clearly not just a flesh wound... This is a fool proof recipe inspired by Monty Python and the Holy Grail's Black Knight-- a spatchcocked, blackened, and dismembered chicken with a bloody delicious sauce. If you want to be extra on-the-nose, I recommend starting with the wings before moving on to the legs. Spatchcocking a chicken is actually super easy. First, remove the giblets and set aside-- these will help flavor your sauce. Next, pat the bird dry with paper towels and place on a large cutting board, breast side down. Using sharp kitchen scissors, remove backbone by cutting along either side of it. Reserve the spine along with the giblets. Cut a slit at the base of the neck to encourage the flattening process. Nevermind that the underside of the chicken looks like the incubator horseshoe crab monster from Alien-- that is another movie entirely and we don't have any time for non-Monty Python allusions. Turn chicken over and lay out flat. Press firmly the breast with the palm of your hand to flatten the bird. Mix 1 tsp paprika, brown sugar, oregano, salt and pepper, and sprinkle 1/3 on the now underside of the chicken, and 2/3 on the breast side. Refrigerate, uncovered, for 2 hours. About an hour before you are ready to eat, take your chicken out of the fridge and allow to sit at room temperature for about ten minutes. Next, heat your grill for 5 minutes on high. Clean and oil your grilling grate-- you don't want other nasty food bits sticking to your chicken. Reduce the back burner to medium low heat, and reduce front to medium high. Place chicken, breast side up, on cooler side of grill, with legs facing toward hotter side. Cover the grill and cook until an instant-read thermometer inserted into thickest part of breast registers 110F (about 35 minutes). While chicken is grilling, make your sauce. Melt butter in a sauce pan with flour for another, loose roux. Add liquids, giblets and spine, onion powder and 1 tbsp paprika and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and allow to simmer until slightly thickened. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Now, back to your chicken. After you've reached your 110 degrees, flip your bird and place on hotter side of grill, skin side down, with breasts pointed toward cooler side. Press down firmly with a wide, stiff spatula to ensure good contact between bird and grill grates. Cover and cook until skin is crisp and an instant-read thermometer inserted into thickest part of breast registers 160°F, about 10 minutes longer. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. A shrubbery for the Knights who saaaaay... NI! One that looks nice. And not too expensive. And a path running down the middle. And a vinaigrette made wiiiiith... A HERRING! You might think that herring in a vinaigrette sounds cringe worthy, aka Ekki-ekki-ekki-ekki-PTANG, Zoom-Boing, z'nourrwringmm. But it's NOT. It works very similarly to an anchovy in a salad dressing, and you can dial it up or down based on preference. So, start by mashing your herring filet into a paste-- I ended up with a heaping tsp, which was just enough for a hint of brine. Combine with vinegar, lemon juice, capers, salt and pepper. Whisk in olive oil, until emulsified, and add more salt and pepper to taste. Set aside. Now for your shrubbery assembly-- pile your greens high on both sides of a path (a path! a path!) of radish and cucumber slices, and drizzle with vinaigrette. A lovely little salad worthy of Roger, the shrubber. It's very easy-- oh no! I said it! oh no I said it again! If you really don't like/don't feel like buying herring, feel free to use my french vinaigrette recipe-- simple and delicious.
Elderberry Fizz
Ingredients
Instructions
Scottish Rarebit
Ingredients
Instructions
Dismembered Chicken
Ingredients
Instructions
Transfer chicken to a cutting board and allow to rest, uncovered, for 10-15 minutes. Hack into pieces and serve with strained sauce.
A Shrubbery!
Ingredients
Instructions
Notes
African Coconut Cookies
Huzzah! A solution for the put upon 5oz swallow (African or otherwise) tasked with carrying a 1lb coconut from tropical climes. Gone are the days when we ask our avian friends to simply "grip it by the husk!" Introducing this coconut cookie, a tasty treat from Nigeria light enough for birds of (almost all) air speed velocities.
Ingredients
- 1 cup Shredded Unsweetened Coconut
- 1/4 cup Granulated Sugar
- 1/4 cup Self-Rising Flour, plus more for coating
- 4 Egg Yolks (medium eggs)
Instructions
Preheat the oven to 350F. Mix together the coconut, sugar and egg yolks to form a stiff, dough-like consistency.
Take a little of the mixture and squeeze into balls about 1 inch in diameter. Coat with additional flour and arrange on a baking tray.
Bake for 15 minutes until golden in color, and serve inside coconut halves if you're fancy and only once you've finished playing horsie with them.
Notes
Splitting a coconut is surprisingly simple-- use a hammer to pierce the "eyes" and let the juice out, then hit the coconut with the hammer in a full rotation around the middle. A hairline crack will appear and then widen.
Epilogue
Undoubtedly there will be a Two Crumbs Up Monty Python and the Holy Grail Part 2. I really want to make some watery tarts. And a giant Trojan rabbit. But the above will do for now.
In the meantime, I’m now rewatching Monty Python and the Holy Grail for the fifth time in two days. This scene is still making me cackle:
UPDATE: The team at Monty Python just posted all of the above recipes on their official website. I’m floored. You can check them out here.
If you’re anywhere in my vicinity today, watch out– I’ll be doing a silly walk out of pure joy.
For more menus, check out my movie directory here!